


Full Circle

by Snoot37



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-09-07 17:11:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 120,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20313073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snoot37/pseuds/Snoot37
Summary: The writers and directors of the MCU can't seem to agree whether Steve went back to an alternative timeline or the primary one. Most fics seem to go with the idea that he went to an alternative one. But if he was always in the primary MCU timeline, wasn't he always Sharon's uncle? Where does that leave her to explain her actions and Steve's? Was he always there, in the background, watching, even directing the action so the Avengers could beat Thanos?  What role did Sharon play, for surely she must have known? This fic tells that story. WARNING for some material that might be upsetting to some.





	1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR’S NOTE: In trying to come to terms with the devastating end to Cap’s storyline in “Endgame,” it’s difficult to know what to think when you have the directors saying Cap went to a different timeline, and thus Peggy’s story was not changed, but the writers are claiming it was the same timeline and Peggy’s kids were always Steve’s. Where does that leave Sharon? Did she know or not know that Steve was her uncle? If she knew, did she pursue a relationship with him anyway, and why? The same writers who claimed Steve was always Peggy’s husband also claimed that they intended for Steve and Sharon to be living together in Infinity War. Most of my previous fanfics have approached that question assuming Steve travelled to a different timeline and was never married to Peggy in the primary timeline and thus was never Sharon's uncle in the movies. But what if he was always in the primary timeline as the writers claim? This fic attempt to address that, while also trying to reconcile Steve and Sharon’s relationship in this universe. It is also worth saying that I hesitated to post this fic. Sometimes I write these things for my own catharsis, never intending for anyone to see them. I have at least 5 that I will likely never post. My other fics “The Tape” and “What Happens in Vegas” took some courage to post, given the subject material, though I felt "The Tape" was necessary after I heard what the writers intended to do to Pepper, which should have been my first clue as to what they would eventually end up doing to Sharon. That absurdity needed a fic to fix, hard as it was to post. This fic I almost didn’t post, for the same reason, though most responses to my more difficult fics have been generally positive. Having said that:

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Chapter 1

Steve was still pretty spry for 183 years old, but he had to admit, sitting on that bench was murder on his joints. After he had handed the shield off to Sam, the other Avengers present had come over to stare at him in shock. He did his best to remember that, from their perspective, they had only seen him just about two minutes ago, young (though still 100 years old) and hale. They had seen him looking familiar to them and vigorous, and now here he was over by the lake, old and having lived an entire life in those two minutes. Bucky came up behind Sam and sighed, shook his head and half smiled. Steve knew his friend had known from the start what he had planned to do in volunteering to travel back through time to return the stones. In fact, Steve had only decided the night before to not come back from time traveling and returning the stones, and had told Bucky, who had not been surprised at his decision. And so Bucky was the one least surprised to see Steve, now elderly, standing by the lake only a few seconds after disappearing on the platform. To their credit, though, they said nothing. They understood in just a few seconds. He shook everyone’s hand, something he had been waiting 80 years to do, answered a few questions, and then turned to walk back down the path towards the road. He thought they might follow him, pepper him with more questions, but they didn’t and he was grateful. He didn’t feel like answering them all, and it would take too long. Bucky followed only part of the way, but had simply waved and returned to the Avengers halfway down the path. Steve was grateful. He wasn’t in the mood to explain right then. Not after what he had just been through the last several years.

He’d written them each a letter explaining it all, even one to Morgan and Pepper since Tony was gone, and they were all sitting back at home, his new home at the VA retirement center, with stamps and addresses, waiting to be dropped in the mailbox which he would do as soon as he got back. He finally came to the road, where the nondescript black car was waiting for him. He opened the passenger side door, and slid into the front seat. Sharon Carter, her hair pulled back under a baseball cap and large obnoxious sun glasses pulled down low over her nose, obscuring half her face, turned to look at him.

“All done?” she asked.

“All done.” He nodded. “Finally. Now I can rest. We can rest.”

She nodded and started the engine, but said nothing. She pulled out onto the highway, leaving the Avengers behind.

“Thanks for driving me, kiddo,” he said.

“I was worried about you going alone,’ she admitted. “It was bound to be emotional. After all this time I mean.”

“Was easier than I thought it would be. I’ve had a lot of time to prepare. They haven’t, poor kids,” he said.

“How did Bucky take it?” she asked.

“Better than I thought.” Steve shook his head.

“You told me yourself that he knew what you were going to do because you told him,” Sharon said. “Why would he be surprised?”

“Yeah but he didn’t know when I’d turn back up. And maybe he thought I change my mind or something,” Steve said.

“He knows you better than anyone alive,” Sharon said. “Almost as much as Aunt Peggy did.”

“And you too,” Steve said quietly, almost sadly. “I know this hasn’t been easy on you.”

She smiled. “Don’t worry about me. I did what you needed me to do. I mean it was crazy weird, seeing you as young as you were, watching you living next door for S.H.I.E.L.D. while warning older you not to visit Peg because younger you was on his way, helping younger you with Bucky in Germany while pretending I didn’t know how it would all turn out. Disguising you at your own wife’s funeral so younger you wouldn’t see you. Only time I had trouble was kissing my own uncle under a bridge. And...well, you know. Though it certainly helps that you were damn hot as a young man.”

“Were?” He laughed.

“I’ve done worse in the line of duty. I once had to make out with a known Hydra agent to distract him during a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission. I promise, you were a lot easier. I mean I admit, I thought you were bonkers when you told me all this all those years ago. Took me a while to accept that it was true and my role in it.”

“What convinced you?” Steve asked.

“9-11 mostly. You knew before it happened. You knew the results of the last presidential election. No way in hell I’d have believed that. And the two before that. Or that the Saints would ever win a Superbowl. But when you showed me the time travel suit, back about 12 years ago, right before I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. That was pretty much it.”  
Sharon glanced at him before turning her attention back to the road, heading back to the VA home. His grown son Edwin now lived in the house that had been Steve’s home with Peggy for decades near Arlington. At the moment, his daughter Lily and her family were also living at that house, having lost their home during the Decimation to squatters. Sharon was temporarily staying in the apartment over the garage. It was going to be rough readjusting everyone to the world five years after they had all disappeared, including Sharon herself, though she had known it was coming, but at least they had a place to be. He had moved into the retirement home just the previous week, leaving the house to the younger generation of the family, deciding that his retirement would also mean removing himself from the world in which he had lived.

“Thank you Sharon. For everything,” he said quietly. Sadly.

She looked like she wanted to say something, but hesitated, and then simply said “You’re welcome Uncle Steve.”

And she drove him home.

****

It took Bucky an entire week to show up at his door. Steve suspected his old friend had probably actually found him within hours, despite Sharon’s prowess at flying under the radar. It was a testament to how good Bucky had been as the Winter Soldier to have followed them without Sharon knowing about it. She was nothing if not thorough. They had hidden his identity for nearly a century, first Peggy, then Sharon, from the rest of the world and it would be a damn thing indeed if he could be found out now at this point in his life. Not that he resembled Steve “Captain America” Rogers as he had appeared in USO posters anymore. That young fit Adonis of a guy had faded over decades, though slower than normal. By the year 1980, he had aged and gained some gray in his hair, lost some muscles tone and was moving slower, but still didn’t look over the age of 50. But in the decade that followed, he had aged rapidly, catching up with Peggy rather steadily over the next 30 years, still looking fairly decent for someone who had maintained a presence on the earth for something like 150 years, even with a 70 year ice nap and time travel involved.

They couldn’t take him to a doctor without giving away who he was and sparking a rush of scientists eager to get their hands on his blood and the serum that apparently prolonged life. The last word on the subject had been Howard Stark, only weeks before his death and the last remaining scientist on the Project Rebirth team. Stark had created the chamber that had blasted Steve with gamma radiation following the injection with the serum that activated it. Howard had suggested that the serum was breaking down as the gamma radiation effects began to abate over time. Rather like a rechargeable battery losing its charge. He had told Steve that another exposure to the radiation might reactivate the serum and de-age him, but Steve declined. Once had been quite enough and he was retired. After Howard’s death, Steve had become something of a recluse, especially when Peggy had slowed down and gotten ill. Her death the first time around had hurt pretty bad, but experiencing it a second time damn near killed Steve after having spent a lifetime with her. It was actually something of a relief knowing the actual date. That hadn’t changed, nor the fact that she had gotten ill with dementia. It gave him a timeframe of how much time they had left together. If it hadn’t been for Sharon constantly checking on him and bugging him, he might have curled up and just waited to die himself. But he had known that he was far from done with his mission, The Plan as he and Sharon had come to call it over the years. There was no way he could do what needed to be done to ensure that Thanos would be defeated in this timeline without her help. It had hurt, but they had even kept much of it from Peggy. Steve had suspected that his wife had known for more than either of them had known, though.

Sharon herself had had to be convinced several times over the years to stay on the program. More than once, Steve had felt an overwhelming guilt over what he had required her to do over the years to ensure that the Avengers came together and that “younger him” did what needed to be done to set up for the battle that would end in Thanos’ defeat. More than once she had angrily called him a bastard, stormed off claiming she was never coming back, even yelled at him to leave her alone and out of his schemes. He knew he deserved it. Which was why he was more than grateful when she got him settled in the VA home, and had ensured that The Plan was finally at a close once he had given Sam the shield. She had fussed over him, had taken time off from her new job as a private investigator, since no intelligence agency wanted to even talk to her after her situations with S.H.I.E.L.D. and the CIA helping his younger self had burned all her bridges, just to take care of him. She stopped by three times a week to make sure he had groceries, fix him a homemade dinner as a break from a constant string of deliveries or cafeteria food, and once a week they spent an evening watching Dancing with the Stars, now in its 20th season. It had been Peggy’s favorite show and when Sharon had time, they had all watched it together at the nursing home as Peggy slowly faded away. Sharon had suggested that they keep up the tradition, so that weeknight, with Steve in his easy chair and Sharon on the couch, they’d watch celebrities dance and comment on the performance like they were professional judges or something.

When she had dropped him off at his place after he hand-delivered the shield to Sam, she had put a lasagna in the oven and waited until it was cooked, make sure everything was turned off and that he had a plate and was settled in for the TV, and then had to leave because she was working on a case.

“Working late tonight?” he had asked her.

“Yep. Another potentially cheating husband not living his best life. Joy. It’s a dandy use of all of my training, I assure you.”

“I’m sorry kiddo,” he winced. “I didn’t mean for all of this to impact you as much as it did.”

She shrugged. “It was unavoidable. It certainly could’ve been worse. And I’m not mad. At least I get to catch up on my Audiobooks while I’m staking out. Speaking of which, I’ve got a run. I’ll try to stop by this weekend.”

He had squeezed her hand, and she had bustled out of the front door. That had been six days ago, and she had been the last person he had talked to. Now, at the knock at his front door, using a pattern that was somewhat familiar, Steve had arisen from his easy chair, checked to make sure the gun he always kept loaded in a drawer near the front door was where it was supposed to be, and peeked out of the peephole to see Bucky Barnes standing on the other side. With a sigh, Steve opened the door.

*****

“So, it worked?” asked Bucky.

“So it would appear,” Steve quipped back at him, standing aside to let his old friend enter the small living area.

Bucky walked in slowly, taking in the surroundings. There were not many photographs on the walls that were common in the rooms of the other veterans living at the home. The furniture had all come from Steve’s house, though there was not much of it. It was clear he had not lived there very long.

“You just move in?” he asked Steve.

Steve walked past him to the kitchen to retrieve a couple of mugs for some coffee. He nodded. “My son and his family are living in the house. My daughter and her family are living there for the time being. They both used to live out in California, but when the Decimation happened, I was the only one left standing from the entire family. I had all of their stuff packed up into moving containers and brought here, and their houses sold. It was just as well, apparently there were some squatters in my daughter’s house. I kept all of their stuff at our family home for the last five years, and when they returned, I knew they would need a place to stay. So I turned the house over to my son Edwin, and moved here. That’s only been in the last couple of weeks.”

Bucky was shaking his head. “I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I saw you three weeks ago, you didn’t look a day older than 38, you didn’t have a wife and kids, and now I’m standing here in front of you while you talk about your grown children and grandchildren. I gotta tell you, this is weird man.”

Steve chuckled. “I suppose it is. I imagine everybody has some questions? Especially Sam. Why didn’t he come too?”

“He wanted to,” admitted Bucky. “But I asked him to let me talk to you alone first. ‘Questions’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. When you told me the night before that you were going to go back and stay, I honestly thought you might change your mind and come back.”

“Why?” asked Steve.

“Because up until that point, you had spent more time with the Avengers and in this time than you did back with the Commandos in 1945. I mean hell, man, you were on and off with Sharon for two straight years, longer than with Peggy. And, oh man, Sharon? Did she always know about all of this? She had to have.”

Steve handed him a mug of steaming black coffee, made from an ancient percolator similar to the one they used to have in the 1940s. “Why don’t you sit down?” he said. “I probably owe you the whole story, but it’s a long one.”

Bucky wanted to keep firing questions, his mind a jumble of confusion that both he and Sam had already spent hours struggling over between themselves in the last week. But instead, he nodded and sat down in the nearest easy chair as Steve settled himself into one that clearly was his own favorite chair. Steve took a sip of the coffee, set it aside and folded his hands. Then he began to speak.


	2. Chapter 2

“After I woke up from the ice, I spent the next 10 years trying to come to terms with the fact that I now live in the 21st-century and there was no going back. But from the moment Scott mentioned time travel, from the moment Tony showed us those wrist devices that would act as time travel GPSs, I knew I would go back. Somehow. I mostly kept my plans to myself, and I know it seems to you that I had made the decision only the night before I left. But the truth was, I have been thinking about it for weeks. The means and opportunity to return to Peggy were right there in front of me? How could I not take them?”

“Wasn’t the whole point of going back to return the stones about not creating diverging timelines?” asked Bucky. “I mean I wasn’t there for the conversation, neither was Sam, and Bruce has tried to explain some of it to us, but honestly my mind doesn’t wrap around that much. You knew Peggy had been married with kids. Going back in time, wouldn’t that end them?”

“Only if they weren’t mine,” said Steve.

“But you couldn’t have known that they were,” said Bucky. “How did you know they were? How did you know you were even in the same timeline or a different one? God this is also confusing.”

Steve held up his hand. “Until the moment I knew time travel was possible, I didn’t know. But I started doing some deep thinking, putting pieces together. I realized that hardly anybody ever mentioned Peggy’s husband. Anytime I asked Sharon about it, she would just shrug like it was no big deal and say she didn’t feel comfortable talking about her uncle to me. So I let the matter drop. I met Peggy’s grown kids and grandkids at her funeral, talked to them briefly, but they seem distracted and sad and not really in the mood to talk, so I only said a few words to them and walked away. I thought they acted a little strange, but I chalked it up to them simply missing their mother. I always assume their father had died some time ago. But then I started thinking about the pictures that had been in Peggy’s room at the nursing home. How there were no pictures of her husband. And the only pictures of her children were when they were very young. Lily looks like Peggy of course. But Edwin, there was something familiar about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it until I thought about the picture of him in her room again. And I realized that Edwin‘s picture looks a lot like me at that age. It’s like everything was carefully crafted to keep me from knowing that I was possibly the father of those children. Pictures removed, the family being unwilling to talk to me, not a word about that mysterious man. Unless it was me, it didn’t make a lot of sense. They must have known who I was and took steps to keep younger me from knowing until it was time for me to return.”

“But that’s all speculation, Steve,” said Bucky. “You went back in time on the chance they might have been yours. What if they weren’t? How could you possibly have had any proof if they had been so careful to keep it from you?”

“Because,” said Steve slowly, “the night before I left to go back, after I finished talking with you, I called Sharon.”

“You did?” asked Bucky in surprise. “I thought you guys were done at that point? At least that’s what Sam said.”

“We were,” said Steve. “There was the safe house in Amsterdam that I and the rest of my side ran to after the split with the Avengers. It was Sharon‘s place, she left instructions on how to find it in the pocket of my suit when she returned our gear to me and Sam that time.”

“And then kissed you,” said Bucky.

“In her defense, I kissed her,” said Steve. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Two weeks later we all met up there, and a few weeks after that she and I started a relationship that never really got off the ground, at least from where I was standing. I couldn’t understand it, I thought we were good together. She understood me, and on some crazy level I thought I understood her. But she kept pushing me away, we would call it quits and then take back up again, then call it quits again. It was usually her walking away, and I just couldn’t figure it out. Then Wanda went off the radar and we decided to go look for her in Scotland. But Sharon said she wanted to go and visit her cousins in California. So we went our separate ways, and then the mess with Thanos happened. After the snap, I tried calling her to see if she had made it, but she never answered. I later went to go and locate her cousins, and found nothing but empty houses, so I didn’t even have anyone to ask. I figured then that she was gone, and tried to go on with my life. That was the next five years.”

“Why didn’t you call her right after Bruce brought everyone back?” asked Bucky.

“Honestly, I was afraid to. We didn’t exactly part on very good terms, and I knew she had to be reeling from waking up wherever she was and finding it was five years later.”

“Ironically, a situation you were probably the best person, hell may be the only person on the planet, that could have helped her with that,” said Bucky.

“Well if it makes you feel any better,” said Steve, “I was going to call her to see how she was doing, but by then I had already decided to go back, so I figured what was the point.”

“Maybe she could have talked you out of it?” ask Bucky. “But you did call her. You said so. What did she say?”

“After you left my room that night, I dialed the last number I had for her,” said Steve. “It rang for a long time. I thought it was probably not her number anymore. But then she answered.”

“And?” pressed Bucky.

Steve was quiet for a moment, then said, “She answered it ‘Hello Uncle Steve,’ and that’s when I knew. It was like a cold first had punched me in the heart. I knew I was going to go back. I knew that her cousins were my children. And I knew that she had known the whole time. She had to have. She knew the whole time that I was her uncle, because she had known for years, and everything she had done had been to position me to want to go back to Peggy. And the only way she could have known any of this, was if I had told her, not recently, but sometime in the past. She knew about Thanos and the Decimation, about the battle that she couldn’t have known about. She knew about the time travel, that only the Avengers knew about at that point. She knew it all, and she told me.”

Bucky just stared at him and what had to be utter shock. “She was always your niece? And she knew it?”

“Yes,” said Steve.

“Steve,” said Bucky, “she kissed you. She *slept* with you.”

“Several times actually,” said Steve. “If it helps, we’re not actually blood related. And at the time, I wasn’t married to anyone. In my personal chronology, I wasn’t her uncle then and wasn’t married, so the morality was a little more fluid. At least for me.”

“That’s kind of beside the point,” said Bucky.

“I’m not saying it was easy for her, at least that she’s ever let on,” said Steve. “But everything she has done she did under my instruction. And not without protest too. I assure you, I have gotten quite an earful over the years over all this. There were a lot of fights.”

“Frankly,” said Bucky, “I’m surprised she’s still talking to you. I mean Steve, this is messed up. How could you do that to her? To anyone?”

“Because if I didn’t,” said Steve, “Thanos would win. And that’s what she told me when I called her that night.”

Steve began to recount the content of the phone call with Sharon that had lasted only a few minutes the night before he had time-travelled back to return the stones and stay with Peggy. The phone had rang for at least a minute and a half, and Steve wasn’t entirely sure why he didn’t simply hang up. Maybe it wasn’t her number anymore. Maybe she didn’t want to talk to him. But then the line had clicked and her voice had come over, answering the call.

“Hello Uncle Steve,” she had said. “I wondered if you would be calling tonight. You said you would. I guess tomorrow’s the big day?”

Steve found that his voice had completely fled from his body. He had more or less forgotten how to breathe. There was no way she would have said such a thing unless he would indeed go back in time, and later she would know him as her uncle, the man who had married her aunt, and he would tell her all this. Furthermore, she had always known.

“You knew?” he managed to choke out. “You knew all this time?”

“Yes,” she said simply.

“Sharon,” he had groaned, dropping his head into his hand and choking back a sob.

“Come on now,” she had said soothingly, in a tone far more understanding than the last one she had used with him. “It’s really not as bad as all that. Try not to think about it over the years, especially when you see me as a kid. It’ll probably be pretty weird for you, but it’ll help that you won’t see me again for several decades. By then you’ll have had plenty of time to process, even forget a little.”

“Sharon,” he groaned again.

“Please don’t be too upset,” she said. “I should probably stress that all of this was your idea. I merely helped.”

“I want to see you,” he said. “We should talk about this face-to-face.”

“No,” she said firmly. “The next time you see me, I’ll be a newborn infant. You’ll see me off and on over the years that follow, but you won’t see me again in this time, as you are now. What you are going to do is get on that platform and push that button. Because if you don’t, my cousins will never be born. And Thanos will win. There are over 14 million known timelines in which the Avengers with battle Thanos, and only in this one, timeline 616, does he lose. The only way that happened was because of a series of events in this timeline that played out exactly the way they had to, to position the Avengers, and you, exactly where you need to be at the right time. Peggy had something to do with it over the years, and so did I more recently. But mostly it has always been you. In the background, directing things, sometimes by telling us information, sometimes by withholding it. But if you don’t go back, none of this will happen, and we’ll all find ourselves in another timeline, one in which Thanos wins, and me and your children and your friends who you watched vanish will not come back.”

Steve’s mind head reeled. He had never been able to tell her any of this, she had not even known about Thanos, since she had been part of the Decimation, and those who had vanished had only been back for three weeks. She likely would have found out about Thanos in the last three weeks, but not the time travel and everything else that she had just said that only someone privy to the conversations with the Avengers would have known. He had not told her any of this, so she must have known it already, having been told some time before any of this happened.

“You knew all this, for years, and said nothing?” he said.

“Yes,” she replied, “which is what you are going to have to do for decades. In order for the events of this timeline to play out the way they will, your life will be marked by what you don’t do. You will not interfere with the assassination of President Kennedy, for example. You will say nothing when Apollo 13 launches, knowing there will be an explosion only three days later. You will not do anything to stop the murder of the Israeli athletes at the Olympics, the bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut, or the Watergate scandal. And perhaps hardest of all, you will sit down and do nothing on September 11, 2001. Because if you interfere with any of that, you will then drift into another timeline, one other than 616, and you will have to watch your family vanish and never return. You’ll tell me most of this when I am only 14 years old. Try to forgive me for the yelling I’ll do. I didn’t take it well.”

Steve had found it difficult to swallow or make any kind of sound in his throat that resembled words. He had been in many battles where he had taken direct hits to the head, giving him a sensation that he associated with the term “poleaxed,” and that was the best description he could come up with how he felt about this conversation. He felt as if he had been hit with a jackhammer. This was all too much. He wanted to run, wanted to hide in a hole. What Sharon was telling him was just too overwhelming. But then her voice came back over the line, oddly soothing.

“Are you ready to go home now?” she asked. “I’ve been keeping track of what day it is. It’s tomorrow isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Steve had managed to whisper.

“Then I’ll see you in a couple of years,” she said, her voice sad but with what might have been a smile on her voice.

“Sharon, what we did, I mean if this is true, you’re my niece, and...”

She cut him off. “It’s in the past now. For both of us. And it had to be done. I had to push you away and in such a way that would make you want to leave. It won’t be the worst thing I’ll have to do in the line of duty. Some of that you will never know about.”

She was putting on a brave front, but Steve could hear the hurt in her voice. “Sharon, I’m so sorry,” he started.

“I know,” she said simply. “But it’s done. And really, it wasn’t as hard as you’d think it would be. I vowed not to regret it. And…I don’t regret any moment I’ve spent with you. No matter what we were doing. You can make it up to me by not being too hard on me when I accidentally set your toolshed on fire when I’m ten.”

“You did what?” he asked.

“You’ll see,” she said with a smile in her voice. “Your son thought it was a good idea to give me a chemistry set for Christmas. Just try not to have too big of a conniption fit.”

“I’ll try,” he said.

“Then goodbye for now,” she said. “Safe travels. And I’ll see you again sometime.”

She had hung up before he could say anything else, and he contemplated calling her back, but decided against it. He had not slept at all that night, and the next morning, he had stood on the platform and pushed the button, forcing himself not to hesitate. Forcing himself not to think about the friends he was leaving behind, or Sharon. He push the button and returned to the time in which he had felt he belonged.


	3. Chapter 3

From there, Steve began to account to Bucky the events that had transpired since he had gone back in time. Returning the stones had definitely been a trial, especially given that most of them were in secure locations that required a good deal of sneaking around. Returning the stone on Asgard had been the most difficult one, since it required returning to a liquid state and injecting it back into Jane Foster when she wasn’t looking. The most emotionally wrenching return had been to the soul stone on Vormir, as it had meant and countering the Red Skull and throwing the stone at him, halfway hoping that it would mean Natasha would be returned. But she wasn’t. And he had looked over the cliff hoping to have a chance to retrieve her body, but she had vanished. The Skull had taunted him, and it had taken everything Steve had to walk away back to his mission of returning stones and then returning to Peggy.

Finally, after several days, with much exhaustion and several near misses, he had finally returned all of the stones to the correct point in time where they belonged, and had set the date he had settled upon in 1946 to return to Peggy. He had returned to Brooklyn, New York in the 1940s as he felt they gave him a better chance of blending in. It had taken several weeks to locate Peggy, and then again more time to approach her in such a way that she would accept, given that she thought he was dead and gone. Naturally, her first instinct had been that she was the subject of a Hydra trick, for she had not believed it was him at first. Actually, she had pulled a gun on him, then fought him. But eventually, she came to understand that he was truly who he said he was, and had been overwhelmed at his return.

She had remarked that he was obviously older than the last time she had seen him, and he had wrestled a bit with himself about how much to tell her. Finally, he reasoned that he could not completely keep her from the truth and admitted he had been traveling through time. He told her that he had been to the future, into the 21st-century, and pleaded with her not to ask too many questions, for there was much that he could not tell her. He told her that something terrible would happen in the future, that it would require time travel to fix, and that the problem had indeed been dealt with, but if he told her too much, altered too much of the timeline, then those events would not come to pass, and that he had then used the time travel mechanism to come back to her. She had struggled quite a bit with this revelation, but eventually had come to terms with it and accepted his decision.

The first year back in the 1940s had been the hardest for him. His experiences had changed him, aged him, and he was not quite the same man she had known. On top of all that, she had changed as well. She had had her own experiences, had aged in her own way, and although she was still the same Peggy, he noticed some differences in her as well. She had begun a relationship with Daniel Sousa back in California which she eventually ended, and which had caused a great deal of hurt to Daniel, who eventually went back to his previous fiancé Violet. It took some time to mend that relationship, and they never told Daniel who Steve actually was, though sometimes Steve suspected that the other man had his own suspicions. Eventually, after Steve and Peggy had married, and Daniel and Violet had married, they had begun to mend fences, but when Peggy moved back to the East Coast to found S.H.I.E.L.D. with Howard Stark, it was regrettable but they lost most contact with the Sousas. It was the first time Steve had lamented that the Internet and email were not yet a regular thing, for it sure made it easier to stay in touch in situations like these. Instead, Daniel and his wife had rolled out of their lives and they had never really reconnected. It would end up being one of the first of many things that Steve would come to realize Peggy would give up for him.

They also had to re-learn each other. It was during those first few years that Steve came to truly understand how very little he had known Peggy. He had thought they had spent enough time together to know each other as soulmates, someone he couldn’t live without. But when he returned to her, having lived an entire decade in the 21st-century, and she having started to live her life with the SSR, independent of her identity from him, he began to really see how little he had known her. Their time spent together in the war had been intense, but it had not been the full picture of what each other were to the other. He had known that Peggy had a temper, hell the woman shot at him simply for kissing another woman that time, but he had not known how she had struggled with her temper and impulse control until he saw her fighting to keep reeled in as she worked with many sexist men in her industry. Although she had made a name for herself in the SSR, and had earned some grudging respect from her male colleagues, that did not extend beyond the department and other high-ranking males with whom she often had to work.

He realized that he had never before seen her cry, or exhibit any sort of sadness even during the war until Daniel called to let them know that their friend Edwin Jarvis had died of an unexpected heart attack. Steve had never met the man, he had remained in California managing Stark’s properties there, but the grief that crushed Peggy down into a chair and rocked her body with sobs had surprised him. Clearly this had been someone important, someone she had counted as a friend, and aspect of her life that Steve had absolutely no knowledge of, but was now causing her immense grief. It actually scared him a bit to be reminded that this was a part of her life that he would not be a part of, and that he could not spare her from this pain. It was again and a reminder that there was much he did not know about her.

He knew that he had changed significantly as well. He was a lot more tolerant of things that would have been scandalous in the 1940s, and the first time he had dropped a couple of “damn” and “hells” in conversation had actually shocked her. When her friend Angie had called to tell them that another girl they had known in the boarding house where they had lived had come up pregnant out of wedlock, Steve simply shrugged off the information even though it was obvious that Peggy and Angie were quite upset for their friend. Steve also had to relearn how to live in a culture that he realized he had left behind over a decade ago in his life. He had been told several times by the psychiatrists at S.H.I.E.L.D. before it had fallen that he was likely experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder and other forms of illness that might be in need of counseling, and had offered to set him up with counselors. He had even run a support group for survivors of the Decimation, having learned to accept counseling and mental health as simply a part of overall health. But in the 1940s, and the decades that would follow, it was still a taboo or stigma subject, and he never quite garnered up the courage to seek help for what he knew were certain disorders brought on by his experiences. He also had to relearn how to respond in public when he witnessed outward sexism or racial discrimination, endemic in the culture which he had never noticed before, but after a decade in the 21st-century now found seemed to be everywhere. When he had first awoken from the ice, he had to get used to a lot of things, namely the way the food tasted, as things were produced differently in the 21st-century. He had to go through a period of that when he returned to the 1940s, experiencing a certain amount of disorientation in not having remembered that the food tasted different, or the way things were spoken, or just simple ways that things were done. Ironically, he was once again a man out of time.

He found that he was quite irritated with himself during this adjustment phase, and was grateful that Peggy had the patience of a saint with him, for he was often grumpy and cranky for no reason that he could discern. He never thought he would miss something like a cell phone, the ease at which communication flew around between himself and the people he cared about, and although he had brought his phone from the future, had even shown it to Peggy with the pictures of his friends on it to convince her that he had truly come from the future, it was useless if there were no others like it to ease communication. He frequently became frustrated with simple things like that, or stupid things like the way cars were made and driven, or how easy it was or was not to find an item that he wanted or needed for something. The only person he could talk to about it was Peggy, and there was only so much she could tell her without altering the timeline. So he held much of his frustration inside, and his anxiety about the future he kept to himself.

They were married a year after he returned, and it was the happiest day of his life, even though the only ones in attendance were Howard Stark and the surviving Commandos. Daniel and his wife had respectfully bowed out, which Steve suspected had a little more to do with the man’s personal hurt over losing Peggy than any work he had to do as claimed. Steve found he actually felt bad about causing the rift between Peggy and Daniel, but managed to bury it deep down and focus on his own happiness, for he had dreamed about this day for a long time. During the first few years in the 21st-century, he had thought of Peggy almost every day, although it was eased up a bit by visiting her in the nursing home. He had reasoned to himself that thinking about her as often as he did simply proved that she was his soulmate, the one he was supposed to be with, and that justified in his mind all the actions he had taken to return. But he found himself, somewhat guiltily an uncomfortably, thinking about Sharon. In the first few years in the 21st-century, he had thought about Peggy every day, but as time had gone on, especially after she had passed away and he had begun his relationship with Sharon, he found that he had thought of her less often. Not that he had ceased loving her, but that perhaps he was moving on with his life, something he had actually felt guilty about. Now that he was here with Peggy, he found himself thinking about Sharon. He remembered their last phone call the night before he had left. He played it over and over and his mind, hearing the hurt in her voice, but the understanding. She had known all along that this was what he was going to do. And that was why she had not allowed herself to get too close. She had known he was going to leave her. He found that understanding hurt far worse than he expected it to.

But as it was with Peggy in the 21st-century, as time went on and daily life began to take a routine, he found himself thinking less and less of Sharon, even forcing himself to not think of her. What was done was done. This was eased a bit by the birth of their first child, a boy that Peggy named after Edwin Jarvis. Their daughter Lily follow two years later, and despite his initial anxiety over being a father, Steve found that being a stay at home dad was actually exactly what he needed. He was able to completely immerse himself into caring for the children as a means of not thinking about his past or the impending future.

That had been another thing that Peggy had been obliged to come to terms with concerning him and the way he had changed. This was the mid-1950s at this point, and the thought of a man staying home to take care of the children while his wife worked was so outrageous that even their closest friends and neighbors could barely contain their shock. He had explained several times to Peggy that in the 21st-century, it was not uncommon for a man to be a stay at home dad while his wife worked. But that he understood that in their time, it was considered weird, so they figured the best thing to do was to lay low about it. Peggy had not really even advocated at work that she had gotten married, had not changed her name, and it was only when her children were born that some of her coworkers were even aware that she was married. Or they assumed that she was, for why else would she be pregnant? It was still astounding to her when Steve suggested that he take her last name, and explained it as an effort to hide his true identity, which she accepted. But he didn’t think she ever got used to having him sign documents as “S. G. Carter” instead of “Steve Rogers” or the fact that their children carried the last name “Carter.” Steve had to admit, a certain part of him that had been brought up in patriarchal culture wished that his children had his last name, but understood why carrying the Carter name was best. He knew that other parents never quite got over the fact that he brought their son to baseball practice, or he dropped off and picked up their daughter from Girl Scouts when it was usually the other mothers doing such things. He simply told everyone that he worked from home, and that logistically it made the most sense for him to be doing these things, though he frequently had to bite his tongue when the other mothers suggested that Peggy was neglecting her children by working, or the not so good-natured comments from the other fathers about who wore the pants in their family. It took frequent reminding to himself, and occasionally to Peggy, that the culture would eventually change, that what they were doing would not be out of the ordinary in only a couple of decades, and to just brush it off.

For the most part, Peggy was able to, and the children did when they were quite young, but it began to cause problems when the children became teens. Ed frequently got into fights with other boys who would disparage his father for staying home with the kids while his mother worked, and frequent explanations to him did not do much to soothe his hurt feelings over the bullying. More than once, Lily came home crying when someone had made a smart ass remark about her mother neglecting her children, and had even found herself suspended for throwing a punch at another girl who had disparaged Peggy. Steve and Peggy had opted not to ground her over that, for she was Peggy’s daughter after all and seemed to have her mother’s temper. But Steve had not considered how the unusual dynamics of their family for the 1950s and 60s could potentially cause problems for his children. This was not to say that it was all bad. Like other families, they took vacations together, and both children were involved in scouting, which meant that Steve could lend quite a bit of expertise to campouts and other outdoor survival activities. For a while they owned a camper and did the quinsentential American vacation thing by driving around the country seeing historic locations and staying in the camper. These were relatively happy years for Steve, in which he could immerse himself in his family and slowly begin to forget about the 21st-century, the Avengers, and Sharon. But in 1961, things begin to change.

Peggy came home from work one day talking about a high profile assassination that was being kept out of the news, and with a sinking feeling in his stomach, Steve suddenly remembered the date and the person, from the files that the digitized intelligence of Armin Zola had once shown him in the bunker. The assassination had been the work of the Winter Soldier. Bucky. It was jarring to him now that he was realizing it, that he had nearly completely forgotten about his best friend in the entire world, that Bucky was in fact still alive, and had not only committed this assassination but others, and would commit other crimes in the future, that he was being frozen and re-awakened over and over again, tortured into committing these crimes throughout history. Not only that, he realized, but in the coming years, the Avengers would be born and would be growing up to become the people he suddenly remembered with full force. The first would be Tony in the 1970s, followed by Bruce and Clint, the Natasha, and then Sharon. During all this time, he was going to have to force himself not to interfere with Bucky, or even Natasha, whom he knew would be raised in a hellish environment in a Russian orphanage, brutally trained to become a soulless assassin throughout most of the 1980s and 90s, and if things were supposed to pan out to where Thanos would lose in this timeline, ensuring the survival of his children, he was going to have to make sure to allow this to happen and not interfere.

Peggy had seen the look on his face, and had pointedly asked him if he knew anything about the assassination. He told her truthfully that it had been in his repertoire of information, but that he had honestly completely forgotten about it until she had come home that day and told him about it.

“Do you know who did it?” she asked.

Steve had hesitated before answering. “Yes, but I can’t tell you who.”

“Steve! This man was an important head of state! We need to know who did this. If you know...”

“I still wouldn’t tell you,” he said standing up. “Peggy, I know we didn’t talk much about this when I first came back, but there is a lot that is going to happen that I can’t say anything about. If I tell you anything, and you do something that alters the events in history as I know they have played out before I came back, then you will alter the timeline and we won’t be in the timeline where the event I can’t tell you about is rectified. If you change anything, we will be in a timeline where we lose. I’m not making this decision lightly. But a whole lot of people are going to die and stay dead if I alter the timeline in any way.”

She had stared at him in anger and shock. It had not fully registered before then that Steve would have prior knowledge of devastating events, loss of life, that he was not going to be able to warn her about or allow her to interfere with. She had seen his strange device that he had called a cellular phone, seen the pictures, games and music, and had marveled at the technology, had more or less accepted his explanation that he had travel through time, but until that very moment, she had not realized what it would mean, that he would have to sit down through some of the most atrocious events in history that still had not happened, but that he knew he would.

“Peggy,” he said, “I try not to ask you for too much concerning what’s happened to me, but I’m asking you to trust me. I need you to trust my judgment on this.”

She was hurt and angry, and folded her arms. “I won’t stop investigating this,” she said evenly. “If I find out who it was, I will arrest him.”

“I know,” said Steve sadly. “But you won’t find him. I can only tell you that he will eventually be found, but not for a long time, and not by you. This is not to say that you shouldn’t keep looking, a lot of information you will find will be useful in the future, but I can’t tell you any more than that.”

Now she was honestly angry at him. She had turned, cursing and had stormed off. It had been their first really serious fight. Steve had been devastated, and this marked the first time he truly questioned the wisdom of having gone back in time. He loved Peggy, and he loved his family, would not trade them for anything, but was this truly worth it? Then he remembered what Sharon had told him on the phone the night before he had left. That they were going to be a lot of hurt feelings, and there were still a lot of questionably moral things he was going to have to do, including with her. But that if these things were not done, then the Avengers would not be poised to defeat Thanos. Half the life in the universe would be lost permanently. Perhaps it was at that moment that Steve had formulated what he and Sharon would let her come to call The Plan. The plan of action, the careful crafting of history and events through actions and lack of actions that would poise the Avengers for their face-off with the terrible titan. Peggy eventually cooled down enough to come to terms with the situation, but Steve wasn’t entirely sure if she ever completely forgave him, especially over the years when other things happened that Sharon had specifically mentioned, such as the Kennedy assassination and the murder of the Israeli athletes, the Beirut barracks bombings and many other things that, when they watched on the news, Peggy would turn to him to gauge his reaction, and understand from the lack of shock and the sadness in his eyes, that he had known about long before they had happened, that he had been forced to sit down and allow. It was something he might have sought comfort from her over, but was honestly afraid to bring up given how she felt about these events and his decision to sit them out. Peggy was not one to sit out injustice and evil, and although he knew that she understood his decision, it was not a choice she would have made personally, even if it meant altering the timeline. He had once told Tony Stark that he was not the person who could just sit down and let bad things happen, and had known Peggy had been the same way, and yet here he was doing exactly that.

Other things happened during this time as well. His children became teenagers and they all spent less time together. The family vacations ground to a halt, and his children began to grow up and become their own people. He had always marveled in awe at their personalities which exhibited themselves strongly from early ages. His son Edwin resembled him the most, and like Steve himself, was rather straightforward and no nonsense, and although he had a sense of humor, it often had to be drawn out of him. Nobody was quite sure where Lily’s personality came from, however. She strongly resembled her mother, but unlike either of her parents or her brother, she was rather right-brained and unfocused and unorganized. Sometimes she drove Peggy crazy, for it seemed that the two of them were constantly butting heads over the dilapidated state of Lily’s room, the fact that she waited until the morning homework was due to actually do it, and preferred to pursue artistic endeavors rather than practical ones. She was happy-go-lucky and boisterous, sometimes to the point of irritating the rest of the family, though nobody would change her personality at all for something different. In some cases, Lily was the one who brought Steve most comfort, for she often could sense when her father was melancholy over the secret burden he bore, and would often try and draw him out of his funky by tearing through the room dressed as Wonder Woman to enact a quick 30 second comedy play for him, or bring him a picture she had drawn. Where Edwin had a few close friends that he remained close to through most of his childhood, Lily had a network of friends of varying intensity and was always the social butterfly. While Steve often went to head with Edwin over various matters that Edwin felt needed negotiating, like curfew or certain classes to take, Steve often found himself somewhat mystified by his daughter who seemed incapable of taking anything too seriously and often served as the family referee. Edwin, like Steve, was serious and dedicated, and briefly entertained the idea of joining the Army, though ultimately decided against it, for which Steve had to admit he was relieved. The Vietnam War was winding down, but far too many young men had already been lost to it, and Steve wasn’t sure he could add burying his son to the list of trials he was going to have to endure. Also, it would mean, without a doubt, that he was in the wrong timeline, for both of Peggy’s grown children had been alive when he had gone back in time. 

As they became teenagers, they began to drift apart from their parents, and often Steve would discover that his growing children were involved in things he had no idea of because they were not mentioned, from clubs to class projects that he only heard about later on. They were both good students and did not give any trouble in school, so he rarely had to speak with teachers about the sort of people that his children were, but it saddened both him and Peggy to see the normal process of separation began to happen in their late teens. This was also the end of the 1960s, when the various social movements of the time swept Lily up into a righteous indignation of injustices, but seem to irritate Edwin, as was more down to earth. There were often arguments over social and political matters that Steve felt the need to occasionally break up to keep peace in the house. Another factor that influenced the relationship between Steve and Peggy and their children had much to do with the fact that Peggy was a rather unorthodox mother. Edwin and Lily had had to deal with a certain amount of bullying and lots of shock from their peers and their peers’ parents, over the fact that their mother worked while their father was the more involved parent. Although they all loved each other, Steve knew there was a certain amount of resentment from his children over the fact that Peggy had been so different from other mothers, and that the nature of her work often took her away for days, occasionally weeks on end. The sort of work that the SSR, which had become S.H.I.E.L.D., did often involve Peggy being unable to tell them what she was doing and where she was going, having to leave in the middle of the night, sometimes right before school talent shows or birthday parties, and her work was not the sort of thing she could hand off to someone else if she did not feel like coming in that day.

It was unfortunate, but their now almost grown children felt the resentment deep enough to allow themselves to pull away from both Steve and Peggy as they grew into adults. Both ended up going away to college, and Steve felt the pang of empty nest syndrome perhaps a little more strongly than Peggy did, although she missed the children as well. It was simply perhaps that Peggy had work to throw herself into, and with the kids grown and off to college, Steve had to find a new focus in his life. This was also about the time that another event happen that jarred Steve into remembering the future that was waiting for him.

One Saturday afternoon in the mid-1960s, there was a knock at the door and when Steve opened it, a young man in his early 20s stood on the other side. He introduced himself as Harrison Carter, and that he was looking for his aunt who had been his father’s sister. Peggy had been overwhelmed and overjoyed to meet the son of her deceased brother Michael who had died in World War II. She had not known that her brother had left behind a nephew, and apparently neither had her brother. Harrison went on to explain that his mother had been involved with his father before he had shipped out to the war, and had known very little about Michael Carter’s family. They had tried off and on to locate the Carters over the years, but the mess that was Britain after the Second World War made record finding somewhat difficult. Harrison had decided to take the search back up again a year prior, after his mother had died of cancer leaving him without any family to speak of. He had graduated from school and had taken a gap year to locate his father’s family and work a bit. Peggy convinced the young man to stay in America and got him enrolled in the local university. When he graduated, he opted to join the military and would later become a career military officer. Harrison became an intermittent figure in their family, showing up for holidays and sending the occasional postcard, but when Steve had first laid eyes on the young man, he had been jolted to his core. Peggy claimed that Harrison resembled her brother Michael, and a glance at the few photos Peggy had of her brother confirmed this. There was a similarity in Harrison’s face to Peggy’s, but it was his eyes that caught Steve’s attention. The structure, the color, how they rested in his face above rounded cheekbones. They were Sharon’s eyes. In that moment, he knew he was looking at the man who would someday father Sharon. Most of the time, Steve was able to cast this thought aside and not behave any differently towards Harrison, Harry as Peggy started calling him. And it helped that the younger man was often gone at school or later on deployment. But upon meeting him and getting to know him, Steve was faced with something else he had not allowed himself to think about. Sharon had told him that her father had died on deployment when she was seven. Knowing that Sharon would be born in 1986, this meant that Steve had an approximate idea of when Harry would die. On top of that, he also knew when Howard and Maria, as well as Peggy, would depart from the world, and those dates were approaching. And to keep the timeline intact, he must say and do nothing


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Steve spent the day in 1970 that he knew he and Tony had returned to retrieve the tesseract on pins and needles, wondering if Peggy would come home indicating that she had caught them. When she came home like every other day indicating that her day had been fairly boring, Steve breathed a sigh of relief. Any deviation from the exact history he remembered would indicate that they were not in the 616 timeline, the one in which Thanos loses, anymore. But the day had passed without incident and Steve had breathed a sigh of relief. Tony’s birth a few weeks later was greeted with congratulations to Howard, who had been told some of the truth about Steve’s return via time travel, though Steve had left out the involvement of Howard’s son in the time travel process, fearing that Howard would insist on examining and recreating the time travel device.

It was surreal visiting the Stark mansion in New York, bringing baby gifts to Maria and seeing Peggy hold baby Tony. He spent most of the time talking to Howard, but eventually made his way over to Peggy and looked down at the sleeping infant face of the boy who would grow up to be one of his greatest friends and the greatest pain in his ass. This scrawny little baby with the tuft of black hair on his head would grow up to be one of the smartest men in human history, and would be the one responsible for creating the time travel devices that would allow him to return to Peggy. He gazed down at the baby in Peggy’s arms, judging his features against the ones he remembered on grown Tony. He could definitely see that it was the same person, but honestly he looked a lot like Morgan. He could certainly tell how Morgan Stark resembled her father in the baby before him. Peggy asked him if he wanted to hold Tony, but Steve declined. That might be a little too weird. Peggy studied him intently. He had told her that it would be Howard’s son who would create the time travel devices, and she knew that Steve had known Tony as a grown man in the future. So she simply smiled gently and nodded in understanding.

They only stayed a short time. Explaining that Maria needed her rest, they said their goodbyes to Howard, who was beaming proudly, accepted a few blue wrapped cigars, and headed home. On the drive home, Steve could tell that Peggy was practically bursting with questions, for she had come to recognize the look in his eyes when he was looking at something that would affect the future timeline for which he had information but was not sharing. He would only tell her that yes, Tony was important to what had happened in the future, reiterating that Tony had created the means of traveling through time, but did not say more, and she did not press him.

000

Harrison called to tell Peggy that he was getting married. He was stationed in Virginia and was able to visit every so often, and they knew he had been dating off and on over the years, but recently he had mentioned that he had been dating a girl named Amanda. It was serious enough to consider marriage, and Harrison had proposed, and she had accepted. Peggy invited them over for a celebratory dinner, and when Harry walked through the door holding his fiancé’s hand, hugged Peggy and shook Steve‘s hand, Steve once again had to guard his expression as he laid eyes on the girl that Harrison planned to marry.

Sharon had not exaggerated when she told him that she resembled her mother. The girl in front of him had Sharon‘s hair, facial structure and smile. They were built similarly as well, and the girl seemed very down to earth, and quite in love with their nephew. He had thus far only mentioned to Peggy in vague passing that he had encountered her family members in the future, but had not mentioned Sharon’s name or even that he had known her niece. So when they were alone in the kitchen pulling out the coffee cups for after dinner coffee and cake, and Peggy gave him a questioning expression but said nothing, he only nodded and whispered that she would be a good wife to Harry. Peggy seemed satisfied with that, and asked no further questions.

Peggy was actually relieved, because her nephew, like her children would later be, was a late starter. Harrison was already 37, and Amanda nine years younger than him. Each time Harrison had let them know he had been dating someone seriously, Steve had wondered if the girl in question had been the one who would be Sharon‘s mother. As each relationship had ended, he was not sure whether to be disappointed or relieved. But laying eyes on Amanda, he now knew that another phase of his life would soon be starting. The phase in which the Avengers would be coming into the world and forming their personal back histories that would lead them together at a final moment in time for that epic battle.

So he was not really surprised when, three years later and some seven months before the date he knew to be Sharon‘s birthday, to find Peggy on the phone talking excitedly to Harrison when he walked in from running errands, and forced a smile when she excitedly told him that Harrison and Amanda were going to become parents soon. He fixed a smile and said how nice that was, but Peggy was too seasoned an intelligence officer to miss the truth behind his expression. She ended the conversation with Harryy, hung up the phone and turned to him.

“OK, what’s wrong?” she asked with worry. “Is something going to be wrong with the baby?”

“No,” he hastily replied. “In fact, she’s going to be quite healthy. Nothing wrong with her at all.”

“She?” echoed Peggy. “You know it’s a girl?”

“Yes,” Steve replied.

Peggy was quiet for a moment, and then said “You knew her, didn’t you? My niece?”

“She’s going to be very important,” he said. “You know I can’t tell you much, but you don’t have to worry. In fact, I think you’re going to be quite proud of her.”

At that, Peggy smiled, but then said, “So why the long face then?”

“Because,” Steve began slowly, “when I left, it wasn’t under the best of terms. I owed her a major apology for something, and I never got a chance to say it. Well I did, but I didn’t take it. I can’t tell you too much about it, I can only say that we couldn’t have defeated that monster without her help. And I never realized how much help she actually gave, not until right before I came back to you. She took a lot of physical and emotional hits for me. Everything we did, I realize now it was necessary to win. But I ... I hurt her. I know I did. And she brushed it off like a champ. She was never anything but loyal and dedicated, and I don’t think I really appreciated it at the time. I certainly do now, knowing what I know. She was amazing. And I didn’t deserve her as a friend. I wasn’t any close to being the same kind of friend back. In fact, I’m pretty sure I was a real bastard to her.”

Peggy studied him carefully, saying nothing, and then slowly got up and walked to the window. Finally she said, “I think I understand.”

“It wasn’t... at the time, you see, I didn’t know time travel was possible. I didn’t know there would be a way for me to return to you.” He tried not to stammer.

“Steve, you don’t have to explain,” said Peggy softly, rather sadly. “Not unless you feel you have to. Which you don’t. I just want to know one thing. Did she know you were leaving and never coming back, or did you just leave her?”

“She knew,” said Steve. “I called her the night before. And she knew why I was calling before I ever said anything. It was at that moment that I knew, at some point in her life long before I ever met her, that I would tell her everything. I don’t know when that will be, but she is crucial to the plan, to defeating Thanos. At some point I’m going to have to tell her. And worse, I’m going to have to tell her things that I won’t be able to tell you. And I’m going to need you to not dig them out of her.”

Peggy turned to look at him. “And when you see her, what will you see? Your niece, or, your former lover?”

“Well, at the moment, she’s about the size of a tadpole,” said Steve trying to make a joke and trying not to wince.

Peggy didn’t smile. Steve sighed and hung his head.

“She’s your nephew’s baby girl, your niece,” he said. “It’ll be decades before she becomes my teammate, and all of that will happen to a past version of myself, which, to me, happened decades ago. I’m perfectly capable of keeping that in perspective. I promise you. My niece is all she can ever be now.”

Peggy nodded, but still said nothing. Steve was afraid that this conversation might have been one too many, and he often wondered at what point his knowledge of the future and his past actions would be too much for her to take. He almost wished that she would get mad at him, yell at him, something. But he was still relieved when she relaxed and walked over and hugged him. He hugged her back. He didn’t deserve her understanding, he knew, but he could not afford to be distracted by the events he had always known were coming. He had always known that Sharon would be born and he would be there to see it. He knew that somewhere in Russia right now, an infant Natasha was being turned over to the Red Room. He knew that Bucky was somewhere in a frozen metal tube, waiting to be awoken to commit the latest atrocity. One of which, Steve knew, would include the murder of Howard and his wife, leaving Tony, who was presently about 14 years old, orphaned.

Blessedly, Peggy was willing to let the matter drop for now, and with their children calling with their own news about the people they were dating, one of which Steve knew would eventually become his daughter-in-law, for Edwin was dating the woman to whom he would later be married, these events served as a distraction from the constant shadow of Steve’s time travel which always seem to hang over him and Peggy. Lily was moving out to California to take up with a New Age holistic health center where she would teach yoga, which had actually caused Peggy to go upstairs, lie down on the bed and cry a bit, both at her daughter’s choice of career and the fact that she would be on the other side of the continent. But Steve knew that in a few years, Lily would meet the man she would marry out there, and there would be grandchildren. So instead, he wished his daughter good luck and implored her to call and write often. They even discussed him and Peggy going out to visit once she got settled, for he had always wanted to see California and their family trips had never quite made it out that far. Ed stayed nearby in Virginia, becoming a workaholic at the law firm where he was working to become partner before asking his girlfriend to marry him. They didn’t talk much, and most of the phone calls between them were calls that Steve himself initiated, though his son always seemed happy to talk to him. It was simply that they were all very different people, and their lives had them caught up in the whirlwind of daily living that made it difficult to stay in touch when they were no longer living in the same house. Steve actually managed to forget that Harrison‘s wife was gestating Sharon for a while, until the phone call came the morning of her birth date with Harrison excitedly announcing that his wife had given birth to a baby girl.

Despite Steve’s revelation about her niece in the future, Peggy was ecstatic. She made plans to go out that afternoon to visit, and Steve softly asked if he could go to. She seemed surprised.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” she asked.

“Peg, she’s a baby. And, well, the last thing she told me was that I would see her again someday. And that she would be an infant. I’d like to see her, but I’m afraid if I don’t, I’m afraid I won’t ever be able to look at her. I can’t have that.”

Peggy‘s expression was somewhat unreadable, but she nodded. They drove out to the hospital 80 miles away that afternoon to visit. About halfway there, Steve started to lose his nerve. In fact, he was terrified. What would he say or do when he finally saw Sharon again? She was a newborn. A baby. What would he feel when he looked at her? Regret, remorse? Affection or love? The utter absurdity of the situation hit him right as they were pulling into the parking lot. If there was any other man or woman on the planet who had ever faced the situation even remotely like the one he was about to, he had never heard of it. This had to be some sort of weird record. He planted himself firmly behind Peggy, almost as if she were a shield, and followed her into the hospital, to the information desk to inquire as to which room Amanda Carter was in, and then followed her to the third floor, almost as if he were going to his own execution. He was actually fighting down hyperventilating when they walked into the room, but Peggy seemed to not notice.

Once she walked in and saw her nephew and his wife, she immediately brightened and went over to hug Harry, and then leaned over to kiss Amanda on the top of the head.

“How are you darling? How are you feeling?” she asked with a huge smile.

Amanda was clearly utterly exhausted, but returned the smile and squeezed Peggy’s hand and the two began to chatter softly as Harrison came over and shook Steve‘s hand. Steve clapped the younger man on the shoulder and gave him an affectionate squeeze.

“Well, son, you’re in for a hell of a ride,” he said as lightheartedly as he could manage. Because, knowing what he knew about Sharon, he had absolutely no doubt that was true.

“Yeah, you’re not kidding Uncle Steve,” said Harrison with a smile, but nervously. “Wow, a girl. I’m going to have to get some shotguns or something.”

“To be honest,” said Steve carefully, “she’s a Carter and your kid. Peggy’s niece. I have no doubt she will be able to defend her own honor, probably by the time she’s three.”

At that, Harrison laughed a real laugh and the nervousness left his smile. “You’re probably right about that!”

Steve looked over at the women, where Peggy was now holding a small bundle wrapped in a pink blanket, wearing a tiny pink hat. Amanda, who had been holding the baby, was taking advantage of being relieved of duty to drop off into a nap.

Harrison said, “Do you think the two of you could look after her for a bit while I run down for some coffee? I could really use some. You guys want any?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” said Steve, and Peggy shook her head gently, so Harrison left quickly to go procure his much needed caffeine. Steve forced himself to walk over to Peggy and look over at her shoulder at the small form of baby Sharon wrapped in her arms. His eyes locked on the infant’s face, and his breath caught in his throat. He wasn’t entirely sure what he had been expecting, but in a way, he was almost relieved. The baby in Peggy’s arms resembled the Carters, and definitely resembled Sharon as he remembered her, but was also unmistakably a newborn baby. Rounded rosy cheeks, a tiny button nose and rosebud mouth, and her eyes were closed as she slept contentedly. Under the hat was a bald head with soft downy fuzz that gave no indication that it would someday be covered in corn silk soft, thick blonde hair. Steve had to actually study the infant’s face for any resemblance to the woman he had known, and while it was there, she was, unmistakably, just a baby.

Peggy seemed enchanted. “She is utterly darling, isn’t she? So beautiful.”

“She is,” Steve managed to whisper, because he was pretty sure his vocal cords were not going to work.

Peggy gently ran her finger along Sharon‘s cheek, then looked up at him. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Oh, oh, no, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said taking a step back.

“Steve,” said Peggy firmly, glancing over to make sure Amanda was asleep, “you’re not going to be able to do this her whole life. You can’t be weird about her. You can’t treat her any differently than you otherwise would have.”

“I’m not,” Steve protested quietly. “It’s just, well, it’s been a while since I held a baby, and ...”

He sighed. He knew what Peggy was doing. She was testing him. It was a bit of a jolt, to understand why she was doing it, because Steve knew that she was gauging his reaction, deciding whether or not he could be trusted around Sharon. And that hurt. A lot. His shoulders slumped and he nodded. He held out his arms, and Peggy carefully settled the baby into the crook of his left elbow. Where it not for the fact that he was actually looking down at her in his arms, he would have thought he wasn’t holding anything. She weighed almost nothing. But as he looked down into the little face, he felt a warm glowing feeling in his chest, which he knew was love for this little girl. Despite his worry, he felt himself smiling.

“Hey there, kiddo,” he said. “You were right. You were right. I do get to see you again, and, well, you’re a baby. I have a feeling you’d find this hilarious.”

At the sound of his voice, Sharon opened her eyes. So soon, he knew, she wasn’t really able to focus on anything, but she seemed to be looking for the sound of his voice. He smiled wider.

“Hey. Hey there, ace.” he whispered. Then, almost out of nowhere, he felt tears sting his eyes. “I’m so sorry, kiddo. I’m so sorry. You’re in for a rough ride. And it’s all my fault.”

He felt Peggy’s hand on his back, gently rubbing up and down as she leaned into him and rested her head on his arm. He wasn’t sure what to say, but then the baby turned her head and begin to nuzzle around on his shirt.

“Uh. What’s she doing?” he asked.

Peggy stifled a laugh. “I think she’s hungry.”

“Ohhh boy,” he said, trying not to panic. With a laugh, Peggy took Sharon from his arms and brought her over to Amanda, settling the baby against her. Amanda woke up.

“I think she’s hungry, darling,” said Peggy. “We’ll step outside. Harrison should be back in a minute, he went for coffee.”

Amanda smiled gratefully and nestled Sharon against her chest as Peggy shoved Steve out into the hallway. He was relieved.

“You doing OK?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said truthfully. “It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I think it’s going to be OK.”

At that moment, Harrison returned with a very large coffee and they chatted with him a bit, before peeking in to tell Amanda goodbye. The drive home was quiet, and they chatted about nondescript things like the weather, and the girl Edwin was dating. They said little more about Sharon, and once again, time passed and the matter was slowly put aside.

000

Sharon‘s presence in the world again was not as much of an impact on Steve as he feared it would be. Harrison was still active duty military, and they moved around a lot. After Sharon‘s birth, they received a few pictures of her in the mail, sleeping in a bassinet, or in a swing. But Harrison received new orders and they were transferred to Missouri, and then a year later to the Panama Canal for another year. While they were down in Panama, Amanda began working with various aid groups in the area, which Steve knew would later lay the groundwork for her desire to pursue missionary work when Sharon was older. They received the occasional postcard or picture of the family, and Steve did his best to write back to stay in touch. But for the most part, their nephew and his wife and daughter were not an active part of their daily lives, allowing Steve to, not necessarily forget, but not think of the situation as often as he feared he would.

Then, in 1990, several things happened. Both of their children were married, and were actively engaged in their adult lives, which took them elsewhere as well. Steve had taken to working at local VA clinics, running support groups and doing what volunteer work he could for wounded veterans. It kept him busy, and was reasonably fulfilling enough, but for the most part, he still lay low. Peggy was still Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., but a new young agent, Nicholas Fury Jr, had just come on, and the only thing that Steve could tell Peggy about him was that she could trust him, but to never let him know that she was married, or that he, Steve, was still alive or who he was. She nodded in acceptance, and followed his suggestion.

Then, one night, the phone rang at two in the morning. It was one of Howard Stark’s lawyers. He was delivering the terrible news, that Howard and Maria were dead in an apparent car crash out in California. Peggy shook him awake, in tears, nearly hysterical with grief. Steve sat up and wrapped his arms around her and cried with her, knowing the truth. He debated whether or not to tell her what had actually happened, but had known for a long time that it would be ruled an accident, and he made the decision that Peggy did not actually need to know what had really happened, because he was pretty sure she would not forgive him for not intervening. As it was, she asked him if he had known Howard and Maria would die that day, and sadly he nodded his head.

“And you just let them die?” she asked, her eyes accusing.

“Peggy,” he said carefully, “we’ve had this conversation before. At some point, it’s everybody’s time. Howard lived a wonderful life, and I’m so glad that he had Maria and Tony. But this particular event is one of those crucial points that I couldn’t tell you about. It defines Tony, makes him capable of doing what he will have to do in the future. And that will include creating the time travel devices, which will allow me to return to you. I can’t do anything to alter Tony’s background, especially Tony’s.”

“But he’s all alone now!” Peggy said, reaching for her Rolodex to see if she had the number for the Stark estate in California where Tony was living.

Steve put his hand over hers. “Yes he is, and he’s going to have a rough couple of years. In fact, he’s going to act like a real ass. Totally self-destructive, but I promise you, he’ll end up OK in the end. He’s going to do Howard proud, he’s going to do more than Howard ever did. And you know I don’t make that claim lightly.”

Peggy stilled. Then she looked at him. “He’s really going to be OK?”

“In a few years, he’s going to meet a fiery red haired girl who starts off working in accounting at Stark industries. She finds a critical mistake that Tony makes, and confronts him with it. He’ll hire her on the spot as his assistant, and then for the next 10 years he’s going to put her through hell with his antics. But she never wavers, never leaves his side, is the friend and support that he needs. One day they’ll marry and have a daughter. Aside from Sharon, his wife is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. Right now, she’s a teenage girl living in Michigan dreaming of going to California to try and become a model or actress. What she becomes is so much greater. It’ll take Tony a while to realize what a lucky man he is that this incredible woman never walked out on him. And she thinks about it several times. But in the end, they end up happy. I’m grateful that I got to spend time with Howard and get to know Maria, because I only learned about them after they were gone when I woke up in 2012. I know it’s hard, Peggy, but this has to happen. It was their time. And it is a critical moment for Tony that will define him. I can’t really say more than that. I can only tell you that it will all end up OK.”

Peggy dropped her head into her hands and cried softly, so Steve gathered her back up in his arms and cried as well. Cried because he could not tell her the truth. He knew she would not forgive him. He had mentioned nothing about Bucky and knew that he never could. What’s worse, she was now the only person in the world who knew his true story, that he had travelled through time. And at some point, he was going to have to burden Sharon with all of this. And that’s what would hurt the worst.

The next morning, Peggy went into the office to do what she could to help facilitate Howard’s estate, help plan the funeral because Tony was in no condition to do it, and do what she could from an official end. That day, Steve went to a stationary store and bought a stack of cream colored paper with flowers in each corner, something distinctive and unique. He then sat down at his desk at the house, and began to write. Initially, he was going to only write one letter, explaining everything to Sharon, every detail she would have to know, including their relationship, and would decide the best time to give it to her. But in the end he scrapped that idea.  
Instead, he wrote her five letters. The first one he planned to give her when she was 14, as she had mentioned when she last spoke to him as the age when he had first told her the truth. He only outlined the bare minimum of what she would need to know. That in the future, a major catastrophe would wipe out half the life in the universe, not just on the planet, but the whole universe, and that in order to fix the problem, which would take her and her cousins as well, he was going to have to perform a series of procedures that would include time travel, and he would need her help to do it. He explained in that first letter who he really was, Steve Rogers, Captain America, who had crashed a Nazi bomber into the Arctic Circle to save New York City, and who was presently still lying encased in an ice block and would be found in 2012, looking no older than 35 years old. That he would spend 10 years in the 21st-century, told her a little bit about the Avengers and some of the people on the team, mentioned that she would be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, positioned to help them. That she would get to know the younger version of himself, whose only experience at that point had been as a soldier in World War II who woke up 70 years later, believing he would never see Peggy again. That she would befriend him, work as his ally, but that she could never let on that she knew that ultimately one day he would be her uncle. He ended that letter describing the events of September 11, 2001. As he intended to give this letter to Sharon a year before that event happened, he explained that he had known she would likely not believe his story of time travel, but that he had known throughout the 20th century when certain historical events would happen, and he was telling her this one so that when it happened, she would know, understand and believe.

The second letter he wasn’t sure when he would give her, but it would be before his younger self was found. Probably when she entered S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy. It explained the particular skills and talents she would need to develop in order to assist him with the plan, which he then outlined somewhat loosely without a whole lot of detail, describing how Thanos would invade the Earth, and the Avengers’ mission to gain the pieces of a weapon that could stop him and reverse the effects of the Decimation. He explained how she would have to accept a demotion from field agent to watchdog when she would be assigned to watch his younger self from across the hall. He explained that Peggy would never know about most of this, because very soon, she would be developing Alzheimer’s, and even his advanced knowledge of this could do nothing to stop that from happening. Peggy must never know the true nature of his younger self, that she would have to endure having images of older Steve removed from her nursing home, that it might mean purposely confusing her for the sake of confusing his younger self. The other three letters outlined everything else Sharon would need to know, everything he could think of, that he would strategically give her at various points in her life in hopes that she went along with his plan and did not alter the timeline. And it was amazing how crucial her role would have to be, how well she would have to play the game, to convince his younger self that she knew absolutely nothing about what was coming. He knew that he would know how successful they had been about staying in the 616 timeline depending on how Sharon’s actions played out.

Finally, he wrote letters to his grown children, explaining an abbreviated version of everything he had explained for Sharon in the letters he had written her, explaining that he was Captain America, that his younger self would be found in the ice and spend some time with the Avengers in the 21st-century. That a devastating universe-wide event would destroy life on the planet, including them, and that he was going to need their cooperation in order to save their lives. Steve had long ago realized that when the Decimation happened, and later was reversed, that people tended to reappear in the very spots from which they had disappeared. To that end, he intended that when the Snap happened, that everyone, including Sharon, would be in a location of his choosing that he could control for the next five years, so that when they came back, it would be under a safe and controlled situation. That was going to take some effort, and he would probably need Sharon‘s help. He hoped these letters would be enough, and that his children didn’t have him committed for going senile like their mother was about to.

000

When operation Desert Storm was announced on the news that night, Steve felt his heart go cold and his stomach sank. It would be soon, he knew. Sharon had told him that her father had died in combat during this operation, and even though Harrison was well past the point where he could retire with honor from the military, he had chosen to remain in. Not for the first time, but perhaps more strongly than before, Steve had to fight down the urge to warn Harrison to get out of the military and not allow himself to be deployed. He knew it was going to hurt Amanda and Sharon terribly to lose him, and the last time he saw Peggy’s nephew before his deployment, Steve spent as much time with the younger man as he could, trying not to let on what he knew about Harrison’s impending fate.

Harrison had recently been transferred back to Virginia, bringing his family back to within driving distance of Steve and Peggy. Although Edwin and Lily were now married, there were still no grandchildren on the horizon, and so Sharon received a lot of the attention that Steve knew Peggy longed to shower on a grandchild, which worked out because with Harrison facing deployment and Amanda working, having nearby babysitters was definitely a help to them. Steve met the situation with mixed emotions. It had been easy to wrap his mind around Sharon being part of their lives again when she was still far away, even in another country, and still a baby. There had been visits over the years, mostly at holidays, where he had witnessed toddler Sharon running around his house and climbing on things, much to Peggy’s amusement. Steve mostly tried to treat the child as he hoped he would have anyway, fussing at her to get down from the back of the couch, to not sled down the stairs on a piece of cardboard, and helping her learn to ride the two wheel bike that she had gotten for Christmas, which she promptly rode into a Ligustrum bush. It had been Peggy who had picked up the crying child and implored her to be strong and get back on the bike. Which she had of course. But despite all this, Sharon still did not know them very well. She had no other relatives, both sets of grandparents had already passed on. But they had not interacted much over the years, in fact Steve could count on one hand the number of times he had seen Sharon since she had been born.

But now, she was nearby, and he was beginning to see in the seven-year-old child flashes of the grown woman he had known. She was completely verbal now and could hold long-winded conversations, mostly about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Sonic the Hedgehog video games. Her bell-like voice was still childish, but Steve could still hear the familiar voice of the older woman he had known, when that voice began to mature and deepen. When she was irritated, she angrily put her hands on her hips much like Peggy did, and Steve tried not to let that remind him of how she had done the same as an adult. But it was her laugh that affected him the most. She still laughed the same, something that was not quite a giggle but not far from it. He had taught her how to play rock paper scissors, and when she began beating him at it, had laughed in the same way he had remembered her laughing as an adult, but with her child’s voice. Despite the weirdness of the situation, he had laughed as well. Another time, when she was three, and Harrison was briefly stationed nearby, they had received a knock on the door late at night, with Harrison holding Sharon, age 3, asking if they could watch her overnight, because he had to bring Amanda to the hospital. She was suffering a miscarriage.

Alarmed, Peggy had taken Sharon in her arms as Steve had accepted the Rainbow Brite backpack stuffed with Sharon‘s clothes and toys, and had watched in sorrow as Harrison had bounded back down to the car with Amanda in the front seat, looking tired. They had waved as they had driven off, and Peggy had left Sharon with Steve to go make up the daybed for her in the den. She had sat with Sharon late into the night, as the little girl could not sleep in a strange house without her parents, but seemed comforted by her aunt’s presence. Steve had answered the phone call at midnight from Harrison saying that Amanda had lost the baby, and would be staying overnight. Steve had assured his nephew that Sharon was fine and to stay with his wife. Peggy had gone to bed after Sharon finally fell asleep, but Steve could not sleep and was in his easy chair watching a documentary about penguins when he noticed the small form standing in the doorway, clutching a stuffed dragon he had given her last Christmas, looking sleepy but also forlorn. 

Sharon.

“Hey kiddo,” he said carefully. She said nothing, but stared at him sleepily.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked. She shook her head. “Want to watch a boring show about penguins?”

She shrugged and walked over to him. He grabbed a quilt off of the back of the sofa and spread it across his lap, then gripped her under her little arms and pulled her into his lap, quietly pointing out the emperor penguins, and their fuzzy gray babies. She had settled into his arm, and had fallen asleep almost immediately. Peggy found them the next morning, both asleep, the TV still on with Sesame Street starting. She had gently shaken them both awake, asking if anybody wanted blueberry pancakes. Harrison had picked Sharon up later that afternoon, thanking them for watching her, and that had been the last they saw of them until Thanksgiving.

It had taken a while for Peggy to get used to the idea that Steve was truly treating Sharon as the child she was and relax when Sharon was over. Steve wasn’t entirely sure what Peggy was expecting, but he was proactive in setting it straight in his mind and actions. This child was his niece. And that was that.

But then Harrison was deployed to the Middle East, and two months later came the phone call. Amanda on the other end, crying hysterically saying that an officer had arrived at their door that afternoon to tell her that Harrison had been killed in action. Peggy, promising to come right away to help her, had hung up the phone and whirled on Steve.

“You knew!” she said, not as a question but as an accusation. “You knew he was going to die!”

“Sharon told me, will tell me,” he clarified. “Yes.”

Furious, Peggy swatted at him, smacking his arm hard. Steve was grateful it was not his face.

“You utter bastard! You know, I thought I could put up with the years of you knowing about horrible things happening and doing nothing about them, even Howard and Maria. What else haven’t you told me? I know there something. Sharon, Tony, what else aren’t you telling me? What else horrible thing is going to happen that I’m going to have to endure, that you know was coming and do nothing to stop? Steve, he was my nephew! He has a wife and family! And I don’t want to hear about this moment defining Sharon like how Howard’s death defines Tony. I know what you’re going to say, the monster in the future, all these people dead, I get it. But I’m just not feeling it. I can’t forgive this!”

Steve said quietly, “I always figured that one day there would be something like this that would happen that you couldn’t forgive. I understand. It’s no more than I’m able to forgive myself, which I don’t. But Peggy, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I have to make a choice. It’s all of these people we have loved and lost, or literally billions of lives, not just on this planet but across the entire universe. There are so many worlds that have life on them, civilizations, people who love their families just as we do, even if they don’t look like us. People who would be our friends once we got to know them. They’re going to be devastated by their loss as well. It’s like being on the Titanic and it’s sinking. Who do you save? Do I save the lives of a handful of people because I personally love them, and let billions more die? Or do I make the choice to sit down and let history work itself out, knowing that so many others will have their lives saved, including our children? Don’t you make similar difficult choices every day? I know there’s much I’ll never know about what you’ve had to do with S.H.I.E.L.D. I know you’ve made devastating choices that probably ended lives. And it was for the greater good that you made those choices. Don’t you think I wish I could have spared Harry? Could have spared Amanda and Sharon the pain they’re going to face? Do you think I enjoyed knowing when they were going to die and knowing that the last time I saw them would truly be the last time? If you can’t forgive me, I assure you I don’t forgive myself. But it has to be done. I don’t know how many more times I can say that.”

She didn’t answer.

“Peggy,” Steve began slowly, “I know I was gone by that time, but you knew about the plan to drop the atomic bombs on Japan, didn’t you? Before they did it, I mean.”  
He saw her eyes widen, and she nodded. “What does this have to do with this conversation?”

“You know why we drop those bombs,” he continued slowly.

Now her eyes narrowed. She knew where he was going. She replied, “Every man, woman and child on the island of Japan was prepared to meet a foreign invasion with whatever they had, weapons, sticks and stones, the loss of civilian life would have been horrendous, to say nothing of Allied soldiers. And you know this.”

“I read that conservative estimates would have put the losses of American forces and allied forces somewhere in the hundreds of thousands, more than any other battle we had already fought in all of history. Including D-Day. And the civilian population on Japan, if they had kept fighting, we would have had to fight for every inch of the island, we could have decimated their population. Their losses might have been in the millions. The dropping of the atomic bombs was horrible, I’m glad I wasn’t there to see it. But the loss of the thousands of people at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, while devastating, didn’t amount to the number of people we would have lost had we done a normal invasion. Those thousands of lives were sacrificed so that hundreds of thousands were not. And you know this.”

Peggy clearly did not appreciate being circumvented in this way, so she said nothing and folded her arms.

Steve continued, “Every day I have to sit on what knowledge I might have of events that will play out. It’s exceptionally hard when it’s someone I know and love. What if our families had been in either of those two cities on which the atomic bombs have been dropped? Would we have tried to stop them? Knowing what it would mean to have to invade Japan instead? The ones who have to make the choice to sacrifice a couple thousand lives to save millions never make those choices lightly. And I assure you, I don’t either. Howard, Maria, Harry, having to sit down and let them go knowing what the alternative is was not easy. I don’t tell you when these hits are coming, because I know you will try to change them, save them. And I know I won’t have the strength to stop you, because I barely have the strength to let things be.”  
Peggy hung her head and sighed, understanding.

She had grown older over the years, the lines in her face her deepened and there was gray in her hair, but she was still beautiful, powerful, a force to be reckoned with. This was the Peggy that occasionally scared him, but also scared Hydra and the evil they spawned. She studied him carefully, and then she spoke.

“I’ve never asked you before, because I was afraid of the answer. But do you know when I am going to die? And what of?”

Steve jolted, and frantically took a moment to consider whether or not he should lie to his wife. But then he answered, “Yes I do.”

“I won’t be there to see this monster destroy everyone, or the battle that defeats him, will I?”

“No,” answered Steve simply.

“When and how?” she asked.

“Peggy, I can’t tell you that,” said Steve.

“You owe me,” she said. “I want to know.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. Then Steve said, “You’ll be 95 years old, and you’ll be asleep in your bed. Comfortable and safe. The rest of us should be so lucky. We’re going to miss you terribly. But you’ll leave us behind knowing that you did absolutely everything you ever could to make us in this world safe. You founed S.H.I.E.L.D., you set Nick Fury in the position he needs to be in to do what he will need to do. You looked after Tony, you’ll train Sharon. And in the end, we won’t be able to do any of this without you. Without everything you’ve ever done and still will do, will fail. I’ll fail.”

Her expression softened, and he could see she was fighting back tears. He walked over and carefully pulled her into a hug, hating himself for the pain he was causing this woman, who he had called the love of his life, and the pain he was going to cause her niece. All of the Avengers, really. They both cried, for Harry, for everyone they have lost and those they still would. Then she gently pulled away and went about planning her nephew’s funeral.

Harrison‘s death devastated Amanda, who was never able to completely and totally recover from the loss of her husband. Sharon had been an only child, Amanda had suffered two miscarriages, apparently unable to have any more children after Sharon, and they had simply stopped trying. After Harrison‘s funeral, Amanda tried for a couple of months to find a job locally that she could stand doing every day, but eventually her grief got the better of her. She joined a missionary group that was heading to Guatemala to establish schools in rural communities. Peggy was dead set against Amanda taking Sharon with her, seeing as how the area was still politically unstable and not very safe. Steve had to agree, especially since Sharon had never mentioned going with her mother as a young child on her missionary trips. Even though she had rarely spoken of her mother’s exploits, the fact that Sharon had never mentioned going on them herself made Steve nervous, for any deviation in what he knew of the 616 timeline might mean that he was no longer in it anymore, but was instead in one of the 14 million timelines in which Thanos would win. Ultimately, despite Peggy insisting that she could get Amanda a job in a clerical position at S.H.I.E.L.D., which only lasted about a year, Amanda packed up Sharon and headed for Central America. They were gone for two years and Sharon was nearly 10 when Amanda finally returned, the political unrest becoming unsafe to keep her daughter there. She took up Peggy’s offer of finding an office job at a satellite S.H.I.E.L.D. location, which she did for another three years, meaning they could see Sharon off and on more regularly, and Steve was secretly relieved, now that they were safe, and now he understood how Sharon had become so fluent in Spanish. But the anomaly of Sharon having spent a couple of years in another country with her mother that she had never mentioned had rattled him a bit. 

Ironically, it was Peggy that sent him at ease. “Well darling, I know you spent a lot of time with Sharon in the future, but honestly, we don’t start forming permanent memories until we are about 9 or 10, and I’m not saying she had forgotten, but they were probably only fuzzy memories she didn’t think worth mentioning. If it never came up in conversation, why would she mention it? You can’t possibly know every single detail about her childhood, it would have taken her forever to tell you all that if she remembered at all. I mean I’m your wife, and there’s plenty I haven’t told you about my childhood. Quite a bit of that I had forgotten by the time I met you anyway. And I reckon I was about the same age Sharon was when you met her as an adult.”

“You’re right of course,” he agreed. “It’s just any time something like that happens that I don’t have prior knowledge of, it makes me afraid that we’re not in the 616 timeline anymore. That I’ll have to watch my children and my niece die and not come back.”

Peggy looked at him with sympathy. “Steve, that’s what most of us are going to have to do. We don’t know what the serum has done to your longevity, despite the fact that you’re aging faster now, it’s entirely possible that you will outlive Sharon and any children she might have. You might outlive our great grandchildren. You may have to watch Ed and Lily die of extreme old age anyway.”

“I know,” he said, “I’ve considered it. I just don’t know if I can watch it happen twice.”

“You’re going to have to watch me die twice,” she said pointedly. That was Peggy, never pulling punches. All he could do was nod and concede her point. And he vowed to try not to freak out over every discrepancy in their lives and Sharon’s that didn’t match up to the narrative he had of what he knew of their pasts. Peggy was right, he wasn’t going to know every detail, and it didn’t mean that they were not in the 616 timeline anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

When Sharon was 14, she came to stay the summer with Steve and Peggy. Amanda had worked out that going on missionary trips in the summer and staying to work during the school year worked out best presently for herself and her daughter, so long as Peggy and Steve were willing to take care of her. Peggy grumbled to herself about Amanda not being able to at least wait four more years to when Sharon could enter college or something before taking off to parts unknown, but for the most part kept her disapproval to herself, though Steve privately agreed. Amanda dropped Sharon off at their house a week after school ended, the day before she was set to depart for an organic farm in South America where she would be teaching English to the children of the farmworkers. It was pretty clear that Sharon was unhappy with this arrangement. She was surly and had to be coaxed into giving her mother a goodbye hug. Teenage moodiness was hitting her full force, as it had hit her cousins, Steve thought wryly, and he suspected the first two weeks were going to be met with silence with attempts at conversation met with one word responses. Sharon stood on the porch and watched her mother drive away, holding her chin up attempting to be brave, but once Amanda was gone down the road, she turned without a word and stomped back into the den with the daybed where she would be staying. Peggy went to follow her, but Steve put a hand on her arm and told her to let Sharon have some time to herself. When she got into moods, she usually wanted to be alone. Peggy accepted this revelation from Steve with a raised eyebrow, but said nothing.

Sharon stayed in the guest room most of the afternoon. She came out for dinner, and sat wordlessly at the table, pushing her food around on her plate. Steve did his best not to stare at her. It had been quite a while since he had seen her, and though she was still youthful, with the rounded lines of her face, she was now clearly the younger version of the woman he had known. Her features had fallen into place, no longer a child but not quite an adult yet either. It was disconcerting. Her voice was maturing as well, becoming the voice he remembered, though still slightly higher pitched. But he would come to find what would take some getting used to was her general demeanor. When he had known Sharon before as an adult, she had been calm, cool and collected, rational if somewhat cynical. In short, he had never known her to be unreasonable. But encountering her as a teenager would be a trial in patience. Requests for her to wake up at a reasonable hour, even though it was summer, was met with irritated whines, and lack of compliance until about the third time, and when told to pick her shoes up off the floor, her dismissive attitude from the couch, still engrossed in her book, earned her a sharp reprimand from Steve who summoned up his Cap voice to get her to respond with something other than “whatever.” Peggy had to come in and break that verbal sparring match up.

When Sharon had grabbed her shoes and stomped off, Peggy had looked at Steve in complete surprise, and then amusement. “Was she always like this?”

Steve grumbled. “Not exactly like that, but I had nearly forgotten what a righteous pain in the ass she could be sometimes. As an adult she didn’t stomp off, but boy she sure did use her words. Come to think of it, I didn’t often get her to just agree with me on anything without it devolving into a debate.”

At that, Peggy had laughed a genuine laugh and mentioned something about headstrong Carter women before going to find Sharon and discuss the importance of showing respect for her elders, and that asking someone to pick shoes up off a floor did not need the same response as being asked to donate a kidney.

She was not a bad kid, far from it, but she was certainly willful and headstrong. And at 14 years old, was not reasoning as the adult as she would become. She knew it was not the fault of her aunt and uncle that she was being left here for the summer, for example, but it did not stop her from being sullen and forlorn, even occasionally snapping at them, which Peggy put an immediate end to by declaring that Sharon wasn’t going to sit around playing her Sega Dreamcast all summer long.

“You need to stay busy,” she said to Sharon at lunch one day she was supposed to be off from work. “You need to have daily activities and a routine.”

“That’s what school is for,” said Sharon into her potatoes. “It’s summer.”

Peggy glanced at Steve, clearly remembering that Steve had told her once that Peggy herself had been responsible for beginning Sharon’s training in martial arts and intelligence work, earlier than most people would have. Sharon had been taking various martial arts ever since she was seven at Peggy’s suggestion to Amanda, but the constant moving around had meant that she had not been able to commit to a particular school or system.

“Summer doesn’t mean lollygagging on the couch all day. Your brain will turn to mush plugged into that game anytime the sun is up. You’re going to start working out with the cadets going to S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy,” said Peggy. “You’ll learn hand to hand combat, maybe some weaponry, and other things kids your age don’t always have the luxury of learning. That’ll keep you busy most of the summer, and it’ll keep you where I can keep an eye on you.”

Both Steve and Sharon looked up at Peggy. Steve recovered first. “Peg, do you…uh… think she’s old enough for that? I mean most people enter S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy when they’re 18, and she’s only 14.”

“I don’t want to go to S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy,” said Sharon. “I’m not going to trying to be a spy, I’m just a kid.”

Steve glanced at her in surprise. From the way Sharon had talked when he knew her long ago, he had gotten the impression that she had always wanted to follow Peggy into S.H.I.E.L.D. Now here she was saying she didn’t want to. He tried not to let that alarm him into thinking there had been a timeline shift, but instead decided to let Peggy handle this one. Honestly, it wasn’t a bad idea to let the kid start training.

“I’m not going to be sending you on missions,” said Peggy with a smile. “That’s illegal. At least in this country. Good thing you don’t live in Russia. No, you’ll be learning effective self-defense techniques. If you end up going off to college, I don’t want any of those frat boys getting handsy with you.”

Sharon narrowed her eyes. “Did you make Lily and Ed train at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy?”

“As a matter of fact, I did,” said Peggy, “some summers and holiday breaks. They never became agents, but they can certainly defend themselves if they have to.”  
Sharon just snorted and went back to pushing her potatoes around on her plate, finally deciding they were edible and started digging into them. Steve was about to reprimand her for disrespecting her aunt, but when he glanced at Peggy, he could see Peggy was smiling, and another glance back at Sharon showed the kid trying to stifle a smile. Then he got it. Sharon was pretending to not want to go for the sake of being ornery and contrary because she was still upset at her mother leaving her behind. But secretly, she was thrilled at the idea of learning real hand to hand combat with actual agents in training. That was more like the Sharon he remembered.  
Peggy left the room to make some phone calls, and returned quickly, telling Sharon to put on something comfortable enough to work out in and get ready to go, she was coming to work with her aunt. Sharon looked up in alarm.

“Right now? Like, today?” she asked.

“Like, yes,” said Peggy with a smile. “Like, you are starting today. Go get dressed.”

Now Sharon actually looked worried. Apparently the idea of working out with intelligence agents was cool in concept, but when faced with the reality, now she was nervous. But as she and her aunt stared at each other, clearly Sharon did not want to be seen a coward, so without a word she got up, put her plate in the sink, and went to get dressed.

Steve wanted to ask to go along, and he almost did, before he stopped himself. He realized now that this was the part of The Plan where Peggy was going to take the most active role with Sharon in the near future. As she began to slow down, and become forgetful of important things the job required, she had regretfully turned over the directorship to Nick Fury, staying on as an advisory role. She still had enough clout and influence to request and get permission for her teenage niece to train with the agent cadets, but as she began to become forgetful, and show the early signs of the Alzheimer’s that would later take her life, she was slowly phased out of the critical missions that required focus that she no longer seemed to have. Steve still wasn’t entirely sure whether or not Nick Fury knew about him, for he surely must know that Peggy was married and that her husband was still alive, but did he know who her husband was? If he did, he had said nothing and given no indication of interfering or questioning. Steve wasn’t entirely sure how that would play out once the younger version of himself was found in about 12 years. What that did mean, however, was that Steve was still to lay low and not draw full attention to himself. He had avoided anything related to S.H.I.E.L.D. all these years, never visiting Peggy at work and never allowing his path to cross with anything related to S.H.I.E.L.D. Simply strolling in there now to watch his great-niece train with the cadets were simply not worth blowing his cover. Besides, this was the point in Sharon‘s life when she would begin to forge a certain bond with her aunt that was not only special but necessary. It would define the kind of agent that Sharon would become. So Steve let them leave, focusing on cleaning the dishes and going to work on some drawings he had been working on for a while, trying not to wonder how the training sessions were going.

They returned a few hours later and Sharon came bounding into the living room where he was watching TV.

“How did it go, kiddo?” he asked.

“It was awesome!” she gushed with youthful exuberance. “Just awesome! I learned how to take someone down an arm bar. Want to see?”

Steve feigned absolute horror. “No way! I’m a creaky old man here, you’d pulverize me. I’m sure the instructors did a fine job in training you. I’ll get your aunt to take some videos.”

“You could come down and watch,” said Sharon.

“He doesn’t have security clearance,” said Peggy coming in. “And I had to get special permission for you. And it goes without saying, you don’t brag to your friends about anything you see at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, correct?”

Sharon sobered up and nodded. “Of course I won’t,” she said. She went upstairs to take a shower.

“She did really well,” said Peggy. “I think this is exactly what she needs. It might snap her out of her moodiness this summer.” Steve just smiled.  
And that was exactly what happened. Sharon didn’t go with Peggy every day, but she went often enough, and by midsummer, was actually quite proficient in various martial arts that were trained to S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy cadets. Then Peggy began training her on intelligence work, starting with puzzles and codes. Every day before she left for work, on the days that she worked, Peggy would leave some sort of puzzle for Sharon to solve by the end of the day. If she managed to do it, there could be a reward such as ice cream or a video game time, or something hidden somewhere for her to find. And Sharon ended up being quite good at these puzzles. Like Peggy, she had an eye for detail, and making it a game honed her ability to see things where others would miss them. Pattern recognition, mathematical problems, or working out a puzzle that might include figuring out which three people were lying based on statements that they made, knowing only one of those statements were true. Towards the end of the summer, Peggy even arranged for Sharon to take a class or two at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy on computer hacking, though personally Steve wasn’t sure it was such a good idea to give a 14-year-old that kind of ability, and apparently Fury had needed serious convincing. But Sharon took to it like a fish to water. Gradually, she crawled out of her sullen attitude, and even began to lament having to go back to her mother at the end of the summer when Amanda returned from her trip.”

Steve found himself valuing the summer that Sharon spent with them, getting to know her as a person again, in the earlier stages of her life, rather than later stages where she had already been shaped, and somewhat jaded by her experiences in the intelligence field. He would occasionally watch Sharon doing something or some sort of activity that reminded him how quickly she had grown from a baby into a young adult, and would be briefly be struck by the reminder that somewhere else out there, pretty much all of the Avengers had been born in the world, and were themselves, working their way through their childhoods, developing into the adults he would later know. He tried hard not to think of Natasha over in Russia, knowing that at this point in her life, she had already been through more trauma than most adults would ever face, including having killed people. She was about the same age as Sharon. He purposely tried to keep his distance from Sharon for most of the summer, however, for several reasons, namely that he wanted her to grow closer to Peggy as part of her development, but also to convince Peggy and himself that he truly saw Sharon as his niece now, not someone with whom he would eventually have a past. It was in his past, but not yet hers.

This was not to say that he ignored her. Having already lived in the 21st-century and played around on some of Tony Stark’s gaming systems, he found that he liked spending time with Sharon playing on the Sega Dreamcast, which he knew would be a short-lived console. Their favorite game was Crazy Taxi, and he was rather good at it. They would frequently spends hours at a time challenging each other to races and matches, and she learned to be more comfortable around him. But all of this was put to the test three weeks before school started, and before Amanda‘s return when Peggy came home one day unexpectedly and rather out of sorts. Sharon trailed behind her.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked in alarm, taking a mental note of the day and trying to go through his repertoire of information to see if some major event had happened on this day or around it that he should have known about.

“Something’s happened,” said Peggy. “It’s one of those things I can’t tell you about, and normally Fury would handle, but they need me for this one. It’s going to be kept out of the news, so you probably won’t hear much about it. But I have to go, I’ll be gone a couple of days. Don’t worry, I’m not going onto the front lines, just strategic and tactical, but they want me on site.”

Steve was worried now. Clearly something terrible had happened, but he had no idea what it was, and Peggy couldn’t tell him. When they were alone, she had carefully asked him if he knew anything about something happening in Croatia, and he said no. She had seemed surprised at that, that he didn’t know about whatever this event was. In fact, she almost seemed relieved. But that meant he was going to be responsible for Sharon for a couple of days. Peggy was trusting him with that, which meant it must be really serious.

“How dangerous is it?” he asked.

“For me and Nick, not very. But for some of our agents? I don’t know.”

She turned to Sharon who was leaning in the doorway looking worried. “Listen to your uncle, darling. Try not to give him too hard of a time. Remember it’s been something like 20 years since he’s dealt with a teenager. He’s kind of a rookie now.”

Sharon smiled weakly, clearly worried about the turn of events. She turned to go into the living room to find something to read, while Peggy rushed off to get ready to leave. Steve and Sharon stood on the porch waving as the TMa S.H.I.E.L.D. car drove up to pick up Peggy, and pulled away with her waving to them.  
“Think she’ll be OK?” asked Sharon with concern.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” said Steve. “This is not her first rodeo.”

“Yeah but she’s not, well, you know, spry anymore,” said Sharon.

“I don’t think she’ll be parachuting on to buildings,” said Steve with a smile. “At least I hope she won’t. And if she does, I’m pretty sure I won’t hear about it.”  
Sharon smiled, but continued looking down the street where the car had disappeared.

“Hey, look, kiddo, you know what we need? A distraction. What say we order the biggest pizza we can afford, eat ice cream out of the carton all night, and play Crazy Taxi until we drop? I won’t tell your aunt, she’ll have a fit if she knows I let you eat junk and let you stay up till midnight playing video games.”

At that, Sharon laughed and agreed. And that’s what they did for the rest of the evening.

000

During the few days that Peggy was gone, and it was just him and Sharon, Steve debated within himself whether or not this was the point in time in which he would tell her about the Decimation and The Plan. She had indicated in that last phone call that she was 14 when he had told her, but had failed to mention under what circumstances that had happened. He hesitated because he knew that once he told her, so much would change in her life. And not for the better. Peggy had been quite upset when he had told her, at least when he had told her what he could, and she had been an adult. Sharon was still a child, and essentially, her life as a civilian, even as a child, would grind to a halt with the knowledge that he was going to give her. But then, he reasoned that he really wouldn’t have any other chance. She was going to go back home to her mother in only a couple of weeks, and she would be turning 15 in only a few months after that. With a sinking realization, he knew this had to be the time. He had to give her the letter he had written her, and face her reaction, when it was just the two of them, without Peggy nearby. And this was going to be his only chance.

Broaching the subject proved to be a lot harder than he thought it would be. Most of the summer had been about trying to keep her happy after being left behind by her mother, so purposely upsetting her or discussing difficult topics had mostly been put on the back burner. But with a firm resolve, he decided, on the third night that Peggy was gone, that he couldn’t put it off any longer. He made her favorite dinner, cheeseburgers, and sat listening patiently as she described her workout session at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, where he had been able to drop her off and pick her up without too much interaction with field personnel.

After she was finished talking about being able to get in the ring with an actual S.H.I.E.L.D. trainee and spar some, he allowed the conversation to grind to a halt for a little while, and then spoke.

“Sharon, I’m glad you’re learning these things. There’s going to come a point in your life when you’re really going to need them.”

She looked at him quizzically. He could practically hear her mentally asking the question, ‘how do you know?’

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he continued, “Sharon, you’re learning these things because you will need them. And your aunt and I, we know that you will need them. You know your aunt has worked in a top-secret agency for over half a century. I know that’s given you, and my kids, some bragging rights over the years, but the reality is far less glamorous. Every day, your aunt has to make decisions that affect how events in the world turn out, things we may never know about. And I, I’ve had to do the same.”

“You were a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent? Is that how you met Aunt Peggy?” Sharon asked in surprise.

“Something like that, but not like you think. The time has come in your life when I have to tell you a few things, and you won’t want to hear them. But it can’t be helped, you have to hear them. Some of which I have to tell you, I have not even been able to tell my own children. Some of it I couldn’t even tell your Aunt Peggy. But you, you will have to know.”

Now Sharon actually looked frightened. “Me? Why me? No offense, but we barely know each other. Why would you tell me, a kid, stuff you couldn’t tell Aunt Peggy? She’s a secret agent. I don’t think I want to know stuff Aunt Peggy doesn’t know about. I’m just a kid.”

Steve smiled, trying to dispel her nervousness. He had to tread carefully with her, or she would bolt, and as it was, he was going to have to tell her all these things, and try to convince her not to immediately repeat it all to Peggy.

“Oh, don’t worry about it now, like your aunt said, 14-year-olds aren’t sent in the combat in this country. There’s nothing you have to do or even think for a couple of years. But the stuff I have to tell you, you’re going to need a few years to get used to. So that’s why am going to tell you now, so that when the time comes, you’ll be ready to handle it.”

“Uncle Steve,” she said leaning back, as if to get up and run, “you’re not going to tell me you’re secretly some Russian spy or are you? Because I don’t think I can deal.”  
At that, Steve actually laughed. “Not to worry kiddo, nothing so nefarious. But I am going to tell you something else that I am, something you won’t believe anyway.”  
He got up slowly and walked to his bedroom, retrieving his shield, and hurrying back, half expecting that she would have run out of the house to go and hide somewhere. He was relieved to see her still sitting at the table, but her burger was forgotten. She stared at the bag in his hands, its shape not giving away what was inside. She look like she was afraid it might contain a bomb.

“What’s in that?” she asked, not quite hiding the waver in her voice.

Steve held it in his lap, and then handed it to her. She didn’t take it. He gestured to her that she should take it and open it anyway. She hesitated, then took the bag and unzipped it. Captain America’s shield, shiny and bright under the kitchen lights, came into view. Her mouth dropped open and she gaspsed. Like everyone in the Carter family, including their children, Peggy had told them stories about Captain America, the soldier she had dated in World War II, having been part of his team, as the intelligence officer of his missions, and then had lost when he had crashed his plane into the Arctic to save New York City. She had told the stories to their children, though never quite admitting that their father was the very man she had been talking about. She had told Sharon stories of Captain America as well throughout the years, usually as bedtime stories, and often as the subject of some sort of lesson or safety lecture.

As a younger child, Sharon had especially found those stories quite exciting and somewhat romantic, that her aunt had been in love with a superhero who had died heroically, leaving her to lead a fairly normal life with a normal man and have normal children, so it would seem. Ed and Lily, though they liked the stories, were less eager to hear that their mother had apparently loved someone other than their father first and didn’t always want to hear every story. Sharon always did. Now, Sharon looked down at the shield, taking a moment to put the pieces together, and Steve saw the moment when it registered in her mind. She looked up at him. He smiled. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she finally found her voice.

“You? You’re Captain America? THE Captain America?” she asked.

“I am,” said Steve with a smile “or I was.”

“Do you have the star-spangly suit too?” she asked.

“Actually I don’t, not the original,” he admitted. “And how I still have that shield is a subject for another conversation. It involved a secret trip out to a frozen bomber without your aunt knowing about it. But yes, at one time I was Steve Rogers, and when I married your aunt, I took her name to hide my identity.”

“But Captain America died in a plane crash,” she protested. “Even Aunt Peggy said so. Why would she lie?”

“That’s what we had to tell the world,” said Steve. “And why we did this is the subject of another conversation I want to have with you. I’m not telling you the truth about who I was as Captain America simply for the sake of telling you. I never even told your cousins this, and I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell them now. The time will come when they will probably know, but it’s not to be today.”

“But why?” asked Sharon. “Those days were a long time ago. Nobody would care now, would they?”

“They would,” said Steve, “but that’s not the point. Like I said, I’m not telling you I’m Captain America so you can have bragging rights or special secret knowledge. I’m telling you that as the opening to another conversation we need to have. One in which she will play a critical role.”

Before she could ask further questions, he pulled out the envelope of the first letter he had written her, signed and dated with her name on the envelope, and handed it to her. She took it and stared at it.

“I wrote that letter to you not long after you were born,” said Steve. “When I knew who you were for sure. That letter is one of five that I’ve written you, that I will give you in the next couple of years. But that one’s the thickest. And it’s going to take the longest to read. I’d appreciate it if you read it more than once, because it’s a lot to absorb. And what’s written in that letter, I’d also appreciate if you not tell your cousins, and even your Aunt Peggy. I’ve told her some of that, but she can’t know all of it. If she does, then something very terrible will happen.”

“Are you saying you know what’s going to happen in the future?” asked Sharon looking up at him, her eyes no longer youthful, but alarmingly adult. It was similar to the expression she used to give him when she was older in his past.

“Some,” he admitted, “and that letter explains how I know. I don’t know everything, it’s way too much to know, but I know some important things that will happen.”  
He took the shield back, zipped it up, and motioned for her to read the letter. Sharon didn’t open it, but instead sat staring at the creamy envelope in her hand with her name on it.

“Uncle Steve,” she said carefully, “I think maybe we should try and call Aunt Peggy. I don’t know about this.”

“I’m sorry if I scared you kiddo,” he said. “I really wish there was an easier way to do this. I debated about even telling you now, but I knew that you would be 14 when you would first hear about this, and that time is running out. Perhaps it’s better, this way, that we have this conversation when it’s just us. But I don’t want you to be afraid, and certainly not of me. I’m not saying or doing anything because I want to see you hurt. Quite the opposite actually. You’re a good kid, and I can’t tell you too much right now, but I can tell you that you’re going to be an amazing person, a warrior just like your aunt. And you’re going to save a lot of lives, that is if things go the way they’re supposed to. It’ll be years from now, and again there’s nothing you need to do or even worry about today or even this year. But you do need to read that letter. And I’ll leave you to it.”

Steve wasn’t entirely sure that she was going to read it, maybe tear it up and throw it away, though he knew her curiosity was too strong for her to do that, but certainly maybe give it to Peggy, along with the suggestion that her uncle had finally snapped and should probably be committed to the funny farm. He left the room, knowing that the less pressure of his presence would likely be enough to allow her curiosity to overcome her fear and read the letter. He replaced the shield in its hiding spot, and stayed away as long as he dared, but when he peeked back into the kitchen, he could see that she had indeed opened the envelope and was reading the letter.

His heart broke as he watched Sharon, still a child, reading the letter. Her face was a mixture of horror, disbelief, and sadness. He watched her read through the letter three times, then set it aside and drop her head into her arms on the table, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed.

“You OK, ace?” he asked, using the nickname for her he had developed when he had known her before. Her head shot up that his voice, cocking to the side at his new nickname for her, something he had never called her before.

Her eyes were still wet with tears, and her face blotchy, and now she looked at him with anger storming her face. He didn’t blame her. Nobody like to be told this sort of bad news or given this level of a terrible mission, and here she was still just a child and having to shoulder this burden. He wished he could take it away from him, but he knew this was the start of a shift in the relationship, one in which he could not spare her hardship or pain because of his love for her. He couldn’t protect her. And she was going to have to get on board with the program in order for The Plan to work.

Slowly, she stood up, struggling to control herself. She squared off with him, and he had to admit he was somewhat proud. But he really didn’t want to come to a fight over this. When she spoke, her voice was devoid of any childishness, and was alarmingly mature. “Time travel? You’re currently frozen in a block of ice in the Arctic and will be chiseled out in 12 years? I’m going to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent? There’s going to be a monster from another planet that comes and wipes out half the life in the universe? Uncle Steve, this is crazy. You must be crazy!”

His shoulders slumped sadly and he shook his head. “I wish it were that easy, Sharon. I really do. I’d give anything to avoid what’s coming. But like I said in the letter, there’s not much of a choice here. In the future, someone with the ability to look at different timelines will look at over 14 million potential variations in which this fight occurs, and in every single one of them, we lose, except one. The timeline that was numbered 616. I believe that is the one we are currently in. And in order for us to stay in it, in order for you and your cousins and billions of others to survive, there are certain actions that a team of people are going to have to take, you included, me included, to ensure that this monster, Thanos, loses. If any of us don’t do it we are supposed to, we shift into a different timeline, one in which that monster snaps his fingers and everyone who dies stays dead. That includes you.

“Does Peggy know about this?” she asked pointedly.

“Yes, some of it,” said Steve. “And over the years, there have been occasions when I have been able to prove to her that I have truly travel through time. That I spent a decade in the future and knew about events that had happened already, that would not have happened by the time I returned to her. By the way, did you get the smaller envelope that was wrapped up in the big one I gave you?”

Sharon nodded and held up the smaller envelope that he had wrapped up in his first letter in the bigger envelope. It was dated and sealed, with instructions that she not open it until September 1, 2001.

“I need you to follow instructions, and not open that letter until the date on it. Understand that I wrote that letter 14 years ago when you were born, and the information that is in it contains information about a future event, a devastating one that hasn’t happened yet. If you open that envelope on the date it says, and read the information, then 10 days later, that event will happen and you will know that I was right, but I knew about it because I had been in the future and learned about it then.”

“If you know bad things are going to happen, why not try and stop them?” she asked. Steve sighed, having already had this conversation numerous times with Peggy, but ended up repeating to Sharon everything he had ever told to Peggy about how interfering with the events of history would alter the timeline, and that allowing the death of a couple thousand was preferable than allowing the deaths of half the life in the universe. That it was a terrible decision to make, but one that had to be made. Sharon started to cry again, hiding her face in her hands and shaking her head.

“I don’t want to know this! I don’t care what you say! I’m not listening to this. This is crazy. I’m just a kid. I’m not some secret agent. I’m not a warrior. I don’t want to fight monster aliens. And I think you’re nuts! I want to go home! I want my mom! I want Aunt Peggy back now!” She dropped the papers on the table, her dinner forgotten, and ran to the guest room and slammed the door behind her. Steve let her go.

He carefully gathered up the papers, put her leftover dinner in the refrigerator and cleaned up the kitchen. He was mildly concerned that she might try to sneak out and run away, so he was extra vigilant, listening for noises and activated the security system that would alert him if any doors or windows to the outside were open. But beyond that, he let her be. He would occasionally listen at the door for any sound, and he could hear her crying a few times, but eventually the crying subsided. He could hear the faint tinkle of music being played through earphones from her MP3 player.

She stayed in her room the rest of the night and most of the morning, but eventually hunger drove her out around noon the next day, and when she came into the kitchen warily, he had already warmed up her leftover burger and poured her a tall glass of chocolate milk. She looked at him cautiously, like she half expected him to go insane and start chasing her with a butcher knife or something. Steve knew he was going to have to do a lot of careful rebuilding to regain her trust.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asked.

She didn’t answer, but instead scooped up her plate to eat her food standing up, clearly ready to run if she had to, and occasionally casting wary glances his way. 

Steve sat down, intentionally giving her the physical strategic advantage to put her at ease. He careful he ate his own lunch while pretending to care about the crossword puzzle in the newspaper.

“When is Aunt Peggy coming home?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “Soon I hope. I always worry about her when she’s gone like this, even if I know she’ll still be with me for a while yet. Chasing after the worlds miscreants is a job for the younger generation now, though.”

“I thought you guys destroyed Hydra in World War II?” she asked, subtly indicating that at least she believed he was Captain America.

“We thought so too, he said, but over the years, your aunt has gone after certain cells of criminals that had an alarming familiar footprint, that could have been Hydra offshoots. Peggy seems to think that Hydra is mostly defunct, but I can tell you, they are not.”

“She stared at him. “More information from the future?”

He didn’t look up or meet her stare. “Yes,” he answered but said nothing else.

She didn’t press for any more information, but instead finished her food and set the plate in the sink. She was about to leave the room when he held out the folded up letter and envelopes to her. She didn’t take them, but instead stared at him evenly.

“We won’t talk about this again for a while,” he said. “Not unless you want to. I know you’re going to want to tell your aunt, and I guess I can’t stop you. Just remember what I said about the timeline. She knows a lot already, but some of it she shouldn’t know. In the meantime, take these and put them away somewhere safe. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. And there’s nothing you have to do or say right now. Just keep learning.”

She took the papers and folded them in her hands, and said “Is this why Peggy wanted me to train at S.H.I.E.L.D.? She knows I’m going to be an agent someday?”

“I told her that in the future I came from that you were. But truthfully, I think she wanted you to start training at S.H.I.E.L.D. to keep you out of trouble this summer.”

He smiled, and to his relief she returned a half smile back at him. Then she turned and left to go back to her room.

000

They said little else to each other, and even Steve asking if she wanted to play video games and order another pizza failed to get her out of her room. He was disheartened at the idea that he may have permanently damaged her relationship not just with her but also with Peggy. There was no way in hell this kid was going want to come into this house again anytime soon. So they passed the next day and a half barely speaking to each other, and Steve was on edge hoping she wouldn’t run away or get into trouble.

Peggy returned on the second day after their conversation, full of relief that apparently whatever mission she had going on had been a success and the problem had been contained. Steve wanted to ask what it was, but knew she would not be able to tell him. She did, however, notice immediately that something was different between her husband and her niece. They stood apart from each other, and Sharon was back to being sullen and withdrawn. She glanced between the two of them and then back at Steve, arching her out eyebrows, clearly asking what had happened.

Steve expected Sharon to launch immediately into what his letter had said, and beg Peggy to take him to a psychiatrist or something, so he was rather surprised when, instead, she turned to walk back to the living room to fire up the video games, leaving him and Peggy to talk.

“OK, what happened?” Peggy asked him, clearly worried.

“I gave her the first letter,” said Steve.

“Oh,” so Peggy, understanding. “How did she take it?”

He gestured to the living room where a sulky Sharon was ignoring him. “About how any smart 14-year-old girl would take it,” said Steve. “Kind of hard, actually, but it could’ve been worse. She thinks I’m nuts though.”

Peggy sighed and shook her head. Steve wasn’t sure if his wife approved of him having told Sharon anything at this point, but what was done was done. He let her go about unpacking her bag and settling back in, and then watched as she went out on the porch where Sharon was lying on the wooden swing, swinging back-and-forth and watching the sun set, having given up on the games distracting her. He listened at the window as Peggy walked over, motioned Sharon up, sat down and then settled her niece back into her lap, quiet for a while as they both watch the sun go down.

“He told you,” Peggy said. It wasn’t a question.

“Did you read the letter?” Sharon asked.

“No, said Peggy, “and I don’t want to. That letter was for your eyes only. He’s told me other things. What I need to know. And maybe it’s because I’ve worked in intelligence work where compartmentalized knowledge was essential to success that I don’t really feel the urge to ask. I’m curious, of course, but I know that if I know too much, then things will go very badly in the future.”

“Do you really believe he’s travelled through time?” asked Sharon.

“Yes,” said Peggy firmly. "I really do. I’ve seen evidence of it over the years, seeing the time travel device, and other things that he’s brought with him for the future. He’s known things before they’ve happened, things that I’ve gotten angry about. And I don’t know if this helps or not, but I know he’s not crazy. Little comfort I suppose. Because if he’s not crazy, then it means some alien monster is going to come and try to kill us all.”

Sharon sat up and faced her aunt, her youthful but pretty face holding the same aura of intelligence and intent that she would later have an adult, looking into Peggy’s equally intense and intelligent face, now worn with age and beginning to go gray. Steve was suddenly struck by what these two women had meant to him throughout his life. Peggy had been the first woman he had ever truly loved, the one he counted as his soulmate, who had endured much of what he had brought over the last century, and had done so admirably when a lot of other people would have thrown in the towel. Sharon, though in his personal past, but in her future, would do much of the same. He would not be able to defeat Thanos without either one of them. And as he watched the two of them stare at each other, contemplating the situation he had put them both in, and would still do to Sharon, he was suddenly overcome with an urge to hug them both, to cry, to tell them how grateful he was for both of them but for different reasons, and to beg their forgiveness. He was also struck with sudden sadness, as he realize that Peggy’s role in this fight was slowly winding down, while Sharon’s was only getting started. And it was going to bring both of them a lot of grief.

“You really believe all this?” asked Sharon. “You know he’s Captain America?”

“I really do believe it,” answered Peggy. “And yes, I’ve always known that. But he’s never been Captain America to me. To me, he’s just Steve.”

Sharon dropped her head and her shoulders slumped. “It would be a whole lot easier if he were just crazy.”

Peggy laughed and hugged her niece. “Oh darling, I know. Believe me I know. And it’s really not as bad as all that. It just seems bad because what you’ve been told is a great shock. I had to be told several times to get over the shock. But if what he says is true, and I believe it will be, I won’t be able to help him in that final fight. That will be you. And I need to know that you can do it. There’s nothing you need to do now, but in the future, you’re going to have to do a lot of things that will be frightening. But I believe you’re strong enough, brave enough. Though I warn you, Steve can be a real pain in the ass. Try not to punch him when he pisses you off.”  
“What if I decide I don’t want to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent?” asked Sharon. “What if I want to be a photojournalist or something? Then what?”

Peggy looked away, watching the sun finally slip below the horizon. “Nobody can force you to do anything, Sharon. As always, we all have free will, and you have a choice. And it could be, that you end up making all the choices he wants you to make, but one of the others of that team, the Avengers he calls them, decides to make a choice that alters everything and sends us all into a different timeline. Right now, he only has the advantage of your choices. But we don’t know that any of the others are somehow altering the timeline by not doing what they were supposed to. Honestly, a person can go crazy thinking too much about this. So I don’t want you to think too much about it now. Let me and your uncle worry about the logistics of setting everybody on the right path. I’ve already identified some of the ones who will be on this Avenger team, and I’m keeping an eye on them. So far they are doing exactly what Steve says they will. If you choose to make a different choice, to lead us on a different timeline, that will always be your choice, I just want you to think about it before you make any hasty decisions.”

Sharon nodded, and murmured “My uncle is Captain freaking America.” Peggy chuckled, but then they went back to watching the sky turn indigo, and then dark. It was several hours before they came back inside.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sharon left the following week to go home to Amanda, and Steve half-expected an angry phone call from her mother demanding to know what the hell they had told her daughter about some whackadoodle stories about time travel and alien monster battles that had her so upset. But that call never came. Sharon had clearly decided not to fill her mother in on any of this, which Steve took as a good sign. Peggy occasionally talked to them on the phone, but for the most part, they did not see much of Sharon in the months that followed, except at holidays when the whole family got together, and Sharon spent the entire time avoiding him. He tried to pretend it didn’t hurt, but he understood.

Then, September 1, 2001 rolled around, not long after Sharon turned 15. Steve spent the entire day on the porch trying to draw a color version pencil drawing of his street, but found it difficult to concentrate. Today was supposed to be the day that Sharon would open the other envelope, the one in which she outlined the events of 9/11, the exact times in which the planes would hit the building, the exact death toll, the words that world leaders would say, and the events that would follow. He wanted so badly to call and ask if she had open the envelope, or have Peggy call and ask, and it took every ounce of willpower he had to not reach out and try and contact Sharon. He knew that, and Sharon’s case, the best thing to do was to let her go on her own.

Three days later, he got an email from her. Thankfully, the Internet was a thing now, and one of the first things he had done was sign up for an email account, and would occasionally swing by Sharon‘s MySpace page to see what she was up to. Facebook was starting to become a thing, but Sharon hadn’t adopted it yet. And although Steve had been careful not to alter world events by interfering with them, he had on occasion been able to convince Peggy to invest in things like Microsoft and Apple in the early days, and was planning to talk to her about investing in Facebook when it became public, knowing the powerhouse it would become, and knowing that the money they would make from these ventures would allow him to keep Peggy comfortable in the nursing home when the time came. Sharon’s email to him was short but succinct. She had read the letter, and thought it was absolutely nuts. And she thought he should call the police if he thought this was really going to happen.

He responded that speaking about this over email was not very wise, but once again, he was not going to alter the events of history. And though it was going to be terrible, he was not going to do anything to interfere. She did not respond to his email.

He wondered if she had told Peggy about any of it in the days that followed, because there was plenty that S.H.I.E.L.D. could actually do to prevent 9/11 from happening. But on that terrible morning, when the events began to play out, and Peggy sent a worried text to him asking if this was one of the things he knew about, to which he replied yes, he knew that Sharon had said nothing. That gave him some hope that she might be able to follow The Plan after all. He kept the television tuned to the news all day, crying as he watched the terrible events unfold. The panic and the anger and the worry, the people on the news wondering if anything could have been done to stop it. Steve knew he could have stopped it. And he never hated himself more in the past then he did on that morning.

Unable to take it any longer, he turned off the television and went back out onto the porch, thinking about finishing his picture of the street, but finding he could do nothing but stare off into the distance. Around 1 PM, he heard a familiar sound coming up the street. It was the motorized scooter that he had gotten for Sharon over the past summer so that she could get to and from the library or park from their house without needing a ride. The thing only went about 20 miles an hour, and looked like a beefed up Razor scooter with all terrain wheels, suspension, and a seat. Basically it was a small powered motorcycle, and Sharon had been thrilled to get it, since her mother had no intention of letting her drive a car anytime soon. Apparently she had been using it to ride to and from school every day, so Steve was rather surprised to see it coming up the street, Sharon bent over the steering bars, her loose blonde hair that stuck out from under the helmet waving in the breeze. They lived at least 12 miles away. Had she ridden the thing all the way here from school? And school didn’t get out for another hour, had she just left the school grounds? Once they noticed she was gone, she’d be in big trouble.

Steve watched as she slipped up the driveway, killed the engine and rolled to a stop in the front yard. She let the vehicle drop to the ground, then took off her helmet and dropped it to the ground as well. She stood with her feet slightly shoulder width apart, her head lowered and her fists clenched. She stared at him angrily. Yes, he supposed to she had every reason to be furious with him.

He cleared his throat. “Hey, ace, I was wondering if I’d hear from you today.”

She stormed across the yard and up the steps and stood in front of him. “You just let it happen? Just like that?”

Casting aside his attempts at being the caring uncle, he allowed himself to assume Captain America mode, slowly stood up and locked eyes with her.

“Yes I did,” he said evenly.” And don’t think for a second that it was an easy decision. A lot of people died today, but it’s nothing compared to the number of people who will die in 2018.”

“There were children on those planes!” she yelled.

“Yes there were,” he said, “and there will be children who disappear when Thanos snaps his fingers. Including your cousins’ kids. Your cousins. You. Do you think I enjoyed watching them die? Do you think for a second that I didn’t think about picking up that phone and calling someone who could’ve stopped it? Tell your aunt so that S.H.I.E.L.D. could do something? I think about doing that every day. But for 50 years I have had to watch presidents die at assassin’s bullets, innocent people die in bombings, wars, including the one that took your father. I’ve had to watch friends die when I could have stopped it. It was no easier watching my comrades die in World War II. Sharon, I wish I could save everybody. But I can’t. And someday, you’ll be faced with an equally important decision. One that will hurt you personally, but in the end will save lives. I’m the adult here, you’re the kid. I’m making the choices now so you don’t have to.”

Her face was terrible, angry, hurt. She clenched her fist tighter, and he knew she wanted to lash out, but was struggling for control. For two very tense minutes, they glared at each other, no longer uncle and niece, but briefly, for those 120 seconds, equals. Partners. Then her face crumpled and her form relaxed and she slumped. She began to cry. Before he could reconsider, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close. She grabbed his jacket tightly with both hands and cried into his shoulder. He let her. He forced himself not to think about the last time he had held her like this, when she was an adult, knowing now that the situations had not been too different. She had been hurting and he had not known it back then, not how much she had been hurting. And more hurt will still to come.

“I’d give anything to spare you all this, kiddo,” he said. “But I can’t. I can only tell you, that if everything goes according to The Plan, then we’re going to at least survive this.”

She let him hold her for a few more seconds before pulling away. She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

“This sucks,” she whispered.

“Yeah, it really does,” he agreed. “And it’s going to suck worse before it’s all over. But it won’t be all bad. That I can tell you.”

She only shrugged but didn’t answer.

“Now come on,” he said. “Let’s eat some chocolate ice cream, and then I’ll bring you home. I think the scooter will fit in the trunk. I suppose right about now your school principal is calling your mother wanting to know why your butt isn’t in science class.”

“I am so grounded,” she groaned. “Think you can get me out of it?”

“Doubtful,” he said with a hand on her shoulder leading her into the kitchen. He wasn’t sure he had enough chocolate ice cream for this.

000

The years that followed saw a shift in his relationship with both Sharon and Peggy. Knowing that he had known about 9/11 and had not been able to do anything had truly hurt Peggy, but this time she did not yell at him or fuss at him for his decision. She understood it, but she was far from at peace with it. For Sharon’s sake, she put on a brave face, for the two of them were texting and emailing more regularly as well. But something changed between Steve and Peggy, not exactly driving a wedge between them, but there was a noticeable emotional void that they seemed not to be able to cross. It was made worse by the fact that Peggy’s condition began to deteriorate more rapidly.

Steve tried to ignore it at first, the way she would occasionally leave the coffee pot on, or forget about the toaster or the oven. He always made sure to come behind her and make sure nothing dangerous had been left on. Misplacing her keys or her glasses or her insurance cards were things that happened to a lot of older people, but when she began misplacing work files, Nick Fury finally pulled the plug and Peggy retired permanently from S.H.I.E.L.D. Then she began mixing up names. Forgetting what year it was.

Sharon noticed it too, and emailed Steve about her worry. She asked him if he knew anything about Peggy’s condition, and he replied that yes, he did, but that she was not to worry, he was keeping a close eye on her, and intended to bring her to a neurologist as soon as possible. Sharon seemed to except this.

Even though Peggy was out of S.H.I.E.L.D., Nick Fury had continued to allow Sharon to work out with the cadets, the consequence of which that by the time Sharon graduated high school and prepared to enter S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, she was already fairly well known around the campus, though careful effort had been taken to keep a relationship to Peggy a secret. Steve had explained to her that it worked in Sharon’s favor tonight at not mention her relationship to Peggy, and so this was the course they took. 

They attended Sharon‘s high school graduation with Amanda, and cheered wildly when Sharon walked across the stage to accept her diploma, but Steve was surprised to find himself tamping down a small pang of jealousy when Sharon introduced them to her boyfriend, Brad. Brad was a good looking young kid, though he seemed a little spacey to Steve, and when he gave Sharon a quick kiss in one of the pictures, Steve felt himself gritting his teeth. Peggy, of course, was thrilled, and in a discussion about the young couple in the car on the way home, admitted to Steve that she had taken Sharon to Planned Parenthood for birth control not long ago, confirming to Steve that the kid was the one Sharon lost her virginity to. He tried like hell not to let that bother him, telling himself that he was simply protective of his niece in the same way he had been over a Lily, and to a certain extent Ed. But he knew deep down he was only fooling himself. He also knew he had no right to have any kind of romantic claim on Sharon. She was only 18, and he was over 100, he was married with grown children, and she was just starting her life as an adult. Though they had been involved in his past and her future, those days were over for him and not yet here for her. And they would end, necessarily, as part of the timeline. He had no right to feel any kind of claim on her other than the fact that he was her uncle. And that was that.

But he had to be honest, he was not too upset to learn a few months later that she and Brad had parted ways when Brad went to a university in New York, and Sharon remained behind in Virginia to enter S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, while also taking concurrent classes at the nearby university in criminology. He gave Sharon the second letter he had written to her, the one he intended for the day she entered S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy. It was mostly an encouraging letter, telling her that both he and Peggy were proud of her, and to stay focused and remember the final plan, while not telling anyone else what she knew. He warned her that there were certain criminal elements in S.H.I.E.L.D., including the Academy, without going into detail about Hydra, and warned her to be careful who she trusted and what she said to others.  
He outlined the various courses she should take and the particular agent trak in their curriculum that she should pursue. To his relief, she followed his instructions to the letter, and he suspected it had a lot to do with the fact that he had not dropped a whole lot of horrible information on her as he had in the first letter, nor was there any warning about some other terrible events and loss of life about to happen. At least not in that particular letter.

Sharon graduated from S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy the same year her mother returned to missionary work full-time, first in South America, then later in southeast Asia, and Africa after that. It was where she was happiest, and although she was not happy at her daughter following Peggy into the intelligence world, she understood that trying to keep Sharon from that was fighting the inevitable. Peggy bought Sharon her first thigh holster, as a congratulations present when she was given her first assignment. As with other new agents, Sharon had to work her way up through the ranks, and thankfully, despite her initial insistence that she would never be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, seemed to truly enjoy the work and excelled at it. Just a Steve knew she would.

Peggy was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2008, prompting Steve to call his grown children back for a family conference. Peggy was beginning to deteriorate more rapidly, and they could no longer deny that Steve was not equipped to care for her. With much agony and quite a few tears, the decision was made to move Peggy into assisted living in the dementia ward. While Sharon pursued her career for S.H.I.E.L.D. in under cover assignments for which they hardly heard from her for months on time, Steve busied himself by visiting Peggy every single day, and trying his best to keep her focused and with them as much as possible. He carefully chose the pictures that would be kept in her room, with only one of him that could be easily hidden when his younger self would visit in the years to come. Depending on what year she thought it was on any given day, he would play music for her on his tablet, and they would watch TV shows and movies from that era.

But on those days when he returned to an empty house, his wife and children no longer there, and only emails from them and Sharon to look forward to, he found his life was incredibly lonely. He spent most evenings in his easy chair watching TV, drawing or painting, and occasionally visiting the VA to chat with other veterans. He supposed to this was a precursor to how his life would be after the Decimation, when everybody was gone, and he would have to wait five years for them to return. He carefully monitored the other Avengers, following Tony Stark’s escapades, which included relief at the evidence that Tony had created the Iron Man suit, and events as he knew them begin to unfold. When Colonel Rhodes was named War Machine, he breathed another sigh of relief, and yet another sigh of relief at the knowledge that Natasha Romanoff had been brought on board to S.H.I.E.L.D. by Clint Barton, confirmed by Sharon who made an effort to befriend the two agents, especially Natasha. Steve had given her another letter, outlining the Hydra takeover of S.H.I.E.L.D., and the date at which his younger self would be found in the ice. Figuring that it was best to keep her warned about Hydra growing within S.H.I.E.L.D. so that she could protect herself, Sharon acknowledged his warning and took the proper steps.

Steve supposed he should be grateful that things were speeding up now, and everything seemed to be on track. But he still felt a sense of impending dread. He knew the worst was yet to come.

000

He was waiting on the front porch the day after his younger self was found in the ice, knowing Sharon would come. Sure enough, she pulled up in the driveway, now driving a black sedan instead of the scooter he had given her, marveling that it had been over 10 years since that day when she had come barreling into the yard, full of righteous anger, and then wearily accepting the mission he had laid out for her before she was born.

She walked up the pathway and up the porch with the calm and sure grace of the highly trained agent she now was. She was definitely no longer a child, but a grown woman, and Steve ironically found himself missing the younger Sharon he had come to know and love on a different level. She slid into the rocking chair next to his, and said nothing for a while.

“So they found me?” he asked, not looking up from the woodpecker he was sketching perched on a nearby tree.

“You know they did,” she replied. “He’s, you’re, in the New York facility. Still out cold.”

“I won’t wake up for about three more days,” he said. “Poor Nat, they’re going to make her dress up as a 1940s nurse. That’s not going to go over well. Try not to give her too much hell about it.”

Sharon laughed. “Well, she did send me a picture. She doesn’t know about my relationship to Peggy, but she couldn’t resist. They’re going to probably announce finding you later today or tomorrow. You were kind of cute when you were younger.”

Steve laughed. “Well thankfully your aunt thought so.”

“And now you’re a wrinkled old geezer who, seems like every time I see you, has some sort of knew hell to tell me. So what should I brace myself for this time?” she said not unkindly.

“Hey now,” he said in mock offense. “I still have a few years left in me. But in answer to your question, nothing at the moment. Let Fury and Romanoff handle younger me for now. You won’t be needed for another year or so. Then, Fury will call you in to his office and ask you to volunteer for watchdog duty on me when I move back to DC. You are to take it.”

“Watch dog duty!?” she exclaimed. “That’s a demotion. That’s grunt work. That’s the job they give newbie agents or cadets who have pissed off Maria Hill. Why would I take that?”

“Well for one, it’s your uncle, so it’s sort of your responsibility,” he said. “Second, it positions you to where you need to be when it all finally starts hitting the fan. Third, it’s because that is how I come to know you. And that is crucial. It’s part of the timeline. You won’t need to do much, I’m capable of taking care of myself, but I’m going to have to learn to trust you. That’s going to be important in the future. And I think it goes without saying when I tell you that you can’t breathe a word of this to my younger self. I won’t realize most of this until much later.”

“God, this is weird,” said Sharon, “talking about you like you’re a separate person. It’s almost easier to believe the man in the picture I saw was your clone or your son or something.”

“If that’s how you need to think about it to make this easier, then by all means do so,” he said. “In fact, thinking of him as a clone and not actually me might make it easier some of what you’ll have to do in the future. And I’m sorry in advance, but I’m going to piss you off plenty. When I was younger, I sort of had my head up my ass.”

Sharon laughed. “Well, your last memory was of 1945 and a different time and era. I imagine you’re going to have to do some adjusting.”

“You have no idea,” Steve grumbled, not relishing the memory of how rocky his transition to the 21st-century had been. “You’re going to have to exercise a lot of patience. I advise visiting the gym often and punching on a punching bag.”

“You make it sound like you were a real asshole,” said Sharon.

“I don’t know about that,” he said, “but definitely frustrating. And on the subject of frustration, I have this to give you.”

She flinched when he pulled out another cream colored envelope and handed it to her.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Another one!?” she exclaimed.

“Come on, Ace, watch your language,” he chided gently. “Take it, it’s not a bomb.”

“The first one certainly might as well have been,” she grumbled, but took the envelope anyway. “Should I read it now or on a specific date?”

“Just read it in the next two weeks, but it doesn’t have to be now. And I’m afraid it’s not good news. There’s going to be an alien invasion, and it’s not Thanos.”

She had already started opening the envelope, but she turned to look at him in shock.

“I thought Thanos invasion was the big event? You didn’t say anything about a second alien invasion. And I’m I going to have to fight in this one?”

“The aliens who will invade will be an army known as the Cthuthari, and they will be led by another alien by the name of Loki. His brother will come to assist the Avengers and the fight, and it will be the Avengers who handle it. But that invasion will mark the beginning of the downward spiral to Thanos. He is already looking for the Infinity stones, and this invasion will be part of that. When he comes again, the same army will be behind him. What the Avengers learn in this fight will be what we used to fight Thanos the final time. S.H.I.E.L.D. will assist, but not interfere. And you’re going to sit this one out.”

“OK, said Sharon, skimming the letter, and then reading it more carefully. She frowned. In the letter, he had listed the exact date of the Hydra takeover of S.H.I.E.L.D., the situation regarding Ultron, and the eventual split between the Avengers which would follow the Sokovia Accords. He didn’t go any further than that, figuring the rest of it would come later. He also listed on the back of that letter the exact dates and times that his younger self would visit Peggy, for which any evidence of older Steve would have to be removed from her room, and Peggy would have to be allowed to be confused by his visits. 

“I’m not cool with him, you, upsetting Peggy,” she said. “She’s getting worse. I’ve visited her yesterday, and she thought I was my mother.”

Steve reached over and squeezed her hand. “I know, kiddo, it’s hard. But it has to be done.”

She pulled her hand away and huffed. “I’m getting real sick of that phrase, ‘it has to be done.’ You better be right about this. I am shaping my entire adult life based on my crazy uncle’s ramblings about time travel and aliens. Maybe I need to be in the room next to Peggy.”

“Oh, don’t worry, my dear. I’ve already considered that for myself. And we haven’t discussed something else, and that is how much to tell your cousins. It’s going to become common knowledge in the next 10 years that Captain America is back. And that his name is Steve. Who once dated their mother. I honestly don’t know which way to go with this. I have no prior knowledge of this, because I never talked to them when I was younger. This is all on you. How much should we tell them?"

Sharon leaned back in her rocker and looked down the street towards the place where the sun usually set. “I honestly don’t know, Uncle Steve. A lot of that depends on how much they already know or suspect. I would say that, for now, don’t mention anything unless they ask. I mean, you don’t look exactly alike, but you look similar enough to where if they paid close attention, they figure it out. And there’s a lot about a person that isn’t immediately apparent, like the way they stand and the way they say certain words, and phrases that they use. I’m going to guess that a lot of that didn’t change in you over the years, that your younger self will say and do things that we’ve all become used to older you doing. And at some point we’re going to have to tell them something, when you think about it.”

“Such as?” he asked.

“The Decimation,” she said easily. “You’ve mentioned wanting to have all of us in one place when that happens. You know the exact date and time. That means that we’re going to have to get Lily here from California and convince Ed to bring his entire family over here at that exact date and time. I would suggest having us all in the upstairs guest room, maybe even lying down on cots or something, and have us turn to dust in there. Then you can seal up the room for five years, and if all goes well, and we all come back, we are in a safe spot that you control. You’ve mentioned that before. How are we going to convince them to do any of that without telling them some version of the truth?”

Steve knew she was right. “Well I’ve written them some letters, similar to the ones I wrote you, I guess I’ll just have to figure out when to give them to them.”

“Depending on what they say, I’d suggest the day of,” said Sharon. “We don’t want to give them time to consider putting you in the room next to Peggy.”

“Peggy won’t be there when this happens,” said Steve quietly. Sharon looked at him in shock, and then understanding. She said nothing.

Steve was quiet for a second and then said, “August 15, 2016. That’s when she’ll go.”

Sharon just nodded. They were quiet for a long time, and Steve found he preferred it that way.

000

The world took the knowledge that Captain America was alive and nearly 100 years old, but looking no older than 35, quite well all things considered. His introduction to the world via carefully controlled press conferences, interviews, and articles, were met with both awestruck disbelief and delight. Both Ed and Lily called him, taking time from their busy schedules and their children, his grandchildren whom he barely knew, to ask him what he thought about it. He carefully probed them with questions to see if they had figured anything out, but ended each conversation convinced that his grown children and grandchildren were none the wiser, that the handsome young man in his flashy suit was some other man, and not their father. He was actually surprised, and a little hurt in a way. Did they know him so little that they didn’t recognize him?

Sharon was less surprised. After all, she had taken several psychology classes that explained most of the phenomenon, claiming that if Ed and Lily were not looking to see their father in younger Captain America, then why would they question it? People saw what they wanted to see. Steve accepted her explanation, but it still stung a bit.

The alien invasion of New York and the firm handling of it by the Avengers was a spectacular thing in deed to watch, and Sharon emailed him not long after to say that she had accepted the watchdog position in DC and had even talked to younger him several times. He remembered. He didn’t tell her how his younger self had found her enchanting, pretty and friendly, and he certainly didn’t tell her that she was filling a role in some of his more guilty fantasies on most of those nights.

The Hydra takedown of S.H.I.E.L.D. and encountering the Winter Soldier happened according to schedule, as did the situation with Ultron. Steve never thought he would be relieved to see these events come to pass once more on the dates they were supposed to. He knew that each significant date as it passed, and every potential discrepancy in the timeline, was causing him to begin to lose sleep.

He visited Peggy the day before her death, and spent as much time with her as he could. Sharon came by as well, saying her final goodbyes with tears, as Peggy slept through most of the day. She hugged Steve and went back to her work, which was now at the CIA, now that S.H.I.E.L.D. was gone. Or was in the process of reforming, as Steve now understood that Phil Coulson had lived and was now the new director of the reformed S.H.I.E.L.D. Sharon briefly thought about going to join up with them, but Steve pointed out that that was not part of The Plan. So she begrudgingly acquiesced to going to work at the CIA, though she grumbled about it constantly, about his lack of efficiency, bureaucracy, and all-around dullness as a place to work. Steve tried not to be amused by the fact that his spy niece found work at the CIA dull.

Peggy died that evening, with Steve holding one hand and Sharon holding the other. They both cried hard at her passing, but just before she went, she regained consciousness alone to tell them both that she loved them, and to tell Lily and Edwin and her grandchildren how much she loved them as well. Then she had looked at Sharon, then Steve, and joined their hands with her own.

“Thanos...” she whispered, “kick his ass. Don’t let him win. And you both find some way to be happy after. This fight has defined you both for so long. Remember who you are without it.”

Then she had closed her eyes and not opened them again. After the initial shock had passed and they had done their initial crying, texting of the rest of the family, and Sharon texting younger Steve, he pulled Sharon aside.

He handed her the last envelope, and she looked angry enough to where he was actually afraid she might not take it.

“Seriously? You want to give me that now?” she stormed.

“It’s the last one, I promise,” he said. “And it has to be now. After her funeral, things will speed up. I explain everything in that letter, and if you need to talk about it, wait till after the funeral.”

“He’s going to want to come,” she said. “I mean you. Aren’t you?”

“Yes, I will,” he said.

“And you’re going to do what? Avoid the funeral?” she asked.

“No,” he said. “She was my wife. I intend to be there.”

Now Sharon looked alarmed. “Steve, that’s not a good idea. The both of you in the same room? What if he recognizes you?”

“I won’t,” he said simply. “At this point, I assume that the father of Peggy’s children is dead. I won’t even be looking. I won’t register anyone sitting with the family. In fact, the only one I’ll be looking at is you. That’s where I’ll find out that you’re her niece. I’ll be so distracted by that, I won’t notice anything else. And if you’re worried about some sort of time paradox happening by having both of us in the same room, nothing happened the first time around I did this, so I think will be OK.”  
She put her hands on her hips. “You were kind of an ass to me before, are you going to be an ass to me again?”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Steve said sheepishly. “And no, I won’t. In fact, you better read that letter before the funeral. Certain things happen that you need to be aware of.”

She tore open the letter, and Steve guided her out into the hall and into a chair as the coroner arrived to remove Peggy’s body, and Sharon read the letter. As the officials prepared the paperwork for Steve to sign, he glanced periodically over at Sharon who was sitting stone still, her face drained of color, white as a sheet. She put her hand to her mouth, her eyes wide and her head shook slowly.

He knew she had gotten to the point in the letter where he described, after she would go on the run from the CIA for returning his gear to him, how she would be required to kiss him under a bridge, and then, when he came to the Amsterdam safe house that she would give him coordinates for, that the relationship would turn sexual. She let the papers drop to her lap, and her head raised slowly, her eyes seeking his. He said nothing, simply looking her in the eyes, giving her what he hoped was encouraging confirmation. But he found he was worried that he couldn’t read her expression. She had gotten really good at the spy stuff. She looked away first, resting her head on her hand and looking down the hall. He supposed the staff simply assumed that she was in shock over the death of her aunt, but he knew that was not it.

Ironically, that final letter had been the one he had been dreading the most giving her, not the first one that outlined everything, not the one that warned her about the New York invasion, or Ultron, or Hydra rising again, but this one. The one that would forever change the relationship. The one from which neither one could walk away from, or escape.

Steve walked over to her and told her that he was going to have to begin the process of arranging the funeral in England, as well as calling the rest of the family, and that all of this was going to happen within the next three days. She stood up and stared at him.

“You know what you’re asking me to do?” she said.

“I do,” he said. “I’ve told you before, this was not going to be easy for you, and I was going to ask you to do things for which you would not forgive me. This is it.”

“And if I don’t?” she asked. “Does it alter the timeline that much?”

“Yes,” he replied, “because without it, without our relationship heating up, and then you pushing me away, causing me to rebound, I won’t go back to Peggy, and none of this will happen in this timeline.”

Her face turned to stone. “Damn you. Damn you to hell, Steve. I can’t believe this. I thought only up to now it’s been nuts, but this is some Jerry Springer shit right here.”

Steve knew better than to chide her on her language. She was not a child anymore. “You have every right to hate me,” he said. “I know better than to ask for your forgiveness. And I know it’s going to hurt you. I wish I could spare you. But I can’t. If it helps, I don’t think it’s going to be that bad for you. In fact, I distinctly remember you enjoying it quite a bit.”

She looked away, trying to stifle a disbelieving laugh. “Oh Jesus Christ,” she started. “I don’t think I want to hear this.”

“I promise it’s not going to be that bad. And we can’t really dwell on it right now. I have to deal with your aunt. And you need to get in position. Anything you don’t want to leave in Germany needs to come home in the next 48 hours. You’re going to be on the run in four days. Best prepare for that.”

She glared at him. “I’m trying really hard not to hate you right now.”

“I know, kiddo. You have every right. I just hope someday you forgive me. I don’t know that I’ll ever forgive myself.”

She didn’t answer, but instead brushed past him, flying down the hall. Steve forced himself not to cry a second time that night. It wasn’t until several hours later that he realized what had been so different about their conversation, aside from the content of it. Something had shifted slightly. And he realized later what it was. She had not called him uncle, only Steve.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

If burying Peggy the first time had been hard, the second time was hell. He sat in the church on the other side of his grown children and grandchildren, forcing back the sobs that wanted to tear from his throat, trying not to look at his younger self attempting to be stoic in the seat across the aisle. It was beyond weird. Peggy had been his wife, his love, his soulmate and partner. He had known he would outlive her, but he felt like a significant part of his life had just ground to a halt. Only the knowledge that he still had to deliver The Plan, to save his family and bring about the defeat of Thanos, was the only thing keeping him from curling up on his wife’s grave and waiting to join her in the afterlife.

He watched Sharon deliver her eulogy, and then leave with the younger version of himself, deftly keeping his younger self from seeing him or looking too closely. He spent the rest of the afternoon with his family, talking to his children and grandchildren, with Lily remarking how Sharon seemed to know Captain America.

“They both were at S.H.I.E.L.D.,” said Ed, “I guess that’s where they met.”

“Can she get me his autograph?” piped up one of the younger grandsons. Steve tried not to let that both hurt and amuse at the same time.

Talk shifted from Sharon and Captain America to what would become of their father when they got back to America. Ed wanted him to move into assisted living, so he wouldn’t be by himself, and Steve said that he agreed with that plan, but not just yet. He needed time to process, he told his son. By the time everyone left to go back home, they had laid out tentative plans for Ed and his family to move into the family home, and for Steve to move into a nearby VA retirement community within the coming year or two. Lily bounced around the idea of moving back to the East Coast, but her family seemed happy in California and so little more was hesitant about it.

After a few days, they returned to their homes, and Steve was once again on the porch, waiting for Sharon. It was the day after the battle at the airport, when Captain America‘s side was now firmly on the run, as was Sharon. Knowing in advance what was coming had allowed her to have plans in place to be out of Europe and back in America before the CIA even realized what she had done. Instead of driving up the street, she walked. She had apparently taken an Uber, and had changed her appearance quite significantly, dying her blonde hair black, cutting it short, and wearing a bulky sweater that hid her figure.

After carefully assessing that no one was on the property looking for her, she approached Steve cautiously and slid into the seat next to him, as she had done several times before.

Steve tried not to smile, but didn’t look at her as he asked, “So, was a terribly hard and horrible?”

She gave him a dirty look, and then replied “If you are referring to the lip tango under the bridge, no it really wasn’t.”

“Well yeah, that one was going to be easy. It’s what’s going to come in the future that might be more difficult for you,” he said.

“Well,” she said, “I’m trying to keep it in perspective. The man I kissed under the bridge is not currently married to my aunt and not anyone’s father. Not yet. I won’t pretend it’s not confusing, it’s like I’m doing everything backwards, and this is already ancient history to you.”

“If there’s a precedence for our situation,” Steve agreed, “I’d love to hear it.”

Sharon was silent for a long time. Then she said, “How easy was it for you to forget about me and go back in time?”

Steve hung his head. He had been so wrapped up in his desire to get back to Peggy, reeling from the effects of the Decimation and those he had lost, that he had obsessively fixated on the one time in his life with the one person that he had felt he had truly belonged. Over the years, he had come to question that mentality, though not necessarily his decision for it had resulted in his wife and family, but he understood now that he had been suffering from posttraumatic trauma, and maybe had not been thinking clearly when he had made the decision. He hated to admit it, but at the time, he had hardly thought of Sharon at all when he stepped on that platform. He had not thought of his friends. And he hated himself for that.

“Not as easy as you would think, though I won’t lie, and the moment of, I was fixated only on one point in the past,” he said, trying to soften the sting of his admission. “I don’t know that I was in the right mind, but the fact that my relationships with the Avengers and you weren’t enough to hold me back might indicate that I was in some sort of unstable frame of mind. But I can tell you, I thought about you a lot over the years. And after you were born, I wasn’t sure how I would feel towards you. I had to work pretty hard to clarify everything in my mind.”

“And have you?” she asked quietly.

“I hope so,” he said, “because the last thing I need to lose now is you. With your aunt gone, now you are quite literally the only person on the planet I can talk to about any of this. You’re the only one who even comes close to understanding. Most of the time I’ve been able to forget in the grind of daily living, but when things happen, like the invasion, Ultron, and I’m forced to remember that I am always on a mission, one that won’t end for several years, it gets really lonely to bear that burden alone.”

“So you laid it on the shoulders of a 14-year-old kid?” she said.

“You don’t need to suggest I’m a bastard, Sharon,” he said, “I already know. Everything you’re thinking about me, I assure you I’ve already thought myself, several times. I’ve been a selfish bastard for over a century, and even telling myself it’s about saving half the life in the universe doesn’t always justify what I’ve done. I just don’t want you to pay for it.”

To his surprise, she reached out and grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I should hate you, and I don’t know why I don’t,” she said. “You’ve really got me in a bind here. It’s defined my whole life, and it’s not what I would’ve chosen for myself. And yet somehow, I don’t hate you for it. I’m irritated, don’t get me wrong, but, I don’t know.”

“You don’t hate me yet, ace,” he said. “But I promise you, you probably will. And soon. I just hope that you remember that I love you, and I know I’ve never said it much. I’ve always loved you, though how I’ve loved you has changed over time and throughout stages in my life. But it’s never faltered. And I hope one day you can be happy with your life despite the mess I’m going to make of it.”

000

Sharon seemed steadfast in her resolve when she left the porch that afternoon to return to the Amsterdam safe house, where she would wait for younger him to arrive with his teammates that he would bust out of the Raft. She avoided contact with him, especially when the CIA came poking around wanting to know if he had heard from her. She had advised him to be truthful, and he admitted that she had stopped by for a quick chat, before he had known that she was wanted by the authorities. No, he did not know where she was, and yes, he would tell them if he did. They watched him and Ed and Lily for two months, before finally deciding that Sharon was not going to contact them and giving up the surveillance. Using what knowledge he had gained from a lifetime of living around people who were intelligence officers, Peggy, Sharon, and Nat, he searched his house for the bugs he knew was there, and destroyed them. They were not replaced.

He kept track in his mind of the dates, knowing what date his younger self had arrived at the safe house, the date from which they would occasionally go out on shadow missions, sometimes bringing Sharon with them, sometimes not. And then, the day came and went when he knew the night before they had gone to bed together. He half expected to hear from Sharon in some way, but was not surprised when he didn’t. Then he remembered a few days after their first encounter, they had parted ways as he and the team had gone on a mission, invited Sharon to go, and inexplicably she had declined, saying that there was something she had to handle first and would be back in a few days.

On those days, he waited for her on the porch, and on the third day, she arrived. He was a little worried, for she looked like herself again, and had not done much to disguise her appearance, and he worried that it would trigger facial recognition devices that would bring the CIA down on them. But he supposed that she knew what she was doing. She arrived on a motorcycle he recognized as a S.H.I.E.L.D. hover cycle, one that had a distance range that would allow her to fly, cloaked, a fairly sizable distance. She rode up to the house, parked and then walked up to the porch, but this time did not sit down.

She simply stood there, staring at him, her eyes sad and somewhat lost. Steve felt his heart lurch as he now understood. Sharon was a professional, able to compartmentalize, separate herself from the job. But in this case, she had not been able to do so. She was falling for the younger version of himself, and their night together had only made that worse. And despite it, she knew she was still going to have to let him go. That it was only fleeting and temporary, and that the two of them were the only ones who knew it.

He said nothing, but stood up, and held out his arms to her. She flew into them, bravely choking back her sobs, but not able to keep her shoulders from shaking. He hugged her tighter than he ever had in her life up to that point, feeling the tears squeeze out of his own eyes. He held her as long as she needed, and then she attempted to lighten the situation.

“You were right, it wasn’t that bad,” she said. “You need to work on your skills, though.”

To his own surprise, Steve burst out laughing in a laugh he hadn’t had in a long time. Shocked, Sharon started to laugh with him. They were both in hysterics, unable to stop themselves from laughing. It was one of those fits of laughter where, if you tried to stop yourself, you only laughed harder. The sheer absurdity of their situation, the agony, the attempts to keep controlling on their emotions in order to complete their mission, it threatened to overwhelm them both. He hugged her again, stroking her hair, still laughing.

They managed to get themselves inside, to the kitchen, where they both collapsed at the table, still laughing.

“Well,” Steve managed to choke out, trying to swallow another fit of giggles, “you’ll get a few more chances to try to show me the ropes.”

“Him,” she corrected. “I don’t think of you as the same person in the moment. It makes it easier. Just him. I couldn’t do it otherwise.  
”  
“Him, then,” he agreed. “And unfortunately I’m out of ice cream, but I know for a fact there’s a bottle of Fireball whiskey in the cabinet. Maybe we should get into that.”  
“Good idea,” she agreed, getting up to retrieve the bottle. “But I thought you couldn’t get drunk?”

“The serum stopped working decades ago,” he confessed.” Most of my old ailments have come back and my metabolism has slowed down to normal. Having to do breathing treatments for asthma twice a week now. It sucks.”

She stayed overnight, mostly because she was too inebriated to drive, and he was too inebriated to bring her anywhere. In a somewhat hazy fog, he asked her if she was worried about the CIA figuring out she was here, to which she somewhat slurred her response, that they were not actively looking for her at the moment, they had bigger fish to fry. They fell asleep, him in his easy chair, her on the couch, binge watching some reality show in which blacksmiths competed against each other to craft knives out of pieces of junk and tools.

She left the next morning, and he didn’t hear much from her in the months that followed. He remembered each exact date in which they had slept together, knowing that most nights they shared a bed anyway, and remembered the dates in which Sharon had picked fights and pulled away from him, then they would end up making up and reconnecting. She didn’t come for Christmas that year or the year following, and Ed and Lily worried about her, asking Steve if they had heard from her. He could answer truthfully that he had not, while fending off Ed’s suggestions about him moving into the VA home. It wasn’t time yet.

During the second round of holidays, when he knew the first encounter with Thanos would be coming soon, he fingered the two envelopes in his jacket, wondering if now was the time to give them to Ed and Lily which explained everything, but in the end he hesitated and the holidays ended without him giving them letters. Why ruin what might be their last Christmas?

Sharon texted him from a burner phone, inquiring about the date, as it was rapidly approaching. He knew the night before had been the last time they would go to bed together, and she was probably texting him after the following morning when she had been inexplicably closed off and withdrawn, which had mystified him back then, wondering if she was mad at him for something. Of course, he understood now, but at the time he had been quite hurt by it.

‘When he leaves to go look for Wanda,’ Steve had texted her, ‘come home. I’m going to ask Lily and Ed to come back, under the pretext of telling them that I was ready to move into the VA home, and that’s when I’ll give them their letters. I’d like you to be there to give me some back up.’

She agreed and that’s what they did.

After younger Steve and his shadow Avengers had left to go locate Wanda in Scotland, she returned to the United States and was the first to arrive at the Carter house. Remarkably, given everything she had been through with his younger self, Steve thought she might have more to say to him, but they found they had reached a point in their relationship where they really did not have to talk. They simply sat in silence, and quiet understanding. And for once, Steve was grateful, because he really didn’t know what to say to her.

0000

It was the beginning of summer thankfully so that meant that Ed and Lily could bring their entire families to visit. It was the day of the Snap, and Steve was a bundle of nerves. He had not wanted anything for breakfast, and Sharon seemed on edge as well, she had spent the morning throwing up in the bathroom.  
When he asked her if she needed anything, worried that a seasoned agent could be so rattled by events she had known about for two decades at this point, she replied, “Nothing you can do. I imagine this is how inmates on death row feel the day of their execution. If you’ve been right about all this, I’ll be dead in a couple of hours. So let me puke in peace if you don’t mind.”

He left her alone.

Thankfully, they were both fine, calm and composed when the family arrived. As the hour approached, Steve decided not to waste time. He gathered everybody in the living room, and handed Ed and Lily their letters. They were confused. They kept glancing at Sharon, sitting in a corner who seemed completely unsurprised by any of it.

“What’s going on here, dad?” asked Ed suspiciously. “What happened?”

Steve only shook his head sadly and pointed to the envelopes. “Read the letters. I’ve waited nearly 20 years to give them to you.”

Lily looked over at her cousin. “Sharon? What do you know about this?”

“I’ve already gotten my own letter, Lil,” said Sharon. “Just read them.”

So they did.

Both Sharon and Steve had to admit, Lily and Ed and their spouses took the news of their impending demise a whole lot better than Sharon had taken it at 14. In fact, it looked like Ed was trying to stifle a disbelieving laugh.

“It’s all true, Ed,” said Sharon, standing up. “I didn’t believe it either. But your mom did, and now I do. A lot of things have happened throughout work with S.H.I.E.L.D. that verified everything you’re reading there. He knew about 9/11 almost a year before it happened. That’s when he told me. He knew about the New York invasion, a lot of things. And he knew about them long before they happened. It’s all true, your father has travelled through time.”

Both Ed and Lily had given the letters to their spouses, and the children all sat around not quite comprehending.

Dad,” said Lily, “if you’re Captain America, then who’s that young guy running around with the Avengers?”

“Me,” said Steve. “That was all me. We’re going to fight one major epic battle, in fact it’s about to start, and after we set it all right, using time travel to do it, I will go back in time to your mother. And stay.”

Steve pulled his hand out of his pocket and showed them the time travel device. It still had some power, and when he activated the screen, it showed “Present position: 616.” He had never mentioned to anyone, not even Peggy and Sharon, that occasionally he fired it up to check their position in time, and three times had nearly had heart attacks when they read “Position 346,” or “Position: 198,” indicating that they had drifted out of the timeline. One had been when Tony Stark had almost decided not to go to MIT and he had encouraged Peggy to call him and talk him into it. Another time was when Peggy had been adamant about not accepting Natasha Romanoff into S.H.I.E.L.D. after she had defected. Steve had spent hours talking her into that one. The third had been when Sharon had nearly been expelled from S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy for something and he had pushed her to make amends and set it right. Right now, they were on track, and he needed his adult children to cooperate immediately, because otherwise they might drift into another timeline too late.

They all stared at the device in his hand like it was a bomb.

“You’re Captain America, and that thing in your hand was made by Tony Stark, there’s a monster alien about to invade earth and turn a bunch of people to dust, and you’re going to use time travel to stop him and reverse all of it?” asked Ed. “Dad, do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?”

“Well, when you put it that way,” said Steve through gritted teeth, “I wouldn’t believe it either. But yes.”

“Did mom know about any of this?” asked Lily.

“She knew most of it, though not all of it,” said Steve. “But yes.”

“And what, Sharon gets to know everything, but we don’t?” said Ed, his voice raising.

“Sharon was a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent,” said Steve calmly. “When they found me in the ice, she had to be in position to help me. That’s what she did, and that’s why she needed to know about it earlier.”

“Why not tell us before?” asked Lily‘s husband. He looked worried.

“Because if I had told you all any of this at some point earlier than right now, you would have had me all committed. You don’t understand, in about 10 minutes, all of you were going to turn to dust. When you wake up it will be five years later. I needed to have you all in one spot when that happens, because we know that in five years, assuming we haven’t changed the timeline and the Avengers win, everyone comes back in the exact spot where they left. And I wanted you all safely here.”

“Mom, I want to go home,” said Lily‘s youngest daughter, looking frightened.

“Now you’re scaring the kids,” said Ed standing up. “Dad, this is enough. I know mom‘s death has thrown you for a loop, but we can’t have you scaring the kids with us. And Sharon, you should be ashamed of yourself for encouraging this!”

Sharon faced off against her cousin. “Ed, you have no idea what I’ve had to do to make sure this timeline remains the same and we all survive it. I’m not going to get into it now, and most of it you don’t want to know, but I assure you it has been no picnic. I’m currently a fugitive from every major government in the world, and I don’t foresee that getting a whole lot better in the future. I’ve had my career destroyed twice, my childhood destroyed at 14 when your father tells me all this, and now, today, I find out whether or not it’s all been for nothing. If, in 10 minutes, we’re all still here, I will know my entire life and everything I’ve done has been a waste. And even if we all do disappear, we have no guarantee that we’re in the timeline where we’ll return. It might be it for us. We won’t know until we wake up. If we wake up. Do you think that’s been easy to carry around? Never telling anybody about it? I assure you it hasn’t.”

Lily stood up, reaching for her husband. “I think we’ve heard enough. Come on guys, we’re out of here. We’ll talk about this later along with what doctor we need to take you to, Dad, to get this sorted out.”

Sharon held up a remote control, pushed a button and activated the security system for the house. All of the doors locked. Now everybody looked frightened.

“Sharon…” Ed said warningly. “Don’t do this.”

“Don’t worry,” said Sharon, “I’ll open the door. And if you want to leave you can leave. But you’re going to wait 10 minutes. You’re going to wait until the time has come and gone. If nothing happens, you can all leave, and we’ll discuss putting your dad in a home somewhere. But until then, you know you lose nothing by waiting 10 minutes.”

Ed looked like he was ready to fight, and Sharon sighed. She really didn’t want to fight Captain America’s son. Ed may not have become a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, but Peggy had insured that her children could at least defend themselves. And there was no telling whether or not any of them had inherited any serum enhancements.  
“After 10 minutes, you open that door, Sharon,” Ed said with the growl.

“No problem,” she said, pocketing the device. “But just one more thing.”

“What?” asked Ed’s wife, nearly in tears.

“We’re going to go upstairs to the guest room,” said Steve, “and we’re going to wait there.”

There was more arguing, and both Sharon and Steve glanced nervously at their watches, watching time tick down. It took some actual yelling, before Ed finally threw his hands up in the air and ordered everybody to follow him upstairs, if it meant they could get this insanity over with sooner rather than later. But now some of the children were in tears, and both Sharon and Steve hated themselves for it, but they had worked for years to prepare for this day.

The whole family started up the stairs, with Sharon and Steve bringing up the rear. She slipped the control device to Steve, and followed her cousins into the spare room. Everybody pulled up nervously when they saw that the room had been emptied of furniture, and instead lined along the walls were army cots covered with plastic.

It took some convincing to get everybody to lie down on their designated cots, with Ed grumbling something about Jonestown and Heaven’s Gate, and everyone else looking like they were ready to run in a minute. After getting the children settled in, some of them still crying, Sharon carefully gave Steve a quick hug, and then lay down on her cot. Her heart was thundering rapidly, and she still felt queasy. Everything she had said to her cousin had been true, that if she didn’t disappear, it would mean that her uncle was truly crazy or that they had slipped up somewhere and were in the wrong timeline. Then, even if they were right, it meant she was about to disappear into a cloud of ash, and she wondered briefly if it would hurt.

Steve went around carefully touching or kissing foreheads, telling everyone not to worry, that maybe he was wrong and this would all be over soon. When he got to Sharon, he slowly knelt down beside her, his joints complaining and his muscles nowhere near as strong as they used to be. He looked down at her and smiled, and she noted how his blue eyes had not changed much over the years. He took her hand and carefully kissed her knuckles.

“Kiddo, I couldn’t have done any of this without you. Thank you.”

She smiled nervously and tried to crack a joke. “All in a days work, I suppose.”

He showed her the time travel device that still read “616” as their position. She gave him a look of relief. With some difficulty, he stood back up and released her hand, standing in the doorway and looking at his watch. Ten seconds to go. He could see Sharon carefully counting down to herself, and when the timer hit zero, it may have been his imagination, but Steve almost thought he could feel a certain jolt go through the air, as if there was a distant earthquake.

They waited.

“Well,” grumbled Ed. “We’re all still here. Can we go now please?” he said trying to set up.

Then, Lily’s youngest daughter whimpered. “Mom, I don’t feel so good.”

Lily turned to look at her daughter, and then screamed as the kid turned to ash. Ed started to sit up, but then he collapsed into ash as well. Steve thought he might be sick as his children and grandchildren’s startled and frightened cries filled his ears as they slowly disintegrated, and he turned his head toward Sharon who was holding a hand up, watching it dissolve.

Sharon was, perhaps, the bravest woman he had ever known aside from Peggy. And that included the likes of Natasha Romanoff, Maria Hill and many others. Sharon had faced down so many enemies in her life, and all the while continued to fight the fight he had laid out for her. She had done it all bravely, never faltering, even when he knew she must’ve been frightened. But now, he could see a real fear in her eyes, as she slowly began to disintegrate. 

“Sharon,” he choked out, and her eyes met his. They seem to be pleading for help. He just prayed that she was not in too much pain, that none of them had been. She opened her mouth as if to say something, and as he lean forward, he heard her whisper.

“I love you,” her lips formed, before she too collapsed in a cloud of ash.

Steve stood in the doorway, watching the ashes settle over the plastic covered cots that contained the remains of his family. He looked at each one for a long time, his son, his daughter, their spouses and his grandchildren. His eyes finally rested on the cot that contain Sharon‘s ashes. He stood in disbelief. He had known this day was coming, knowing what he would see. But it was still too much, after losing Peggy, and now knowing he was utterly alone for the next five years. He slowly sank to his knees, his agonizing cry starting as a choked sob in his throat and then exploding from his chest in a roar of anger and defeat. Damn that monster Titan. May he rot in hell.

Steve double checked the device that indicated that his house was alarmed and fortified against potential looters and rioters in the aftermath that would follow. Then he allowed himself to curl into a fetal position and both cry and scream until his voice left him.

000

Steve and Sharon had already laid the careful groundwork for the aftermath of the Decimation. Steve had laid on the floor for nearly 3 hours screaming and crying, the shock of losing his family before him in no way mitigated by the fact that he had known it was coming. Their fearful cries and screams, and Sharon’s fearful whisper echoed against the walls of his skull for hours until he could finally regain his senses enough to start doing what he had to do. He carefully covered the ashes with the plastic, taping it down and writing the names of each of his family members on the plastic, ending with Sharon. Then he closed the drapes in the room, closed the door and sealed it with duct tape, deciding not to enter the room until the day they would come back unless he had to for some reason.

Then he went downstairs to turn on the news that was, predictably, halting all scheduled broadcasting to cover the terrifying worldwide event as it was unfolding. He took stock of his store of food and supplies and water, gasoline and other necessities. Sharon had made sure that he was well stocked for at least a year, possibly more if he was careful, though he suspected he would not have to hole up in the house the entire time. 

He laid low for a month, allowing the world to start to recover from the unforeseen shock, before he started taking what steps need to be taken to secure his family. Sharon had already set up a moving company in California to empty Lily’s house of all of their belongings and put the house on the market. The same was also done for Ed’s house 80 miles away, and within the second month, Steve had emptied both of his children’s houses and sold them, having the shipping containers containing their belongings moved to the Carter property where it would be behind an electrified fence and force field set up by Howard Stark years ago and updated with S.H.I.E.L.D. technology over the years Peggy had been director.

After going through appropriate channels, he was able to gain control of everybody’s bank accounts and cellular phone numbers, and hold them in trust, until the day they would return. He kept everybody’s phones plugged in at the kitchen counter, answering what calls he could for people looking for his children. When the house next-door went up for sale, he bought it, knowing the family that had lived in it would be re-integrated somewhere in Michigan and would later decide to stay there if the Snap would be reversed in this timeline.

Getting that house added to the perimeter security required going through former S.H.I.E.L.D. channels, presenting himself as Sharon‘s uncle and director Carter’s husband, and asking if any resources could be spared to secure his property. And he was thankful that Peggy security codes still worked with those S.H.I.E.L.D. channels enough to where a few engineer workers from the newly formed S.H.I.E.L.D. run by Phil Coulson, and later his protégé Mac, were able to come out and redo the fencing around the second house next-door to include it in the perimeter security on the property. 

After that, all of which took about a year to complete, Steve had little to do but sit and wait. And as expected, that ended up being the most difficult part of all. After Peggy had died, and waiting for the Decimation, Steve had often found himself without much to occupy his time, as Sharon handled the logistics leading up to the first battle with Thanos. Now, Steve did what he could to help at the VA, and volunteer with various groups attempting to make things easier for those who have been left behind. He sat in with veteran group sessions, read stories to children at newly formed orphanages for those who had been left behind when their parents disappeared, served soup in lunch lines, and helped organize neighborhood security watches when the first two years had resulted in quite a few riots and roaming gangs taking advantage of a significant dent in law-enforcement.

He occasionally surreptitiously checked in on the remaining Avengers, seeing what they were up to, but mostly to verify that continuing events were still on track. He had a near perfect memory for dates, and occasionally checked certain things against his memory of the previous time he had gone through this, mostly for his own verification that he was still in the 616 timeline, as he occasionally also checked the time GPS to ensure they were still on track. He was haunted by the idea that this might be one of the timelines it which Thanos wins.

While he suspected that he was still in the correct timeline, he knew that he would not really know until the day of the re-integration, and his family stood in front of him once more, even with the time GPS readout saying “616.” He knew the slightest variation in someone’s decision or actions, something totally out of his control, could shift him to an adjacent timeline last minute and his family would remain ashes. Fearing that he would never see them again, he often found himself flipping through their phones, looking at their photos and videos that still contained their voices. His heart lurched a bit when he shifted through Sharon‘s phone, which she had unlocked for him the morning of the Snap, and saw the various pictures she had taken of herself with younger him. He hated the thought that, when she woke up, she still was in for a world of hurt when he left her behind. It was clear she had fallen for his younger self, and he wasn’t sure how to help her with that. He also told himself that the twinge he was feeling in his heart at the thought of her was a perfectly normal response to losing her, and refused to let himself think too much of his motivation when he forwarded the pictures to his own phone.

As the saying went, the days were long but the years are short. While any given day seemed to drag on through the five years following the Decimation, in the end, it seemed as if, looking back, that the years had flown by. Finally, the day came. He woke up early, finding that he needed a lot more sleep these days than he had needed following the Rebirth Project, got up and showered, and dressed in clean clothes. He ordered five pizzas, figuring that his family would be hungry when they came back, or he would eat them himself over the next three weeks if they didn’t.

He tried watching some TV, or drawling, but it was useless. He spent the entire day pacing the hallway nervously and anxiously, checking his watch every five minutes, and then going back to pacing.

Finally, he could stand it no more, and wearily climbed the steps, trying to ignore the aches in his joints that had become more pronounced over the last several years, came to the still sealed door of the upstairs guest room, suddenly finding himself afraid to open it. But steeling himself with resolve, he took out his pocket knife and cut the tape, slowly opening the door.

He stood in the doorway for a moment taking in the room. It was stuffy in there, for five years had passed with no living creature crossing the threshold. He had closed the air vent so that the air conditioner would not blow the ashes around. Even though they were wrapped in plastic. He slowly went to each cot, cutting open the plastic and allowing it to fall to the side. He ended with Sharon‘s, staring down at the pile of black ash, feeling tears well in his eyes. In less than a minute, he would know whether or not his plan had truly been successful or, if the hell he had put himself, Peggy, and especially Sharon through had been all for nothing.  
He stood in the doorway and waited, watching the countdown on his watch. He knew it was just his imagination, but he felt like time was moving unreasonably slow. Finally, the timer reached zero, and Steve held his breath and waited. As before, with the initial Snap, he knew that at this moment, Bruce Banner was snapping his own figures on a gauntlet created by Tony Stark, and maybe it was his imagination again, but Steve could’ve sworn he felt another thumping jolt in the air, as a something about the very nature of the universe had shifted.

He stared at the piles of ashes, fear welling up in his throat as, at first, nothing happened. Then, suddenly, the ashes begin to lift and swirling, moving faster and reforming. Lily’s daughter Hannah, who had been the first to disappear, was the first to reform. She took a gasping breath and sat up and screamed. The others followed, one after the other, and Steve felt himself crying and laughing as he watched his family reappear. Ed stood up quickly yelling, asking if everybody was all right and what had happened. Lily rolled over and gathered her daughter in her arms, then her son, and Ed’s wife was scooping up her own children as the men stood around, turning from one way to the other, fast, as if looking for an enemy to fight.

Steve looked over at Sharon’s cot, and cried out in relief as he saw her reform and sit up, blinking and holding her head as if she had a headache. She looked around, taking in the scene of her family crying and hugging, then looked over at Steve, obviously a little older and wearing a different outfit than he had been wearing when she last saw him. She stood up and slowly walked over to him, the question in her eyes.

Steve laughed and nodded in confirmation. “We did it! We did it, ace!” Then he threw his arms around her and hugged her, and she hugged him back. She was crying and laughing too.

“Dad, what the hell just happened here?” yelled Ed.

Steve let Sharon go and turned to face his son. “It worked, son. It’s five years later. And it’s over. The monster is done for.”

000

The family went downstairs and Steve managed to convince everybody to go in the kitchen and at least eat some pizza while he could explain everything that happened. Sharon whispered to him that the final battle with Thanos was only just starting, but Steve said that he was going to hold off and wait and see. If they were still in the 616 timeline, the Avengers would defeat Thanos. But if they were not, Thanos would once again snaps fingers and everybody including him, will disappear.  
“But is there really a need to tell them that?” he asked as they followed the family into the kitchen.

“No,” she agreed, following Lily over to the boxes of pizza to begin putting them on plates.

Both Sharon and Steve tried not to focus on the fact that somewhere in upstate New York, a battle that would rival the New York invasion was currently underway, one that might still end badly for all of them. Sharon had zero appetite, but dished out the pizza to her family and Steve explained everything that had happened in the last five years. Ed and Lily and their spouses were devastated to hear that their homes had been lost, but relieved to know their belongings were in shipping containers in the backyard, and that the house next-door was open for somebody to move in. Steve explained that Ed would take the main house, Lily could have the house next-door, Sharon was going to stay an apartment over the main house garage, and Steve himself planned to move into the VA retirement home in the coming weeks to begin the last phase of his life, and let them restart their own. It was a lot to take in, and it was obvious that the family was struggling with it, but at least Ed wasn’t yelling anymore.

The time came and went for the upstate New York battle to have ended, and it was only marked in passing by Steve and Sharon glancing at each other, then at their watches, and then nodding. Sharon went to put on the news, which began to report confirmation that a battle had happened at the Avengers compound that had resulted in the destruction of another alien army, and that all over the world, the ones who were lost were reappearing.

After several hours, everyone finally settled down, and staked out places to sleep around the main house, with plans to begin moving Lily and her family into the second house the next day. Sharon and Steve sat in the wooden swing on the porch, watching the sun go down, and Sharon wondered, thinking of Peggy, if her aunt knew they had one.

“Wherever she is, I know she does know,” said Steve, “and I know she’s happy.”

“So that’s it?” asked Sharon. “We’re done?”

Steve sighed. “Not quite, ace.”

000

Steve knew that it would take a month to rebuild the time travel platform that would send him back in time to return the Infinity stones. During that time, he and Sharon busied themselves with getting the family squared away in the two houses and Steve moved into the VA home. Sharon settled into the tiny studio apartment over the garage, and seemed fairly happy there, especially after getting a notice from Everett Ross that, given the circumstances, anyone who had aided Steve Rogers previously was given amnesty and a full pardon.

Not that she was being offered her old job back, and conversations with those she knew still in the intelligence community confirmed that she might as well not even bother to call looking for a job. She began working as a private investigator, something in demand especially since there was quite a bit of a lost people and confusion within society concerning spouses who had begun dating other people or marrying others, and some question about those who had faked disappearances during the Snap in order to get out of situations like debt and bad relationships. Her first case was one in which a woman needed evidence that her abusive and cheating husband had not in fact disappeared during the Snap, but instead had faked his death and had made off with all of their money.

When the day was right, they told the family that they had one last errand to run and would be gone overnight most likely, but not to worry, that they would be back and would text them. It was a testament to how much Lily and Ed had come to understand what Steve had said was true that they didn’t even question the announcement. Sharon drove him to the location in New York, and at the right time, Steve carefully made his way through the woods to the lake and sat on the bench right as his younger self stepped on the platform and pushed the button to go back in time. Bucky noticed him sitting on the bench and motioned Sam over. Steve had handed over the shield, and then head left to return to the car where Sharon waited. Then they had driven home. Their mission was finally done. It dawned on him on the drive home that she must have answered that phone call from younger him the night before, the one that replayed itself in his mind now over and over, even though it had been 80 years for him since it had happened. He recalled that she had been up in the loft apartment over the garage last night at that time, setting up to live there for a while as the families settled into the houses. When had he called? Around 9pm? She had mentioned nothing about the call that morning, he now realized. He had glanced over at her a few times, but her expression gave nothing away. He wasn’t sure why that worried him. But it was done. There was nothing now but moving forward, for both of them.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 2

Chapter 8

It had taken nearly 4 hours for Steve to tell the entire story, and now he came out of his zone, staring at the clock that now read 11 PM, and looked at Bucky who was sitting in another nearby chair, staring at him with his jaw open.

“I got to say, man, I have no idea what to say to all that,” said Bucky. “And I thought my own story was fucked up. Never thought I’d ever hear one from you that would trump mine.”

Steve nodded sympathetically. “I know, it’s a lot to take in. Sometimes it’s difficult for me, and I’ve lived in the last half century.”

“Your children and grandchildren,” asked Bucky, “are you ever planning on telling them the entire truth?”

“Why?” asked Steve. “It was hard enough getting them to accept the fact that their father is Captain America, is the same guy as the young Avenger who was at their mother’s funeral, meaning I attended it twice, who had traveled through time, that an evil alien was coming to destroy us all, that me and their cousin had secretly planned to save everybody, including them, by getting them to lie down on a bunch of army cots, only to wake up five years later. Exactly what else do I need to tell them that they need to know on top of that?”

“Well, that you’re in love with their cousin, for starters,” said Bucky. “So I guess you’re right, they really don’t need to know that.”

“Whoa whoa whoa!” Steve exclaimed. “I’m what now? In love with who? No no, it’s not like that.”

Bucky said nothing but simply gave him a sardonic smile. Steve felt himself getting irritated.

“Bucky, she’s my niece.”

“No she’s not,” said Bucky. “She’s Peggy’s niece. You share no blood relation at all.”

“And Peggy was my wife for over 50 years,” growled Steve, “that makes Sharon my niece.”

“And that’s how you think of her now?” asked Bucky.

“Yes!” Steve practically yelled. “For god sake, man, I held her in my arms four hours after she was born. She was a tiny baby. I rocked her to sleep when she was three, watching boring documentaries late one night when her parents were at the hospital. She still keeps the stuffed dragon I gave her back at the house with all the stuff that’s important to her that she doesn’t want to carry around the world with her. I taught her how to ride a motorized scooter when she was 13 and played video games with her. I picked her up from school once when she got suspended for breaking a bully kid’s nose on the playground. And while I felt a certain level of affection for her, even occasionally had flashes of memory of our time together when she was an adult before, at no time did I have any kind of... well, you know... inappropriate thoughts about her. She was a kid. I’m not like that.”

Bucky held up his hands. “And I don’t mean to suggest that you are or were. That’s not what I’m getting at. I have no doubt, when she was a kid, it was easy to compartmentalize, push aside the knowledge that this kid in front of you was the woman you had a relationship with in your past and her future. Besides, if you had a thing for kids, I’d have to kill you. I know that’s not the deal here.”

“Well what are you getting at then?” asked Steve, feeling his fist clench.

Bucky was quiet for a minute, and then said, “When was the last time you actually thought of her as your niece? I listened to your story, Steve. I’m going to guess that your relationship changed the minute you gave her that first letter, around 14 or 15. She was still a kid, but she wasn’t just your niece anymore. Not then. She was your partner in crime. She was something that even Peggy couldn’t be, someone to carry that overwhelming burden of the knowledge of the future and Thanos, someone you could share that with and not have to carry it alone. Which is basically what you had been doing for nearly 50 years at that point. Even though she was probably way too young for it, she was an emotional outlet for the trauma that you knew was coming. And then, and only a handful of years after that, she was an adult, an agent, a grown woman who was now actively working with you towards the ultimate goal you both envisioned: defeating Thanos. I’m not the head expert that Sam is, but I’m going to take a guess that a certain new emotional connection probably developed during that time, one that gets forged under shared trauma. She couldn’t tell anybody she knew about what you had told her, and you couldn’t tell anybody. The only one you had to talk about this impending doom was each other. And then, when she became an adult, well, she became the Sharon that you remembered. On paper she’s your niece. But emotionally? You’re honestly going to sit there in that chair and look me in the face and tell me you don’t feel anything for her?”

“Of course I do,” said Steve through clenched teeth. “And I’m going to admit, you’re right about the connection over the shared trauma of The Plan. Because of it, I’m closer to her than I am to my own children. I regret that on a certain level. But it hasn’t been romantic for me in over 80 years. Peggy was my wife. That’s who I was married to. That was my life. I’m over 100 years old now, Sharon is 32. And she’s my niece. The Plan is done, we don’t have to rely on each other to orchestrate the events of history and the path of the Avengers anymore. She’s free to do whatever she wants to now. Make of her life whatever she wants. And I’ve lived my life, raised my children, and they’re raising my grandchildren. I am now officially done with everything I ever planned to do with myself. Now, I plan to sit here and wait for my turn. Now that the serum has deactivated, it’ll probably come sooner than later.”

Bucky frowned, allowing the conversation to take this turn. “If the serum is no longer active, doesn’t mean it’s out of your blood entirely? And did your asthma come back?”

“I don’t know and yes,” said Steve. “I think the serum will always be in my blood permanently, but all of my conditions have started to return. It started to deactivate back in the early 1990s. I started aging more rapidly then. Then, over time, especially after Peggy died, a lot of my conditions started to come back. I started needing breathing treatments for asthma again, no joke at my age. And my heart conditions returned as well, though the doctors write that off as my age.”

“If the serum is still in your blood,” asked Bucky, “could it be reactivated?”

“Howard Stark seemed to think so, a few times it came up in conversation, but it would mean climbing back into a chamber again. And honestly, what would be the point in that?”

“Well,” said Bucky, “you would probably de-age quite a bit, maybe gain a few more years at life, more time with your family, and with Sharon.”

“There’s no ‘with Sharon’,” said Steve firmly. “And how weird would that be for my family to witness that? Both of my children are in their 60s. I would probably de-age to around that time, their current ages, I might even look younger than my own son. Yeah, it would be weird.”

“No weirder than them knowing that two versions of their father, one elderly and one young and spry, were at their mother’s funeral. They get used to it I bet,” said Bucky. “I mean, as you once pointed out, I’m over 100 years old too and I think I’m looking pretty good, considering the way I spent the last century.”

“You do. And I’ve lived my life,” Bucky, said Steve. “You don’t know how hard it was not to just end it after the Snap. When Peggy died, a second time for me, I thought it would kill me. Quite literally, the only thing that got me out of bed every morning was knowing that I wasn’t done with The Plan yet, that Thanos was coming, and if I didn’t do what had to be done, guide Sharon, and prepare my family, then we were all going to die. After Peggy died, I at least had the family coming by and calling and checking on me, they were still there. But after the Snap, I was all alone, and I’ll tell you, those five years were even more rough than after losing Peggy. Now that we’ve succeeded, and it’s all over and done with, I can just rest. You don’t have to look so worried, I’m not looking to end it early. But I’m not looking to extend it either. I’m tired, man.”

“No less than I am I would imagine,” said Bucky softly but looking him dead in the eye. 

Steve flinched a little. He had forgotten momentarily who he was talking to and what his friend had been through in his life. If anyone had the right to complain about his lot in life, it was certainly James Barnes. But it didn’t make anything Steve said any less true. He loved his family, and he knew they loved him, but they were living their own lives, and while they would miss him as surely as they missed Peggy, it would not disrupt their lives too much when he was gone. Honestly, Sharon was the one he worried about the most. At least Edwin and Lily had their spouses and children. They had lost their homes and jobs during the Decimation but Steve had seen to it that they had houses when they came back, they could get new jobs, and his strategic investments in companies he knew would make it big meant that the entire family, including Sharon, were financially comfortable for the rest of their lives. But Sharon had been forced to avoid long term relationships because of The Plan, because of what she had known was coming. She had lived a rootless life, one lived in the shadows. She would have the hardest time re-adjusting.

They were quiet for a moment before Bucky spoke again. “So that’s it then? Just like that? You’re done?”

“What would you have me do?” asked Steve. “Take up the shield again and run around with the Avengers? While my grandkids might think that is utterly cool, and admittedly they are still adjusting to the fact that their granddad is Captain America, clearly I’m in no condition to do that anymore.”

“Well, I hear that in these modern times, those who can’t anymore consult. You don’t think we, and the world, could use your expertise right about now? Who else besides you knows what it’s like to go to sleep and wake up years later? Other than people in comas I mean? And one of the things that never sat well with me about you going back in time permanently was this idea you seem to have that we don’t need you anymore. The ones we lost, like Vision and Natasha, that really couldn’t be helped. But you chose to leave. Like we didn’t need you or your leadership anymore.”

“A decision you clearly don’t agree with,” said Steve. “Barton tried to retire and look with that got him. Trust me Bucky, it’s better this way. And Sam will be a good leader for the Avengers.”

“Yes he will,” Bucky agreed. “But not one of us has your tactical genius. Or your ability to look at a situation and come up with the best solution. Any one of us can do this to an extent, but you’re a genius at it. You really want to sit here and just wait to die? You could come back up to the tower, you’d be comfortable there. And hell, ask Sharon to come too. With Natasha gone, there’s a definite void in the team for someone with those kinds of skills.”

Steve felt a slight thrill of excitement at the very thought of going back to the Tower, and he had to admit, he really liked the idea of Sharon taking up with the Avengers. She didn’t seem too happy doing investigation work, even though she had only been doing it for a few weeks. In fact she seemed pretty lost as to what to do with her life these days. But then he sobered up. It was out of the question for him.

“I’m not just waiting to die, man, and maybe I’ll come visit, but I’m at a point where I’m in no condition to be doing much of anything. All of my physical ailments came back, and I don’t like being too far away from the doctors I’ve been seeing. But Sharon, though, I like that idea. Someone like her, someone like Natasha, are bored out of their minds behind desks without something to do. She’s been trained to be an agent, a spy, and a warrior. She’s not too happy right now. I think she would actually fit in pretty well with the Avengers.”

“I’ll mention it to Sam,” said Bucky. “But I really wish you would think harder about coming up, if only for a little while. It’s not like we don’t have medical facilities at the Tower. And maybe the Wakandans have some kind of medical thing that would help you.”

Steve was about to reply when there was suddenly a knock at the door. It was followed by a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder, and with a start, Steve realized he hadn’t even known that a storm had whipped up outside. Rain was slamming against his windows, and he figured the polite thing to do would be to offer a Bucky his couch so he didn’t have to drive back to New York in the storm. But then another knock came at the door, and the two men looked at each other.

“You expecting anyone?” asked Bucky.

“No,” said Steve standing up slowly. He rarely got visitors, though sometimes one of the guys down the hall asked him to play a round of chess or checkers. His family would visit, of course, but it was 9:30 PM. Carefully, he walked to the door, nudging open the drawer that held the gun again. He sensed Bucky moving into a defensive position out of sight, standing slightly crouched, but appearing relaxed to the untrained eye. Steve peaked through the peephole.

Sharon was on the other side.

He was surprised. Normally she texted before heading over. And she almost never came this late, on top of that, he thought she was finishing up the case she was working on. What was she doing here?

“It’s Sharon,” he whispered, and watched Bucky slightly relax. Although the last meeting between his friend and Sharon had not gone particularly well. Bucky had been in the throes of Winter Soldier mind control, and had been attacking innocent people at the CIA, when Tony, Sharon and Natasha had moved in to intercept him, resulting in Tony being thrown across the room, Natasha choked, and Sharon being flipped over into a table.

Steve open the door. “Sharon?” he asked. “What are you doing here so late?”

“I need to talk to you,” she said in a shaky voice.

He looked hard at her. She was soaking wet, having run in from the storm without bothering with an umbrella. She was shivering, probably from standing right under the air conditioning vent, and she looked pale and a little gray. Was she sick?

“What happened?” he asked an alarm. “Did something go wrong with The Plan? Are you sick?”

He stood aside to motion her inside and she took a step forward, and then she noticed Bucky. 

“Oh,” she said pulling herself up trying to appear stronger. “I didn’t realize you had a visitor. Maybe now is not a good time. I can come back.” She turned to leave.

“Wait, wait. No..” Steve waved his hand again indicating that she should stop.

“You don’t have to leave,” said Bucky, “I can go. I think we’re pretty much finishing up here anyway.”

Steve held his other hand halfway up as if to stop Bucky from leaving, then looked back at Sharon hugging herself in the doorway. “Come in here,” he said gently taking her arm and pulling her inside.

Bucky moved towards the door as if to leave, when Sharon said, “Barnes wait, you should probably stay. You’re probably going to end up hearing about this anyway.”

Bucky stopped and looked at her quizzically, shrugged, and then turn back to go and sit at the table but Steve stopped him.

“Buck, can you go get a towel out of the bathroom so she can dry off?” Bucky nodded and headed down the hallway in search of the bathroom and a towel while Steve steered Sharon to the kitchen table and sat her down, helping her shrug out of her wet jacket and then went to find a blanket to wrap around her. He was honestly alarmed. Sharon was always so in control and put together. He had never seen her like this before. At least not in a long time.

Bucky returned with a large towel and handed it to her and she started toweling off her hair and arms as he slid into the chair across the table from her.

“You want some coffee?” asked Steve.

“Not this late,” she replied.

“Tea?”

“No thanks, no caffeine,” she said finishing drying herself off and draping the towel over the chair, pulling the blanket around herself.

“You should have something hot to drink,” he said. “You’re shivering. How about hot chocolate?”

Sharon look like she was going to argue, but then slumped and nodded, figuring that it was easiest to just let him baby her if it made him feel better. Bucky was trying to suppress a smile. Then, his face turned serious as Steve puttered around the kitchen, and he looked at Sharon.

“By the way, I’m sorry about tossing you into the table that time,” he said. “I wasn’t myself.”

She looked at him, and said, “No grudges held. I understand. Just try not to do it again.”

“No need to worry about that there,” he said. Steve placed steaming mugs in front of them and sat down with his own. He took a sip and looked at Sharon who was shakily sipping her own mug, pulling the blanket tighter around herself.

“So can you tell me what happened now?” he asked.

Sharon propped her elbow on the table and rested her head on her hand, looking forlorn. She was clearly trying not to cry in front of Barnes, though Steve suspected that if it were just the two of them she’d be breaking down right now, which scared him further because Sharon was just not a crier. At least not as of late. Not since she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. She wouldn’t look at either of them. He wanted to press further but caution told him to wait. After about two minutes Bucky spoke up.

“You know if it’s easier for me to wait in the hall, I can.”

She looked up at Bucky. “No it’s ok. I’m just trying to get this out. Give me a minute.”

Steve felt his heart starting to pound. He was suddenly hit with a memory of about 17 years ago, when Peggy had shaken him awake, frantic and inconsolable, certain that she had heard voices downstairs. She had insisted that they both check it out, with guns, which they had, only of course there had been no one there and the security system, still engaged, had not registered any disturbance on the perimeter. It had taken a while to calm her down, and eventually they had gone back to bed but Peggy had not slept. Over the recent years she had been forgetful, misplacing things and leaving things where they shouldn’t. But it had been getting worse, and auditory hallucinations and misremembered events, or false memories, were some of the hallmarks of dementia. He had been trying to deny the onset of her Alzheimer’s for a while, but he had not been able to do any longer. Later that week, he had taken her to her neurologist who later diagnosed her with the disease. He had experienced the same sensation then as he was experiencing now, I sense of foreboding, and the fears that he was about to get very bad news.

“Sharon, if something is wrong, we can...” he started.

“I’m pregnant,” she blurted out, wincing.

And the world went silent.

000

During the battle of New York against Loki and the Cthuthari, Steve had been on the third floor of a building where a group of terrified civilians was hiding from a stalking alien, who had blasted Steve through a window, where he had flown through the air, belly flopped onto the roof of a car which had forced every molecule of air from his lungs and paralyzed his diaphragm making it impossible for him to suck in more air for almost a minute. All sound had ceased for even longer. He had endured explosions going off right next to him during World War 2. He had awoken to a world 70 years later than his last memory which came with the knowledge that his world and everyone he knew was gone. None of these things poleaxed him the way Sharon’s one sentence now did.

He stared at her but she wouldn’t look at him.

“You’re...you’re what?” he choked out.

“I’m...pregnant,” she repeated, dropping her head back into her hands.

Steve couldn’t speak. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say. What on earth was he supposed to say? He glanced over at Bucky whose eyes were saucer wide and his mouth hanging open. Bucky glanced at him, incredulous, but recovered first. He cleared his throat.

“Uh....wow....that’s a hell of a revelation there, kid,” he said softly.

She glanced up at Bucky. “Maybe I wasn’t clear,” she said gruffly. “I’m pregnant and it’s Steve’s.”

“Yeah I figured that,” Bucky replied as gently as he could. He looked over at Steve. “Well man, you’ve got a hell of an issue here.”

Steve felt himself shaking and he dropped his head into his hand. It was starting to sink in. Sharon was pregnant. It was his. A woman, his wife’s niece, was pregnant by him, 135 years old on this earth, because of actions he took 85 years ago to him but only a couple of months ago to her. How in the ungodly hell was he supposed to react to this, let alone deal with it? Both Bucky and Sharon we’re looking at him now. He had to say something.

“Have you...have you been to the doctor?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I took a home test. Earlier. I’ll go this week.”

Steve took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. When Peggy had told him she was expecting Edwin, he had experienced a wide variety of emotions: awe, nervousness, shock and then elation. Lily had been much easier though he still had felt nervous. Sharon’s revelation filled him with fear and shock. This situation was almost the polar opposite of his previous realizations of impending fatherhood. How the hell could this have happened?

“How...?” he whimpered.

She glared at him. Clearly she was debating asking him if his mother had ever had that talk with him. But then she sighed and said that it was possible that her implant in her arm had stopped working. It was good for six years but it had been five and a half at that point. It was due to come out soon but then the Snap had happened.

Their eyes finally met and he could see the fear and sadness in hers, while she could see the shock in his.

“So what are you going to do?” asked Bucky.

She glanced at Bucky, and then back at Steve, as of thinking maybe Steve should be asking those questions, before she answered, “I don’t know, I just don’t know.”

“What do you want to do?” asked Steve, finally finding his voice.

“I don’t know, what do you think I should do?” she asked.

“Sharon,” he said softly, “I’ve put you through hell over all this. I’ve had you do things I had no right to ask, but you did them anyway and suffered tremendously for it. I have no right to tell you anything. I want you to do whatever is most likely going to make you the happiest. You deserve to be happy for a change. To choose what goes on in your life, rather than have me shove you down a path you didn’t choose. Whatever you want to do, I’ll support.”

She crossed her arms and sighed, leaning back in her chair. “The easiest thing to do would be to just end it. Not to mince words, but you are elderly and not looking to be a father again, and I am jobless with no direction and never planned on having kids. At all. It’s early enough, I could just have the procedure, and that’s the end of it. We never even have to tell the family.”

To his surprise, Steve felt himself wincing and looked away. While he was absolutely not pleased at the idea of Sharon being pregnant with his baby, he was less thrilled at what she was suggesting. Not that he felt he had the right to tell any woman, especially Sharon, what she should do in the situation. He simply didn’t have a horse in this particular race. He just didn’t feel like it should be the first thing they considered. On the other hand, the only other option was that she carried to term and have it. At which point she either gives it up or keeps it.

She echoed his thoughts. “My other options involve telling the family, and Ed is going to blow a gasket. If I have it, I either give it up for adoption or keep it. Neither one of those scenarios is exactly great. I don’t know that it would be safe to give any child of Captain Americas up for adoption even anonymously, God knows you pissed off enough people who might come looking for it. But me keeping it, well I’m living in a loft over a garage at the moment and I am investigating cheating husbands for a living. My own mother basically took off on me so it’s not like I have the best example or can provide the best environment.”

Steve felt his heart twist as he listened and watched the hopeless frustration play across her face. He suddenly remembered the exuberant little girl she had been, climbing trees and riding her bike too fast, taking first place in martial arts tournaments and singing to herself when she thought no one was nearby. But then in her teens, that had changed. Her mother had taken off on her missionary trips and he had laid The Plan, the life-changing scheme, upon her young shoulders, meaning that she could never have a carefree childhood from that point on, not with the knowledge of the future weighing over her like a cloud. She had avoided serious relationships they could lead to marriage and a family, for fear of losing them in the Snap. She had kept emotional distances from friends and family for the same reason. The only one she had ever been truly close to had been him, and he had used her. It had been a necessity, but selfishly that’s what he had done. The both of them had not been able to share their terrible knowledge with anyone but each other. It had bound them together emotionally, but isolated them from everyone else. She had become jaded, focused and intense, something of a pessimist always expecting the worst. And in the end, he had left her. Knocked her up and left her.

Alone.

Left her alone and pregnant as he had run back to Peggy without even looking back. And now here she was, with this version of him ready to enter the end of his life, once again without looking back. It was ruthless.

Steve had never quite detested himself as much as he did now. That was not him. That was not the son his mother had raised. These were not the actions of the man Dr. Erskine had carefully selected for his project because he had been looking for and thought he found a good man as a subject. Had he ever deserved to carry that shield?

He found a sudden urge to gather her in his arms and hold her close. He wanted to comfort her somehow, but when he reached out to take her hand in his, she pulled away. He felt an ache in his chest at the realization that she was pulling away from him too, to protect herself from more hurt.

“You know, call me crazy, but I think you’d manage just fine,” said Bucky, lightning the tension a bit. “You don’t seem like someone who fails often at anything she sets out to do.”

Sharon looked at him in surprise. Steve felt a weird sense of gratitude.

“You’re saying I should keep it?” she asked.

“I don’t know you well enough to tell you anything,” he replied. “I just don’t think that any decision you make should be done because you think you can’t hack it.”

“Steve could never claim it as his,” she said. “Can you just imagine the firestorm if the media ever found out? It would be bad enough telling the family. They’d never leave my family alone.”

“Then don’t tell them the truth,” said Bucky. “You’re a spy. Lying should be second nature to you. Come up with something. Something like ‘the father is someone I used to work with, who didn’t get Dusted in the Snap, but moved on and married someone else and had a family, even though it was over between us before the Decimation.’ Something like that.”

“Actually that’s perfect,” said Steve, “and not necessarily a lie either. And Bucky is right, you shouldn’t make a decision based on fear, or because you’re afraid you won’t be able to do something. Maybe sit on this a couple of days? Go see the doctor. Decide then.”

“I can’t wait too long,” said Sharon. “The longer I wait, the more ethically questionable it becomes.”

“Then give yourself a week,” said Steve. “One more week won’t hurt. At least find out how far along you are. And whatever you want to do, I’ll support it.”

“You mean if I decide to end it? If I decide to have it and give it up? If I decide to have it and want to lie to the family? If I decide to have it and tell them the truth, that you’re the father of? You’d support any of that?”

“Well, admittedly, some more than others, though yes,” he said. “But this is just a major shock, I don’t think anything needs to be decided tonight.”

“Speaking of which,” said Bucky, “how much of this am I supposed to keep under my hat? All of it? Some of it? Should I not tell Sam now?”

Sharon and Steve looked at each other. “Tell some of them,” said Sharon. “But just Sam, Wanda, and probably Bruce needs to know. I don’t think anybody else needs to know. Those three, they were the closest to Steve. They should know. But Pepper has a lot on her plate, especially with Morgan, and I can’t think of anybody else who needs to know right now.”

“I agree with that,” said Steve. “And I also think both of you should stay here for tonight. Sharon, you take the bed. I only sleep in my easy chair anyway. Buck, you take the couch.”

Both of them started to protest when another loud clap of thunder and flash of lightning rolled outside the window, and the wind blew another sheet of rain against the window panes. Both relaxed, all protest gone, and Sharon nodded.

“I have an overnight bag in my trunk. I’ll need to get it,” she said standing up.

“I’ll do that,” said Bucky standing up first. “I need to get mine. Got your keys?”

She reached in her pocket and handed them over, apparently nonplussed at handing her car keys over to the Winter Soldier. Bucky ran outside in a raincoat to retrieve the bags as Steve put the empty mugs in the sink. When Bucky came back with the bags, Sharon went to take a hot shower and wash away the last of the wet chill that enveloped her. Clad in her well-loved cotton PJ pants and tank top, she called good night from the hall and went into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Bucky showered while Steve made up the couch for him and settled into his easy chair with his favorite blanket. Bucky settles into the couch and was asleep almost instantly but Steve lay awake in the darkness in his chair, listening to the kitchen clock tick and staring at a spot of lights from the streetlight on the wall.

Of all the things that had so far happened to him in his life, this one was certainly high up there on the list of shockers. His first thought was that, maybe for the first time since her death, he was rather glad Peggy was not here for this one. Like Sharon, she had put up with for more from him than anyone should reasonably be expected to, and yet at no time did he ever feel that she was seriously ready to throw in the towel. Not when Howard and Maria died, and even when Harry had died. By the time 9/11 happened, she was more or less resolved. But this might have finally been it. On the other hand, he had a weird feeling that she might actually have understood. The nature of the situation was so outlandish, absurd even, that, while she would have been upset, he felt truly that she probably would have understood the circumstances, that all this was happening because of things he had done before they were married, but where Sharon, unfortunately, fell at a more recent point on the timeline. At no time, from the moment he had slipped the ring on Peggy’s finger, to the moment she had died, has he ever been unfaithful in anyway, either physically or emotionally, and when his thoughts had wandered to his time with Sharon in his past, he had stamped it firmly down for the sake of dealing with her in the present. Is near perfect memory that allowed him to remember specific dates and times of events throughout history also and able to him to remember very specific details about things that had happened to him, namely losing his virginity to Sharon, and the handful of times they had been together after that, as well as nearly every time with Peggy. During the course of his marriage, he had made a conscious effort to never think about any of his times with Sharon, especially after she was born and was in the process of growing up, which honestly had not been at all difficult when she was a child, helped along by the fact that he had rarely seen her at all before she was 14. It only became increasingly more difficult after she was an adult. He had made a concerted effort to firmly fix her in his mind as his niece, though deep down he knew that it was ultimately a losing battle after she was grown.

It had been a lot easier when she was a child, he had not been attracted to her physically at all, which was a relief because he couldn’t live with himself otherwise if he had been. She had simply been a kid, though he had felt a certain amount of affection for her of course. But after she grew up and became the agent he remembered, those emotions had gotten much murkier. She was definitely no longer the kid he remembered, which had been a safe and easy way of relating to her. It was much more complicated now, especially since now they had a shared memory and experience of a relationship, though for her it was far more recent in her memory than it was for him. Emotionally, he had moved on firmly, devoting himself to Peggy and their family, and had spent decades doing so. For her, it had only been a few weeks since she had conceived a child with him, and was still processing the fact that she had been left behind. There was no doubt that he loved her, but how he loved her was not as clearly defined in his mind as he felt it should have been.

He didn’t want to admit it, but Bucky was right. He didn’t just think of her as his niece, it was far easier now to think of her as he did when he had first met her, as Peggy‘s grown niece and a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. When she was a child, the relationship dynamic was far easier define. He was the adult and she was the child. That was how he related to her. But that wasn’t the case now, and now she was pregnant with his child. That it had been 80 years ago for him did not change the fact that his DNA was responsible for her condition presently. He wanted to do the right thing by her, but given the situation, he had absolutely no idea what that was.

Unable to sleep, he softly got up and padded down the hallway and listened at the closed bedroom door. He thought he heard what might have been a muffled sob, but when he listened closer, he didn’t hear anything else. Bucky seemed to be asleep, so he went back to his chair and resumed his vigil of staring at the point of light on the wall. At some point, early in the morning, the storm finally blew itself out.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The next morning, Steve woke up to a tension headache, and felt slightly short of breath, as if he might have an asthma attack coming on, something that hadn’t happened to him in years. He groaned when he sat up in his easy chair, and looked over at the couch where the blankets were neatly made up and there was no sign of Bucky. He felt a mild sense of disappointment as he stood up stiffly, rubbing his hands, and padding over to the kitchen to start the coffee. He frowned as he wondered if he had any decaf, he couldn’t remember if pregnant women were supposed to avoid caffeine. He didn’t seem to remember Peggy avoiding caffeine during her pregnancies. But that was the 1950s and 60s. Not that Peggy ever did, but women still smoked during pregnancy back then. He smiled, remembering what his daughter Lily had once told him when he kept using the phrase “back then.” “Yeah, dad, ‘back then’ there was also cocaine in the soda.”

He wondered if Sharon was still here too, he couldn’t believe that two people could have snuck out of his apartment without him hearing, though granted both were spies or assassins, and he was about to go check when the front door opened quietly and Bucky slipped in carrying a couple of greasy bags of Jack-in-the-Box breakfast sandwiches.

“Oh good, you’re up,” he said. He placed the bags on the table and handed a grocery bag to Steve. “I don’t know much about pregnant women, but I googled some stuff this morning when I woke up, and they all mentioned morning sickness. So there are some peppermint ginger tea in there. She might want that more than coffee.”

“You’re a godsend, man,” Steve said. “Is she still here? I just got up.”

“She was still here when I left,” said Bucky, hanging his coat over a chair. Right then, they heard the sound of the bedroom door opening and rapid but soft foot falls running to the bathroom. The bathroom door breezed shut, and there was a sound of someone retching.

“Well,” said Steve, “looks like she still here. And morning sickness has hit. I better brew some of that tea. Peggy never really had morning sickness, or cravings, though she had a lot of food aversions. Lots of stuff she like to eat, she suddenly didn’t want to touch anymore. Was the weirdest thing.”

Bucky slid into one of the seats at the table and began unwrapping a sandwich as Steve dug out the tea and started hot water boiling. Sharon was in the bathroom longer than he would have liked, given that she was apparently suffering a fairly severe bout of morning sickness.

But she finally came out, dressed in a new set of clothes, but still looking pale and wan. Her eyes slid over both men somewhat warily, but when her eyes fell on the sandwich Bucky was eating, she turned a little green. Bucky noticed.

“I got three sandwiches, one for each of us, but I guess you won’t be wanting yours?”

She placed a hand over her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut, and shook her head.

“Got it. Baby doesn’t want breakfast sandwich. No worries,” said Bucky, “Steve and I can split yours or he can have it for lunch. Got you some ginger tea though. That might help.”

She looked at Bucky in surprise, and then Steve nodded and held up the steaming mug of mint ginger tea. “Toast it is for you then,” he said. He popped a couple slices of bread in the toaster, and sat down to unwrap a sandwich, and then thought better of it. Maybe he better wait and eat after her stomach has settled. If memory served, Peggy had been sensitive to smells too. Sharon would probably be the same.

When her toast was done, he buttered one, left the other plain, and put it in front of her, and she gingerly nibbled on the plain one for a while. When it stayed down, she cautiously moved to the buttered one. Between that and the tea, her color started to come back, so Steve made her some more toast. After a while, she had downed six pieces of toast and admitted she hadn’t really been eating much in the last two days. No wonder she was so pale. Bucky got up and mentioned that he was going to have to get going, it would be a long drive back to New York and he wasn’t in one of the flying vehicles. He gave Steve a hug and told him good luck, and even gave Sharon an awkward one armed hug, gave her a card with some phone numbers on it and told her to call him or Sam or the Avengers Tower if she needed help with anything. And that he was serious. With a wave, he left and both Sharon and Steve watched him go. Then Sharon gathered up her stuff, told Steve that she was going to make an appointment with the doctor and would let him know what they said.

“Are you going to tell the family anything?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Let me decide if I’m going to keep it or not, first,” she said. “If I decide not to keep it, I don’t really see the point in telling them anything. But if I do, I kind of like Bucky’s explanation. So I guess that’s what I would tell them.”

“Whatever you want to do,” said Steve, repeating his point. She didn’t say anything, and when he went to give her a hug, she pulled away. He tried not to let that hurt. He knew what she was doing, protecting herself emotionally. And if he were anything other than a complete asshole, he would let her. She thanked him for the toast, took the box of tea with her, and left.

000

Steve was completely restless for the rest of the week. Bucky had left one of the holo communicators with him so he could talk to the Avengers, and the highlight of his week was stepping on the roll out mat that lit up and projected his image to Avengers Tower where he could talk with everyone. By now, they had all read his letters explaining everything he had done, had organized a memorial service for Natasha which he had missed, and were attempting to move on with their lives following the aftermath of the battle with Thanos.

Bucky had told them about Sharon‘s pregnancy, and Steve spent a lot of time talking to both Sam and Bucky about it. He didn’t have much information to tell them, he tried texting Sharon, but she only replied in short answers, saying that she was thinking about it, had an appointment with the doctor, and she would let him know how it went, but little else. Sam advised him to give her a little space, but not let her drop out of communication entirely. One text a day was probably sufficient for now, but Sam also advised him to start rebuilding some sort of communication with his family.

“Keep in mind Steve,” Sam had told him over the communication device one day, “they’re basically going through what you went through when you woke up from the ice. You’re the best person to help them through that. Stay in touch with all of them, even your grandkids, even though they may not have much to say to their old granddad. They’ve got a lot to come to terms with, that you’re Captain America, that their mother knew about it, they’ve lost their homes and are now living in unfamiliar surroundings, even though one of them was your house, which they associate with you, it’s five years later and the kids probably have to make new friends and go to new schools, everybody has to find new jobs, it’s a lot.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” said Steve. “And I have been talking to them. I text with my son and daughter every day, sometimes their spouses, and my oldest grandson. He’s going to be 18, though technically he’s probably about 23 chronologically. That’s another thing, what age do we call everybody in? Their actual chronological age, or the physical age they were when they disappeared?”

“Well, you called yourself by your chronological age, said Sam, “but I guess with kids it’s probably a little different.”

They had talked some more, Sam asking him pointed questions about how he felt about Sharon‘s baby. If she chose to keep it, was he going to think of himself as its father simply because he had contributed the DNA? Or would he behave more like a grandfather? And if Sharon ended the pregnancy, how would he feel about that? There were a lot of difficult questions that Steve really didn’t want to think about, but recognized the necessity of doing so, especially since Sharon was going through her own crisis of decision that week as well. Apparently, she had taken Bucky’s advice and called Sam, and they had talked for about an hour. Because he was professional, Sam wouldn’t tell Steve what they talked about, but would only say that she was asking the right questions and giving well-thought-out responses, and that he felt that whatever decision she came to would be the right one for her.

Steve talked to Bucky a bit about the pregnancy, but mostly about their past, for Steve’s sanity and for Bucky attempting to recover more of his memories. He talk to Bruce only once, about the Wakandans recovering the alien technology at the northern New York complex site which was now in ruins. Steve could tell he was trying to focus on the fact that Natasha was not coming back by throwing himself into his work. Steve opted not to mention that, but instead let Bruce go on and on about technology.

“Remember,” Bruce was saying, “the complex was originally a Stark warehouse. Howard Stark stashed a bunch of his old projects down in there, which was one of the things Scott Lang came after those years ago. And got into that fight with Sam. Anyway, a lot of it was destroyed in the battle, but thankfully Howard kept meticulous notes. And those are all on the servers here at the Tower, because Tony kept meticulous notes. But some of it was salvageable, and some of the staff that not only survived the attack on the complex but opted to come back to work have been going down in there, retrieving it, cataloging it, and bringing it here.”

“Any of it useful to you guys?” asked Steve.

“To be determined,” Bruce had said.

He also had one conversation with Wanda, who told him she had been in contact with Wakanda princess Shuri, who had indeed backed up Vision’s neural network to her own servers. Wanda excitedly told him that Shuri believed she would be able to re-construct Vision, but maybe not exactly the same. There were a lot of flaws in Vision’s make up that made him too reliant on the stone in his forehead, which would have to be worked around. Even for the genius princess, it would take some time to do, especially since it wasn’t priority. Her brother was reestablishing his rule as king and Black Panther of Wakanda, and there was a lot of rebuilding to do both structurally and politically. On top of that, it was Wakandan forces who were doing most of the cleanup in the New York battleground, in conjunction with the US military, so they were a bit preoccupied at the moment. But Shuri had assured Wanda that as soon as she could devote the time that was required to the mental gymnastics of rebuilding Vision, that she would do so. Wanda had high hopes that she would be reunited with her own lover soon. Steve told her that he was happy to hear that, and asked what she was up to these days. Apparently, Wanda and Pepper had been spending some time together, Pepper still trying to come to terms with Tony’s death, and attempting her best effort at helping Morgan adjust. Wanda had stepped up with Happy Hogan to help as best she could in that department, for the purpose of keeping her own mind off her own troubles. She mentioned Sharon‘s baby once, but could tell Steve didn’t really want to talk about it, so let the matter drop.

It was later that week, however, that his phone rang, and Sharon‘s voice on the other line made his heart leap, which he suddenly realized was actually a little odd. He was slightly discomforted by the realization that, especially since her announcement that she was carrying his baby, he had pretty much stopped thinking of her as his niece, and was somewhat uncomfortably remembering their time together as a couple. That first night after she had slept in his bed, although he normally slept in his easy chair, he had instead slept in his bed that night, and had been surrounded by her scent on the pillows and sheets.

It had caused a reaction in him, one he hadn’t had in literally years. One that he had not had regarding another woman since before he was married. As alarming as that reaction had been, he was actually somewhat impressed that anything still worked at this point in his life. But then he felt uneasy that he should be reacting at all to anything associated with Sharon. Naturally, as soon as he berated himself mentally for being turned on by her scent on his pillow, his traitorous mind them bombarded him with a play-by-play of their times together, which his photographic memory had captured in complete detail, but which he had made an effort not to think about for decades. Maybe it was because Peggy had been gone for eight years at that point that he no longer felt guilty about thinking about another woman, but he felt super guilty about thinking about Sharon. He was up most of the night arguing with himself about what she was to him, his niece, something else? If she was his niece, then his reactions were totally inappropriate. And for the love of God, he was working on his second century of life. He was elderly. There was no way in hell he could ever let her know that he ever reacted this way now. They had been able to face each other with the understanding that, for him, their time together was literally almost a century ago and that he absolutely did not have such feelings for her now.

Which was why, when he heard her voice on line, and he felt his heart rate speed up and a certain tightening sensation where he would rather not feel it, he grit his teeth and forced his voice to remain neutral. He focused hard on what she was saying.

“So the doctor took the implant out of my arm,” she was saying, “it definitely stopped working and there was no way for me to know it. Apparently it’s also jacked up my hormones, which is why I am so nauseous all the time. The doctor is a little concerned that my hormones are not in the target area is there supposed to be in, and wanted me to come back next week for more blood tests. That is, unless I decide to end the pregnancy.”

“Is that what you’re going to do?” asked Steve.

She was quiet on the other end of the line for so long, he wondered if the call had been disconnected. “Sharon?” he asked.

“I thought about it,” she said quietly. “I thought about all possible angles of every possible scenario. Anything I can think of. And I decided, well, Steve ... I am… I’m going to keep it.”

Steve was quiet for a minute as a whirlwind of different emotions blew through him, while subsequently trying to find the right words. He had done his own thinking over the week, and he was honestly still not sure how he felt about it. The absolute last thing he wanted was to become a father again at his age and physical level, but on the other hand, if he were honest, he had to admit that the idea of a baby with Sharon, some sort of marker of the relationship and what it had meant to both of them before moving down their necessary paths in opposite directions, was actually kind of nice. It would definitely be impossibly blonde, probably blue-eyed, and definitely stubborn. He or she would be beautiful. If he removed all the external factors, such as his age, how the rest of the family would react if they ever knew the truth, the fact that Sharon was very likely going to be raising this child alone, if all of that were taken away, the thought of the child itself was amazingly endearing. And it surprised him to realize he felt this way. 

“Are you there?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said snapping out of it. “I’m here.”

“Are you upset?” she asked.

“No. No, no, baby, I’m not. I’m not upset. I think I understand. I’m actually kind of…well relieved I think. This is really what you want to do? This is what will make you happy?”

“Yes,” she said right away, indicating that there was no hesitation. “Like I said, I’ve thought about everything, and I’m not going to tell the family the truth. I think Bucky’s explanation is a good one. I just, well, I know it sounds silly, but I haven’t really gotten anything tangible out of everything in my life. If I were to disappear again tomorrow, there would be nothing to show for my life. All the things I’ve ever done, have been done in the shadows. Things people will never know about. I don’t have a home of my own, and I am only a third wheel in my own family. Oh, I know you all love me, and I know my mom does, but I’m not first in anyone’s life. I’m not anyone’s priority. This kid, well, it’ll be different with the baby.”

“Oh…Sharon,” he said choking back a sob, “I hate that you feel that way. I couldn’t have done any of this without you. Thanks to you, well, you saved us all. It wouldn’t have happened without you.”

“Oh, I know that,” she said with only a small hint of sadness in her voice. “I’m not sorry about any of that, and I know what I did. It’s just that, well, you got to have Peggy, Lily and Edwin have their spouses and their families, everyone’s had a life. They all have something to fight for. So do you. You have your kids and grandkids. But I don’t really have anybody. I always knew you were going to leave, you weren’t for me. I didn’t do a good job of staying detached, but I knew you were never going to be mine. I guess we can’t help emotions coming in when they do, but it was no less easy to watch you get on that platform and press the button. This baby, it’s the last thing of you that I get to keep for myself.”

“What do you mean watch me get on the platform?” he asked. “You were back down at the car, weren’t you?”

“No,” she said. “I followed you. I wanted to make sure you didn’t trip over a log on your way up to the lake. I watched from the bushes. I think Bucky might have seen me, but I wasn’t sure. I watched you disappear, watched you give Sam the shield, then I turned and went back to the car to wait for you.”

Steve felt his heart shatter into about a million pieces at her words. He was going to have to get off the phone fast or she was going to hear him cry. And he didn’t want that. He had hurt her enough.

“OK, Sharon,” he said trying to keep his voice even. “I wish you had stayed in the car, but I understand. And I understand about the baby. If this is what you want to do, then I support it.”

“Good to hear,” she said trying to lighten the mood. “Because it would really suck if you didn’t. Not that we can never tell anyone this is your baby. There’s no way that would not be awkward or open all kinds of cans of worms. I guess will have to say you are honorary grandfather.”

“I still want to know about checkups and ultrasounds and all that,” he said. “That is, if you want to tell me. By the way, have you told your mother?”

“Not yet,” she replied. “Mom is still stuck in Africa, trying to get her identity verified by the US Embassy so she can come home. After the Snap, a whole lot of records went to hell. Her passport isn’t where she left it, and a lot of the people she worked with also disappeared in the Decimation. They’re worrying about their own problems and not really able to help her much. It’ll be a couple of weeks before she makes it home, although I was thinking about asking Maria Hill over at Stark security if she could pull some strings. We worked together at S.H.I.E.L.D. She might be willing. I’m sure Nick Fury has some arms he could twist. Anyway, I’ll tell her in person when she gets back. This isn’t the sort of thing you really want to tell someone over the phone. At least not mom. And who knows, she might decide to stay in America for a little while.”

The casual way in which Sharon discussed her mother being everywhere in the world rather than with her caused Steve’s heart to break again, and this time tears onto his eyes.

“OK, kiddo,” he said. “Well then, let me know how everything goes. OK if I tell Sam and Bucky?”

“Sure, I figured you would,” she said. “Hey, are you OK? You sound funny.”

“I’m good,” he assured her in the strongest voice he could muster. They said their goodbyes and hung up. Steve leaned back in his easy chair and allowed the emotions to overwhelm him. Hours later, he fell into an exhausted sleep.

000

They had both been sure that the family would react in utter shock at Sharon‘s announcement, but they took it rather well, all things considered. Sharon had texted him to warn him that she was going to tell the family the next day, and to expect phone calls and to try to act surprised when they told him, because she didn’t want them to know she had told Steve first. Edwin was perceptive enough about the fact that she had been hanging around his younger self to start getting suspicious. Sure enough, Ed called sounding concerned.

“Sharon is pregnant,” he told Steve in a tone Steve couldn’t quite make out, but one in which he hoped wasn’t an accusation levelled towards Steve himself.

“She’s ...” Steve stammered, not entirely an act.

“Pregnant. She’s pregnant, dad,” said Ed. 

“Wow. I’m not sure what to say to that,” said Steve. He didn’t. Not to his son anyway. Because the very last thing he wanted to say was ‘Yep and it’s going to be your younger brother or sister.’

“She says it was someone she was working with, before the Snap. That he wasn’t Dusted, that he married someone else and had a family. She says he’s not in the picture and that’s all she wants to say about it. But I didn’t even know she was dating anyone. And it would’ve been the time she was on the run. That doesn’t make sense. She wasn’t at work then.”

“That doesn’t mean she wasn’t being helped by someone she used to work with, son,” said Steve. “Not everyone in government agencies agreed with the Accords. And given the situation, I have always wondered if someone helped her get my gear out of CIA storage that time. I’d be willing to bet that someone was helping her during that time she was on the run as well. I often had questions.”

“But wasn’t she with you?” Ed asked. “I mean younger you? Wouldn’t you have known if she was in a relationship with someone?”

“Not necessarily,” said Steve. “We weren’t always in the same place, and a lot of times I was with the fugitive Avengers on our own unofficial missions. Sometime she came with us, sometime she didn’t. Sometimes she would be gone for weeks at a time, so would Natasha, and occasionally Wanda. Wanda was sneaking off to meet with Vision. So it’s entirely possible Sharon was off with someone and we would never have known it. Don’t forget, she’s a spy. She was trained in how to disappear and move where people couldn’t see her. And she’s good at it.”

Ed was quiet for a minute, but seemed to accept that. “Well, Lily is shocked, but once the shock wore off, the women were all excited and full of giggles. Must be what they do. They’re making plans to head down to Babies R Us and make a registry or something.”

“Registry?” asked Steve incredulously. “What on earth do they need? Don’t we have your old bassinet up in the attic? Blankets can’t be that expensive. What else do you need besides a few clothes, some diapers and some bottles?”

At that, Edwin gave one of his rare but natural hearty laughs. “Oh dad, things have changed quite a bit since you first did this. Remember my car seat back from the 50s? That metal contraption deathtrap thing that hooked over the front seat of the station wagon? People would be written up for child abuse these days for using that.”

“Oh yes,” said Steve wincing. “I remember. No doubt some things have changed. Now they have organic baby food or something or other. Back then, we called it peas in the blender.”

“Oh yes, you can bet that Lily is going to be stocking Sharon up with all kinds of organic expensive baby food. She’s already pushing cloth diapers. But all joking aside, I’m a bit concerned about Sharon‘s future plans. She doesn’t seem to have any. Is she going to raise a kid in the single room loft over the garage? I mean, she is welcome to stay there for all eternity if she wants, and thanks to all the Stark investments and stuff that you apparently knew about ahead of time that you and mom invested in, none of us really even need to work. But still, what is she going to do? I don’t think she’s really happy being a private investigator spying on cheating husbands.”

Steve was quiet for a moment. “No I don’t think she is either, though I think she turned in everything she gathered to her client on that first case she was working on yesterday. I hope she puts all that aside while she’s pregnant, it’s still kind of a dangerous job if you’re chasing after the wrong person. I didn’t tell her, cause I forgot, but the last conversation I had with Sam and Bucky, they seemed interested in her coming up to work with the Avengers. Since Natasha Romanoff’s death, the Avengers are lacking in intelligence officer. And frankly, I think she’d be happy in that position. She already knows Sam and Wanda from the two years on the run. Maria Hill who was assistant director of S.H.I.E.L.D. now works in Stark security. It’s more up her alley.”

“Dad, are you crazy? You think staking out cheating husbands is too dangerous, but fighting aliens with the Avengers isn’t? She can’t do that with a kid!”

“She wouldn’t have to go into the field,” said Steve. “Theoretically, a lot of what they would need her to do can be done from an office in the tower. But that’s in the future. I’ll mention it to her, but it would be up for her to decide. Probably the best thing for her right now would be to stay put.”

“Well, you can tell her all that this Saturday. We’ve decided to have a big family dinner get together, if you think you feel up to it. I’m going to grill some steaks and burgers, Sharon agreed to make her mother’s potato salad, and Lily is doing all the sides.”

“That sounds delightful,” said Steve in relief, glad that the conversation had moved out of precarious territory. And it really had been a while since he had gotten together with his entire family. It would probably be good for him and Sharon both.


	10. Chapter 10

CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: Alright folks, it starts getting really deep in this chapter. If frank discussion and depiction of depression, postpartum depression, thoughts of suicide, pregnancy troubles and language/violence bother you, consider yourself warned. 

Chapter 10

The family dinner that Saturday night was indeed relaxing and much-needed. In the week leading up to it, with Sharon‘s decision finally realized, Steve had begun to relax a little bit and become used to the idea that he was going to become a father again. Even to the point of feeling a little excited about it, even though he couldn’t really show it without raising everyone’s suspicions. There was a certain level of acceptable interest that a great uncle was supposed to show to his wife’s great niece’s pregnancy, and he tried very hard to keep it somewhere in that territory. He asked the occasional question, but had to force himself not to stare at Sharon, not to get too involved in conversations about child rearing and upbringing choices, and made a conscious effort to talk about other things with his son and son-in-law to keep himself distracted. His daughter and daughter-in-law, however, now that they were over the shock, were now thoroughly excited at the idea of a baby in the house, and his teenage granddaughter had already offered unlimited babysitting services. Although the oldest grandchildren were in their late teens, it was still a while before his children’s generation could be expecting grandchildren, so the thought of the baby in the family got everybody excited. 

Everyone agreed that Sharon‘s situation with the unnamed father of her baby was very sad, but as Ed’s wife Nancy pointed out, not uncommon these days given the results of the Decimation. There was also plenty of turmoil at the social level as spouses were returned to find their husbands and wives had remarried, some even had children with their new partners, or in the case of Sharon‘s investigation, had even used the opportunity to fake their death, steal the families’ funds, sometimes even the children, and disappear. Sharon‘s case was particularly weird. The woman and her two small children had disappeared in the Snap, but the husband had not. When the wife and children were returned, apparently he had been carousing with several different women, something he had been doing before the Snap, had showed up at the school to claim the children when they were returned, and attempted to take off with them, leaving his wife to wonder if they had simply not come back. She had hired Sharon to try and locate them, which Sharon had done, and turned over all the evidence to the now devastated wife, who was using it in the divorce proceedings and apparently had been awarded full custody of the children along with the house and half the finances. Word was, her soon to be ex-husband was not happy about it. Nor were all his girlfriends happy to find out they were not in a monogamous relationship with him.

That was about all Sharon could say without breaking confidentiality, but it led to quite a bit of discussion around the table about people they had all known who were facing weird family dynamics because of the Snap. The talk shifted to Steve’s new car, in which he had arrived in by himself, not needing anyone to go pick him up at the VA home. Sam had arranged for Pepper Stark to send him one of the self-driving vehicles with flight capabilities that lined the motorpool wall of Avengers Tower three weeks ago. It ran on arc reactor technology and didn’t need gas, could drive itself so he didn’t have to rely on his failing reflexes, and could, if necessary, fly cloaked. If he needed to make a run to visit the Avengers, he could, as one of the programmed routes was a direct flight back to Avengers Tower. The talk also centered around the grandchildren who had re-joined various sports and scouting programs, as one of Steve’s oldest grandsons had been on track for Eagle Scout and had recently been readmitted to the program, the local council having decided to accept all of his work from five years prior and not make him redo it. They were going on a campout in a week or so, and all of the children were excited about attending. 

“We will probably have to dig all the camping gear out of the attic,” said Ed as the family moved into the living room for coffee while the grandchildren fired up the Nintendo for a rousing game of Mario Kart.

“It’s not all in the attic,” said Steve. “I brought some of it down during the five years you were gone, I needed the headlamps one time when the power went out and I had to go down to the basement to fix the fuse box. And the first aid kit. I shoved it all in one of the closets upstairs. I couldn’t get it back up in the attic.”

“We’re doing a gear inspection tomorrow,” said his oldest grandson Danny, standing up. “I’m going to need it by then.”

“I’ll get it,” said Sharon. “I saw it not long ago.” She moved towards the stairs.

“Sharon, it can wait,” said Lily.

“If I don’t get it now,” said Sharon, “I’m going to forget in five minutes. I’ve been so scatterbrained lately. Yesterday I put my keys in the refrigerator and the milk in the pantry.”

Lily laughed as Sharon disappeared up the stairs. “Yeah, that’s pregnancy brain. I forgot the name for chair and kept asking Jeff to ‘bring me that thing you sit in’ once.”

Everybody was still laughing when suddenly the front door burst open as if an explosion had gone off, and a man they didn’t recognize, large and stocky and looking something like shock jock Alex Jones, came storming in the front foyer, saw everybody in the living room and stormed in, raising a gun.

“Which one of you is Sharon Carter?” he growled.

Quite a few of the children and Ed’s wife screamed in shock and quickly retreated to a far corner of the room, standing behind Lily’s husband Jeff. Steve had been standing near the side of the sofa moving towards one of the easy chairs, so he froze in place. Lily was still sitting on the sofa, and Ed cautiously moved in front of her, squaring off with the man.

“Who the hell are you, and why did you come busting up into my house? What do you want?”

Steve felt a jolt of fear shoot through his heart as his son confronted the man who was obviously crazed. He was huffing and puffing, somewhat overweight and clearly not prone to working out. His face was red and he was sweating and shaking, possibly on something. There was no doubt, he would shoot anyone who irritated him. Steve glanced at Ed with a look that he hoped said ‘be cautious.’ He was also berating himself at the moment for not having the security system activated. But it was broad daylight outside, with the sun only starting to go down. Why would they have the alarm system activated with everyone awake and moving around, and no danger regularly present on the street?

The man growled, “I’m looking for that bitch PI who gave my wife all that info about me. Slipped some cash to an underpaid clerk at the courthouse to get the records, and found out this was listed as her address. Or an address for Carter anyway. I know she’s here. Because of her, my ex think she’s gonna walk off with the kids, the house and the money. Well I don’t think so. Some folks need to be taught to mind their own business.”

Ed said evenly, “Whatever business you’ve got going on is not our business. You’ve got the wrong house. We’re just having a family dinner here. You need to leave.”

The man leveled his gun straight at Ed’s heart. Steve almost choked. “I don’t have the wrong house!” he screamed. “Now where is she? Is it her?”

He pointed the gun at Nancy. Ed once again moved carefully so that he was between the gun and his wife.

“No,” he said, “that’s my wife Nancy. You have the wrong house. Now leave.”

“You know,” the man sneered, “I’m a patient man, but not that patient. Maybe we need a little motivation here. Do you think this Sharon is worth protecting? Well how about her or one of these cute little kids you got here? Should we start with that one?”

He pointed the gun at Lily’s daughter Hannah. “No!” Lily screamed, moving to get up from the couch to protect her daughter.

The man fired into the ceiling causing everyone to scream. “Sit your ass back down,” he said pointing the gun at Lily. “Now I’m only going to ask this one more time, where is this Sharon Carter bitch?”

In all his life, even in the years he had spent as a scrawny little man being harassed by bullies, Steve had never felt quite this helpless. There was a time in his life when he could have easily jumped across the room and disarmed and the man and thrown him halfway down the street before he could even react. If he were still under the effects of the serum, he might even be able to do that now. But he couldn’t. And now this lunatic was pointing his gun at Steve’s children and grandchildren, and there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t move fast enough. He would be shot in the scuffle for sure. And where the hell was Sharon?

Suddenly Steve heard what the others did not hear in the commotion. The sound of the creaky step right above the landing. It was very soft, and Sharon was usually pretty good about avoiding it. At first he thought she was being careless, until he realized she had stepped on it on purpose, to alert him that she was there. Steve now knew exactly where she was. In the darkness on the landing. He might not be fast enough to disarm the man, but if Sharon could get the drop on him, she was. Not that Steve relished the thought of her getting into a physical altercation with anyone, let alone a crazy man with a gun, at any time, but especially pregnant. But he knew her well enough to know she was about to attack anyway. She usually had her own gun with her, but he didn’t know if she had it now. And if she didn’t, she was going to have to take this man down the old-fashioned way. The problem was, where the man was standing, there was no way for her to come down off the landing without being seen. Sharon was fast, but not quite that fast. He doubted even Natasha would have been fast enough to cover that distance before being shot at. He was going to have to distract the man, get him to step into the living room and out of the line of sight of the stairs.

Steve stepped forward. “You’re looking for someone named Sharon? There’s no one in this house by that name, but we know some of the other Carters. Don’t hurt the children, and I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

“Dad!” Lily said in shock 

“Hush, Lil,” he hissed through clenched teeth and moved into the man’s line of sight. “How old is this person you’re looking for?”

Elated to be getting what looked like cooperation, the man took three steps into the room as if to answer, then his eyes narrowed. “You’re stalling old man,” he said menacingly. “I’m done with this shit.”

He leveled the gun at Hannah who had begun to cry.

“Wait!” said Ed. “Sir, right now the only thing you’re facing is a nasty divorce and possibly breaking and entering or trespassing. If you shoot anyone, that’s premeditated murder. You’ll get the chair for that. If you leave now, we won’t press charges.”

“Shut up!” the man screamed swinging his gun around to Ed, his finger squeezing on the trigger.

“No!” Steve yelled, launching himself at the man in best effort to tackle him. It was a fairly useless attempt, but he managed to knock the gun away right before it went off and shattered a lamp by the window. Everyone screamed.

“Get off, you old bastard,” the man said swinging his gun arm back around and catching Steve in the shoulder with his elbow, which spun Steve around, knocking him off balance and down into the lamp table next to the sofa. He hit the floor so hard, he was almost certain he had broken some ribs, because he suddenly couldn’t breathe.

He heard Lily screaming for him, and then suddenly she was on the ground next to him, asking if he was OK. There was a muffled surprised scream from the assailant, and Steve turned over on the ground and turned his head just in time to see Sharon launching herself from the hallway straight into the man’s back with a sidekick that he had seen her break five boards with straight into the man’s kidneys. On a normally statured person, it might have snapped the person’s spine. But apparently this man had enough padding to absorb some of the shock, though he stumbled forward.

Ed had taken the opportunity to throw himself on top of Hannah in case the man decided to shoot at the child, and everyone moved into defensive positions behind furniture, although Steve knew that pretty much any bullet would go straight through any of the furniture in this room. But thankfully it ended up being unneeded. The man was able to turn around in time to catch a full view of Sharon, realizing that this was who he was looking for. For the first time in their lives, Steve’s extended family got a good look at their cousin, at the agent she truly was. No longer was she the good-natured cousin they all knew standing in front of them, but instead a furious woman highly trained in more than one martial art, who had taken down five Ukrainian thugs with machine guns single-handedly on a mission once, who had sparred a few times with Natasha Romanoff and walked away to tell about it. This was the Sharon Carter none of them had known, but Steve had. She was furious, in battle mode, and she was magnificent. She was also fast.

Before the man could swing his gun arm around to take a bead on her, she easily round kicked his gun arm elbow and snapped his arm, bringing a knifehand strike down on his wrist, causing him to drop the weapon which she deftly kicked under the couch. Then she went to work. Before anyone could blink, she had landed several blows to the man’s solar plexus and face and went to take him down, but somehow he managed to roll out of it, clearly jacked up on something that had him high and not feeling the full extent of pain. 

Normally, this would not be a problem for Sharon. She had fought against bigger and better men, more of them, with far more extensive training, than this guy, who was not exactly agile, though his mass made it hard to bring him down. But she was moving slower than normal, and he was enraged and high, not feeling the pain of her blows yet. He caught her off guard with a quick backfist to her face which sent her spinning, and he was able to recover enough to grab her and slam her against a wall. Steve was trying to struggle to his feet, dimly aware that his limbs were not responding the way he wanted them to, but gave a strangled cry as he saw the man swiftly and viciously bring his knee up and slam her directly in the abdomen, causing her to cry out in pain and double over.

Now Steve did yell, as did Ed and Lily, and Ed started to roll off of Hannah to go help Sharon. But Sharon recovered in just enough time. As the assailant pulled his fist back as if to bring it down on the top of her head, she came up swiftly and slammed the back of her head directly into his face staggering him. With two quick kicks, she took out his knees and kicked him in the groin, sending him to the ground. The man was screaming and clutching his broken nose, sending a string of profanities in Sharon‘s direction.

Ed had managed to dig the man’s gun out from under the sofa, and, remembering the training Peggy gave him, held it in a firm professional pose as he inched toward Sharon keeping the gun trained on the man.

“You bitch! You whore! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you, and everyone you love. Everyone in this house! No matter how long it takes!”

Sharon was still doubled over, clutching her abdomen, her face contorted with pain. But at the man’s words, her face went expressionless. She wasn’t able to straighten completely up, but she did enough to slowly take the gun from Ed’s hand. He gave it to her. But everyone in the room receive the shock of their lives, when she calmly pointed the gun at the man’s head and pulled the trigger. He was dead in less than a second.

Silence fell over the room, as everyone gasped in surprise. Lily had managed to get Steve in a sitting position, but even she was motionless now, staring at her cousin in horror.

Even Steve was stunned. Ed recovered first. “Sharon,” he said carefully, “he was down.”

Sharon didn’t look at him, her eyes locked on the man on the floor. “This isn’t a gentleman’s duel at sun up with pistols, Ed. His kind are the kind who sweet talk plea deals, wait a year or two for you to let your guard down, and then come after you. Men like him have to have the final punch. The last word. And if you think this is the first one like this I’ve shot dead, I assure you it isn’t. Better call 911.”

Jeff moved to pull his phone out of his pocket, something nobody had thought to do in the minute and a half it took for all of this to go down. It looked like Ed was about to ask for the gun back, when suddenly Sharon doubled over again in pain, crying out. She dropped to her knees, leaning against the wall.

“Sharon! Sharon, are you OK?” Ed asked, kneeling down next to her and gently taking the gun, putting a hand on her back. Steve’s heart sank and she swiftly shook her head, her face contorting again and she took deep shaky breath.

“She took a hit to the stomach,” said Jeff, on the phone with emergency dispatch. “I think she’s in trouble.”

Steve wanted to get up and go to her, but Lily made him stay seated, and Ed’s wife came and sat next to him while Lily went over to Sharon, everyone having recovered enough from the sight of Sharon shooting a man dead to realize that she now needed help. She pulled Sharon‘s head into her lap, similar to the way Peggy had occasionally done, and stroked Sharon‘s hair. “Hang on, honey, help is coming.”

“The baby,” Sharon gasped, and then could speak no more.

“I know,” Lily said in response. “They’re coming. Just don’t move.”  
Ed and his wife had managed to get everyone into the kitchen and some ice for both Steve and Sharon. Steve had moved to his easy chair, trying to ignore how every inch of his body hurt while keeping an eye on Lily comforting Sharon. Where the hell were the paramedics? They were taking forever it seemed.

Finally, the police and paramedics came barreling through the door, the police with guns drawn, after Jeff had described what had happened, and the place became a whirlwind of activity. Steve felt dizzy as paramedics and police officers surrounded him, paramedics checking him out for injury, and police trying to get his version of what had happened. He answered the questions as truthfully as he could, and complied with the paramedics, but kept looking over his shoulder to see what was happening with Sharon. From what he could tell, she was going through her own similar version of events, only she was lying on a gurney as paramedics hooked her up to machines checking her vitals. He could hear other police officers and detectives in the kitchen interviewing the grandchildren and the others. Ed was standing by the door talking to another detective. Steve wanted to do anything but sit in this chair, he wanted to go to Sharon, he wanted to check on his grandchildren, but he was honestly afraid that if he tried to get up and walk, his legs might not hold him. He had never felt so weak and helpless before, not even before the Project. He had at least been able to walk then. Then he became angry. Yes, he was ancient, but a part of him felt like he should have been able to stop this attack before it had gotten out of hand. For a significant portion of his life, he would have been able to. His family had been in danger, the woman carrying his child had been severely hurt from the look of it, and he had been able to do nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Suddenly Lily appeared in his field of vision. “Dad, they have to take Sharon to the hospital.”

“What? Why? Is she hurt?”

Lily looked worried. “I told them that she’s pregnant and she took a bad hit to the stomach. She can’t seem to straighten up, she’s in a lot of pain, and she’s, well, she’s bleeding. The paramedics are afraid she might be miscarrying.”

Steve felt anguish and fear shoot right through his heart. He struggled to get up, but the paramedics gently pushed him back down. “Sir, please, you need to hold still.”

“My, my niece,” he said, “she’s hurt.”

“Dad, don’t get up,” said Lily. “I’ll go with her. Jeff and Nan are going to stay here with the kids, I’ll go with her. You sit still. You took a bad fall too.”

“On that note,” said the paramedic holding him down, “we’re going to have to ask you to come with us sir. At your age, a fall that bad could have internal injuries or breaks. You’ll need to get checked out by the ER.”

“I’m fine!” Steve growled. “Just take care of my niece. Make sure my grandkids aren’t hurt. That bastard would have killed us all if it weren’t for her. The kids....”

“Dad, the kids are fine,” said Edwin, coming into view to stand next to Lily. He touched his sister on the shoulder, and she nodded and went back to Sharon. “They’re scared and shaken up, but they’re not hurt. Lily is going with Sharon, I’m going to go with you. You both need to be checked out. And no arguing, please. I don’t have the strength.”

Resigned, Steve nodded and leaned back, allowing the paramedics to help him up onto another gurney. They had already wheeled Sharon out to the first waiting ambulance, where Lily was climbing in behind her. The flashing lights and chatter on radios and talking between paramedics seem to spiral into a blur as they loaded him into the second ambulance where Ed climbed in after him and they took off to the nearest hospital.

000

Steve’s initial impulse was to play up the cranky old man trope and be unreasonable until somebody told him what was going on with Sharon or let him see her. But then he thought the better of it, and figured that cooperating would get them to release him faster so he could find out what was happening. He complied with their questions and directions, sat still for the x-ray, then the MRI, and then tried not to scream in frustration while waiting for the doctor to come back with his results. His son stayed by his side through all of it, texting back-and-forth with the other adults, giving him updates when he could.

The police had finally left the house after four hours, after removing the man’s dead body, and cleaning up as best they could, Nancy and Jeff had finally managed to coax the children into taking showers and putting on their pajamas. Everyone had crowded into the bedroom of Steve’s oldest grandson Daniel, named after Daniel Sousa, and there was something of a slumber party going on as everybody wordlessly sank into their sleeping bags, comforted by their cousins nearby. Nancy was sleeping in the bed in the room with them, while Jeff had taken Sharon‘s gun, retrieved from her loft apartment, and was dozing in an arm chair in the foyer. 17-year-old Daniel was sleeping on the couch with a baseball bat.

Steve said, “I’m not sure what Danny thinks he’s going to do with that baseball bat. He should be upstairs with the others.”

“He’s Captain America‘s grandson,” said Ed wryly. “I’m not surprised at all. Besides, his bed is apparently taken. And Sharon’s showed all the kids some martial arts here and there.”

“At 17, Sharon held black belts in two different martial arts. Your mother insisted on it. She would have liked to see you two stick with it longer than two years. It’s high time the grandkids took it up, for defense if nothing else. Any word from Lily on Sharon?” asked Steve.

“Lily is waiting in the ER room that they assigned Sharon to, but they’ve taken her somewhere for tests. MRIs and x-rays. They don’t know anything yet.”

Just then, the attending doctor came in and shook Steve‘s hand and Ed’s. “Well sir, you’re very lucky. You took a hell of a fall from what I hear, but you don’t seem to have broken anything, and we can’t detect any internal injuries or concussion.”

“Good,” said Steve trying to sit up but wincing in pain again. “Does that mean I can go home? Can I go see my niece? She’s here somewhere too.”

“I’m afraid not,” said the doctor sympathetically. “I want to keep you overnight for observation. Sometimes internal injuries take a while to show up, especially in the elderly. I wouldn’t feel comfortable releasing you right now, especially given that you seem to be in a lot of pain. You’ll stay overnight for observation, and if no further complications develop, we can see about releasing you tomorrow.”

It took every ounce of willpower that Steve possessed to not scream or curse at the man, but instead to smile and shake his hand and tell him thank you, as he was doing. If only someone would tell him that Sharon and the baby were OK. He would do whatever anyone told him to do, if someone could just tell him that. The doctor left and after what seemed like another eternity, he was moved to a patient room and settled in for the night. Ed followed, texting everyone his room number and checking on everyone back at the house. They were ok, he reported.

Ed put the TV on, since it was obvious that Steve was wide awake until they heard more about Sharon, and they whiled away the hours watching a marathon on HGTV of a show about house flippers. It worked, such shows were usually sopophoric. Steve was fighting nodding off several times, now that the pain medication had kicked in, when suddenly Lily’s voice snapped him awake. She had just walked in and was talking softly to Ed.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, trying to sit up.

“Dad, don’t try to get up!” Ed said coming over.

“Why aren’t you with Sharon?” Steve asked his daughter, a little more harshly than he intended.

“She’s in surgery,” Lily said. “I came to check on you rather than sit there waiting. She won’t be out for at least an hour, so I have plenty of time to get back down there.”

“Surgery? Why is she in surgery? Was she shot?” asked Steve.

“No, she wasn’t, Dad, calm down. That hit she took to the stomach, there was damage. Internal damage. They have to go in and repair it.”

“What about the baby?” Steve asked, not even bothering to hide his concern.

Lily and Ed looked at each other, and then back at him. “Dad, Sharon lost the baby. Or she is losing it. She was already bleeding by the time they got her in to the ER. And she had already lost too much blood to sustain the pregnancy. Apparently her hormones were already unstable due to the implant, and now they are dropping.”

“What?! But how? She’s only a few weeks long. Can’t they give her a shot or something? Some kind of hormone or something? Can’t they go in and sew something up?”

“No, Dad, they can’t. There was too much damage. They have to go in and repair that damage. In order to do that, they’re evacuating her uterus. There is a risk of infection otherwise. If they don’t do it now, she may not be able to have children in the future.”

“It’s already done?” asked Steve.

“By now, yes,” said Lily. “Sharon was awake when the doctor explained it to her. She consented to the surgery. It was already too late to save the baby. Dad, they tried everything they could. I promise they did. Sharon wanted them to do everything they could too, but the doctor was pretty upfront about it. They couldn’t save the pregnancy. She had internal injuries, they had to go in and repair the damage. It would threaten her life otherwise.”

Steve closed his eyes and sank back into the pillows, all fight draining from his body. He was exhausted, and he was already tired from the events of the day and the pain medication. But hearing that Sharon had just lost the baby was too much. It was too much. Overwhelming despair came crashing down on him, and he was rapidly losing his fight against the tears stinging his eyelids. He couldn’t face his grown son or daughter. And what the hell was he supposed to say to Sharon?

Sharon.

His poor, poor Sharon. She was only just starting to get her life back together, and allowed herself to get excited about the baby. He had even started to allow himself to become excited about it, even if no one could ever know it was his. And now this. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right. That girl had never done anything to deserve any of this. She had stood by him, argued with him, verbally kicked his ass, and still kept with The Plan. She had sacrificed everything for him, and in return he had gotten her pregnant and left her. Now this. He stifled a groan of anguish.

‘Oh God,’ he thought, ‘not her. Stop letting this happen to her. If someone needs to be punished, if someone needs to suffer, let it be me. Take this away from her and put it on me. I’m the one that deserves it. Not my girl. My amazing girl.’

Steve lay there for a long time, struggling to regain control of himself. He felt an overwhelming urge to find Sharon and gather her in his arms and hold her. But he knew that was out of the question.

He suddenly became aware of the fact that the room was very quiet, with just the dim hum of the TV in the background. Having regained his composure, he slowly opened his eyes and turned his head back to look at Lily and Ed staring at him.

“What?” he asked them.

“Dad? Are you OK?” Ed asked cautiously.

“I’ll be fine,” he said taking a deep shaky breath. “It’s just been a hell of a day. We were having such a good time, all together, and then this.”

Ed and Lily looked at each other, and then back at him.

“Dad,” said Ed, “we’re all upset about what’s happened, and Sharon‘s baby and all, but...”

Lily put her hand on her brother’s arm and silenced him. She studied her father for a second, then glanced at her brother as if considering something, and then back at Steve.

“Dad, maybe now is not the time, but I need to ask you something,” she said.

“What is it?” he asked wearily.

“Sharon‘s baby, was it yours?” she asked.

Steve’s eyes snapped open and fixed on his daughter’s face, so much like Peggy’s it almost hurt. Despite the fact that she resembled Peggy so strongly, though, the two had been very different from each other in personality. But there were some other similarities other than just looks. Lily, like her mother, was very perceptive. She probably would have been a formidable agent if she were not so whimsical in everything else in her life. Ed was likewise perceptive in his own way, but differently from his sister. For instance, he was looking at her in shock, clearly having never considered this himself, though Steve often wondered if either of his children would eventually figure out the truth. Sharon had seemed to think so. They had presented the half true story to the family about the parentage of the baby Sharon had been carrying, but Sharon had advised him not to lie if someone asked point blank. And here they were literally asking point blank.

Steve fought down a wave of panic. How he handled this could determine his relationship with his family for the rest of his life, which may not have much left in it. It could also determine Sharon‘s relationship with them as well. He had to tread carefully, and his first impulse was to deny it. If he brushed it off as ridiculous, both of his children would likely accept that and move on. But Lily wouldn’t have asked such a question if she didn’t already suspect or even know. He thought about the son or daughter he would never know now, would never have a funeral for, would never hold. It would never have a name. It had already been facing the prospect of growing up in a world where its parents had been through an almost fantastical set of circumstances that led to its conception, followed by its father abandoning it to travel through time and create another family. Now here he was about to deny it entirely. Sharon had told him not to lie, and he was tired of doing despicable things. Some of them had been necessary, but this one wasn’t.

“Yes,” he said softly before he could lose his nerve.

Lily let out a long breath that she had been holding, and actually seemed to relax at the revelation, but Ed was frozen in shock with his mouth hanging open. It was almost funny.

“What?!” he nearly yelled.

“Edwin, don’t yell. I’ve had enough of that tonight,” said Steve.

“You, and Sharon? Dad, that’s…”

“In the past, far in the past, and over and done with,” said Steve. He glared at her son. “For me it was 80 years ago, before I went back in time. Before I even knew time travel was possible. Before I knew I was her uncle.”

“But to her, factoring in the Snap, it was only a couple of weeks ago,” said Lily, her eyes filling with tears. “And she knew. She had to have.”

“She did,” confirmed Steve. “And she had to do it. Do it and then purposely break it off with me. If she didn’t, I would never have gone back in time to your mother, and the two of you wouldn’t be standing there. If I didn’t go back in time, then Thanos would not have been defeated, and you and your children and Sharon and everyone else would still be piles of dust somewhere. Imagine what that’s like, knowing you’ll have to have that kind of relationship with your own uncle for the purpose of saving billions of lives. Don’t think for a second that she made that choice lightly.”

“Oh my God, Dad,” groaned Edwin dropping his face into one hand. “I can’t believe this.”

“It’s not as bad as all that,” said Steve. “Like I said, for me it was 80 years ago, when I was much younger, that young Avenger you all saw at the funeral. I assure you, I was never unfaithful to your mother or her memory. And if you’re going to be mad at someone, be mad at me. This was all my doing, all blame can rest solely on me. She only did what I instructed her to do. And it had to be done. Don’t be mad at her.”

“Thank God mom is not here to see this,” said Ed, staring out the window.

But Lily locked eyes with Steve. “Dad. Did mom know?”

“She knew a lot, though not all of it,” confirmed Steve. “And yes, she knew about my past with Sharon. Some of it anyway, not the full story. It took her a while to trust me around Sharon. That was disconcerting. And it was extremely weird when Sharon was born and running around as a kid. Weirder when she turned into an adult. It hasn’t been easy. This whole thing with the pregnancy, it’s thrown us both for a loop. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through right now. If it hurts even half of what I’m feeling, she’s going to be in a lot of physical and emotional pain.”

Lily started to cry softly and looked away. “Poor Sharon,” she whispered. “That poor kid.”

“She’s not a kid, she’s a grown woman and she knew what she was doing,” said Ed.

“Guys, I need to know you’re not going to be mad at Sharon about this,” said Steve. “I did not give her anything resembling a reasonable choice. I will admit I flat out manipulated her, used my position as the adult in her life to push her down the path I needed her to go. This is not, repeat not her fault, and now is not the time to fuss at her about it. It’s done and over with. I’m not doing any more time traveling to change it.”

“Dad, she lied to us. You lied to us.”

“About what?” Steve asked.

“About who the father was!” said Ed “She said it was somebody from work.”

“No she didn’t,” said Steve. “She told you it was somebody she worked with, and I did. She told you it was somebody who survived the Snap. I did. She told you it was someone who moved on, married someone else started a family. I did. She actually didn’t tell you a single false thing.”

Now Ed was angry and glared at his father. “That’s beside the point! She was deliberately misleading. You both were! And you know it.”

“Yes we were, and I assure you it’s not the first thing either she or I or your mother have been misleading about to you. You’re not in ‘the life,’ there’s a lot we will never be able to tell you. And believe me, it’s for the best. Everything we’ve ever done has been to protect you all. And if you want to punish us for it, that’s exactly what’s happening now. You should be thrilled.”

Steve knew he was being unfair, but he was angry at the situation and himself, and he knew he couldn’t reasonably expect either of his grown children to just accept this. He turned and stared out the window.

“OK guys, that’s enough,” said Lily gently. “Nobody is happy about this, nobody is happy that she lost that baby, at least I’m not.”

“Of course I’m not happy about it!” said Ed. “What kind of monster do you think I am?”

“Nobody thinks you are anything of the sort, Ed,” said Lily. “We are all tired, it’s 1 o’clock in the morning, some maniac busted up into our house and nearly killed our kids, our father is lying in a hospital bed and telling us something we never thought we’d hear, and our cousin just miscarried his baby saving everybody’s lives. I think it’s safe to say that nobody is at their best right now, so I think we should table this discussion for now. What’s done is done, the baby isn’t coming back, and Sharon has a hell of a recovery ahead of her. To say nothing of the fact that she might be facing charges.”

“Charges?” asked Steve, looking back at them. “Charges for what?”

“Manslaughter,” said Ed, dropping into lawyer mode. “They’re thinking about charging her with manslaughter, possibly second-degree murder.”

“Are you serious!?” snapped Steve sitting up, forgetting the pain. “She saved our lives! That maniac just burst into our house and was pointing a gun at Hannah! She had every right to defend us.”

“Defend, yes, but kill, maybe not,” said Ed. “It’s different as an agent in the line of duty, if she were still employed by the US government and she had to shoot to kill in the line of duty, that’s different, but she’s a civilian now. Civilian law applies to her. And civilian law says you have every right to defend yourself, but if there is any reasonable way you could retreat or end the situation without using lethal force, then that’s what you should do. All of us testified that the man was already down, which forensics would show from the angle of the shot to his head anyway, which means that Sharon fired on him unnecessarily.”

“But he threatened to kill us all,” said Lily. “Sharon felt that he might come after us again if he ever got out of prison or wiggled out of jail time. She shot him to end any future fights, even though she had already won that one.”

“That may be her reason,” said Ed, “but I doubt the courts will agree. If he was down with two broken legs, a broken arm, two broken ribs and a broken gun wrist, it would definitely count as incapacitated, then it was unnecessary to kill him, and that’s what the law will say. We can argue that she was suffering hormonal imbalances based on her pregnancy, that she felt we were still in danger based on his words, and that she never intended to kill him or premeditated it, but she could still be facing jail time.”

Steve wanted to say something but all that came out was a groan of despair. And he thought losing the baby was going to be more than Sharon could take. Now she was going to face criminal charges? After everything? No, he couldn’t let that happen. He didn’t know if anybody he knew could help at this point, but he had to at least try.

“Dad,” said Ed, “I’m not going to let her face that unrepresented. I’ll represent her, she won’t have to worry about getting legal aid. And I’ll see what I can come up with. Yes, I’m mad about everything, but I’m not going to turn my back on her. She’s family. And she did save our lives.”

“Is my phone here?” asked Steve.

“I don’t think so,” said Lily, “I think it’s still plugged in on the counter back at the house.”

“Does Sharon have her phone?” he asked.

“No, I think hers is back at the house too,” said Lily.

“Can one of you bring both of our phones here tomorrow?” he asked. “And get me something to write with if you can find it.”

“I’ll bring them,” said Lily, digging into her purse and coming up with a pad and pen. “What’s so important?”

Steve scribbled on the pad and handed it back to her. “Those phone numbers are for Sam Wilson and for Bucky. Call Sam first. One of you call him and tell him what’s happened here tonight. Ed, that should probably be you. You know the legal stuff. Explain to Sam what’s going on, and tell him to tell Nick Fury or Maria Hill. If anyone can help Sharon, they can. If you can’t get Sam, call Bucky. It might be weird talking to him, but somebody up there needs to know.”

“Dad, you and Sharon are not Avengers, at least not anymore. It might be risky getting them involved.”

“I don’t want them involved,” said Steve. “I want Fury or Hill to handle this. But I do want Sam and Bucky to know that Sharon lost the baby. And how it happened.”

“They knew about the baby?” asked Ed, rolling his eyes. “Did they know you were the father?”

“Bucky came to visit and we were talking when Sharon showed up to tell me. He would have guessed anyway.”

“So what, the whole world knew about this before your own children?” asked Ed.

“Ed…” Lily started to warn.

“No!” said Steve. “The only people who knew prior to tonight were me, Sharon, Bucky, Sam, and maybe Wanda. And maybe Bruce, I don’t know if they told him or not. But that’s it. That’s not the whole world. We didn’t even tell Fury or Hill. Although they’ll probably hear about it now. And frankly, I think that’s where it needs to end. Pepper Stark doesn’t need to know, and certainly not the media. They’d never leave Sharon alone. Or any of you. And I damn sure don’t want them harassing the kids at school over it.”

“They’d harass you too,” said Lily.

“Lilian, I assure you I am well past the point of caring what anyone does to me over this. Nothing anyone can do to me will equal what’s already been done to Sharon. It’s about time I pay the consequences for my own actions, not her. I’m tired of her taking one hit over another because of me.” Steve had a hard time keeping the misery out of his voice.

His remorse and despair finally seemed to get through to Edwin, his gaze finally softened and he looked away.

“Dad, we’re going to fix this, OK? You just rest and try to get better, we’ll see about getting you home. And when Sharon is better, will bring her home and take care of her too. It’s the weekend tomorrow, but I’ll go into the office and start preparing a preliminary defense. If the cops charge her, I’ll submit myself as her legal counsel. Will get this handled.”

“She’s going to probably need emotional counseling,” said Lily. “This is a lot to handle. Dad, you could stand to go to that as well.”

Steve didn’t say anything, but just nodded. “I want somebody to call Sam tonight. Forget about what time it is. He’s used to late night emergencies.”

“I’ll call him,” said Ed. “And if you’re settled in OK, I’m going to head home, I’ll call him in the car.”

“I’m going back down to recovery to wait for Sharon. They’ll be done with her in a couple of minutes or soon anyway. Try to get some rest, dad,” she said, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. She hugged Ed, and then walked back out the door.

Ed clapped his father’s shoulder gently, and implored him to get some rest, and then left as well. With them gone and only the TV for background noise, Steve did his best to try to wrangle his storm of emotions into something manageable enough to let him sleep.

000

While Ed was driving back to the house, on the phone with Sam Wilson filling him in on the nights’ events, Lily walked back down to surgery recovery and sat in the highly uncomfortable chair, waiting for Sharon to come back. She was trying to come to terms with her father‘s revelation, as well as the grief that now seemed so huge over the loss of Sharon‘s baby. She had been moderately excited for her cousin, and looking forward to spoiling a baby, but knowing now that it had been her own sibling made it extra heavy in grief. She allowed herself a few minutes of tears before swallowing them as the nurses pulled aside the curtain and pushed in a gurney with the inert form of Sharon on it. Lily jumped up.

One of the nurses held up her hand. “Now there, she won’t be waking up for a few more minutes. She’ll wait here until she comes out of the anesthesia. The doctor will be in to talk to you soon.”

Lily stared down at her cousin as they moved her into place and hooked up all of the machines. Sharon was ghost white, her blonde hair limply spread on the hospital pillow, her eyes shut but her face not peaceful in sleep. Knowing what she now knew about her cousin, Lily was half afraid that she would feel differently looking down at Sharon asleep in the bed. But as she reached out and took Sharon‘s hand, cool in her own fingers, and looked down at her, she found that she felt none of the revulsion she was afraid she would feel. Instead, she felt overwhelming awe. She knew she didn’t have the whole story, but what would it have been like to have to do half the things that Sharon had done for the sake of saving half the life in the universe? Lily was pretty sure she couldn’t have done it herself. How much would it hurt to have loved a man knowing he was ultimately going to leave, that you would be left behind, and that every time you looked at your own cousins, you would know that it was because he had chosen their mother? To at least have the comfort of his baby to love, but to lose it defending those cousins and their children?

Just imagining it was nearly agony for a Lily, who clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from whimpering, and here was Sharon actually living it. Her mind flashed to earlier that evening when the crazy man had pointed the gun at her daughter Hannah, and the image of Sharon flying out of the darkness from the stairs, easily taking him down and saving Hannah’s life. Saving them all. And it cost her own baby to do it. The baby that was conceived due to sacrificing her own happiness to save the universe. The woman lying asleep on the gurney in front of her was amazing. And Lily was proud to be related to her. Just as she was proud to be Peggy’s daughter. What had Peggy done over the years that Lily would never know about? Suffered her own agonies to ensure the timeline went the way it should? Lily wasn’t sure what everyone else thought, but she was pretty sure her mother would agree if Peggy were here now. She wouldn’t be angry at Sharon, she would be awestruck but heartbroken.

Just then, the doctor came in, introduced himself and shook Lily’s hand. He explained that, considering the circumstances, Sharon was actually in decent shape. There had been some tearing in her abdominal wall, which they had been able to repair laparoscopically, and the procedure on her uterus had gone well, though she was no longer pregnant. The doctor expressed his sympathy on that, and explained to Lily that Sharon should rest most of the week. He was keeping her overnight and possibly the next day for observation to ensure there was no further bleeding, but that her hormones would likely be out of whack and she should not do anything strenuous or physical, no exercise for a couple of weeks and no lifting heavy objects. She should make a follow up appointment with her doctors soon as well. Lily asked if the damage to her reproductive system was severe, and the doctor shook his head, saying that, all things considered, it wasn’t as bad as they had been expecting, and that she should make a full recovery, and should not have any problems carrying a pregnancy in the future. Lily breathed a sigh of relief, thanked the doctor and watched him leave before typing out a message to Ed. She figured on filling in her father in the morning, but right now everyone needed to try and rest.

Lily pulled up the chair next to Sharon’s bed, and held her hand tightly. “I’m here, girl, you’re not alone. And I’m not going to leave you,” she whispered.

Lily eventually dozed, her head dropping on the bed next to Sharon, but around 3 AM, she felt Sharon stirring. Lily’s head snapped up. She could see Sharon’s eyes opening, trying to focus as she slowly turned her head from side to side, taking in her surroundings. Then she focused on Lily.

“Lil? Where am I?” she whispered.

“Recovery, honey, they just brought you out of surgery,” Lily responded.

Sharon nodded slightly, then winced in pain. 

Lily leaned in, concerned. “Are you hurting?”

Clearly Sharon was trying to be brave. “It’s not bad,” she said.

Lily wasn’t sure what to say, so she continued to hold Sharon’s hand as she drifted in and out of consciousness, trying to come out of the anesthetic. The nurse on duty was an old pro at this, every five minutes or so ducking in to shake Sharon’s shoulder and admonish her to breathe more deeply than she was doing, because her oxygen count wasn’t coming back up. Eventually, Sharon started groaning and protesting, which was, the nurse told Lily, a good sign that she was now staying awake. Not unlike waking up your teenager for school in the morning. Lily laughed and told the nurse that she knew what that was like, but decided to clamp up in case a conversation about motherhood was upsetting right now. But Sharon didn’t seem to be listening anyway. Eventually, she came out of it long enough to keep her eyes open for a while, and the nurse, satisfied that she was breathing normally, began the paperwork to have Sharon transferred to a room.

“They want to keep you a day or two,” said Lily, “for observation. Make sure you don’t start bleeding again.”

Sharon nodded, then looked at her cousin. “The baby is gone, isn’t it?”

Lily gave her a sympathetic look. “Yeah, honey, it is. They had to. But the doctor said there wasn’t too bad of damage, he expects you to make a full recovery, maybe even have kids in the future.”

Sharon had been nodding in acceptance up to that point, but then shook her head. “No, I don’t think so,” she said.

Lily fought down surprise, after all everybody had been through some trauma that night, Sharon probably wasn’t thinking clear headed late.

“Well that’s kind a final,” she told Sharon. “You’re only 32, accounting for the Snap. You’ve still got some time.”

“Lily,” Sharon said weakly, “I never planned on having kids in the first place. Not with knowing that Thanos was coming.”

“But Thanos has been defeated, hasn’t he?” Lily asked.

“Doesn’t matter,” said Sharon not opening her eyes. “I hadn’t planned on having this one. But I decided to keep it because...well... I had my reasons, but I’m not going to do this on purpose. And there’s no one I want now. No one I…I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Lily felt her heart twist a little at Sharon’s words, understanding. She fought back tears as she squeezed Sharon‘s hand and looked away. But when she opened her eyes, she found her cousin staring at her hard. Sharon tilted her head to the side slightly, still sleepy but observing, analyzing. It was something that Peggy used to do that always made Lily sort of uncomfortable, like she couldn’t hide anything. Then a look of understanding filled Sharon‘s eyes.

“You know,” she said.

“Yeah,” said Lily, figuring there was no point in lying to a spy.

“He told you?” asked Sharon.

“He didn’t have to,” Lily replied, “I sort of figured it out based on his reaction when I told him you lost the baby. He was pretty upset. When I asked, he didn’t deny it.”

“You and Ed should have joined S.H.I.E.L.D.,” said Sharon ironically. “Does Ed know?”

“Yes, he was standing next to me,” Lily replied.

“Just great,” Sharon groaned. “He’s going to blow a gasket.”

“Whatever gaskets he’s going to blow, he already did,” said Lily. “I assure you he’s calmed down, and if he doesn’t completely accept, I think he understands. Don’t worry about it, let me handle him. But nobody’s mad at you.”

“That surprises me,” said Sharon genuinely. “I was pretty sure I’ve been disowned on the spot.”

Lily squeezed her hand again, wishing she could hug her. “No, honey, we’re not mad, just sad. And shocked. I won’t lie, we’re shocked. But the more I think about it, the more I get it. You know, honestly, I thought it might be Sam Wilson.”

“Sam?!” said Sharon coming fully awake. “What made you think it was Sam?”

“Well, he was with you and dad on the run that time, and, well, he’s a damn fine looking man. Scott Lang is pretty cute too. Actually they all are…”

At that, Sharon gave a giggle laugh, but shook her head. “He is easy to look at, but Sam isn’t interested in anything with two X chromosomes. Well not usually. He swings both ways, so I hear.”

Lily was surprised. “I didn’t know that about him.”

“Not many do,” said Sharon, “he’s not exactly in the closet, but he doesn’t make announcements either.”

While Lily was digesting this information, Sharon’s eyes slid closed again, then snapped back open. “Steve. Your dad, is he OK? He took a bad hit. I saw him fall.”

Lily smoothed Sharon‘s hair back down and made shushing noises. “He’s fine. He’s going to be OK. They brought him in to do x-rays to make sure there were no broken bones or internal injuries. All is well. They’re keeping him overnight for observation, but he’ll probably get to go home tomorrow.”

Sharon sighed and nodded, closing her eyes again and resting back against the pillow. Lily was about to say something, when the orderlies came in and the nurses announced that Sharon was doing better and could be moved to a private room. They gave Lily the room number, and she texted it to everybody, then followed the orderlies as they wheeled Sharon up to the room, a floor beneath Steve’s, carrying Sharon‘s bag full of belongings. Once they got her cousin settled into the room, Lily collapsed exhausted on the couch and was asleep even when the morning shift arrived to bring breakfast.

000

It was mid-morning when Sharon awoke, looked around her room and saw a Lily still asleep under a thin blanket on the couch. She felt bad that the older woman had spent a very stressful, week, and an obviously uncomfortable night in the hospital because of her, only to be hit with some rather upsetting revelations about her father and her cousin. Not that any of this had happened the way most would have assumed it had. There was a very unappetizing breakfast on the tray in front of her, and she made a face and pushed the eggs around on her plate. She really was not feeling up to eating, but figured she’d get in trouble if she didn’t, so she forced it down and hoped that someone had given her something for nausea so it didn’t come right back up. Then she remembered, she was no longer pregnant, maybe there would be no morning sickness this time. No such luck. It all came right back up only a few minutes later, but thankfully there was a medical bucket within reach. The retching sound woke up Lily.

“You OK?” she asked sleepily as she sat up.

“So much for breakfast,” said Sharon hitting the call button for the nurse so the bucket of sick didn’t have to hang out by her bedside too long. A good natured nurse came in to take care of the situation and suggested Sharon might like a smoothie instead of solid food. Sharon wasn’t too sure about that, but she nodded in agreement, too tired to argue. When Sharon asked if her phone was nearby, Lily responded that Ed was bringing hers and Steve’s over, so she whipped out her phone and advised her brother to grab some smoothies for everyone on the way over.

While she was texting, Sharon asked, “Lily, who else knows that the baby was Steve’s?”

“Nobody but me and Ed, and whoever you’ve decided to tell,” Lily replied putting away her phone. “And we’re OK with it staying that way. It’s over, isn’t it?”

“For your dad, it was over 80 years ago. For me, I’ll get over it. I usually do. Probably best that we all just forget about this, especially your father.”

“If that means you’re planning on burying this and pretending it didn’t happen, I don’t think that’s very healthy,” said Lily. “You probably are going to need to talk about this with someone.”

Sharon was about to argue when Ed came in bearing a smoothie and her phone. She accepted both gratefully, being a little nervous about the smoothie, but found that if she slipped it slowly, it stayed down. She thanked him, but didn’t meet his gaze. Lily got up announcing that she was going to go visit her father, and see if there was any update on when they would be releasing him. Ed gave Lily the phone to bring home, and sat down, although Sharon was hoping he would go with his sister to visit Steve and let her have some peace. She wasn’t looking forward to the conversation she knew was probably coming from her cousin.

“Anything you feel like saying?” he asked.

“Nope.” She looked out the window. “Not a damn thing. In fact, I can’t even begin to describe how badly I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Because she was bracing herself for a lecture, she was rather surprised when Ed’s voice was soft and sort of sad. “Sharon, nobody is happy that you lost the baby. We’re a family, everybody’s welcome in it. I’m not going to pretend to understand, but nobody wants to see you hurt. Or dad. I’m not at all happy about how all this went down, dad‘s plan and all this mess with the Avengers, but I can only accept, since I’m sitting here and my children and wife are alive back at the house, that you and dad knew what you were doing. I just need to know that things are going to settle down from here on out. Turning into ash and waking up five years later, my cousin pregnant with my father‘s child, some crazy lunatic busting in with a gun. Please tell me all that is done with?”

“As far as I know it is,” said Sharon tonelessly. “I’m sorry Ed. It’s probably better if I live somewhere else. There’s no guarantee that some crazy lunatic in the future won’t come looking for me.”

“Are there any more crazy lunatics?” he asked.

“Edwin, I don’t think you completely appreciate just how many truly nasty people both I and your mother have put away or done away with over the years. More than one would like to see me dead. And I’m sure more than a handful are sorry that they missed the chance at your mother. And about every miscreant on the planet would love to see your father dead if they knew who he was.”

To her surprise, Ed laughed. “They’ll have to get up earlier in the day then to pull one over on the Carters. But if there’s nobody immediately on the horizon, I’d rather you stay back with us. I know the apartment over the garage isn’t the most comfortable place, but I still like knowing where you are and that you’re safe. It may not seem it, but I don’t want you to just disappear again. We miss you, you know.”

“Thanks Ed,” she said genuinely. “I’ll just need to think about everything. But no more maniacs for now.”

She was about to turn over and try to rest, not really in the mood for conversation, when her phone buzzed.

‘Are you OK? How do you feel?’ It was from Steve. Lily must have just literally given him his phone.

Ed saw her staring at her phone. “Problem?” he asked.

“Just your dad asking if I’m OK.”

“I need to go up and talk to him,” Ed said. “They’re probably going to release him a little later, I don’t think there were any complications overnight, and I’d rather he stay with me instead of at the VA home this week.”

Sharon just nodded, and Ed left to go talk to Steve. She tapped out a responding text that she was OK, would recover, and was planning to rest the rest of the morning. Then she turned over in the bed, pulled the covers up over her shoulder, and stared at the window, feeling oddly disconnected and hollow.

000

Steve agreed to stay with Lily, claiming that it would be a little too weird staying several days in the house that used to be his but was now Edwin’s. It was also agreed that Sharon should probably stay in the guest room at the main house, rather than trekking up and down the stairs to the apartment over the garage. That way, various members of the family could look after them both. Two different doctors gave Steve a final examination before pronouncing him fit, and advising him to take it very easy and let his family do for him for a while. They discharged him with instructions to rest, ice any bruises, and a prescription of painkillers that Steve had no intention of taking unless he had to. It used to be said during the war that they did not give out medals for refusing the morphine, but the stuff the doctors prescribed these days was outright scary.

Once the paperwork was done and they had him settled in a wheelchair to wheel out, Steve asked Lily if he could stop by Sharon‘s room and say hi. Lily fired off a quick text to Sharon about Steve being discharged and wanting to stop by to see her. Sharon still felt very strange. Rather hollow. As if she were watching a movie happen to someone else and not herself. The thought of seeing Steve now caused a certain twist of pain in her chest, but then she felt absolutely nothing. So she sent a text back saying that would be OK, but to not let him stay long, he should be going home.

The nurse wheeled him in followed by Lily. Edwin was bringing the car around. Steve smiled when he saw her, but then frowned. She was pale as a ghost, and something about her eyes worried him. They weren’t flashing with the vibrant spark he had grown accustomed to seeing in her. Her eyes were down, and her responses when she talked were almost robotic. They gave him a sense of unease. He reached out and took her hand and gave it a squeeze, which she gently returned, but then pulled her hand away and shifted away from him.

Swallowing hard, Steve asked, “Are you hurting? Are you in any pain or anything?”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” she said.

“Any word on when they’ll be sending you home?”

“Maybe later, or tomorrow. I don’t know.”

Now Lily was looking at her sternly. “Sharon, are you OK? You seem a little off,” she said.

“I’m just tired is all,” Sharon said but did not elaborate.

“Yeah, I can understand that,” said Lily. She put her hand on Steve shoulder. “Dad, Ed is pulling the car around, we should go ahead and go. If they release Sharon, me and Jeff can come back for her later.”

Steve was reluctant to leave. He wanted to stay here with her, try and comfort her, and he was very worried about her dull appearance and responses. He had no idea what she was going through, but he imagined it couldn’t be very pleasant. But he also knew that causing a scene by arguing would only upset her further. Best thing he could do would be to get home, wait for her to come home, and look after her then. So instead, he only nodded and reached out to pat her arm, but she flinched away, worrying him further. He sighed in resignation and let his daughter wheel him out, calling goodbye to an unresponsive Sharon, then down to the car where he stiffly got in the backseat.

Once back at the houses, his daughter and son in law helped him out of the backseat, helped him limp into their house that was next-door to the one that had been his own, and got him settled in their guest room with his own TV where he aimlessly flipped through channels and answered texts from the Avengers inquiring how he was doing. He had answered all of them, and video chatted with Sam about his recovery, where he lamented having not been able to protect his family or Sharon, and now here he was barely able to walk on his own and would probably need a walker or something.

“We all age, Steve,” said Sam. “I believe that’s actually the goal in life. You’ve outlived pretty much everyone except the Bible patriarchs at this point. I’m sorry about everything that’s happened to you this past week, but the reality is you’re elderly now, and there wasn’t anything you could have done to stop that guy or keep him from hurting your family or Sharon.”

“It was Sharon who saved us,” said Steve, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “And I’m proud of her. I know Peggy would be too. But she’s paying a terrible price because I can’t do anything anymore.”

“Well Steve, it’s not like you can do anything about that,” said Sam.

Steve didn’t answer right away. A strange thought was wiggling in the back of his mind. But he brushed it aside. “No,” he replied.

Sam said some more about what was going on at the tower, and some missions they were looking at going on, going after certain criminal cells who had somehow gotten their hands on the alien technology wielded by Thanos’ army. T’Challa had called saying that he believed there was a hiccup in the Wakandan transport crew removing all of the debris from the battle site, that one man had been caught selling some of the wreckage on the black market, to people in the arms business like the Vulture had been, uncovered by Peter Parker.

“We’re going to look into it,” said Sam. “Go in if necessary. Frankly, Wanda could use the distraction. She’s handling losing Vision fairly well, but I don’t like her being too idle. That leads to depression.”

Steve agreed, but only absently. What Sam said caused him to think about another woman, still lying in her room back at the hospital.

000

They kept Sharon another night, until the doctors were convinced that she was out of danger, any bleeding had stopped, and that she was on the road to recovery. With her hand filled with printouts about self-care at home, the necessity of taking the antibiotics she had been prescribed to prevent infection, avoiding sex for several weeks (no problem) and to follow up with her own doctors soon, Sharon was wheeled out in much the same manner Steve had been, with Lily and her husband once again running pick up and transport back to the Carter houses. Lily tried to make small talk, but Sharon only answered in short responses. She was clearly not up for talking, and even her text messages between her family and Sam and Bucky had been short and did not elaborate on much. Steve had texted her the most, trying to engage her in conversation, but she was not in the mood for talking, especially to him. She didn’t know what to say. It was clear that he was not angry at her, but her emotions were so jumbled and confusing, she wasn’t sure what the right response was to anything he said.

When they got back to the house that was now Ed’s, she once again settled in the guestroom that she had so often stayed in, and curled up on the daybed with her phone, scrolling through various news sites, trying to catch up on the world. Ed came in to talk to her briefly about the fact that the police wanted to charge her with unnecessary use of force and manslaughter, and what he had been doing in response to that possibility. She forced herself to focus and answer him, after all she should be very lucky that he was willing to represent her, though he seemed glad to do it. But she still had trouble focusing, everything still seemed so disconnected, as if she were watching a movie of someone else, rather than her own life.

Despite everyone protesting that he should be resting and not moving around so much, certainly not climbing the porch steps, Steve came to visit her, and clearly wanted to talk, but she also had a hard time focusing on the conversation, and frequently found herself staring elsewhere, barely listening. Steve’s concern only grew at her responses. It just wasn’t like her. But when he mentioned it to Lily and Ed, they said that he should just give her some space, she had a lot to recover from.

Some good news came on the second day, when Ed received word that the police were not going to charge her after all. He never quite got the full story from the police themselves, but a text message from Sam Wilson had them realizing that Nick Fury had indeed pulled a couple of strings and had the charges dismissed. So at least Sharon was free and clear, and apparently the family of the man she had killed were not exactly sorry to see him go. From the sound of it, he was “Sleeping with the Enemy” level of scary to them. As to how he had found out who had turned in all the information on him, a legal clerk at the courthouse had been arrested for accessing the information improperly and giving it to him for a couple hundred dollars. So, with that matter cleared up, Sharon had little to worry about except getting better.

For those first few days, she did seem to be trying. She would come out and eat meals with the family, talk with the kids who were relearning that their cousin was not a scary sort of government agent, but had in fact saved their lives, even playing a few rounds of Luigi’s Mansion with Ed’s younger son on the Nintendo. She sat on the porch with Lily once, though there wasn’t much conversation. But by the third day, Sharon began to withdraw. She stayed in her room the entire day, declining to come out and eat, and didn’t bother with a shower. By the next day, she was not eating regularly, claiming that she was not hungry, when she responded at all.

Now Ed and his wife began to worry that Steve might have been right to worry about her. When she had gone two days without eating, barely drinking anything, and not showering, never coming out of her room, Steve hauled himself back over there and stood over her, staring down at her unresponsive form with actual fright. She was awake, but turned away from him, with her eyes either closed or dully staring out the window.

Steve’s concern suddenly made him angry, especially after five minutes of talking to her turned back with no response. “Sharon Margaret Carter, look at me when I’m talking to you!”

She didn’t turn around, but only whispered “Go away, Steve. Please, just go away.” And that was the last she responded. No amount of fussing or pleading from any of them could get her to get up off the bed or answer. The adults converged in the kitchen. Lily was nearly in tears.

“We need to bring her back to the hospital,” she was saying. “Something is bad wrong with her. We can all see it. It’s like she’s trying to kill herself slowly.”

“It’s got to be the depression,” said Lily’s husband Jeff. “Her hormones are all out of whack from the miscarriage. Maybe it’s something like postpartum depression. I guess that can happen.”

“Yes, but she’s also been through utter hell emotionally,” said Nancy, Ed’s wife. “We’re definitely not equipped to handle this. She needs help, and soon. She can’t keep going like this, she’s barely eaten anything in two days, and now she’s hardly drinking anything. They may need to put her on suicide watch or something.”

Steve listened to them debate with real fear gripping his chest. The last time he had felt this way was when he brought Peggy to the neurologist, knowing in advance what the diagnosis was going to be. Alzheimer’s. He had felt a similar feeling the night before Peggy had died, knowing that she would be gone from him the very next day. He thought he had been prepared for it, but realized one could never be prepared for something like that. Now, he felt a certain amount of fear and alarm, realizing that his family was correct. They were watching Sharon slowly die in front of them. He had to do something, and he had a little confidence that anyone at the local hospitals would be able to give her the attention she needed with so many other patients to deal with after the Snap. He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Dad, what are you doing?” asked Ed.

“I’m calling Sam Wilson,” said Steve firmly.

“Sam?” asked Ed. “What can Sam do? I know he’s a counselor at all, but I think this might need somebody with a medical degree.”

“He’ll know what we should do immediately. Not necessarily treat her himself, but I want to know his opinion.” Steve hit the dial button and headed out onto the porch for some privacy. Sam answered happily, seemingly thrilled to hear from Steve, but went silent as Steve explained what was going on, how Sharon was barely responding, not eating or drinking and not getting out of bed.

Sam’s lighthearted voice turned hard. “Steve, who’s with her right now? Is she alone in there?”

“No one’s with her right now,” said Steve.

“Listen to me, man, go in there right now and sit with her. If you need to leave the room, get someone to stay with her. Don’t let her be alone at all. We’re on our way. Coming in a hover car so we shouldn’t be too long, but it’ll be a couple hours. And get Lily to pack her a bag, anything she’s gonna need for a couple of weeks.”

Steve had been walking back inside towards the guest room but felt himself slowing. The other adults, looking confused, had been following him.

“’We’?” he asked. “Who all’s coming? And what’s with needing a bag? You planning on taking her somewhere? Shouldn’t we take her to a hospital?”

“Me and Bucky coming. Probably Wanda too. And yes she can’t stay there. She needs help right away. But I’m bringing back here to the tower. We have full medical facilities and staff and F.R.I.D.A.Y. and maybe one of Tony’s cyborgs can keep an eye on her 24/7 when humans can’t. If it’s as bad as you’ve described, she needs treatment and she needs to be on watch.”

“You think she’s suicidal?” Steve asked in alarm.

Sam was quiet before answering. “Yeah, man, I do. She’s severely depressed from the sound of it. Maybe some PTSD and out of whack hormones. If she’s not now, she soon will be. You can take her to a hospital but here at the tower she’d get one on one care and constant monitoring. Your call Steve.”

“Come get her,” Steve said without hesitating.

“Leaving now,” said Sam. Before he disconnected the call, Steve heard Sam yelling for Bucky and Wanda to get ready to go, that it was an emergency.

Steve headed straight into the guest room, nearly in panic that he might find Sharon dead given Sam’s worry, and Steve nearly collapsed in relief when he heard her breathing and saw that she was asleep.

“Dad, what the hell...?” Ed started before Steve shushed him.

“Lil, go up to the apartment and pack Sharon a bag. Anything she needs for a couple of weeks. Be quick,” he told his daughter. Lily nodded and ran off, Nancy following her.

Steve looked at his son, and whispered, “Sam is coming to get her. He’s taking her with him. No arguments. Go wait for them. I’m sitting here until they come.”

Steve sat down with resolve into the rocking chair, ignoring the creaking of his joints and muscles and the anxious pounding of his heart. He longed to take Sharon’s hand just to feel her pulse, hold her, anything that might bring her out of whatever despair episode she was having. He felt himself beginning to shake. He couldn’t lose her too. Not like this. He mentally willed Sam to hurry.

The two hours it took them to arrive went nearly as slow as the day Steve had spent waiting for the reversal of the Snap and the return of his family. It seemed like the clock was purposely running slow just to torture him. He tried talking to Sharon, tried telling her it would be ok, that they were going to get her help, that they loved her, resorting to talking about the weather and wanting to repaint the garage. Anything to try and reach her, but she didn’t respond. He tried putting a hand on her shoulder, almost afraid that she’d flinch away again, but she didn’t move. 

Ed wanted to call 911, wanted to load her in a car and take her to a hospital immediately, and truthfully Steve wanted to as well. He wanted something to happen now. But he’d been on the planet for over a century and he’d learned to control himself and listen to his gut. And right now his gut was telling him to wait for Sam. Finally, after what seemed like another century, the hover car de-cloaked and descended out of the sky, landing on their street without slowing down and taking the turn into the driveway with a squeal. Sam, Bucky and Wanda jumped out and bounded up the porch steps. Ed let them in. 

“Thanks for coming but I’m not sure what you guys can do. She’s pretty bad off,” he told them. 

“Where is she?” asked Sam. “Where’s your father?”

“Both in the guest room,” Ed said. “He refused to leave her. It’s this way.”

They quietly but quickly filled into the room, taking in the sight of Sharon, in three day old pajamas sprawled on the bed, staring out the window with half closed eyes, and Steve, his elderly face tight with worry, in a chair next to her holding her hand. At the sight of them, some of the worry left but not all. Sam came over and greeted Steve, patting him on the shoulder. Then he looked down at Sharon. 

“Hey girl. Long time, no punch. What’s going on here? You forget how to walk or something?”

“Sam...” Steve started, but Sam waved him down. 

A slight whimper from Wanda drew everyone’s attention. Everyone looked at her. Her face was drawn tight as if fighting off a pain. She was hugging herself tightly. Sam raised his eyebrows in question and Wanda shook her head. 

“She’s in a lot of pain. Emotional. It’s bad Sam,” Wanda managed to get out through clenched teeth. Sometimes it really sucked being a telepath. 

“Can you block her out for now?” Sam asked. Wanda nodded and closed her eyes, going through some breathing grounding exercises until she began to relax, filtering out Sharon. 

Sam looked at Steve. “You have her bag packed? The sooner we get going the better.” 

“I have it out here, Sam,” said Lily. 

“I’ll take it,” said Wanda and followed Lily out to retrieve Sharon’s duffel. 

“I still think we should take her to a hospital,” said Ed. “This is no time to jerk around. She needs professional help. No offense, Sam.”

“We have that at the tower. We’re going to help her, Ed,” said Sam. 

“Ed, this is my choice,” said Steve. “This is what we’re doing.”

Ed was about to argue further when Bucky put a hand on his shoulder. Ed turned to look at his father’s oldest friend. 

“Son,” said Bucky gently, “I learned a long time ago to trust your father’s instincts. It saved a lot of asses during the war. A lot of asses. We really need you to do the same this time. We’ll take care of her I promise.” 

Ed sighed and nodded. Then he looked at Bucky.” Please do. We love her. We’d miss her. And frankly, I don’t think dad could survive losing her. Not like this.” 

Bucky clapped Ed’s shoulder gently and nodded. Then he strode forward and stood over Sharon. 

“Is there a blanket we can wrap her up in?” Bucky asked. 

Nancy ran to get one. 

“Ok kid,” said Bucky. “You’re coming with us now. Time to get you fixed up.” 

As he went to wrap her up, Sharon suddenly began to show signs of life, twisting away and swinging out with an arm at Bucky who deftly caught her and hauled her up wrapping her up like a burrito smoothly and hoisting her into his arms. She yelped in surprise and anger and twisted in his arms. Steve swallowed a cry of despair and closed his eyes. 

“Enough of that!” said Sam firmly. “We’re not leaving a valuable agent like you here in this room to wither away, Sharon. You’re important, and you’re coming with us and you’re coming now. You either do it willingly or I get Wanda to knock you out and float you out of here. Which frankly I think might amuse your young cousins. They’ve been eyeballing Wanda out there to see if she’s going to use her powers. Give her a reason.”

Realizing she was outnumbered, the fight left Sharon and she went limp in Bucky’s arms and started to cry. Steve struggled to stand up to go to her but Lily got there first. 

“Don’t cry, honey. It’ll be ok. We’ll come visit. And we’ll talk on that holo thing. And when you’re all fixed up you’ll come home and everything will be ok.” She smoothed Sharon’s hair. Sharon’s sobs subsided and she retreated back into silence. 

“Alright guys, let’s go,” said Sam, helping Steve up. 

Bucky carried Sharon into the entrance hall where all of her relatives could say goodbye, give words of encouragement or a quick hug or peck. Steve was last. He kissed her forehead. 

“I’ll see you soon, ace. Listen to Sam. Try not to give him hell. You get better. I’ll come see you soon. You’re going to love the tower. You’ll love it. And I... I love you. Please don’t give up. We need you.”

Sharon opened her eyes slightly to look at him, but then closed them again. 

“I won’t let anything happen to her, buddy,” said Bucky. “We’ll fix her up. She’ll be ok.” 

Steve nodded and Bucky went out the door with Sharon. Sam and Wanda gave him quick hugs and followed. The whole family gathered on the porch to watch as Wanda slid into the backseat and used her powers to hover Sharon in to the back to lay across the seat, her head and shoulders in Wanda’s arms. Bucky and Sam jumped into the front and Sam fired up the car. It backed out slowly like any car, but then once on the street, converted to hover mode and took off into the air, disappearing as the cloak was engaged. After a minute, everyone retreated to their houses, but Steve sat on the porch swing staring north in the direction the car had flown, feeling as if his heart were no longer in his chest, but somewhere over Maryland right now in the backseat of a hover car flying farther and farther away.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Sharon didn’t have a lot of conscious recollection of being lifted up out of her bed, wrapped in a blanket, put in the backseat of a flying car and taken away from her family’s home. In the first few days she had been home from the hospital that strange disconnected feeling had grown stronger, and she knew she should be worried about herself, but couldn’t summon the energy. She had taken enough psychology classes to recognize that she was likely having a depressive episode of some sort, and should probably warn her family, but again, lack of energy and lack of caring prevented her from saying anything when she still had the ability. As time passed, she found herself feeling disconnected from other things. When she thought about the baby she had lost, she couldn’t summing up any emotion. When she thought about Steve, there was only a slight twinge, but then nothing. She felt something flicker at the thought of her family, especially the kids, but it was as if a weak flame on a dying candle was quickly snuffed out, and then nothing again.

Her mind briefly ran through the clinical descriptions she had memorized during psychology classes in college: dissociative disorder, depersonalization disorder, acute agoraphobic episode, which was now the politically correct way of saying nervous breakdown. Treatable by psychosocial therapy, talk therapy, hypnosis, and a round of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. Recommended removal from the environment causing the trauma. Only she figured she had nowhere to go and was in no physical state to do anything. She had found herself continuously staring at a particular tree branch just outside the window of the guest room, a Japanese cherry tree that still had some vibrant blossoms on it. Bright pink. Almost surreal in the color, really. She stared at that blossom for hours, studying its every detail, but not feeling capable of thinking about much anything else.

She knew it had been a while since she had eaten or drank anything, but she really didn’t feel hungry or thirsty. In fact she barely recognized or felt her own body at all. The instinctual part of her that still worked managed to drag her out of bed to the bathroom when necessary, but that was really it, and she hadn’t felt the need to go for nearly a whole day due to lack of intake of anything. She knew she was probably dehydrated, she felt weak and even more disoriented on that last day, but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything about it. She had a vague sense that her family was becoming more alarmed, could hear their voices saying her name and talking to her, especially Steve, but she couldn’t register what they were saying. Then there were angry voices, urgent voices, and then the voices were quiet and it was just Steve sitting next to her, talking to her, but nothing was registering. The next thing she knew, there were other presences in the room, familiar ones not her family. Sam. Bucky. And was that Wanda standing in the doorway? No, she must be hallucinating. Why would they be here? She was nothing to the Avengers. She was barely anything to her family. What would bring them here? Something must be wrong with Steve, that must be it. She felt herself rousing enough to ask what was going on, but no words came from her lips.

Then she heard Sam Wilson talking to her, it sounded like he was joking with her. More angry or urgent voices, and then Bucky was talking to her. Why would Bucky be talking to her? He was telling her that she was coming with them. No, she wasn’t going anywhere. She doubted she had enough strength to walk anyway. Then she felt her self being lifted up and wrapped up in a blanket, and she struggled, but then Sam was using a soldier voice on her telling her that she was coming with them and there would be no arguing. Exhausted at even the smallest attempt at struggling or exerting her own will, she had felt herself cry, and then slip back into nothing. She was tired of fighting. So tired.

Her family voices were telling her goodbye, and she had the brief thought that it was fitting, they were sending her away, somewhere away from them where she could no longer be a bother or a cause them danger. Then Steve was there, sadly telling her that he loved her, that he would visit, kissing her forehead. No. He wouldn’t visit. None of them would. They cared about her, but love her? Maybe they did. Steve didn’t love her. He had left her. Her mother cared, but had left her too. Her mother who never knew that for a brief moment she had been a grandmother. Sharon whimpered, but it seemed that nobody heard it. Although she got the sense that Wanda may have, Wanda who was walking in front of them, but stopped and turned to look at her. Then they were moving again.

Strong but unfamiliar arms were carrying her, and the scent was not familiar either, but she realized it was Bucky. Then they were outside, next to a car, and some force, not his arms, was sliding her into the backseat of the car where familiar feminine arms encircled her. Wanda. Car doors closed and open and closed again as more people got into the car and voices saying goodbye. Then movement, the sensation of an elevator lifting, and then she slid into darkness and slept.

She dreamed. She was in a dark, dark place. There was a light above her, a hole she could crawl out of, but nothing to grab to pull herself up. She called for help, but her voice echoed and nobody heard her. She fought off the urge to cry, did nobody hear her? Did nobody care? Then Wanda’s voice.

‘Sharon? Sharon can you hear me?’

‘Wanda! I’m lost. I can’t get out.’

The sensation of Wanda, somewhere, reaching out a hand. ‘I’ll help you. Come here.’

Sharon reached out briefly, and felt as if she had grabbed Wanda’s hand. Then, speeding towards the light.

Then it seemed like she was dreaming. She was on a beach. It was sunny, breezy and peaceful. She looked around and saw Wanda sitting under an umbrella. She smiled and waved Sharon over, and Sharon approached and sat next to her.

‘Wanda? Where am I?’ she asked.

‘Dreaming,’ Wanda replied. ‘That was a hell of a nightmare you were having. I pulled you out and brought you here. It’s my go-to peaceful place. When I’m having a rough time. I thought you might like it. Just relax for a while. You’re safe.’

Sharon wanted to argue, but the dream-sun felt warm, and the waves crashed, and she was so tired. She drifted.

Then she tried to open her eyes, but she was so tired. Wanda‘s arms were still holding her, but the motion of the car had stopped. Car doors were opening and unfamiliar voices were talking. Then she was floating, Wanda was hovering her out of the car, and onto a medical gurney. Unfamiliar people surrounded her, people in white coats. They strapped her down and there was rapid movement as they raced from a parking garage into an elevator and through brightly lit hallways. Was she in the hospital? Who are these people? Was Steve here?

She was moving fast. They were rushing her down halls, into another elevator, down more halls and people were talking forcefully. Then she was in some sort of room and people were moving around her. Bright lights. Noises. Monitors beeping. Gentle hands pulled her PJs off and draped her in a hospital gown. A face, a youngish woman with a friendly smile wearing a doctor’s coat came into her field of vision.

“Sharon? I’m doctor Amy Hollis. We’re going to get you fixed up, ok?”

Sharon didn’t answer. Then someone poked a needle into her arm and everything went dark.

000

“No, Steve, there’s still no word yet,” Sam was typing into the text on his phone. Seems like every member of the Carter family had texted him several times in the last couple of hours, but Steve was bordering on insanity. This was the seventh text he had sent Sam in the last hour, and he sent four to Bucky. Sam, Bucky, and Wanda were waiting in the hallway on chairs in the medical floor of the tower, waiting for the doctor to come out and tell them what was going on with Sharon. It had been several hours since they had brought her in, and Sam was growing a little worried. Bucky looked somewhat concerned as well, but had not resorted to pacing or obsessing about it. Wanda was distracting herself by trying to learn how to knit.

Just then, Dr. Hollis came out of the double doors and everyone stood up.

She smiled, but Sam noticed that there was still some concern in her eyes. “Well, she still out. The sedative we gave her should knock her out for about a day or so, which should give us a bit of a head start on getting her balanced.”

“So what all is wrong with her?” asked Bucky.

“Well, let’s start with the physical problems,” said Dr. Hollis. “Obviously, she’s suffering a depressive episode. We acquired her medical records from the hospital she was admitted to earlier this week, and we ran our own tests. She had a contraceptive implant for three years which stopped working early, causing her hormones to go out of whack, but which also resulted in pregnancy. They removed the implant, but things were still out of balance. I realize she suffered trauma which caused a miscarriage a few days ago, but honestly, there’s a good chance she would have lost the pregnancy anyway if her hormones had not re-regulated. They’re all out of alignment now, and it’s creating a condition similar to postpartum depression. The good news is, we can treat that. Especially with some Wakandan medical technology we’ve been loaned. I expect to have her re-balanced in a couple of days. Once that happens, she should feel a hell of a lot better. The doctors at the hospital did a good job of repairing damage to her abdominal wall and uterus, but we were able to do a few other tricks using the Wakandan technology which basically healed all that up. By tomorrow, she should have made a full recovery. So that will remove the source of a lot of her physical pain. She’s also badly dehydrated and somewhat malnourished, so we gave her a couple of bags of fluids and potassium, and put her on a feeding tube for the next couple of hours. Apparently she’s been highly nauseated, so we gave her something for that, so she can keep food down when she wakes up. Again, just based on what we’ve given her, she should feel a lot better tomorrow. So that’s her physical condition addressed.”

“What about her mental condition?” asked Sam.

At that question, Dr. Hollis’ expression grew sober. “That’s going to be the most difficult challenge. I’ve read her S.H.I.E.L.D. file, and everything you told me about what she’s been through in the background and more recently with the Snap. The relationship with her uncle that ran backwards, that he was the father of her baby. In all honesty, that has to be the most bizarre story I’ve ever heard as a medical professional. Without talking to her about it, I couldn’t say for sure, but it seems like she’s done the best job possible handling the emotional fallout from all of that. But losing the baby was one too many. Not having a purpose in her life, or the career of her choice that she enjoys and gives her meaning has left her likely feeling quite disoriented and left behind, somewhat useless. That needs to be addressed. But frankly, she’s going to need some counseling when she wakes up to overcome a lot of this. This is an unusual situation that most people never have to face, and we’re simply not equipped to handle it long-term like she has.”

“What would you recommend?” asked Wanda. 

“Ms. Maximoff,” said the doctor looking up Wanda, “did you have any kind of mental contact with her on the way up here or when you’ve encountered her?”

“Some,” Wanda admitted, “but I didn’t want to probe too deep. I’m not a psychiatrist and I didn’t want to make it worse.”

“What did you sense from her?”

“She feels abandoned, trapped, lost and alone. The mental image I got when I reached out to her, was one of her being in a vertical cave, with the opening at the top that she couldn’t reach. She was calling for help and nobody heard, nobody came. Like everyone up and left her behind. Kind of like an abandoned puppy left on the side of the road.”

“Did she feel like she was wanting to end her life?” asked Dr. Hollis.

Wanda frowned. “No, not exactly. It was more like she was in pain and she wanted the pain to stop. Which is what I understand a lot of suicide victims are usually going for, not necessarily that they want to die. I put her in a safe dream, a relaxing one, though I hope that didn’t make it worse either.”

Dr. Hollis shook her head. “Based on what I know, I’m going to suggest she be on suicide watch for the next couple of days. Until we can get her physically rebalanced and talking to a counselor, we need to make sure she isn’t going to hurt herself. To be honest, I don’t really think she’s suicidal in the traditional sense. I think she’s having an emotional down state, a sort of nervous breakdown, and if we can get her past that, she’ll be pretty much out of danger mentally and emotionally. But I do recommend that she stay here, where F.R.I.D.A.Y. can keep an eye on her, where we can park one of Mr. Stark’s Iron Legion outside the door to quickly get to her if needed. I fitted her with a medical monitoring cuff that is keeping a constant eye on her vitals, so if they go into arrest for any reason, we’ll know immediately. It’ll also track her if she decides to make a run for it, which I don’t think she will. I also recommend that she not return home until she’s in full control of herself again. With her family there, and Steve Rogers as well, it’s probably best that she take a break from all of them.”

“I would agree with that,” said Bucky nodding at the doctor somewhat shyly. Wanda gave him a knowing smile behind his back.

“Good,” said Dr. Hollis, seemingly oblivious to Bucky’s appreciation. “We’ll plan to keep her here then. You guys can visit her if you want, in fact the more visitors the better. She needs to be talking to people and it helps if we can work to pull her out of her shell. Get her interested in something. When I feel confident that she’s not in any danger, I’ll release her from medical, and put her on an exercise and diet regimen that should get her back into shape. Nothing too strenuous, just starting with walking on the treadmill. Then maybe moving up to jogging and weights. No sparring for a while though. I want her completely healed before she starts taking hits. But I really think that getting back into a training regimen, maybe even giving her a job to do around here might be what she needs.”

After a few more bits of information, Dr. Hollis walked off, and Bucky pulled out his phone to call Steve and update the Carter family. Wanda was looking at Sam who was looking thoughtful.

“Something on your mind?” she asked.

“You mean you can’t read it?” he joked.

“Not always, especially when a person is actively trying to keep their thoughts to themselves. I could never read Natasha clearly, or Sharon. Must be a spy thing. But you, something is grinding around in your mind, but you’re not being obvious about it.”

“With Natasha ...gone... we have room on the team for an intelligence officer, don’t we?” he asked.

Wanda smiled. “Yes we do.”

000

They took turns sitting with Sharon through the rest of the night and the following day. Bucky had talked twice to Steve and once to Ed and Lily, explaining everything that the medical team had come up with at the tower, and that Sharon would be staying with them for a while. They were sad, but understood. Then Bucky had to explain to Steve that it was not a good idea for him to use his hover car and fly up there right away to visit with Sharon. There was no easy way to break it to his friend that the doctor felt the best thing for Sharon right now is to be removed from the situation causing the depressive episode which, unfortunately, was Steve and the situation he had put her in.

So there was little more for the Carters to do but wait for word, and attempt to go back to their daily lives following the wild events of that horrible night. And the remaining Avengers could do little more than wait for Sharon to wake up. Even Bruce took a turn sitting with her, though Sam questioned how conducive to Sharon’s mental health it would be to have her wake up to the Hulk sitting in the chair next to her bed, even if he was behaving and reading a science journal. As it turned out, that was Wanda who was sitting there when Sharon finally opened her eyes, blurry at first, and then the most alert she had been in nearly a week. Wanda was working on a knitting project and had not completely registered that Sharon was awake at first, giving Sharon a few seconds to look around and taking her surroundings. She appeared to be in some sort of hospital, but not the one she was in before. But things started to make sense when she looked over to her right and saw Wanda Maximoff sitting in the chair next to her bed, with her tongue between her lips looking irritated, trying to figure out something wrong in what looked like a snarled knitting project. Suddenly, aware that something had changed, she looked up and saw Sharon finally alert and staring at her.

“Well, look who’s finally awake,” she said with as much cheer as she could manage. She put aside the knitting well out of reach and scooted forward leaning in to look down at Sharon. “I gotta admit, girl, you scared the hair off of us. Everyone just about freaked out over you. They’ll be glad to hear you’re awake.” 

Sharon was in the process of assessing her own body, wiggling toes and fingers, finding she could feel herself again, but still feeling dull and low on energy. She didn’t feel quite as disconnected, though not completely present yet either. She did notice that the dull constant pain in her abdomen and head was gone. She actually felt pretty comfortable all things considered. She wasn’t wearing her week old clothes and apparently someone had scrubbed her down because she didn’t feel grimy, and the blankets were soft and warm, unlike regular hospital blankets. She felt remarkably better. But she wasn’t sure she was up for a conversation either. Still, Wanda had always been nice the times they had crossed paths and even stayed in the same safe house for a while, though they had never been exceptionally close. Sharon didn’t really want to talk but she didn’t want to be rude to an Avenger either, especially a telekinetic telepath who could probably read her mind anyway. And she was mildly curious as to what had happened to her. Her memories were a little fuzzy.

She forced her mouth to form words, only a whisper after nearly a week of not talking.

“What happened? Where am I?”

Wanda’s eyes widened in surprise. Then she told Sharon a shortened version of the events of the past week and how she came to be at Avengers Tower. Wanda told Sharon about Dr. Hollis’ diagnosis, and that she recommended that Sharon stay with them for a while. Wanda thought that Sharon might argue and want to return home immediately, so she was rather surprised when Sharon closed her eyes and nodded, and Wanda felt a wave of relief come off of her, followed by a feeling of guilt, as if she did not want to be any trouble to anyone. 

Wanda picked it up. “You’re not any trouble to anyone, in case you were wondering. We’re actually glad to have you here. I mean, not under the circumstances, but I wish you had visited sooner.”

Now Sharon opened her eyes, looking surprised. “Really? I didn’t know that. I’m kind of surprised anyone was even thinking about me, honestly.”

Now Wanda looked sad. “I know we didn’t spend a lot of time hanging out at the safe house, but you’re wrong about that, a lot of people were thinking about you. Those of us who were Snapped, when we came back, were wondering where you were. Especially during the battle at the compound. Definitely could’ve used your help. Of course we won, but we worked for it. And those of us who knew you, well, after losing Tony and Natasha, honestly we were kind of worried that you didn’t make it, that you might be lying dead somewhere. But maybe you had been on the battlefield and we missed you with all the running around. You gave us a place to stay when we were on the run. I know you know how important it is to have somewhere to go to, somewhere safe. That meant a lot to us. Even though you weren’t always with us, we appreciated that, appreciated you. And we could see that Steve cared about you.”

Sharon shrugged at the last sentence, but Wanda felt a slight jolt of pain before Sharon squelched it down. Apparently the subject of the relationship she had had with Steve, that ended when he left, only to be redefined against the backdrop of the fact that he had always been her uncle, was a touchy subject that Sharon did not yet know how to rectify in her mind.

“Sorry about that,” said Wanda. “If it’s a touchy subject, we can talk about something else.”

“It’s OK,” said Sharon trying to sit up, only to find herself tied to the bed with her ankles and wrists restrained. She wiggled the blanket down a bit and saw that she was in tie-down cuffs.

“What’s this for?” he asked. “Did I assault someone? I don’t remember it.”

“No,” said Wanda carefully, “you’re on watch. Given the condition you were in when they brought you in, the doctors are a little concerned that, well, I guess...”

“They think I’m going to off myself?” Sharon asked a little irritably.

“Sharon,” Wanda said carefully, “when we brought you in here, you hadn’t eaten or drank anything in three days, had stopped talking to your family, hadn’t gotten out of bed in nearly a week, you weren’t responding to anyone, you were showing signs of a depressive episode and your hormones are all out of whack. On top of all that, after everything you’ve been through emotionally, well that’s enough to throw anyone for a loop. The doctors aren’t exactly out of line for being concerned.”

Sharon sighed in resignation and leaned back against the pillow, knowing that Wanda was right. Put that way, she had to concede that if anyone in her family had been demonstrating all of the symptoms Wanda had just listed, she might tie them to a bed too.

“Is that why you put the knitting needles way over there? Someone’s afraid I might go psycho on somebody?”

“No,” said Wanda with a wry smile, “I’m more afraid that you’ll pick the lock with them. And you haven’t met Doc Hollis. Nice lady, but I don’t want to get on her bad side. When it comes to her patients, she’s scary protective. She even intimidates Bucky. Even though she’s like half his size.”

Sharon smiled at her, almost as if she wanted to laugh but didn’t quite have the energy.

“Hey there! There we go! A smile. There’s hope for you yet,” said Wanda in a joking tone.

Sharon felt an odd rush of gratitude as she whispered, “Thanks Wanda. I’m really glad to see you too.”

Wanda smiled. Just then Sam walked in. He came up to the bedside and smiled down at Sharon.

“Well look who’s finally awake! And talking! I was afraid I was going to have to resort to charades when I came down here,” he joked.

“Sam, don’t be an ass,” said Wanda good naturedly as she leaned back and picked up her knitting again, pulling the whole thing out and starting over with a frustrated grimace.

“Right right,” said Sam, keeping the smile but saying more seriously, “you feeling any better?”

“A little,” Sharon whispered.

“Anything you need? Anything one of us can get you?” he asked.

She held up a wrist. “A key.”

“Oh no, no, no,” he said. “I’m afraid that’s the one thing I can’t get you. Sadly, those are doctor’s orders, and we’ve all learned that it’s a very bad idea to cross Doc Hollis.”

“You all make her sound like an ogre,” said Bucky walking in and stopping at the foot of Sharon’s bed. “She doesn’t have fangs and claws.”

“That’s just ‘cause you got the hots for her, man,” said Sam, teasing.

“I. Do. Not. Have the hots for her,” Bucky growled.

Sam, facing Sharon but with his back to Bucky mouthed ‘He totally does. It’s cute.’

Now Sharon smiled wide and giggled and Wanda snorted in amusement.

“Whatever he’s saying,” Bucky said to Sharon, “it’s bull crap.”

Sharon forced her voice to work, “Actually that’s a good thing, Barnes. Nothing to be ashamed of. You’re human. And you remember being human. That’s good.”

Bucky smiled softly at her, knowingly.

“Is there a party I wasn’t invited to?” asked a very large, green, angora sweater-wearing Hulk/Bruce as he ducked under the doorway into the room, carrying an academic journal. “Or did everyone get the same alert at the same time from F.R.I.D.A.Y. that she’s awake now?”

Sharon tried not to stare. The Hulk was wearing a cardigan sweater and acting like a college professor. Maybe she really did have a nervous breakdown. She closed her eyes, shook her head and opened them again. Yep he was still there.

“Nah just checking on this girl here.” Sam fist bumped Bruce, who leaned against the wall.

“I came to say hi,” Bruce said awkwardly. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. said you were awake.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” Sharon asked. Bruce filled her in on Tony Stark’s AI developments regarding J.A.R.V.I.S. who had become Vision, and F.R.I.D.A.Y. who had taken his place and now ran the tower.

“Good morning, Agent Carter,” came the feminine voice with an Irish accent over speakers in the ceiling. “I am F.R.I.D.A.Y. I will be assisting in keeping an eye on you.”

“Uh, hi,” said Sharon, looking up. She wasn’t sure how to talk to a sentient computer. Just then Dr. Amy Hollis came in and Sharon noted how Bucky immediately stepped back out of her way and busied himself straightening his clothes and smoothing down his hair. She gave him a Mona Lisa smile.

“Well! I’m glad to see you alert and responsive! How are you feeling today?” the doctor asked.

Sharon hesitated and Dr. Hollis turned to everyone and shooed them out, promising that they could come back in a few minutes. Sharon did find it easier to talk a bit without an audience, and described to the doctor how she was feeling, better but still somewhat disconnected. And when could she be untied from the bed?

“When I’m convinced you’re no longer in danger to yourself,” Dr. Hollis said firmly, with an attitude that made it clear it was not up for negotiation. “You were in really bad shape when you came in here a couple nights ago. You’ve been unconscious for nearly 2 days. Your family’s been blowing up the phones asking about you, and now we can finally truthfully tell them that you’re awake and doing better. I’d like to keep up the trend. I’ll recommend for now that you can be let up to go to the bathroom and to eat, but for now, I’m afraid I’m going to have to recommend you stay as you are for at least another day until we can get a better assessment of your mental state.”

“And you’re not worried I won’t lie just to get you to untie me?” ask Sharon, wondering if it was perhaps the wisest thing she could’ve said or not. To her surprise, the doctor smiled

“Not really. F.R.I.D.A.Y. can usually detect untruthfulness in voices, and that cuff you’re wearing tells me your vitals which can be interpreted the way lie detectors can. But really, we have Wanda. And she’s the one who’s been most helpful in telling us what she’s feeling coming off of you. Once you’ve had a few sessions with the counselor, we’re looking at releasing you from the medical wing entirely, though I’d like you to stay here at the tower. I think this is a better environment for you for now.”

Sharon didn’t see any point in arguing, not really feeling a strong emotion one way or the other about her immediate future, and so the doctor ordered a nurse to untie her so she could at least get up and take a shower and wash her hair, which required one of Tony’s Iron Legion bots standing in the corner of the bathroom, though Sharon figured it was probably better than a human. It didn’t judge. When she came out wearing a clean pair of pajamas, her hair washed and feeling remarkably better, she found that Wanda was still sitting there knitting, and this time she was joined by Pepper Stark who had brought little Morgan, and apparently a round of smoothies for everyone. The guys had gone back to whatever work they were doing, but the women were sitting there chatting, waiting for her.

“Sharon! There you are! I was hoping I’d get to see you before me and Morgan flew back to the cabin later this afternoon. Glad to see you’re doing better,” said Pepper giving her a hug.

“Glad to see you too,” said Sharon softly, a little surprised that she and Pepper, who had only met once, were on hugging terms now, though Sharon suspected it had to do with Pepper needing some comforting herself. Sharon was unsure of what to say to the other woman who had lost her husband less than two months ago. She was surprised to feel a slight pang of remorse at how Tony had gone out a hero, but left behind his wife whom he had loved for 20 years and a five-year-old daughter. A quick study of Pepper’s face showed the grief masked behind the polite smile, how she was clearly trying to hold it together for her child, and Sharon felt a rush of sympathy and camaraderie with both Pepper and Wanda, Wanda having lost Vision and all as well. It struck Sharon that the three of them had an odd sense of common background, having lost the men they loved due to Thanos invading earth. How differently would all of their lives have turned out if that one alien had simply minded his own business and stayed off the planet? Sharon realized that her life would’ve turned out very differently, maybe even in a way she wouldn’t have preferred over the one she was currently living.

Sharon sat on the bed and curled her feet under her, listening to the conversation between Pepper and Wanda, who made efforts to include her, though Sharon really wasn’t up in the mood for talking. Still, however, she found herself enjoying the time with the other two women, realizing that what she had been missing most in her life was some sort of friendship or relationship with someone other than Steve who could understand what she was going through because they were going through something similar. These two women, and the men somewhere else in this tower, had all suffered at the hands of Thanos and because of the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. While her family loved her, they never would quite be able to understand what she was going through emotionally because of all of this. Sharon was surprised to find herself feeling incredibly grateful to the Avengers right now, and grateful that they had come for her. They could do more than offer sympathy. They understood. 

After a while, when Morgan was clearly getting bored with her handheld Nintendo, Pepper packed up their stuff and promised to call. But then she floated an idea that Sharon initially would have rejected as much as two weeks ago, but now suddenly found somewhat appealing.

“You know, Wanda, I’ve always wanted to learn how to knit. I hear it’s good for stress relief. And it’s been fun sitting here just gabbering, not thinking about running the company or about, well, you know, everything. Even if it’s just for an hour. I appreciate you two taking my mind off things for a while. It’s been…hard….you know?”

“Yeah,” said Sharon, “I agree.”

“Do you want me to teach you to knit, Pepper?” asked Wanda. “I’m not very good at it. In fact I learned on YouTube. But I can try if you really want.”

“I can probably YouTube it myself when I get a chance, though thanks,” said Pepper. “I was thinking with the Holo, we could have like a virtual knitting circle once or twice a week. I could set one up at the cabin, you two are here, maybe Maria Hill would want to join in? We could just sit around drinking wine, knitting, and bitching about the boys.”

Sharon forced down a laugh at the image of Maria Hill knitting, herself knitting, Hill would be more likely to kill four people quietly in a crowded hallway with a knitting needle, but the idea of sitting around drinking wine and good-naturedly complaining actually sounded like fun, though she had never been one for gossip before. And what the hell, she could learn to knit. Or pretend to anyway, just for the sake of joining in. Only for these women, so very like her in many ways, would she have even considered it.

“I want to learn too!” said Morgan, clearly miffed at being left out of the conversation. “I’m gonna make a princess dress!”

“I think crochet to start for you, sweet pea,” said Wanda affectionately. “And grape juice, no wine for you.”

“I’m down with it,” said Sharon. “At the very least, it might be a good way to stay in touch when I go back home.”

Wanda looked slightly disappointed at Sharon suggesting she would be going home anytime soon, but nodded. And to her surprise, Sharon actually found herself suddenly getting excited about the prospect. When has she ever wanted to learn to knit? But what she did want was company from these women, maybe even Hill, because there was another woman who knew what it was like to live the kind of life Sharon had lived. A significant portion of what had caused her to crash emotionally, Sharon suspected, with the feeling of not having support, feeling alone, even with Steve. They were some things he would never understand, simply because he was him. Then something else occurred to her.

“You guys know about…about the baby?” she asked.

“Yeah, honey, we do,” said Pepper, giving her a one arm hug around the shoulders, not certain if they were on regular hugging terms yet, despite the greeting one. “I’m so sorry.”

“You know it was Steve’s?” asked Sharon.

“Yes,” said Wanda. “I figured as much. I mean, back at the safe house, you weren’t exactly secretive.”

“Well I do now,” said Pepper. “But honestly, I’m not surprised. And it explains a lot about why you crashed like this. More than once, over the course of the decades I knew Tony, I wondered if staying with him, loving him, was worth it. More than once I nearly walked. It’s not easy to love a man who is or was an Avenger. Especially if you are one yourself.”

Sharon considered her next words carefully, then asked Pepper, “You had a lot of happy times with him. You have Morgan. But if you could travel through time, change things…?”

Pepper answered without hesitation. “I wouldn’t I wouldn’t change a thing, even the pain of losing him. The good times were worth it. And I had a miscarriage once too. It was really early, before Morgan. I didn’t even get a chance to tell Tony. Thankfully I didn’t need too much intervention from a doctor, but it still threw me for a loop. But even that I wouldn’t change if it meant never having him in my life at all.”

“Really? And you never told him?” asked Sharon, slightly surprised. Although she’s not sure why she should be surprised. Lots of women lost pregnancies, it was amazingly common, more so than people thought.

“I kind of wish I had told him,” said Pepper. “But really, what was the point? There was nothing he could do about it. And he’d find some way to blame himself, I know he would. At the time we were trying to have Morgan, so I let him figure that I was just upset that I hadn’t conceived yet. He held me when I cried, and that was all I really needed. And sometimes it was a little lonely knowing what I knew and not telling him, but I was trying to spare him. I think he sort of guessed, though. We were jogging the day Thanos invaded the first time, and he told me he had a dream the night before about us having a kid. I told him I wasn’t pregnant, though I didn’t tell him I had been only two weeks prior. I guess he sort of sensed it. Maybe it wasn’t the best choice, but a few weeks later I found out I was expecting Morgan. It doesn’t make up for the one I lost, and I’m so glad to have her now, especially now. But yeah, I get it.”

“I’m not sure my situation is completely relevant,” said Wanda, looking out the window, biting her lip, “but I highly doubt the man I loved was even capable of getting me pregnant. You guys definitely have interesting stories with your guys, but mine was an android. And thank you for not asking too many questions about how that worked out with functionality.”

Both Pepper and Sharon raised their eyebrows at Wanda, and Sharon said, “Well I’m not going to lie, I do have a certain amount of curiosity about how…well, functional he was. But that’s definitely none of my business unless you want to share. And I’m going to force my imagination to turn off on that one for the moment. But yeah, I guess kids with Vision was firmly out of the question.”

Wanda smiled sadly. “I guess I could’ve adopted or something. Or sperm donor. I might still one day. But not now, it’s too soon. And things are too crazy.”

Pepper hugged Sharon again, and put a hand on Wanda’s shoulder. “Well you’re welcome to borrow Morgan anytime. Just be prepared to have your ear talked off about My Little Pony and having to negotiate about eating food that has not been cut into triangles yet.”

Wanda laughed and Sharon smiled. Pepper gathered up her daughter, who waved goodbye, and they left to return in their own flying vehicle to the cabin. Thankfully, it was actually only about a 45 minute flight away, and a 2 hour drive on the surface streets. It would be nice having them near, Sharon realized.

She wasn’t sure what kind of smoothie Pepper had brought her, some kind of green concoction that she swore was a meal replacement with several calories, vegetables and fruits, and an ass ton of protein. It actually didn’t taste half bad. Sipping it slowly, Sharon was pleased to find that not only did it stay down, her nausea seem to be gone or at least under control.

Wanda stayed for only a little while longer, and then went off to give Sharon a chance to rest, although the Iron Legion bot stayed in the corner. It took a while, but soon Sharon forgot it was even there. It didn’t make any noises or move unless she got up to go to the bathroom, at which point it followed her rather determined. She learned not to argue with it. Later that afternoon, Bruce brought her a tablet that was loaded with applications that allowed her to access books, movies, and music, and a pair of expensive noise canceling earphones, which she loved. She listened to music and read a trashy novel for the rest of the afternoon. Dr. Hollis came to visit her in the evening, where she was given yet another smoothie and a quick exam by the Doctor who said she was pleased at Sharon‘s progress. Although Sharon groaned in protest, she didn’t cause trouble when an orderly came to strap her back down for the night.

“I’m very glad that you are responding, and that you had a nice time with Pepper and Wanda. I think socializing is exactly what you need to pull you out of this depressive state. But you’re not out of the woods yet. I’d like you to start counseling with one of our on-staff counselors. She knows what she’s doing, we brought her on not long after Mr. Stark started showing signs of PTSD. I think she’s pretty much talked to all of the Avengers at some point or another. So I seriously doubt anything you want to tell her will shock her. If she feels like you are making good progress, and Wanda feels like you’re not in any danger either from what she can read off you, will see about not needing the straps soon. Also, you may want to consider calling and talking to your family. They’ve been very worried about you. I know Sergeant Barnes has talked to Captain Rogers a few times, but I think they’d like to hear from you.”

“Not like this,” said Sharon holding up her strapped down wrist. “It would freak them out.”

Dr. Hollis smiled. “Tomorrow then, after your counseling session. In the meantime, sweet dreams. And push that button on the side of your bed if you need to get up. You can reach it OK? Good.”

Sharon shifted a bit trying to get comfortable. She was more accustomed to sleeping on her stomach, not her back, and it was difficult to find a good position. But eventually she nodded off.

000

In the week that followed, Sharon started to adopt a routine in the medical wing. She would wake up and press the button for the nurse to come and unstrap her, head to the bathroom accompanied by the Iron Legion, and then head back to sit on either the bed or in one of the chairs to read a book and listen to music on the tablet. Sometime around mid-morning, Wanda would show up with knitting supplies to begin to teach Sharon how to knit, and it was actually coming along a lot easier than Sharon suspected it would have. Pepper joined them twice when she was in the area, and the three managed to get Maria Hill to agree to a knitting circle, which they would start up on Thursday evenings. Hill came to visit in person, and Sharon was thankful that the other former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent didn’t give her hell about her current state or ask too many questions. Hill always seemed to know more than she let on anyway, so Sharon figured she probably knew everything there was to tell. Apparently Hill and Fury had been filled in on Sharon and Steve’s activities throughout the years, but didn’t seem all that angry about the fact that they had always been operating in the background, though Hill being Hill, didn’t see the need to bring it up unless Sharon did first. The only thing these days that made Hill feel the need to chatter was the fact that she couldn’t seem to get knitting down, so she switched to crochet where apparently she had an aptitude for making granny squares.

“If you ever tell anyone formerly of S.H.I.E.L.D. that I’m making granny squares to connect into an afghan, not only will I deny it, your body will never be found,” said Hill, growling through clenched teeth as she tried to fix a mistake on her latest project, and then attempted to smile when Morgan Stark showed her how to fix it. Apparently, like her father, the five year old was good with her hands and had picked up crochet in only a day. Sharon only smiled sweetly. Hill wasn’t able to join them but maybe once during that first week, as she was still running Stark intelligence division. Industrial espionage was definitely a thing, especially with Tony gone and Cthuthari technology showing up all over the world on the black market. It seemed they were under constant attack from hackers trying to get Stark secrets, which translated into Avengers secrets. A few times, Hill would bring Sharon a tablet of some information for analysis, and Sharon was able to make some connections her former S.H.I.E.L.D. colleague had not.

“You ought to think about coming to work for me,” said Hill as she prepared to leave on her second visit. Sharon looked up in surprise, as her former boss continued, “What? Don’t look so surprised. Someone with your skill set, I mean hell, I trained you myself on information analysis. I know what you can do. And it might be a better use of your talents than chasing down cheating husbands. Just think about it, nobody needs an answer today.”

And Sharon had thought about it. A lot. She wondered why she had never thought to reach out to Maria Hill for a job, even if it would mean working for Stark. At this point, it actually sounded like a very sensible option. Her afternoons were usually spent in counseling sessions, or in some form of physical therapy. Sometime Sam came to sit with her in the afternoon, sometimes Bucky, and while she appreciated it, she found she didn’t have as easy or rapport with them as she did with the women. With Sam, she mostly talked about sports. With Bucky, they talked about the military and the various wars that America had fought since he had been a soldier in World War II, and Sharon came from a military family.

She followed the doctors’ and counselors’ orders and called her family once she got her phone from her belongings, and talked to Lily for a little while. Lily was overjoyed to hear from her, and they switched to the holo device about 30 minutes into a phone conversation. And only after confirming that no one else, especially Steve was around, because Sharon was not particularly in the mood to talk to or see either Steve or Ed at the moment, Ed because he asked too many questions like the lawyer he was, and Steve because it was still too painful. It would feel too much like climbing a stairmaster.  
“Well honey,” said Lily, “you do look so much better. You scared the bejeepers out of us. The kids have been asking about you too. And dad to, of course. Can I tell him you look better?”

Sharon agreed, and found that she did feel a lot better after talking with her cousin, and answering texts from everyone else, including Steve. Steve texted several times a day, and she tried her best to reply, though the counselor had advised that she take it slow with everyone, but especially him. It wasn’t necessarily that the counselor felt that Steve or any one person or situation was responsible for her breakdown, exactly, but more that they contributed to creating the environment that allowed it to happen. Steve wanted to talk on the phone, and over the Holo, but Sharon turned him down for the first few times, saying that she wasn’t in the mood to talk but would talk with him soon when she felt up to it.

By the end of her first week at the tower, Sharon had made decent enough progress, and Wanda had been able to read enough off of her, to convince all the medical personnel that she was probably OK to move out of the medical wing. They stopped tying her down the fourth night she was there, and when she agreed to let the Iron Legion bot follow her around, they said that she was cleared to leave, but was to try and remain in the company of someone as much as possible. That was easy enough. After Sam and Wanda got her set up in one of the unused rooms on the habitat floor where they were all staying, she spent a good deal of time hanging out in the rec room with Wanda and Bucky, and occasionally down in the gym with Sam. She was allowed to do light exercise, and found that she felt best after walking, and then lightly jogging on the treadmill for a while. She was plenty tired of smoothies at this point as well, and was actually surprised to find that Tony had programmed his bots Dum-E and Butterfingers to be fairly decent cooks. At F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s suggestion, they cooked up meals that had undoubtedly been programmed by Pepper, such as lemon chicken and vegetables, fish and various fruit concoctions and whole grains. She found herself eating better than she had in quite a while by the end of the week at the tower.

Wanda had shown her the basics of knitting, and their knitting circle with the two of them, Hill and Pepper became something they all looked forward to, even though Pepper often had a Holo in. When the conversation turned to Maria Hill’s job offer, Wanda and Pepper both encouraged her to think about taking it, even if only on a trial basis. When she finally agreed to a Holo conversation with Steve, she mentioned it to him.

“Well,” he said, “I admit I would miss seeing you regularly down here, but I think it would be good for you. I think you would be happy doing that kind of work. And you have to admit, the Avengers are good for keeping you out of funks. It’s never dull around them.”

“I’d have to come down and get the rest of my stuff,” she said. “But it wouldn’t be too hard. I guess I’ll give it a try.”

“That’s great!” he said. “I’m glad to hear that. And I’m glad you’re doing better. Side note, the kids are wanting to know if they can come visit. How about we bring your stuff to you? I kind of like to show them around the tower.”

Sharon felt both excitement and dread at the thought of her family visiting. They would have to get security clearance, and while she would be excited to see them all, she was still nervous about seeing Steve. They had never really had a chance to talk after losing the baby. She knew they would eventually have to have some sort of conversation about it, but she wasn’t sure she was ready. She got him to agree to wait a couple of weeks, but that if the family wanted to come visit, that would be a nice change of pace. Steve talked about it with Sam, they cleared it with the counselor and Dr. Hollis, and a date was agreed upon. Her slow recovery from the mishap and her breakdown was not going to be dealt with overnight, but the medical professionals seemed pleased at her progress. By the time she was allowed to start sparring with Sam and Bucky, she was feeling enormously better, though was still required to go to counseling, which honestly she didn’t mind.

But as the day of her family’s visit approached, she could tell that Sam was a little worried.

“Are you sure this isn’t going to upset you, having Steve here?” he asked bluntly one morning at breakfast before the rest of the others had filed in.

“It shouldn’t,” she said. “He’s my family. I can’t avoid him forever. And the doctor says that I’m making good progress. Didn’t even need the straight jacket this time.”

Sam gave her a sideways stink eye. “Yeah, keep that since of humor, girl. I’m just saying, me and Bucky can go down and get your stuff, and we can arrange for you to visit certain members of your family if you don’t want to see others.”

“I do want to see them,” she insisted. “Him. I mean, I won’t lie, it will be awkward and rough, but we’ll get through it. We always do.”

“I just don’t want you relapsing,” said Sam. “You’re a valuable person to have around, and I’d like for you to work with the Avengers some if you get the chance. We’ve got a void in the team since we lost Natasha. We’re still recovering from that. And I know she was your friend too. But we really need her kind of skills in some of the stuff we’re working on. Hill will train you, she says you have the same skill set. Would you consider working with us some?”

Sharon felt her heart leap. “Like, actually be an Avenger? Of course I wouldn’t mind. That would be awesome.”

“It wouldn’t be right away,” said Sam, “not unless there’s an emergency. You’re still officially in recovery and that could take weeks. But in the near future.”

“And you’d rather have me of sound mind and body, not in a corner somewhere weaving baskets?” said Sharon was a smile.

“I’ll be more concerned when you stop cracking jokes like that, then I’d be worried,” said Sam getting up to put his dishes in the sink. “But I’m telling you, if I think you’re slipping because of Steve being here, I’m gonna have to pull the plug. We need you Sharon. And Steve has to learn to let you go.”

Sharon nodded.

000

The Quinjet carrying the Carter family, flown by Sam and Bucky, landed smoothly on the landing pad of the tower. Unbeknownst to the residents who lived on the same street as the Carter family, it had landed cloaked in the middle of the street at six in the morning before people started leaving for work. Steve’s entire family had shuffled out quickly carrying their overnight bags and up the ramp. He had helped them all strap in before strapping in himself, and they were airborne heading towards New York before anyone on their street even knew the plane belonging to the Avengers had landed in the middle of it.

Sharon was standing nearby, dressed in casual pants and a cardigan, waiting for her family to disembark. Pepper and Wanda were standing next to her, eager to meet her family, and see Steve again. She also fought down a wave of anxiety, not sure how any of these reunions were going to go. As it turned out, she need not have worried, as her family came down the ramp of the Quinjet, the kids ran to meet her and threw their arms around her.

“Aunt Sharon, that jet is so cool!” “You won’t believe how fast it goes!” “Yeah, they turned it upside down midair, I think mom is going to hurl.” “Can we see all of Tony Stark’s robots?” “Can we see the Hulk?”

Sharon laughed and hugged them all, and then hugged Ed’s wife Nancy and high-fived Lily’s husband Jeff. Nancy was looking a little green, probably from the loop-d-loop in midair, but Ed and Lily looked perfectly fine, even a little excited. Lily gave her the biggest hug she had ever given Sharon, and although Ed’s hug was more restrained, it was clear that he was happy to see her.

“You look a damn sight better,” he said with one of his ironic smiles that was common on his father’s face.

“Thanks,” she said returning to smile genuinely.

“You had a super worried for a while there,” said Lily. Sharon ducked her head, but smiled when Lily hugged her again.

“That you did,” came Steve’s familiar voice and she broke away from Lily to look at him. He was standing back a ways, letting the rest of the family greet her first, but was looking at her with relief on his face. Sharon gave him a small smile back, but didn’t move to hug him. She wasn’t sure what she would feel seeing him. After everything that happened, she had not been able to clearly define in her mind what he was to her, as she now knew he was unable to do with her. The counselor had suggested that their ambiguous relationship was a major cause of problems for both of them, and it was best if they came to terms with what they were to each other before anything else.

Looking at him, Sharon had to admit that she couldn’t easily define what she felt when she saw him standing there. The elderly man in front of her had always been her uncle in her mind, but she also knew he had once been the younger man she had loved not so long ago to her. The emotional roller coaster of finding herself pregnant by him, then losing it, had caused a certain wound to open in her heart and certain emotions she was not sure she knew how to handle kept gushing forward. She felt a pull towards him that she couldn’t quite define, not exactly attraction, but a certain type of emotional need. They had relied on each other for support for so many years, she wasn’t entirely sure that she knew how to find that support with anyone else. She had begun in a way with the women at the tower, spending time with Wanda and the others in their crafting circle, which had been a start, because she had never really had girlfriends most of her life. The emotional comfort that she was getting from them seem to be fairly mutual, as all of them were dealing with a trauma of some sort of loss, and found their time spent together learning how to be friends who relied on each other was beneficial to all of them.

She had also been able to talk a bit to Sam, and of course her counselor was a help. But where did that leave Steve in her life? The truth was, she really didn’t know. She had stood there long enough without moving that a flicker of worry had crossed his face again, and she could tell he was uncertain if she was mad at him, or blamed him for everything that had happened. She wasn’t sure either, though she knew she was not angry at him. When she thought of him, it was mostly sadness. But when he gently opened his arms, asking for a hug, she only hesitated a moment before moving towards him and allowing him to hug her. He seemed to relax a bit in relief, even though he could tell she was restrained and pulled away sooner then he would have liked.

Thankfully it was Pepper, always the diplomat, who dispelled the awkwardness by announcing that everyone should have a round of introductions and a tour of the tower, the non-classified areas anyway. Pepper lead the round of introductions for the Avenger side, and Sharon introduced the members of her family. Their excitement returned, Sharon led everybody through the hallways to the guest areas, though Steve had asked if his old room was still available, which it was. They had also not touched Natasha‘s room, even though they all knew she wasn’t coming back. It wasn’t a shrine exactly, more that it was a reminder, and they had so many rooms in the tower anyway, there was no need to get rid of her stuff. Sometimes Bruce would go in there and just sit, feeling her presence in the room, her scent and the way she had decorated it, to comfort him for a while before he was able to go back to what he was doing. And once, Sharon had found Bucky in there, sitting in the chair with his eyes closed. When she had asked him what he was doing, he simply shook his head, said nothing, and got up and left.

Now, she led everyone to their rooms, let them get settled in, and then everyone gathered in the living room recreation room as the Avengers currently in the tower came by to meet Steve’s family and commiserate with Steve. Sharon‘s teenage cousins were blown away by the technology, the various Iron Legion bots, and especially the gaming system that Tony Stark had installed in the rec room wall, far outstripping anything they had at home. While the kids delved into a virtual reality game, Steve relaxed a bit talking with Maria Hill, who told him that Nick Fury was not there, but that he said hi. Talk turned to Sharon staying at the tower working with Hill in security, and occasionally with the Avengers, and although Sharon could tell her family was nervous about her career choice, and she could see that they were sad to see her go and would miss her, but everyone agreed that it was probably for the best.

Dinner was a jocular affair, with the kids, including Morgan Stark who, although she was much younger, seem to be getting along well with Hannah, at their own table. The adults delved into a wide spread of Greek food, including chicken Shawarma, which caused Steve to laugh and tell a story about how all the Avengers had gone for Shawarma after the battle of New York, making it their go-to bonding meal after battles. Sharon had to admit, this dinner with her family turned out much better than the last one. She got to hear about all how her young cousins were now in enrolled in school, although they were not happy about having to go back a month before those who were not Decimated, for adjustment purposes, so everyone had gotten involved in scouting and extracurricular pasttimes. All of the adults had found jobs that they liked, and had settled well into their houses. Sharon found that she felt an overwhelming sense of peace and relief hearing this, for one of the main things that had always worried both her and Steve was the fact that there was no telling what the Decimation would do to everyone socially after they were brought back, and in their eagerness to save the lives of their family, they had not really considered what the aftermath would be like once everyone woke back up. Hearing all of their stories about how they had found happiness with their newly adjusted lives made Sharon remember that everything she had been through has truly been worth it, at least for them. Even she seemed to be finding her footing for her future, coming on with the Avengers and Stark Industries, and finding a place where she felt she belonged here at the tower.

“Just make sure you take one of those flying cars and come visit us sometime,” said Lily, looking for all the world like her mother about to deliver a lecture. “I’m thinking maybe we could have a regular family dinner night once a month, maybe on Saturday when football season starts, and we can all barbecue some hamburgers and gather around the big screen and watch the Patriots lose. Maybe when your mom comes home?”

Sharon found herself smiling wider than she had in a long time and readily agreed, feeling another sense of peace knowing that she could have this future with the Avengers, and still forge a deeper connection with her family. But then she looked over at Steve at the end of the table, who seem to be lost in thought, pushing his chicken around on his plate.

“You OK down there, Steve?” she asked.

He looked up as of startled, “What? Oh yes. Just fine.”

Conversation worked itself back up again as three different conversations broke out around the table, with Pepper and Wanda talking to Lily and Nancy about the weather, and what’s been going on since everyone returned from the Decimation within local communities. Ed and Jeff were talking to Sam about various sports teams, and Bucky had engaged Steve in a conversation at their end of the table. Sharon didn’t mind not being part of the three conversations, she didn’t feel left out. Her counselor had advised her, that occasionally after episodes of depression, it was normal to feel overwhelmed in social situations, and that taking a few minutes to yourself was healthy and normal. She listened to the conversations around her, and found herself perhaps happy as she had been in a long time. The only thing worrying her was Steve, what her relationship with him was, and what future that might hold. She felt a slight knot of fear in her heart as she realized that he was slowing down, and that his age had finally caught up with him without the serum active to protect him from aging and ailments. Whatever the relationship was, she was going to have to come to terms with it soon. Because in all actuality, she suspected that Steve would not be with them much longer, and then, truly then, she was going to have to learn to let him go.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

“Steve, that idea is completely crazy, I mean I know I sort of suggested it a couple of weeks ago, but I didn’t think you were going to take it seriously. It could kill you, man!” said Bucky. “And I can’t believe Bruce didn’t say anything.”

“I asked him not to,” said Steve simply. “So he didn’t.”

Bucky closed his eyes and leaned back, trying not to give away to the others at the table what he and Steve were talking about, especially Sharon. “Have you talked to Ed and Lily about this? Do they have anything to say about it?”

“I haven’t told them yet, said Steve. “But I’m going to. And not in a letter either. I know Ed will probably storm and yell, Lily will cry, but I’m hoping in the end they understand my reasons for doing it.”

“And your reasons are?” asked Bucky.

“Well for one thing, if it works, I’ll be around a lot longer. I’ll be there for my family.”

“I thought you had accepted that you were at the end of your life?” asked Bucky, “Not that I’m happy about that mindset either, I’m glad that you’ve decided you want to live a bit longer, but why the sudden change?”

Steve thought about giving some surface answer, but then he looked at his oldest friend and realize that not only would Bucky likely not buy it, he would probably figure out the actual reason and be pissed off that Steve felt the need to pull window shades down over the conversation. So he decided to level with him.

“That’s what I thought too,” said Steve. “That it was the end. When I stepped on that platform, I had decided that my life would be with Peggy, and that was the life I chose and lived. I was her husband, the father of her children, and I’ve lived a long life in that role. Although I regret having to hurt Sharon in order to do it, I do not regret a minute I spent with Peggy or our family. But something happened right about the time that she died, and maybe was solidified with the Decimation. During those years, that’s when I stopped just being Peggy’s husband, and Lily and Ed’s father. With Peggy gone and my family gone in the Snap, even though I knew they were coming back, if I did everything right, I had to think about who I was and whether or not I was truly done. I thought I was. I thought there wasn’t anything else for me other than Peggy’s husband. But then the Decimation was over, and everybody in the world is having to readjust their lives, find a new role, build a new life. I’ve watched my adult children have to do it, adopt new lives after the Snap. Sharon is having to do it too. Even my grandchildren. In a way, everybody is forging new lives, redefining who they are and finding their place in a world that literally changed overnight. Then Sharon told me she was pregnant. If things had not gone the way they had, she would be in her second trimester now, she would be showing. She would be preparing to be somebody’s mother. She was ready to do that, make that a part of her life. And I wasn’t going to be a part of it because my life was at its end. Thinking about that baby, growing up never knowing or relating to me as his father, well, it was pretty sad. It hurt to think about. And I realized it didn’t have to be that way. I have a means of revitalizing myself, living longer than I otherwise would. I could still have been around for that baby. I could reforge my life, begin a new one, one as that baby’s father.”

“And Sharon? You would be something other than an uncle to Sharon?” asked Bucky.

“I don’t know,” said Steve. “I haven’t gotten that far ahead in the plan yet. I told her before and I mean it, I want what she wants. If that’s what she wants, then fine. If it isn’t, well, I still want to be in the world. I realized I still had a lot to live for, that I wasn’t really done yet.”

“But she’s not pregnant anymore,” said Bucky gently. “That’s no longer a factor.”

“No it isn’t,” said Steve sadly. “But it motivated me to think differently. And that hasn’t changed.”

“So Bruce and the spider kid have been rebuilding the chamber, correct?” asked Bucky. “We thought the original was destroyed in the attack on the compound.”

“Bruce said it was,” said Steve, “but they were able to salvage the remains and reverse engineer it, especially with Howard‘s notes. And apparently Parker is every bit the mechanical genius Tony was, though frankly I would have preferred Tony be the one to build it. It was more of his specialty and he had more experience.”

“Wouldn’t it be prudent to first verify that the serum was indeed still in your blood before stepping into a chamber that’s going to blast you with deadly levels of gamma radiation?” asked Bucky.

“Yes,” Steve grimaced, “which is one of the reasons I wanted to bring my whole family up here. I want Doc Hollis to run tests on me and compare them against the tests that were run on me a few months before I left for the past. I want to see if there’s any way to verify that the serum is still in my blood, even if it isn’t still active. I also want her to test my children and grandchildren. Sharon‘s baby got me thinking, wondering if the enhancements I have due to the serum are something that I would pass on. I don’t think my children have ever shown signs of being super soldiers, Peggy was normal, but I do wonder if any of it’s genetic. Wondering about that was one of the reasons she and I put off having kids for a decade.”

Bucky shook his head. “It’s your decision, man. I can’t say I agree with, or even completely understand it, but it’s your life. I just really hope you don’t die doing it. Because the last thing I want to do was have to put Sharon back together again, or have to endure the looks from your kids who are probably going to blame me for not stopping you.”

“I’ll make sure they only blame me,” Steve said humorlessly.

“Much obliged,” said Bucky taking a swig from his beer

000

“Have you lost your fucking mind?” Sharon stormed at him, so angry that she didn’t bother to watch her language with every member of her family in the room including the kids.

Steve slowly stood up, angry now at what amounted to a tantrum from Sharon. He was used to her temper by now, and secretly he was glad she was showing her fire again. He preferred that over the lifeless unresponsive form she had been not long ago. But he’d never condone her language. No matter how modern the world got, that never changed about him. Especially not in front of the kids. 

“You can be angry all you want Sharon but if you can’t watch your language in front of the kids you can leave this meeting.”

She glared daggers at him. He was pretty sure that if the table hadn’t been between them, then geriatric or not, there was a good chance she might have smacked him. Lily stood up. Ever the peacemaker, she attempted to diffuse the situation.

“Alright, that’s enough both of you. Everybody sit down. Nothing’s been decided yet.”

Sharon glared a moment longer before sitting down first, followed by Lily. She might be furious but Steve was still the patriarch of the family. Respect indicated that she acquiesce by sitting down first. He followed her a moment later. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief although the teens still looked nervous. Open arguments were rare in their family and conflict with their grandfather wasn’t common. Sharon had always been the somewhat mysterious and glamorous distant relative, a cousin who was never around because she was a spy and secret agent like James Bond, like their grandmother had been. But the terror of the Decimation, seeing Sharon coldly and brutally take down a murderous intruder, her descent into depression following her unexpected pregnancy and miscarriage, then being whisked away by the Avengers had given the younger members of the Carter family a more realistic view of their cousin. She could be deadly. And at the moment slightly unstable. Their grandfather seemed totally unfazed by her though. They weren’t sure what to make of it, the situation their grandfather had just laid down on them. Neither, apparently, did Edwin.

“Dad she’s right to be angry. I mean that’s crazy, it’s suicide.” Ed looked desperate

“Peggy said the first time nearly killed you and you were younger and in better shape then,” said Sharon through clenched teeth. “It’s not worth it. She said you screamed like you were being murdered.”

“Not worth more time on this earth with my family?” Steve asked. “If it works I could get several more decades with all of you.”

“And if it doesn’t, we all get to watch you die,” said Sharon. “I can’t...I can’t handle that. I can handle a lot but not that.”

Lily reached out and squeezed Sharon’s hand.

“Dad,” said Ed, “I appreciate that you want more time with us, and we certainly want you around as long as possible, but not if it means endangering yourself. And frankly, we are getting tired of all the bombshells you keep dropping. It seems like every time we get ourselves situated and adjusted, some kind of new crisis happens. This one could kill you. And do we even know the serum is even still in you?”

Steve explained that he was going to have Dr. Hollis examine him before doing anything, and just for informational purposes, would like the rest of his family to consent to having her run tests on their blood as well. He expected a fight over that, but instead actually got some interested looks.

“Cool!” said Lily’s rather exuberant son Jack. “So if I have super soldier serum in my blood from granddad, does that mean if I get in the radioactive chamber I can turn into a superhero too?”

“Oh, that would be so awesome!” said Danny

“Nobody’s climbing into any chambers,” said Sharon looking pointedly at Steve. “Nobody.”

“Sharon....” he started, then looked at everybody else, “I didn’t realize everybody would be such against me wanting to stick around a while longer.”

Lily looked at him, “Dad, we do want you to stick around, we just don’t want to see you suffer, possibly die for it. If we had some kind of guarantee that it would work, then I personally wouldn’t have a problem, but I’d rather not hear you screaming in pain.”

“Maybe we should hear what the doctors have to say first,” Jeff broke in, the spouses having been fairly silent through all of it.

“When with this happen?” asked Ed.

“They’re still working on putting everything together,” said Steve. “Peter has had to work on it in between school, so it’s been going slowly. It won’t be for a while yet.”

Everyone visibly relaxed. With more time to consider, and more information to go on, maybe they would not need to worry about it. Sharon wasn’t so sure. They ended up breaking up the gathering of the Carter family to go find different things to do around the tower. Sharon brought Lily and Nancy down to the workout area of the gym to have a go on the treadmills with Wanda and Pepper. The kids found a corner somewhere to play with Morgan, and the guys took advantage of the theater seating on one of the levels to watch a major football game. You would have thought they were merely concerned about nothing more than the weather.

000

Dr. Amy Hollis pursed her lips as she studied the results on a holographic image her in front of her. Nearly all members of the Carter family were behind her waiting for her to say something about the tests she had run on Steve and all of his family.

After re-reading the results twice, she turned and first addressed Steve. “Well, the serum is definitely still in your blood, but as suspected, it’s inert. From the looks of these readings, the initial dose of radiation you were exposed to that activated it as long since abated. The serum is still present, however.”

“And it could be reactivated?” asked Sharon.

Dr. Hollis hesitated. She knew that her answer had to be very diplomatic. “In effect, yes,” she said. “But I stress, it would be highly dangerous. Of course, I assume the first one was dangerous as well. But the radiation dosage that is typically delivered, according to Howard Stark’s notes, it’s basically a lethal dose. It could go either way. It could either activate the serum, or kill him before it has a chance to. Essentially, you have to outlive the radiation blast in order for the serum to activate, at which point it protects from the effects.”

“And this would de-age me?” asked Steve.

“It might not,” said Dr. Hollis. “You are the only person we have ever been able to collect any data on with an activated version of the Erskine serum. We know that you went through the experiment around the age of 27. From that moment forward, it’s not that you stopped aging, but you aged at a rapidly decreased pace. And the suspended animation in the ice only slowed that down further. When the serum deactivated due to a loss of the radiation, you began to age normally, which for you, was rapidly. So it’s not like you de-aged the first time, you just slowed down from where you were at.”

“So basically, he could go through the whole procedure, and would still be a super enhanced but elderly 135 year old?” asked Ed.

“Pretty much,” said Dr. Hollis. “He’d stop aging rapidly, and I suspect that a lot of his medical issues would clear up, he’d be stronger for sure, but not what he was. Fifty years ago would have been the last optimal time to have done this. Which is why I can’t recommend it now. The odds of him surviving the procedure are very slim. If he were younger, it might be worth trying, but at this point?

Steve turned and stalked over to the window, bitterly disappointed. He didn’t mind being older but he had been hoping he would de-age some from the process. Already he was having a difficult time getting around and he wasn’t allowed to drive anymore. There would be no point in putting himself through that again if the procedure didn’t reverse some of that. Then Bruce, who had also been listening on a Holo from the lab spoke up.

“What if we could de-age him first, and then blast him?” he asked.

“That’s not possible, is it?” asked Sharon.

“Is it?” asked Steve.

“Technically yes,” said Bruce. “Steve, do you remember before Tony figured out the time GPS devices, how we were trying to make use of Hank Pym’s quantum particles on our own? We built the time travel device based on the quantum device in Scott’s van. But when we tried to send him through time, he kept coming back as a baby, a kid, and then an old man? That was because, as Tony said, we didn’t send Scott through time, we pushed time through Scott. In that particular case, he retained all of his life memories and experiences, but time caused him to fluctuate in physical age. Those were accidents, but what if we did it on purpose?”

Steve had been remembering that day, when they first tried to test the time travel device. Again, for him, the actual experience was decades ago, but now that he was remembering as Bruce was talking, he did recall that affect happening to Scott Lang. During the conversation, Bruce had brought up the security camera footage, and forwarded it to their Holo screen, where it was now playing, demonstrating what had happened that day of the first experiments. Everyone watched the time affects as Bruce described them happening to Scott, and Steve felt himself becoming more excited. They understood the mechanisms of what had happened, everything had of course been recorded, and the settings had been noted. So perhaps it could be done on purpose.

“Rebuilding the chamber was actually the easy part,” said Bruce. “We had the remains of the original that we could reverse engineer, coupled with Howard Stark’s notes. But Dr. Hollis is probably right. You probably couldn’t survive another hit of gamma radiation in your current condition. We would have to de-age you to a point where you were more physically able to take the hit, then reactivate serum.”

“And I would retain all of the memories and experiences I currently have?” Steve asked.

“Lang did,” said Bruce. “Even when he was a baby and he couldn’t vocalize it. The main problem is, it’s not exactly a precise effect. If you recall, when we kept trying to get Scott back to his correct age, we kept dialing it back too much, and then dialing it forward too much. It took several tries before we could get the correct age when we accidentally aged and de-aged him. While we could probably re-create the effect using the time travel platform, it wouldn’t be precise. I don’t think we could, for example, decide that you wanted to be 30 years old again, and push time through you to where you would end up 30 years old. You would end up somewhere in your 30s, possibly your 40s. And I don’t think we should be aging quite that far back, to be honest. We don’t know what the long-term effects of that kind of exposure to the quantum realm can do to you. I would personally aim for your 40s, and hope you fell somewhere around 20 years in that spectrum. That would be old enough to be as physically fit as you could be, but young enough to take the blast of gamma radiation from the chamber.”

“Or we could do none of the above, and not have him die in those contraptions you’ve built,” said Ed. “Dr. Banner, you said yourself, if these things don’t work perfectly, they could kill him.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment, before Steve said, “It’s my choice, son.”

“So what, your children and your grandchildren don’t matter? What we want doesn’t matter?” asked Ed. “We want you alive dad, and as healthy and safe as you can be, and if that means only for five years, rather than risking everything for a few more than that, well then....”

“We just don’t want to watch you die, Dad,” said Lily.

Another period of silence followed.

Ed looked over at his cousin who was leaning against the console, looking away. “Sharon, please say something.”

Sharon took a deep breath, held it, and then let it out. And then she looked at her family, she was almost sad when she said, “Guys, I would love to be able to find the words to make this all OK. But in the years that I’ve dealt with your father with The Plan and everything else, one thing I’ve learned is that he’s going to do what he’s going to do, and there’s nothing I can say that will change that. This would be no different than finding out he has a terminal illness, and some experimental treatment could extend his life several years beyond his prognosis. Ultimately, the only one who can make the choice about accepting that kind of treatment would be him. No matter how dangerous the treatment might be. I don’t want him to die either, and I certainly don’t wanna watch him do it, but I can see he’s already made up his mind. I can yell and plead all day long, but it won’t matter. The only thing we can do now is pray.”

She turned her head back to look out the window, and all the fight seem to go out of Ed as he slumped and nodded his head. Lily covered her hands with her eyes with her hands, and just nodded. Steve hated to think that he was causing this kind of turmoil in his family, but if everything went the way he hoped it would, it would mean that not only did he have several more years with his family and Sharon, but he would be healthier enough to enjoy them.

Bruce looked over at him, “Steve?”

“Let’s do it,” said Steve.

000

The family had two more days to visit but even days planned with trips to museums and other sightseeing locations around New York did little to dispel their worry. Knowing that Steve planned to re-enter the Project Rebirth chamber, with a very good chance that he would not make it this time, cast a shadow over everyone, and Steve was rather guilty with himself for doing it in the first place. Maybe he should not have mentioned anything until the chamber was completed and Bruce was ready to do what he had to do. It was plain that nothing was going to be done on this trip, since the time travel mechanism coupled with the Project Rebirth chamber that Bruce had been visualizing was still going to need several more weeks of tweaking. That meant that Steve had at least a couple more weeks of his family trying to talk him out of it, and Sharon possibly becoming overwhelmed again.

Thankfully, though, this did not seem to be the case, as she was clearly somber about the whole thing, but did not seem to be spiraling into depression. She spent the second to last day shopping with her cousins, and playing video games with the kids, but she did not seem too eager to talk to Steve. He tried to engage her in conversation about mundane topics, but it was clear that she was pulling away from him, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

But then, the evening before the Carters last day there, an incident happened in South America where a landslide had decimated a village, and the local government was unequipped to handle the evacuation. The UN asked for the Avengers to intervene, and Maria Hill got special permission for Sharon to accompany them. Sharon‘s family watched in awe at the flurry of activity as the inhabitants of the tower went from rather ordinary people with normal past times, to the full-fledged superheroes that they knew them to be. And now Sharon was joining them.

As he watched them suit up, Steve couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret that he would not be joining them. It was a good chance for Sam to test his leadership skills of the team, and Steve was in full support of him, but it was difficult to sit back and watch them go, knowing he was not physically capable of helping anyway. But then Sam asked him to monitor the situation from the tower, and to give intel and feedback if needed. Steve smiled, and thanked Sam for indulging him, but commented that he felt that this was something Sam can truly handle without his input. Sam only smiled back and commented that everyone needed to feel useful, and no one could match Steve’s tactical ability.

So as the team flew off with Sharon in tow, the family then got to witness Steve acting as the strategist and soldier he had always been from the situation room. All things considered, it was a fairly easy mission. Their orders were to go in and evacuate the civilians, for which Sharon’s Spanish skills quickly came in handy. Sam was able to monitor the situation from the air, occasionally swooping in to render assistance, and making use of Redwing on areas in which he could not easily access. Bucky worked with Sharon to funnel people from unsafe areas into evacuation zones, and Wanda was using her powers to lift rubble and buildings off of people trapped under the mudslide.

Bruce was assisting Wanda in doing some heavy lifting, when Steve, who had been monitoring the radio chatter from the situation room, suddenly picked up something odd on one of the unused channels.

This conversation was in Spanish, and from the tone, it didn’t sound too friendly. Steve switched over to Sharon’s com. “Sharon, do you understand what they’re saying?”

“Standby,” she said, listening to the conversation. Then her voice became urgent. “Guys, we have incoming, that appears to be a strike force from a drug cartel, they’re coming to do some looting, and other mayhem. They’re on their way in now. Coming from the north, and probably from the west.”

Steve felt a rush of consternation, and glanced back at his family who had suddenly gone from being entertained by the proceedings to fearful. Sharon was out there and now apparently in danger. Steve turned back to the console and spoke to Sam. “You’re point in the field, Sam, what do you see?”

“I’ve got movement on the north and west roads into the town, just like Sharon said,” said Sam. “I need to see what I can do to slow them down, we still have people trapped under buildings. Cap, you take tactical. I’ll handle the guys coming in from the north.”  
“Roger that,” said Steve slipping easily back into commander mode. “Bucky, you cover the west road, don’t let anybody in to the village until Sharon and Wanda and Bruce have everyone evacuated.”

“10–4,” said Bucky, rushing to move into position.

“How many more left due to evacuate?” asked Steve.

“I’m pulling three out of a collapsed church now,” said Sharon.

“I’ve got a family of five under a pile of rubble that I’m lifting off of them now,” said Wanda. “I’m not sensing anybody else, so I think that would be the last of them.”

The conversation was abruptly cut off by the sound of gunfire. Bucky was firing down the west road as a pickup truck full of heavily armed men came barreling down the road, clearly not expecting to meet any resistance. This was quickly followed by the sound of firing from the north road as Sam engaged the group coming in from that direction.

“There’s more than I thought coming in from the west!” said Bucky. “I took out the tires of the lead vehicle, but they’re starting to fire back. And another one coming around the bend. I’ve got 25 over here! This is a lot for just a quick rioting strike force.”

“It’s not a looting force,” said Sharon, “with this many heavily armed people, they want something here. Probably something hidden in one of the buildings.”

“That would be my guess,” said Sam, still engaging the group coming in from the north. “And now that they know there’s resistance here, we need to be on the lookout for the other directions. They may try to swing around.”

“Satellite imagery not showing anything in that area yet,” said Steve, “but I’m monitoring anyway. Be careful, get the civilians out.”  
“Civilians clear,” Wanda called.

“Same here,” Sharon responded. “Heading to help Barnes.”

“Careful, kid,” Steve murmured into her comm

Sharon left her position and sprinted up to where Bucky was crouching behind a building, taking a position across the street and aiming down the road. The criminals began to fire on them, and she returned fire deftly, incapacitating the lead vehicle, while Bucky took out the second one.

Sam reported that the north road was clear of danger, swinging back around to give Wanda and Bruce a hand with the refugees, as Bucky and Sharon cleaned up the last of the invaders. Right about then, some peacekeeping forces arrived to funnel survivors out of the now destroyed town, as well as locate a cache of drugs under the remains of a communal building, which had apparently been the target of the criminals. Bucky and Sharon provided cover with Wanda as Bruce and Sam helped load people onto buses and trucks, and provide and cover as those vehicles begin to move out. Sam flew ahead to provide forward air support, while Wanda flew up into the air to follow directly overhead. Sharon piloted the Quinjet carrying Bruce and Bucky bringing up the rear. Once everybody was finally safe, Steve signed out, and turned to face the impressed looks of his family.

“That was so cool!” said Danny.

“Cool, but dangerous,” said Steve. “Any number of things can go wrong on a mission like that. That was fairly tame compared to some other ones the Avengers have faced.”

“That’s what you used to do?” asked Danny.

“Yes,” said Steve quietly, “I used to.”

No one said anything as he left the room, and went up to the landing platform to wait for the jet to arrive. It would be a couple of hours of course, the authorities would want to debrief the Avengers, and then, even in the Quinjet, it was a couple hours flight from South America to New York. But Steve was waiting for them when they did arrive, and everyone got off the jet in high spirits, thankful that the mission had gone so well and nobody had been hurt and everyone, even big green Bruce gave him a gentle hug. Sharon was last, but pulled away to follow Wanda down the hall.

000

Steve left with the family the next day, and Sharon flew them home. Everyone was excited about the flight, and extra excited that it would be Sharon bringing them. Nearly everyone remarked on how much better she looked, and how glad they were that she was working with the Avengers now, as she had been positively exuberant when they had returned from the mission. Danny rode up front with her, asking all kinds of questions about what it took to be an agent like her, her training, and what she could tell him about the missions she had gone on. He had never really shown much interest before, but now apparently it was looking like there might be a third generation Carter entering the S.H.I.E.L.D. life.

Sharon landed the jet in a field nearby, and accompanied the family, helping Steve, back up to the house. She stayed for dinner, feeling only slightly uneasy, more afraid that being in the same surroundings might cause her depressive episode again, being back in the house where the family had been attacked and where she had spiraled into depression. However, there was so much boisterous conversation, that she didn’t really get a chance to focus on it, and found herself laughing and talking with her family despite the past. Curiously, the entire family carefully avoided any discussion about Steve’s plan to de-age himself and reactivate his super soldier powers. It was clear that the children thought that was the most awesome thing ever, but the adults knew too well that the likelihood of him surviving it was not great. The general consensus seemed to agree that Steve was going to do what he wanted to do, regardless of what anyone said, so the less said the better. At least that was the approach Sharon was taking.

Both Steve and Lily try to get her to stay the night, but Sharon was fairly eager to get back to the tower. It was odd, but she felt more at ease there with the Avengers than she did in her family’s homes presently. The family home was filled with a lot of memories, most of them good, but some bad, and even staying in the loft apartment over the garage was close enough for Sharon to begin to feel overwhelmed by the past. Everyone was trying to make a fresh start, including her, and for her, that fresh start was happening with the Avengers. For the first time in a long time, she felt accepted, needed, part of something in the way she had not felt since S.H.I.E.L.D. fell. She found that she liked the feeling.

She hugged everybody goodbye and headed back to the jet to fly back to New York, which only took about an hour. Before she left, the family made plans to have a regular family dinner night and watch football games, now that the football season was starting, and she promised to be there if she was not on a mission, since the flying cars were easy enough to use. And since Steve had his own flying car, him or anyone else coming up to visit would not be too much of a problem either.

After she had left, Steve tried not to dwell on the fact that she was not there, but instead in New York with the Avengers, something he had been willing to give up to go live his life with Peggy, but did not stop him from missing. It had felt good to run tactical during the mission, and to feel accomplished at having made a difference in the lives of so many civilians who would have been helpless otherwise. He felt that the idea of consulting for the team was actually not a bad one, though he did have to consider what he was going to do with himself if he did regain some of his youth and a few more years of life. He wasn’t going to be an Avenger again, but what was he going to do?

000

Bruce and Peter Parker finished work on the chamber two months later. The work had to be structured around Peter’s school schedule, as the teenager had been Snapped, and had to play catch-up in his schoolwork. Not that that was a problem from him, he was quite the genius much like Tony had been, but one of the things that Tony had been adamant about, was that Avengers activities or projects of this kind did not interfere with school work. Tony had already put in a good word at MIT for Parker before he died, and the plan was that Peter was going to finish school and go there without any interruptions. He was an Avenger, but school came first.

Thankfully, school was easy for Peter, and he got the majority of his work done in the first two weeks of his enrollment back at his school, spent the following week helping his friends catch up, and then spent what time he could helping Bruce in the lab. Bruce kept Steve updated on their progress, which Steve felt himself growing both more impatient and more hesitant about the entire thing. He knew that was a very good chance he could die in this process, but at the same time, he felt himself getting weaker as time went on, and he was afraid he did not have much time left to spare. If there was a chance he could extend his life, and maybe build a new one as his family was trying to do, he wanted to take that chance as soon as possible.

Steve was in his room at the VA home on the Holo device, talking to both Bruce and Peter. Peter had been quite taken aback at Steve’s elderly appearance, and Steve had to constantly remind himself that to people like this kid, and Wanda, others who had no idea of what he had done, it appeared that he had gone from a young man to an ancient man overnight. Peter knew the story, of course, but still, seeing Steve had taken him some getting used to. Steve noticed that the boy had a hard time looking at him without his jaw dropping open. They found the best thing to do was to get Peter talking about the project, which seemed to bring him out of his daze.

“It’s really quite ingenious,” Peter was saying, “Dr. Banner had a great idea about combining the two technologies, but I worked out the specifics.”

“So how exactly is this going to work?” asked Steve.

“Well, the short version is that we have to de-age you before blasting you with radiation,” said Bruce. “Even though you weren’t the healthiest of individuals back during the original project, you were still younger and in better shape than you currently are now. Even though you had all your ailments, your body was still capable of taking a hit. Now, you’re elderly, have all your ailments back, and we really don’t think you would survive the radiation blast. So the chamber we came up with is a combination of the technology from Scott Lang and Hank Pym, where we purposely push time through you to de-age your body. Following that, we hit you with the last of gamma radiation in the process noted in Howard Stark’s notes. Which, by the way, is a lethal dose.”

“That’s your idea of a short answer?” said Steve somewhat sardonically. “And if memory serves Bruce, you took a lethal hit as well, hence the green skin.”

“Well, yeah,” said Bruce somewhat shyly. “We still don’t know what was up with that. But here I am. And hopefully at the end of our experiment, you will be too. Only not green. Well you know what I mean.”

“I think we can make it work, Captain Rogers,” said Peter earnestly.

“Thanks kid.” Steve smiled. The kid reminded him a lot of his oldest grandson, Danny. He hoped the two would get a chance to know each other, even though Danny was fairly normal and Peter was, well, a genius and an Avenger and sporting a radioactive sider bite. But he suspected the two boys would have a lot in common. They’d probably get the chance to meet anyway. His entire family insisted that they wanted to come back to the tower for the procedure. And to be there if, well, things didn’t go the way they were supposed to. Which brought up something else he wanted to ask.

“How’s, um, Sharon doing? I know she wasn’t happy about my decision to do this. Has she said anything?” he asked.

Bruce kind of looked away, and shrugged. “I won’t lie, man, she’s not taking it all that great. She’s not relapsing, at least the counselors and doctors don’t think so. But she moped for a bit after you guys left, did that bit about not coming out of her room, and not really wanting to get off of her bed, although she wasn’t refusing to eat or anything like before. She answered just fine when we talked to her. We were starting to get worried, though, you know, given before, so Pepper stormed up there, burst into her room and threatened to play the Pussycat Dolls “I don’t need a man” over and over on loop until Sharon quote ‘got her ass out of that bed,’ endquote. Honestly, I think she just wanted some alone time, I don’t really think she was relapsing, but we weren’t taking any chances. Wanda and Pepper took her shopping, spent all afternoon at a hobby store looking at yarn. How is that even possible? Must be a woman thing, they came back with twelve bags of yarn and rooster statues made out of hammered tin.”

“Well, we spend all day looking at this contraption,” said Peter.

Bruce laughed. But Steve was still feeling a twist of anxiety in his chest.

“But she’s OK now, right? I’ve left messages trying to call her, but I keep getting her voicemail.”

“Oh yeah, she’s totally avoiding you,” said Peter.” MJ did that to me once when I...”

“Peter,” Bruce interrupted, “not helping.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” said the kid sheepishly.

Bruce’s holographic form looked at Steve sympathetically. “She’s just trying to avoid any more hurt, man. She’s afraid. Honestly, we all are. But I know this is something you feel like you have to do. I’ve been through similar things myself. If I can help you, I want to do it.”

“And if I die in the process?” asked Steve.

“We’re determined not to blame ourselves for it,” said Bruce. “You’re making an informed consented decision. I just don’t know that your family should watch. The kids anyway.”

Steve nodded in agreement, knowing in advance that there was no way he was going to keep them from at least coming to the tower.

000

Sure enough, three weeks later after Bruce had indicated that everything was ready and all systems were go, Bucky picked up Steve and his family once more in the Quinjet and flew them to the tower. This time Sharon wasn’t there to meet them, instead telling F.R.I.D.A.Y. to send her apologies, but she had go on with Sam to check on the progress of the cleanup at the north New York compound cleanup site. There were some discussions about rebuilding it in the future, since it seemed that everyone liked upstate New York and nearby Ithaca, and rather missed it. They would be back in time for the procedure though, which was to happen the next day. Pepper had come down with Morgan, as well as Happy Hogan, and Peter’s Aunt May was going to be there as well, in case things went wrong and Peter might need some encouragement. Steve was glad to finally introduce his grandchildren to Peter, and as expected, Peter and Danny hit it off immediately.

Sharon and Sam made it back in time for dinner, which was almost a holiday affair, though everyone carefully avoided mentioning the procedure the next day, and Sharon barely said two words to Steve, though she couldn’t stop from staring at him all night, nor could he stop from continuously glancing her way when he thought she wasn’t looking. Ed and Lily noticed, but said nothing and only gave each other knowing looks. The next day was going to be rough on everyone.

Later that night, as everyone turned in to their assigned guest rooms, Steve paced the room that had once belong to him, younger him, when he lived there with the Avengers. Nothing much had changed, for which he was grateful. The familiar surroundings calmed him a bit. He knew it was not too late to back out, though he would feel pretty bad about all the work that Bruce and Peter had done only to not have it used. There was something about knowing that the chamber was there, ready to be used if he wanted, that made it seem like he really could back out if he wanted to. But then he was hit with a coughing fit from his asthma, growing worse, and he had to sit down to rest a minute, feeling the energy, brought on by his nervousness, drain from his limbs leaving him weak. It reinforced his resolve, he was going to go through with it. But there was no way he was getting any sleep tonight.

He left the room, heading for the rec room, thinking maybe he would find something to do there to occupy him through the rest of the night, when he noticed that the door to Natasha’s room was open. He walked up and peeked in, seeing Sharon and Wanda sitting on the bed, talking. Sharon was crying, and Wanda looked like she was trying to fight back tears as well.

“I wish I had gotten a chance to say goodbye to her,” said Sharon, wiping her eyes. “We weren’t extraordinarily close, but we were friends.”

“Yeah,” said Wanda in a choked voice. “Clint’s not taking it well, though he has his wife and family to help him through.”

“I’m surprised he and Nat never, well, you know, they always seem so close,” said Sharon.

“Oh no, they were, and they did,” said Wanda, “so I think they did a good job of hiding it.”

Sharon looked at Wanda, startled. “But Clint, he was married....with kids...”

“You know, the funny thing is, I know he loves Laura,” said Wanda. “He loves his kids. By all accounts, he was devastated when they were Snapped. And I know that emotionally, he was faithful to Laura…is faithful. I don’t think they have an open relationship, where he or she just cavorts around with anyone. But I think, where Natasha was concerned, Laura kind of understood. They weren’t competition for each other, if that makes any sense. And it wasn’t a regular thing between him and Nat. It pretty much ended when his family got Dusted and he took off on his vigilante gap year. The night before they all went back looking for the stones, there was one last thing between them, and that was it. But I think Nat fulfilled one emotional need and Laura another. Like, Clint couldn’t really talk to Laura about Avenger stuff, stuff Nat would understand. And Nat was never going to be able to have a family, so she was sort of absorbed into his.”

“Oh God,” said Sharon dropping her head into her hands. “Poor Clint.”

“His entire family,” said Wanda. “I know most people wouldn’t understand, but Laura considered Natasha part of their family. Kind of like that show Sister Wives or something. She’s devastated at losing Nat as well. And if Clint were to take up with anyone else, I think her reaction would be that of any wife in a monogamous relationship now, she wouldn’t take it well. It really would be cheating in that case. She understood about Nat, but no one else. And there isn’t anyone. At least not what I picked up from Clint.”

“And I thought my situation was wacky,” said Sharon.

“Oh no, it is,” said Wanda with a smile, straightening out the edge of the comforter of Natasha‘s bed. “It’s definitely wacky, but only to certain people. It’s not that wacky to me.”

“Why?” asked Sharon, looking surprised. “He’s my uncle. I’m not supposed to be in love with my uncle.”

“And by all accounts, he’s not supposed to be in love with you, and yet he is. So there you are. It’s probably about on par with me being in love with an android,” said Wanda.

“Well it happened on Star Trek,” says Sharon with a smile. “But what’s all this about him being in love with me? He’s not.”

“Oh yes he is,” said Wanda, “but like you, trying to deny the hell out of it. You both do a good job of burying it, but not when you’re around each other, which I have a hard time ignoring. It’s not like you shout mentally, but sometimes I need to leave the room.”

“Sorry about that,” said Sharon apologetically.

“Well, thanks for not denying it,” said Wanda. “But look at it from my perspective. Up until only a couple of months ago, I knew Steve as a younger version of himself. That’s who I remember. That’s the man I saw with you, in love with you, and you him. Then, within a space of a couple of seconds, he was gone from the platform, and then back as an older version of himself. From what it looks like to me, it looks like the same man blinked out of existence and then back, but his history in between all that, I’m not familiar with like you are. I wasn’t there throughout your life watching him in the role as your uncle. I wasn’t there for all the interactions, holidays, and whatnot. That history is in your memory, but not mine. From where I’m standing, it looked like younger him had some kind of accident that aged him, but here he is, still in love with you. I know, logically, that he was married to your aunt and those people sleeping down the hallway are his family, but my brain hasn’t wrapped around that exactly. I haven’t lived it the way you have. So to me, it makes perfect sense that the two of you still love each other. Although I can tell that the quality of his love is different than what it was.”

“How so?” asked Sharon.

“It’s just different than it was before,” Wanda replied, “probably because for a certain amount of time, he did function as your uncle and you as his niece. But at some point that dynamic changed, pretty severely. That’s not how you see each other now, though you’re still trying to. Back at the safe house, when you two were together, I could sense a certain quality of his affection, and you for him, and now that quality is still there, but there’s a lot more weight to it, a lot more history. I’m sorry, I’m not putting it very well, it’s hard to explain in words. It’s kind a like watching a sponge fill with water, if that makes any sense. Back at the safe house, it’s like taking new sponges out of a package, they didn’t have any weight to them, then imagine filling them up with water. That’s how you guys are now.”

“And probably covered in grease,” said Sharon somewhat sardonically, though nodding her head. “So what would you suggest? We’re kind of at an impasse here.”

Wanda shrugged. “I’m not sure I’m the person to be asking. For the longest time, me and Vision kept ourselves apart, positive that no one would understand. He was an android, quite a few people still saw him as a machine, an object, not a person. But I never did. He was a person to me, and autonomous self, and I could tell he was capable of emotion. But we were so afraid nobody would understand. Can you imagine what the media would say? How they would hound any PR people that Pepper applied to us? I can see the National Inquirer headlines now, ‘Avenger shacks up with android.’ We weren’t even sure that Tony would understand. It took a long time for me to give in to my feelings and admit I loved him. And he, well he had to first define what love was in order to understand that he was feeling it. There were a lot of conversations, but I can tell you, we were both happier once we stopped fighting it. Once we decided that ultimately it didn’t matter what anyone thought, we loved each other.”

Sharon put a hand on Wanda’s shoulder. “I’m glad for you. I really am. And I really hope that Shuri can do something about getting him back. You definitely deserve a second chance. So does he. You’ve been a wonderful friend to me, I’m not sure I would have recovered quite as well without you and your knitting circle.”

Wanda laughed and patted Sharon‘s hand, still on her shoulder. “You know, the crazy thing is, I would pay good money to hear what Natasha would have to contribute to this conversation. She was always so blunt, always saying what we were all thinking but were afraid to say. I can only guess what she would say to both of us right now.”

“Oh God, I can just imagine,” said Sharon with a smile. “But are you suggesting that I purposely try to move my relationship with Steve forward as something other than his niece?”

“Well if he survives the chamber tomorrow, and comes out looking like a younger version of Ed, you’re going to have a choice to make in that regard. Hell, even if he decides not to do it, and decides to remain as his elderly self, well it’s not like it hasn’t been done before. You’d have to decide what your own personal comfort zone is. But personally, I can only tell you this, neither one of you are happy trying to keep the uncle-niece dynamic going. It pretty much died about 20 years ago.”

“It would be a PR nightmare,” said Sharon. “To say nothing of my family.”

“Well, your family doesn’t know that they have to shield their thoughts around mine, or they forget. And I can tell you, while they’re not exactly accepting, they do understand. They’ve had enough time to consider the situation and everything that’s happened, knowing what they know now about what you and Steve did to ensure that Thanos lost. I don’t think they’d cut you off, if that’s what you’re worried about. And the thing is, I really think they’d get used to it.”

“We’d both feel way too guilty,” said Sharon. “Peggy...”

“... has been dead for nearly 9 years,” said Wanda to gently. “And who knows, maybe she would have been horrified and hurt and upset at the thought, or maybe she would have been more like Laura, understanding that for some people, you can have two soulmates. We’ll never know. But he’s lived his life with Peggy, raised their children, and since the Snap, everyone is redefining their lives. Your family has redefined theirs. Steve is trying to do the same. And so are you. Both of you can either move forward without each other, but you might find that it’s easier if you do it together.”

“I wonder if this is what Hamlet was thinking when he was going on about his mother marrying his father’s brother. I never understood how he could keep calling it incest when his mother and stepfather were not related, but now I see why. I see why some people would not be able to get past that.” Sharon shook her head.

“In biblical times, it was expected that a man marry his brother’s widow. In that culture it wouldn’t have been. And in some areas of the world, marrying your uncle by marriage or your great uncle as the case may be, wouldn’t have been that out of line either. But I can’t think of a single culture that would be OK with a girl marrying a machine. So between the two of us, which one is going to get more time on the cover of the National Inquirer?”

Sharon laughed. Eventually, Wanda joined her.

“I won’t reject it out right, but let’s just say I’m going to have to give it a lot of thought, OK?” said Sharon.

“Well whatever you decide,” said Wanda standing up, “do me a favor and try to keep the angst at a minimum if it ends up being a decision you’re not ultimately happy with. Or at least give me some warning. I’ve had to take two hallways over past your room in the last couple of weeks.”

“Yeah, I’ll try,” said Sharon standing up. “I probably owe you some ice cream or something for that.”

Steve moved as quietly as he could back to his room, listening as the two young women left Natasha‘s room, closing it quietly and returning to their own rooms. He was in turmoil over what they had said, but also oddly relieved. He wasn’t entirely sure why, until he realized that Wanda had basically given voice to everything he had been feeling, and Sharon had acknowledged that she had been feeling the same. Up until this point, he had been berating himself for having feelings for his niece, and then realized that she was more or less in the same boat, and maybe the two of them would not actually be crucified for it. He was grateful that Wanda was so perceptive, but also discreet. Especially if she was able to pick up emotions from two hallways over. And that’s when he realized, she must’ve known he was outside of the door. She would have been able to feel him. And that’s when he knew, he had been meant to hear everything she had said.

000

Although Pepper and the bots fixed a big breakfast, nobody was really hungry. The jocular mood from the night before was gone and everybody was somber, as if somebody was about to be executed. Steve couldn’t stand the way his family kept looking at him sadly, Lily almost imploring him to change his mind with just her eyes. He took to staring at his oatmeal, filled with cinnamon and brown sugar, just the way he liked it, but it stuck in his throat, and he ended up pushing the bowl away. He noticed that Sharon was sitting not far away, pushing her eggs around on her plate and resting her head in her hand. In fact, the only ones who ate anything were the kids, especially the teenage boys including Peter Parker, who not only finished off their own breakfasts, but finished off what was left on their respective parents’ plates.

“Is everybody ready?” asked Bruce. Nobody answered, but everybody stood up. There was no point in prolonging it any further.

They all headed down to the lab, and were met by Dr. Hollis and her medical team. They were going to monitor the situation, and if necessary, resuscitate. Steve tried not to wince at the sight of the gurney and crash cart waiting in the hallway. Sharon glanced at it but quickly turned away. Nancy and Jeff corralled all of the younger children into nearby seats in the hallway. It had been decided that only immediate family, Ed, Lily, and Sharon would go into the lab to watch the procedure. Sharon wasn’t exactly immediate family, but nobody in their right mind was serious about suggesting that she wait out in the hall. Peter’s Aunt May was going to wait in the hallway as well, but when Peter started to go into the lab, Steve’s grandson Danny asked to go as well. Steve almost turned him down, but then nodded, relenting, and Ed sighed and nodded as well. Maria Hill had come down to wait, and Pepper opted to wait in the hallway. Sam and Bucky decreed that they would go in to the lab, and asked if anyone else wanted to go. At the last minute, Wanda decided to go in as well, just in case her powers were needed for any reason. Everyone’s positions decided, they moved to the respective assigned places.

Steve slowly followed Bruce and Peter down to the new version of the chamber, noting the differences from the original, including the additions of the time device. With a deep breath, they helped him up onto the table, and Dr. Hollis helped him get his shirt off and attach the EKG and other monitoring devices. He lay down, staring up at the ceiling, try not to have flashbacks to the first time he had done this. He glanced up at the raised walkway and balcony that lead out into the hallway, seeing Sam and Bucky on one side, and Wanda standing next to Sharon, with Lily on the other side of her, and Ed on the end. They all wore pained expressions on their faces, but were determined to be brave.

He gave them a slight wave, and all waved back. There were the sound of voices talking, as Dr. Hollis pronounced that everything was OK. Bruce and Peter were talking, saying technical things about the system that he tried to follow that he didn’t quite get. Looking back over at his family, he saw his grandson Danny came to stand next to his son Ed. Steve was hit with a sudden worry that maybe he should ask the boy to leave, but then realized, the boy was nearly a man himself. He would not want to be left out, and that for his own needs, he felt the need to be here.

Suddenly Bruce’s green face came into his line of vision. “Are you OK there, Steve? You ready to go?”

Steve nodded, and Bruce looked up and nodded at Peter. Some switches were flipped, and the chamber closed. His last glimpse of the lab was that of Sharon, gripping the handrail until her knuckles turned white, leaning forward, her eyes wide. Then the chamber closed and it was dark. He felt his heart beginning to pound, remembering the agony and torture of the first procedure, wondering if he would survive this one. He quickly ran through a mental checklist of everyone standing outside, both in the lab and in the hallway. Had he told everyone he loved them? He should’ve told Sharon. But she knew. He knew that she knew.

‘I’m sorry, Peggy,’ was his last thought before the sound of the machine starting up, the hum growing louder in his ears, drowned out all thought. ‘When this is over, either will meet again soon, or years from now. But please understand.’

‘I do understand’ came the whispered reply in his ear. His eyes snapped open, wondering if he had really heard Peggy’s voice, and then deciding he must’ve imagined it. Then blue light filled the chamber and he felt the familiar tingles of the quantum field began to surround him.

He had not felt this in decades, the sensation of his body being reduced to particles, flashing in and out of existence, stinging a little, and then the flash of activation. It was still dark in the chamber, so he couldn’t tell if it had worked or what he look like, but he did feel a strange sense of change in his body, as if the aches and pains were slowly going away, and his muscles were starting to regain some of the tone they lost decades ago. There was another flash of blue light, as the quantum field surrounded him again, de-aging him further as the stream of time was pushed through him. He flexed his fingers, feeling the pain of arthritis diminishing, and then suddenly it was gone. There was another flash, and he felt a lurch, as if entire organs in his body had suddenly dissolved and then reformed. It was the oddest sensation.

Then he heard Bruce’s voice, saying that the quantum part was finished, and what sounded like Dr. Hollis‘s voice saying that his vitals had stabilized and were appearing much younger. Then Bruce’s voice talking about activating the gamma rays. Steve gritted his teeth, but it didn’t diminish the jolt of pain, even when he knew it was coming. Bright light flashed and filled him, and then the searing pain began to spread through every nerve in his body. He fought back a yelp, and then a cry, as his entire body twisted, feeling like it was dissolving.

He felt himself starting to scream, and desperately bit it back, remembering how Peggy had once told Sharon that the hardest part of watching him go through the procedure was listening to him scream. He didn’t want to do that to his children and Sharon, or Bucky or Sam or anyone. But the harder he fought down the scream of agony, the harder it became to hold it. Finally, he couldn’t hold it back any longer, and the howl that erupted from his chest didn’t sound like any sound he had ever made before, but rather sounded something like some dying animal might make. He tried to hold it back, but that only caused him to scream louder. The pain was excruciating, and while he knew he had felt it before, somehow this time it seemed worse, maybe because he knew it was coming. Then, he heard Sharon‘s voice outside the chamber.

Sharon had thought that she would be able to watch the procedure and not move. She had felt a flash of hope after the quantum portion of the procedure was finished and Dr. Hollis had declared that Steve was still alive, stable, and that his vitals actually looks better, younger. She should’ve insisted they haul him out of the chamber right then. But now, the gamma portion of the project that would reactivate the super soldier serum, this she was not sure she can handle. When he started to scream in pain, she was suddenly hit with understanding about what her aunt had gone through watching this the first time. It was horrifying.

Danny yelped in fear and buried his face in his hands, and Ed, who had been biting the side of his hand, turn to wrap his son in his arms and turn him away. Lily began to cry and turned away, hugging herself and gasping for air. To everyone’s surprise, Maria Hill came up to her and folded her in a hug, turning her away as well. Pepper peeked in through the door, apparently Steve screams could be heard in the hallway, and her face an expression of horror, she closed the door tight, presumably the shield everyone else in the hallway from the sound of Steve dying. Both Bucky and Sam were gripping the guard rail in front of them, their heads down, shaking. Bucky choked out a sob, and what sounded like Steve’s name.

Sharon, unable to take it anymore, yelled “Bruce! That’s enough! He can’t take it! Turn it off, now!”

Bruce hesitated, looking at Peter who shrugged, and then back at Sharon. Then, Steve’s voice came from the chamber, “No! Don’t turn it off! Finish it!”

Before he could think twice, Peter turned around and dialed the power all the way up. Steve’s scream of agony was more than Sharon could take. She didn’t even realize she was running until she was halfway down the stairs, heading towards the control panel, with a dim idea of turning it off herself.

“Sharon! No! He’ll die for sure if you interfere...” Bruce yelled.

Sharon wasn’t listening, but then suddenly a force stopped her dead in her tracks, as if she had run into a wall of gelatin. She couldn’t move at all, and she was still several yards away from the control panel. Suddenly she felt herself being lifted up, and floated back over the guard rail, down beside Wanda, who was pointing her hands at her, the scarlet energy dancing between her fingertips.

“No, Sharon! This is his choice! Don’t interfere!” said Wanda.

“Wanda, let me go!” Sharon screamed.

“I can’t,” said Wanda, not exactly releasing Sharon, but dialing the energy down long enough to wrap her arms around her and hold her. Sharon considered fighting free, knowing the other woman was not physically capable of restraining her. But she also knew that Wanda would just quickly immobilize her again, and next time shunt her out into the hallway, and bar the door. Her only option was to stay put. She began to cry and buried her face in Wanda’s shoulder, who hugged her tight.

Another ten agonizing seconds of Steve screaming, and then he fell silent, and the machine finished its gamma radiation discharge and shut down. The sound of the machine shutting down caused silence to fill room, with only the muffled sobs of Steve’s family crying, and everyone else breathing hard as if they had just run a marathon. There was no sound at all from the chamber. Bruce and Peter didn’t move, just stared at the chamber. Dr. Hollis recovered first and went to check her monitors.

Sharon looked up from Wanda’s shoulder, at the silent form of the chamber down in front of her. There was no movement at all. “Steve,” she choked out, not bothering to keep the agony out of her voice. Was he dead?

“He’s alive!” said Dr. Hollis. “I’ve got heartbeat and brain waves, other vitals coming online too. Get him out of there!”

Bruce rushed to the control panel and activated the switch that slid the chamber down to a lying down position and opened the doors. Wanda let Sharon go and she vaulted over the handrail to the level below, running to stand beside Peter.

There, lying on the table, was the still form of Steve Rogers. She filled her eyes with him, trying to force herself to understand what she was seeing. He was no longer elderly. The quantum portion had worked. But he was not nearly as young as he used to be. His younger self, when he had departed for the 1940s, still looked to be in his mid-30s. Now, Steve was definitely quite younger, but would probably look to be in his late 40s or up to mid 50s tops. His face was not elderly, nor was it young, clearly the face of his younger self, but with a few more lines. His hair was thicker, not the thin gray it was when he was elderly, but back to its brownish honey color, though there were shades of gray in it. He had regained his muscle tone, but even that was not what it had been when he was younger. His muscles were that of a man in his 50s who had been quite athletic when he was younger and still worked out regularly, probably with weights, though not as bulky as he had been before. Basically, his physique was that of somebody who might have been a career Marine, but continued to work out well into retirement. Where before, he had been basically hairless across his body, there was now a light spattering of slightly grayish hairs on his chest, and his entire form was a little thicker around the waist, though definitely still in shape. But perhaps the most important thing was that he was breathing, had a heartbeat, and his brain waves were normalizing. He was alive.

“Oh my sweet Jesus in heaven floating on a cloud,” said Lily coming up beside Sharon to stare down at her father. “It worked.”

“Oh, God, dad,” said Ed, coming up behind her.

“He really is Captain America,” said Danny, coming to one side next to Sharon.

Sharon didn’t answer either of them, her eyes wide in shock and both hands clapped over her mouth. She was afraid to say anything. Everyone had come up to stand around the table, Sam and Bucky standing near the foot of the table, their mouths hanging open. It was Maria Hill who recovered first, naturally, and turned to go back up to the hallway to let everybody else out there know that he was alive and that the experiment had apparently worked.

“All right everybody,” said Dr. Hollis, pushing her way forward. “I want everybody to back up now. No arguments.”

Everyone backed up immediately as she and the medical team descended on Steve, checking him out. Bucky had to gently draw Sharon back against his chest and take a few steps back. She was in such a state of shock, she had barely registered anyone talking. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders.   
“He’s alive, he made it,” he whispered. She only nodded.

Sam and Wanda intercepted everybody rushing down the stairs towards the table, eager to get a look at Steve, telling them to stand back until the doctor was satisfied that he wasn’t in any danger. Bruce and Peter were hugging each other, and then Peter’s Aunt May came over to give him a hug too. Danny walked over to talk to Peter, and Ed went over to talk to Bruce. Sharon barely registered any of it. She was waiting for the doctor to say something.

“He’s coming to,” so Dr. Hollis. “I want him up and medical right away. He seems stable, but I don’t want him going into any kind of arrest in the next few minutes. Get the gurney down here. Let’s get it moving.”

Sam was talking to Bruce. “For the sake of security, I want this thing shut down, and dismantled. There’s way too much trouble that someone could get into with a device like this. I allowed it for Steve, but I don’t want anyone else using it. Especially leftover Hydra or anyone like them. Understood?”

Bruce and Peter both nodded in ascent, and Sam instructed F.R.I.D.A.Y. to place a couple of Iron Legion in the room and outside the door. No matter what happened tomorrow, Bruce and Peter were to begin disassembling the machine first thing.

Everyone moved out of the way as the medical team transferred Steve to the gurney and began to move him towards the hallway. Suddenly he gasped and opened his eyes, trying to sit up.

“Whoa whoa whoa there, Steve!” Sam said, moving forward, pushing him back down. “You’re going up to medical. It worked, but doc wants you at medical right away.”

“It worked?” he breathed. “It worked?”

“Yes, it worked,” said Sam. “No please don’t fight. Let Doc take it from here.”

“My family,” he choked out.

“Right here,” said Ed, taking Steve’s hand. “We’re right here dad. We’re going to come up there with you. Everyone’s OK. And you’re going to be OK.”

“Sharon. Where is Sharon?” he asked.

Sharon felt an almost overwhelming sensation crash down on her that she couldn’t identify. She was both relieved, and terrified. She wanted to run, and she also wanted to throw herself across him, hug him, and tell herself that he was really OK. Then the urge to run came again. She halfway turned to the hallway, but Wanda was there, looking at her and shaking her head.

“Don’t be afraid,” she whispered Sharon. “Go to him.”

It was the only encouragement Sharon needed. She turned back and came up beside Steve. “I’m here,” she said. “I’m here Steve.”

He turned to look at her, his eyes unfocused. “It worked?”

“It worked, you old pain in the ass. It worked, and if you ever do anything like this again, elderly or not, I’m going to beat the shit out of you,” she said.

He grinned and choked back a laugh, and she leaned down and wrapped her arms around him. She might have hugged him forever, if Dr. Hollis hadn’t been fussing at everyone that reunions could wait until later, and that everyone really needed to move, and that Sharon needed to let go right now. Bucky came up and gently pulled her away. Then they followed the team as they rushed Steve up to the medical wing.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The crowd in the medical wing hall looked almost like a circus. Steve’s grandchildren were sitting on the floor along one wall, with Morgan Stark playing a video game with Hannah, and Danny and Peter talking about their schools and the subjects they were taking. Wanda, Pepper, and Hill were sitting with Lily and Nancy and talking about the best way to handle Steve’s situation with the family and with the media. Sam was talking to Bruce about informing Nick Fury, dismantling the machine, and making sure that no one knew about what they had done here unless it was absolutely necessary. Sharon and Bucky were pacing back and forth down the hallway in opposite directions, wordlessly giving each other encouragement through their eyes, only to resume pacing once more. What on earth was the medical team doing to him in there that was taking this long?

Finally, Dr. Hollis came out, and motioned everyone over. They all got up informed a semi-circle around her, and Sharon noticed that she returned Bucky’s shy smile. Oh, that was going to be interesting. But then the doctor was all business as she told them what was going on.

“I told him he should go buy a lottery ticket right away,” she said, “because he has to be the luckiest man on the planet right now. That procedure should’ve killed him. He’s very lucky it didn’t, and I don’t recommend that he or anyone ever steps in that chamber again.”

“Agreed,” said Sam, “but how is he now?”

“Like I said, very lucky,” said the doctor. “Physically, he’s fine. He’s a little radioactive, but that seems to be dissipating. His vitals are all normal, and all of his ailments and conditions seem to no longer be present. I’m comparing the readings we just took of him a few minutes ago to the ones I took of him yesterday before the procedure. The change is astounding. Physically, he’s on par with a very healthy and in shape 50-ish-year-old man. More so even, his muscle tone is not what you would normally find in a man that age. That’s the serum activated. His metabolism is ramped up so he’s going to need to start eating more calories again. We’re giving him some right now, to replenish what he lost in the procedure.”

She went on to explain the changes that Steve had undergone, and her prognosis that he was indeed probably going to age much slower now, but that if he had just walked in off the street, and she knew nothing about his history, she would pronounce him as the healthiest 50-year-old man she had ever encountered.

“And all of you know me,” she said, “I’m keeping him here overnight for observation. You can all go in and see him, but until that radioactivity dissipates, I wouldn’t advise the kids lingering too much. I don’t think it’s a danger, but I’d rather not take any chances. No lengthy visits. You can all talk to him longer tomorrow.”

Everyone filed in, in succession, to talk to Steve. Sharon and Bucky waited until the family had said their piece, then the Avengers. Sharon waved Bucky on ahead of her to go talk to Steve, still sitting outside in the hallway talking to her cousins.

“I have to say,” said Ed, “he really looks different. I mean, I know that’s my father in there, but it’s so weird. He and I look close to the same age.”

“But it still granddad,” said Danny. “I mean he looks like an older Captain America, and it’s weird, but it’s granddad.”

“It’ll definitely take some getting used to,” said Lily, “but I think he looks great. I’m just glad he survived, really. And if this means he’s with us a little while longer, I’m fine with that. I’m having a hard time looking at him though. I have to keep telling myself that it’s my father.”

“How does he feel, though?” asked Sharon.

“He says he feels fine, though it’s clear he’s tired.” said Jeff.

“I guess we’ll stay until the doctors say it’s OK for him to come home,” said Lily. “So who knows when that will be, and the kids have school.”

“If you all need to get home, then go ahead,” said Sharon. “I can always bring him back in one of the cars.”

“We will stay through tomorrow,” said Ed, “see what the doctor says. But the kids should get home by tomorrow afternoon, they have school the next day.”

Sharon made some final travel plans with her family and watched them head off down the hallway to their rooms to rest off the stress of the day. She talked briefly with Maria Hill who informed her that she was on her way to tell Nick Fury what had happened, and then Pepper and Wanda decided to take Morgan to go get some ice cream. Bruce, Sam and Peter went down to the lab to start shutting everything down and disabling the system. When Bucky came out, he gave her a sad sort of smile and sighed.

“I’m going to go down to the lab and help the guys. He’s asking for you,” he told her.

He gave her shoulder a pat and then headed off down the hallway himself. Sharon drew herself up, and, before she could lose her nerve, walked into his room. He was lying on the bed, wearing a hospital gown and covered by a thin blanket, his eyes closed. He was clearly tired. She felt a pang of sympathy. He had been through something that should have killed him, and he did it voluntarily. Why?

She briefly thought about not saying anything, turning to leave and let him rest, when his eyes snapped open and focused on her. He smiled gently.

“I promise, no more super soldier serum activations from now on,” he said. “Once was plenty, and twice was definitely enough.”  
“Good,” she said coming to stand next to the bed. “I don’t think there’s enough wine in this tower for us to deal with watching another one.”  
“That stung like hell,” he said.” No more of that.”

“Have you thought at all about what you’re going to tell the world? Are you going back to live at the VA retirement home now? They’ll never believe you’re the same person, you look so different.”

He shook his head. “There’s going to be a lot of life restarts, including for me. And they won’t believe I’m the same person, you’re right. I want to talk with Pepper about how best to approach this, she spent years covering for Tony, I’m sure she could come up with something that will work for me.”

“As soon as Dr. Hollis releases you, the family wants to take you home.”

He frowned for a moment, as of considering, and then nodded, somewhat sadly. “I’m not sure how this is all going to work, Sharon, but I hope you understand it was something I had to do.”

“I understand not wanting to grow old and die anytime soon, but no, I really don’t know. You put me and the family through hell today, Steve. We were so scared. I was sure we were going to roll your dead body out of that chamber. What’s more, I can’t help but feel that this is only the latest in a long line of me having to endure your decisions without much consideration paid to how the rest of us feel. To be blunt, it was selfish. Granted you’ve earned the right to be selfish about a few things in your life, but this could affect all of us and you just barreled ahead like you don’t care.”

“I do care. I’m not trying to hurt anybody on purpose. And I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t believe the benefits outweighed the risks. I realize it was hard for all of you to watch, but it would be no different than if I were going through some sort of difficult treatment for a disease. Is a cancer patient selfish for going through chemo?” he asked.

Sharon sighed and turned to walk over to the window, looking out at the New York skyline. “The thing is, I understand that. Logically I know you’re right. Just because the rest of us don’t have the ability to reverse our ages or turn into super soldiers doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t because you do. And we want you around for as long as possible. I just wish you would realize that every choice that you’ve ever made, especially one that affects all of us, there’s one that leaves us feeling helpless when we have to endure one emotional hit after another because you’ve made up your mind about something.”

“I understand that,” he said, “but in fairness, when have those decisions ever been really wrong? Thanos has been defeated, everybody is back, and I’ve got a few more years I didn’t have before.”

She didn’t turn around. “Yeah, I guess if you look at it like that and you weren’t the one paying the majority of the price, it would be easy to think that. I’m just wondering what other prices I’m going to have to pay for your decisions. And being so sure of yourself being right is arrogance. Doesn’t matter if you often are. One day you’ll be wrong, and I’m betting you’ll be taking somebody down, specifically me, with you.”

Steve felt a flash of anger. “How are you paying for this one? I know today was scary, but I’m here now. I’m fine. And if you’re referring to before, you aren’t the only one who lost that baby. I wanted it, you know.”

Now she was angry too. She turned to look at him. “I know that. And how am I paying for this? If you had died, I don’t think I could’ve handled it. I could have spiraled out again. Sometimes, it feels like you don’t care about that. Like you think nobody cares enough to mourn you if you die. Like you really don’t know how your presence, or lack of it, can alter all of our lives. You didn’t think twice before you stepped on that platform of how your loss would affect me or the Avengers. You don’t seem to have considered how losing you today would have hurt your family. Does the ends always justify your means?”

Steve figured his testosterone must be flowing again, because now he felt another surge of anger, but the logical part of him realized that she was not being purposely hurtful, that she was afraid, still trying to regain herself emotionally, and the best thing he could do was try to be understanding. On top of that, she wasn’t wrong either. Much of what she said was indeed true. So he forced himself to relax and be as understanding as possible.

“I definitely don’t want you breaking down again,” he said, “and I would never purposely do anything to push you that way. I know that I was pretty much responsible for the last one, and it kills me to think that I’ve hurt you that badly. I can’t promise that I won’t do such things again, I can only tell you that I don’t intend to be picking up the shield again, when I gave it to Sam it was final, so while I might consult on some missions, there’s no more running into the field for me. No more procedures, no more plans. No more time travel, and no more crazy plans. I’m well and truly done. I promise.”

She looks surprised. “Then what are you going to do? You don’t want the shield back?”

“Sam asked me that just now, and I told him no. The shield is his, I’m not taking it back just because I went through a science fair project. I agreed to a consulting position for the team, but not active duty. I’m retired. The Avengers belongs to your generation now. I can make a difference in other ways. I really enjoyed volunteering down at the VA. I might continue to do that, maybe as a counselor. An official one. I need to talk to Sam about classes I would need to take and how to get certified. And me and Bucky, well, who else in the world is better qualified to comment on what it’s like to go to sleep and wake up years later? I’ve been told that before, that maybe I could help for world my offering my own insight, help others who are struggling with the Snap. I can do that too. There’s a lot I can still do.”

Sharon felt herself nodding, it wasn’t a bad plan. She knew they still had a lot to talk about, and she was still angry at him, but at that moment, Dr. Hollis came in and shooed her out, insisting that Steve needed to rest. She waved goodbye to him, and headed down the hallway to the gym to run for a while, then head to her room. She didn’t expect to get much sleep that night, considering how keyed up and restless she was, so it was the surprise of her life when she laid her head down on her pillow that night, then opened her eyes and it was morning. For the first time in months, she had slept through the night.

000

Dr. Hollis released Steve from medical observation in time to return with his family back to Carter estate. There were rounds of hugs, even a few tears, and multiple promises from Sharon to come down in two weeks for another family dinner and football game night, positive that it was going to be one of the weirder ones until the family could really learn how to function with Steve and his new dynamic on life. Since Sharon now had all of her belongings at the tower, except the personal ones and important ones that she needed to keep safe that she always kept at the main house, Steve decided that for now, the best thing to do would be to move into the apartment over the garage and have Ed call the VA home and report that “Steve Carter” had passed away. No one knew that Steve Carter was actually Steve Rogers, Captain America, and no one would ask too many questions about an elderly man passing away at home surrounded by his family. They could get Steve’s belongings from the VA home fairly easily. In fact, he had never completely finished unpacking from moving in there only a few months prior.  
The two weeks back home that followed the procedure were disorienting for Steve. Danny and some of his friends moved Steve’s stuff from the VA home to the apartment, with Ed nixing any suggestion from Steve that he use his newfound strength to help the boys. Steve should lay low for a while until the older version of himself was a memory to the neighbors and until Pepper could come up with something plausible to tell the world about what had happened to Captain America.

He ended up talking with Pepper on the Holo and she came up with a plan that he agreed was probably the best one. The Avengers had already announced the loss of Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff, but little had been said about Captain America‘s whereabouts, and his disappearance had not gone unnoticed. Right about the time that his grown children planned to start telling the VA home and everyone else they knew that their father had passed away, Pepper would have a press release given saying that Captain America was still alive, but the battle against Thanos up at the New York compound had resulted in several strange effects on the combatants, one of which had caused him to age rapidly. There would be some mention of the super soldier serum beginning to break down, causing him to age, which they hoped would be more or less accepted by the public and would explain his older appearance, though no longer elderly.

As promised, Sharon came to visit after two weeks for family dinner night and to discuss all of this with Steve. He was relieved that they were now able to have a conversation of this kind without too much awkwardness between them, even though there was still a lot they needed to work out. He knew he owed her a lot of reparations for the stress he had put her and the family through. She was going to stay overnight in one of the guest rooms, since Steve now occupied the garage apartment, which gave them plenty of time to discuss the ramifications of their actions and where to go from here.

After dinner had been cleared and the kitchen cleaned up, the football game was over and everyone retiring to their beds, Sharon sat with Steve on the porch of the main house, as they had so many times before, discussing the immediate future for the coming year.

“I think Pepper’s plan is about as good as were going to get,” she told him.

“I don’t relish having to lie,” he replied, “but I understand and I agree.”

“If we told everyone the truth, it would be really hard on the kids. Reporters would hound them. They’d never leave any of the adults alone at work. Sure, interest would die down after a while, but why even bring it up? If that kind of unpleasant scenario can be avoided, we should take it. No one needs to know that the Carters who live here on Maple Lane are in any way related to Captain America, they just know him because their cousin does. Their grandfather sadly passed away recently, and that’s that.”

“Like I said,” he said, “I agree.”

“Then I’ll tell her when I get back to the tower tomorrow.”

“You’re going to go back tomorrow? You could stay a day or two, you know,” he said.

“I have work,” she said. “We don’t have any missions coming up, but Hill wasn’t kidding when she said she needed my skills in her department. Turns out industrial espionage is nearly as tricky as international espionage, and has about the same level of violent miscreants behind it. A lot of it is desk work at the moment, but I don’t mind. It’s actually more entertaining than some of the stuff I did for the CIA. Most of what Ross had me doing was listening to low ranking members of terrorist cells gabber on in various languages about their mistresses. At least with this job, I’m able to listen to conversations in English and track stolen Stark tech throughout the world. Even got to hack a couple of computers remotely and leave some entertaining ransomware on it. Government agencies tend to frown on that sort of thing. Maria Hill thinks it’s hilarious.”

“I’m glad you’re liking your job with her, and I’m glad you found something that you really want to do. Not for nothing, but maniacs busting up inside the house because you found dirt on them cheating on their wives was scary and the work kind of beneath your skills.” He hoped he wasn’t out of line by saying that, but she smiled.

“And what about you? Found something to get yourself into in the near future? I mean...uh.... something to do with yourself?”

“Once Pepper makes the announcement about my apparent change, I’m thinking of enrolling in some online classes for psychology and counseling. And maybe some art classes too. There aren’t really any good art schools in this immediate area, though, so I might end up having to take those online, though those are better done in person. Maybe I can combine the two and do some sort of art therapy for people suffering PTSD, veterans and those who were Dusted. I think I’d be good at it.”

“I like that idea,” she agreed. “I hope you never stop doing art, I noticed you were always happier when you were doing something.”

“It’s stress relief,” he said, “you wouldn’t believe how many sketchbooks I filled up over the years. Kind of the way you and Wanda have taking up knitting. Which, by the way, I’m glad you’re doing. Even though I thought I’d never live to see the day I saw Maria Hill wielding a crochet hook. I half expect her to stab somebody with it.”

“She totally would,” said Sharon, “and it’s amazing, I never thought of myself as the crafty type. Or artsy in anyway. I mean, I did glee club in high school, but that was because it was either that or take that world history class taught by that god awful teacher that everyone hated.”

“If I’m remembering correctly, you had a halfway decent singing voice,” he said.

“Yeah, kindly don’t mention that to Maria Hill. She’d laugh her ass off, though I suspect that if Natasha were still around, she would actually be impressed by that. Maybe even have joined our knitting circle.”

“She would have,” Steve said softly and sadly.

They sat in silence for a while longer, lapsing into their comfortable silence that had developed over the years they had worked together on The Plan. Not necessarily needing to talk, but still saying volumes with the silence. Finally Sharon stood up.

“I’m going to turn in. I want to get an early start tomorrow, head back to the tower.”

He stood up and held out his arms, offering a hug, half expecting her to hesitate as she had before. But this time, she didn’t and readily hugged him back. She had intended to simply give him a hug like the many he had before, lasting only a few seconds before pulling away, but this time it was slightly different. She hadn’t been near him since before the procedure that had de-aged him. She took a few moments to register the differences and similarities to how he had been at various stages of his life. When he was younger, he had been firm and strong, his voice a rumble in his chest, and always with a somewhat piney musky scent. When he was older, he had been much more frail, not exactly thin but feeling more easily breakable. His voice has changed as he had grown older as well, and he held himself slightly differently.

She noted how the two aspects of him, younger and older, had indeed combined in the form that he currently was. He was no longer elderly or frail, his muscles fairly clearly defined, but not as bulky as they had previously been. His scent was familiar, still musky though slightly different, and the quality of his voice was deeper, but not quite as it had been when he was younger. In short, he was embodying a completely new aspect of himself that she had not encountered before, something that took all of his various qualities and put them into this one package, someone with his decades of experiences and life wisdom, wrapped up into a leaner and more fit package. Briefly, she wondered why she was thinking about any of this at all, until she suddenly realized something else. She was physically attracted to him.

The sudden realization of this aspect and all its implications caused her to briefly forget how to breathe. When he was older, as her uncle, that attraction didn’t exist, nor had he been attracted to her when she was underage. But when she had interacted with him as his younger self, when he did not know yet his relationship to her, the attraction was not only just there, it was like a blazing fire in her heart. Frequently, she had been forced to hold herself in check, to not allow herself to be carried away by her emotions, knowing that she would not be able to keep him, that he would leave. She had tried her damnedest to not let the physical attraction to his younger self blossom into an emotional one and, it was quite obvious, she had failed at that miserably. Now, here she was in probably one of the greatest emotional predicaments of her life: feeling an actual physical attraction, on top of the emotional one, to the man who was still, at least on paper, her aunt’s widowed husband.

Oh yeah, she was in big trouble. They both were.

“Are you OK?” he asked, feeling her stiffen up in his arms. As Sharon has been going through her mental gymnastics and sudden realization of her attraction, he had been fighting his own similar battle, having long ago resigned himself to the fact that he was attracted to his dead wife’s niece. He was almost relieved when she pulled back slightly, taking a half step back, causing him to realize that now he was offered a full view of her face in the moonlight, and obviously the procedure had caused all of his body systems to repair themselves back to normal, because he felt himself immediately start to harden.

“Yeah,” she practically squeaked. “I’m fine.”

His hands were still on her shoulders, and he felt her shift, as if she could not decide whether she wanted to step back away from him, or step closer. His eyes locked with hers, and they stared at each other. Later, neither one could say for sure who had moved first, or why. It really didn’t matter. The next thing either one of the new, they had both leaned in at the same time, and Sharon felt his lips slide easily against hers. The rational part of her brain that still functioned screamed at her to back up. She had kissed him before but this time was different. Her previous encounters with him had been part of The Plan, necessary. Necessary to defeat Thanos. That she had enjoyed those encounters, or had started to feel love for him ultimately hadn’t really mattered. It had all been part of The Plan. And he had not known, his younger self had not known that in short order, he would marry her aunt and create the family dynamic between them that defined them through decades at this point. That portion of their lives was over, completed. They had become partners, not uncle and niece, for the purpose of carrying out what needed to be done to direct the Avengers, but Thanos had been defeated, so there was no longer any need for a partner dynamic to exist between them. They had tried to fall back into their pattern of uncle and niece, only they both knew that they had not been any such thing to each other for several years. What had they been? There was no ready term to define them.

They were something else now.

And dammit, she wanted this. She wanted him. She wasn’t supposed to, but she did. He had selfishly grabbed life opportunities by the horns without thought of consequences to others, stepping up on the platform, getting into the chamber for the second time. She was entitled to do the same, even if it was just for this one kiss. After her brief hesitation, with her heart starting to pound, she groaned and gave up and leaned in to him.

Steve was waging his own similar internal war. He should stop this right now, put some distance between them. He had already done enough, and it seemed that every decision he made always seemed to end up hurting her. There was no way in hell this wouldn’t end up doing the same. This could wreak serious havoc on her emotionally, and not for the better. He should be the responsible one, back off and send her to bed and let her go in the morning. But when she whimpered and groaned and leaned into him, and their kiss now started to become more insistent, more passionate, her tongue gently brushing his, he found he had little to no willpower left. He was only human after all. He loved her, there was no point in denying it, and he didn’t love her the way a man loved his niece. Those days were long gone. She was a grown woman, not blood related to him, in his arms, and clearly wanted him. And it had been so long. So long. Years for him at this point.

He felt a sudden surge, a deep rising passion, and he had to fight down the urge to pull her to him, pull her down and pull off her clothes and have at it right there on the porch. It was a fierce, demanding urge. But that was way too risky. Some of the other adults probably weren’t even asleep yet. Regardless of what the family made of their relationship, Steve highly doubted that anybody wanted to come out on the porch looking for him and find the two of them making out like teenagers. But fighting down that urge became even more difficult once her arms encircled him and she tilted her head slightly more to deepen the kiss. If that was even possible. His arms wrapped around her and he didn’t bother trying to hide his arousal as it pressed into her belly. She definitely felt it if her whimpering groan was any indication.

Both of them were breathing erratically, hearts pounding, hands gripping and pulling closer. Sharon felt herself spiraling, dizzy and unable to focus. She couldn’t catch her breath. Pure, white hot blazing need shot down her spine and pooled in her core. She felt herself half slump against him and he backed her up against the porch wall, pressing her firmly into it with a thump. He left her mouth and moved to her neck, kissing her where he vaguely remembered her being sensitive. She squirmed against him and he fought desperately for control. This was getting out of hand fast. They either needed to stop or move this somewhere else.

“Sharon ...” he whispered breathlessly between nips on her neck.

“Steve...” she whispered back, breathlessly, her knees going weak and having to trust more and more in his newfound strength to hold her up.

He pulled her tighter against him. He kissed along her jaw, her neck, back to her mouth. She kissed him back, almost desperately. He mentally wrestled with himself before digging up the courage to ask, “Come to bed with me.”

It took her a few seconds to register what he had said, a spike of longing shooting right between her legs in response to his words, and then she gave a whimper of frustration. She seemed to find her resolve, regaining her strength to stand up, break the kiss and gently but firmly push him away. She planted her hands on his chest and locked her arms.

“No,” she said.

Steve felt like an anvil just came crashing down on his head. Felt as if a cold wet towel had been dropped across his shoulders and back. Fear shot down his spine at what he had just suggested, her reaction, and he sobered up immediately. He was overcome with the thought that he might have just irreparably damaged his relationship with her permanently.

“I’m...I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I shouldn’t have said that...I didn’t mean to....Sharon, I...”

She clapped a hand over his mouth, silencing him. She made a shushing noise and he immediately went silent and still.

“I... I can’t. Not now. Not like this. It’s too much and I’m...I’m not ready to cross that line. Not yet. Before, you didn’t know. You didn’t know who I was, you hadn’t married Peggy, you didn’t have the family. We weren’t.....but it’s different now. You do know. We aren’t the same people now that we were to each other before. I don’t want either of us regretting it tomorrow. And right now, I’m afraid that I will.”

“I understand,” he said carefully, taking her hand from his mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you like that. I don’t want you to fall off again. It’s your decision. If you don’t want....”

“But that’s just it, I do,” she said, tears in her eyes. “I do want to. I just....can’t right now. I’m not saying never. Just....not right now.”

She put both hands up on either side of his head and rested her forehead against his, and he did the same, stroking his thumbs on either side of her ears.

“It’s ok,” he said soothingly. “I only want what you want.”

“That’s not entirely true,” she said, she said shifting her hips against his. “You want a lot more.”

“I don’t deny it,” he said. “I’m not supposed to want my own niece, but I do. I can’t help that very much.”

She dropped her hands, stepped back and looked at him hard. “Nothing can happen between us, not without making it clear. I’m either your niece or I’m not. You need to decide. If I am, this ends now. If I’m not.....then I stop fighting what I feel for you. That doesn’t mean I automatically end up in your bed. You going through the procedure a second time doesn’t mean we take up where we left off at the safe house. You’re the father of my cousins but you’re not my uncle anymore, not to me. I can’t afford to think of you that way from now on, not after crossing this line, knowing what we both want from each other. And no matter what, I will always know, forever, that I was your second choice, that if we had been able to de-age and save Peggy along with you, we wouldn’t be here like this having this conversation, she would. You don’t even know what I am to you. I was pregnant with your baby and you still don’t know. Until you know the answer to any of this, until it’s clear in your mind, ending up in bed together will only cause us both a mountain of trauma and hurt. It doesn’t matter how much we want each other.”

“You’re right,” he choked out. “You’re right. Every bit of that is true. But please believe me when I tell you I love you. I always have. Peggy’s gone, yes, and it does no good to speculate on might-have-beens if she had lived. But no matter what, I never loved you second. I just love you as you. You. Sharon. My beautiful, brave, kickass Sharon. You’re not a replacement for anybody. You’re not second. You’re what reminded me that I’m not dead yet. That I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be anywhere else or with anyone else now. And I really don’t want to hurt you again. Even if you walk away from me and never look back, I’ll still be here. Looking for you and loving you.”

Sharon was determined to keep her face neutral but she couldn’t fight the tears from escaping. “And I love you, but I’m not your niece anymore, Steve. You can never call me ‘kiddo’ or ‘ace’ anymore. Not like you did when I was little. I’m Sharon. Just Sharon. And I’m an Avenger. Come at me that way from now on or not at all.”

“My memories won’t go anywhere,” he said.

She softened her gaze. “Mine neither. We’ll always have our history. But this is how we’ll have to be. You have to decide.”

Steve hung his head and nodded.

“I’m going to bed,” she said. “Alone. And tomorrow I’m leaving and you’re staying here. When I see you again, there’ll need to be clear definitions of who we are to each other. I can’t do this any other way.”

“I know. Me neither,” he said, trying to bury his misery.

She turned to go, then turned back and gave him a quick reassuring hug, then disappeared back inside the house, heading for the guest room. He turned and practically ran for the apartment, closing the door behind him and flinging himself on the bed, something he had not been able to do for decades, and buried his face in the pillow. He wanted to scream in frustration and misery. His ardor for her had not diminished and his pants were still unbearably tight. It was no less than he deserved he supposed, to be wound up so tight only to have her verbally throw ice water on him, facing the prospect of at least an hour thinking about football statistics or taking an ice cold shower to turn himself off. But also in a way, he was oddly relieved. That conversation had been a long time coming. He decided that, despite his hatred of being cold, the cold shower was his best option. It ensured at least one nightmare while he slept tonight, dreaming that terrible dream of being encased in ice once again. But it was the price he was willing to pay. He deserved it, most likely. Maybe he would just luck out and not sleep at all. This was looking to be a sleepless night anyway.

Back in the guest room, Sharon wasn’t faring any better herself. She was trying not to remember the last time she had laid in this bed, spiraling into depression. Her current situation wasn’t much better, tossing and turning, battling her libido and arousal and the itching discomfort between her legs. She whipped out her phone and pulled up a YouTube video demonstrating a complicated knitting technique of how to interlock three different colored yarns to create images on a knitted piece. It required her to concentrate on what was being said and done, and disregard her frustrated physical sensations. Finally, once the video was over, her arousal had subsided enough to let her sleep. But she was restless, her dreams vague and murky. When she awoke, she didn’t feel as if she had slept at all.

000

When Steve accepted his daughter-in-law‘s invitation to come to the main house for a big family breakfast, he almost expected Sharon to have been gone already. So he wasn’t sure whether or not he was surprised, pleased, or terrified to see her car still in the driveway, and her sitting at the table scrolling through her phone while munching on some bacon. He gave her a nervous smile which she returned while he went to retrieve a Mayday bar from the cabinet. The protein bars were designed to be life-support rations in survival kits for life boats and airplanes, each one holding around 2500 calories. When the serum was activated he needed to consume close to 4000 calories a day, and he found that eating one of the bars for breakfast allowed him to eat normally the rest of the day. He sat across the table from her and snagged a section of the newspaper, as they were apparently in agreement that they were going to pretend that what had happened last night had not actually happened. Even though the conversation had been necessary.

Still, Steve was almost relieved when the rest of the family joined them and there were enough boisterous conversations in the room to distract both him and Sharon from each other and the lightning crackle of attraction that seemed to be arcing between them that nobody else seemed to be aware of. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, he was still quite sorry to see her leave. She was packed and ready to go not long after, gave everyone big hugs including him, and he stood at the curb watching the hover car fly away, as he had done before when the Avengers came for her. He wondered if that was going to be his lot in life, watching her drive away. It was ironic, because he could now appreciate what it must’ve been like for her to see him step on that platform. And not for the first time, he wondered if he would ever be able to make it up to her.

000

Sharon blared loud 80s Hair Band music all the way back to the tower, flying the car under commercial air traffic. Staying low enough to remain out of the way of regularly traveled airways and military airways had been the only way Tony Stark had been able to get permission to keep the fleet of flying cars for the Avengers. Sometimes, Sharon wondered if Phil Coulson had kept his flying car, Lola. That had been a damn nice car. At any rate, she needed distraction, and while she didn’t normally sing along to the radio when she was in the car with someone else, since she was alone, she practically yelled the songs at the top of her lungs, almost yelling along to Damn Yankees’ “High Enough.” It was cathartic. It distracted her from the physical, mental, and emotional roller coaster and turmoil that seemed to surround her like a storm. She needed her head cleared to fly the car, and even though it was on auto pilot, she needed to keep her wits about her.

She was actually relieved to see the Manhattan skyline in the distance, and especially relieved to see the Avengers Tower looming up in front of her, bringing the car in smoothly for a landing at the parking garage. F.R.I.D.A.Y. came over the intercom welcoming her back, and when she parked and got out and headed towards the elevator, she was equally pleased to see Wanda heading towards the elevator as well, apparently having just arrived herself from a shopping trip at an international store. She had mentioned not long ago wanting to make some ethnic Sokovian dishes for everyone one night, but was lacking certain ingredients that she couldn’t easily get in American stores. She smiled wide and shifted her shopping bag to one arm to hug Sharon with the other.

“Hey! You’re back! Just in time, I’m going to make a bunch of things my mother used to make for me and Pietro that I’ve been craving. I thought I would start with this potato....oh hell, WHAT happened? Are you OK? Are you going to need Doc?”

“What?” asked Sharon. “I’m fine. Do I have a dark cloud hanging over my head or something?”

“Dark cloud?” frowned Wanda. “Try a hurricane.”

“I’m sorry,” said Sharon. “I guess I don’t realize how much it must suck to be a telepath sometimes.”

Wanda shrugged as they both stepped into the elevator, hoisting their bags on their hips, and Wanda punching the number for the resident floor. “Settle down with the knowledge that as soon as I became a telepath, the first thing I did with it was to join Hydra and cause a whole lot of serious mayhem to the Avengers for which I still have nightmares. I probably deserve a few headaches.”

“Wanda,” said Sharon gently, “as awful as all that was, Hydra is good at lying to good people. Look what they did to S.H.I.E.L.D., how far they spread in an agency that was mostly good people, and we never saw it. Well I did, but only because of Steve. And it was damn hard to keep my mouth shut watching it happen, knowing how many good people I worked with were going to suffer because of it. Hydra was founded by Nazis, nothing but liars, evil liars. You’re in good company, quite a few good and intelligent people have been hoodwinked by them. And in the end, you and your brother did the right thing and changed sides. You don’t deserve to be punished for it forever.”

Wanda smiled sadly but gratefully. “Thanks. Sometimes I need to hear that. The funny thing is, the wrong twin survived if the goal was to not kick yourself in the ass over that kind of mistake forever. My brother would have just accepted and moved on.”

“I really wish I could have met him,” said Sharon. “I’ve gotten talk to Clint a few times, he said your brother was a regular smart ass. Which means he would have been quite entertaining on this team.”

To her relief, Wanda laughed. “Smart ass is a nice way of putting it. I miss him pretty bad somedays. But enough about me, and bravo on the attempt at distraction. You’re going to tell me why you’re all in a tizzy, or am I going to have to hide in the doorway when you’re not looking and try to mental image it out of you?”

“I’m not sure what there is to tell,” said Sharon. “Just visited with my family. And it was fine. They’re all great.”

“Something happen with Steve?” asked Wanda as they moved into the kitchen. Sharon started to help her unpack the groceries.

She briefly debated trying to deflect the question again, but then remembered who she was talking to and figured admitting the truth would probably be best. “We kissed. And I don’t mean a peck either.”

To her surprise, Wanda grinned. “About the time you unshackled that particular chain. Must’ve been a good kiss.”

“I wanted to rip his clothes off right there on the porch,” Sharon admitted.

“On the porch I wouldn’t recommend,” the other woman quipped. “I realize I’m from a different country, but I don’t know many societies were that would be socially acceptable. Imagine the neighbors going for a late night walk with the dog.”

Sharon laughed. “Thanks for not saying ‘ew that’s so weird.’”

“Oh it’s weird,” said Wanda, “but this whole thing is weird. And I’ve explained to you before why I don’t have the room to be the pot calling the kettle black. I just want you to be happy. Him too. And I don’t think either of you are, not apart.”

“I’m afraid any amount of time spent too close and in his proximity might end up leading me to do things I might regret later. Now that that particular line has been crossed, other lines aren’t so far away.” Sharon tried to keep the frustration out of her voice.

“Well, I know for a fact you guys of already crossed that particular line,” said Wanda.

“That was different, he didn’t know before.”

“It’s not really all that different when you think about it,” Wanda said. “But if it’s really bothering you, maybe you should go talk to the counselor about it. In the meantime, let’s change into our workout clothes, call Maria up here, and we’ll go run on the treadmills until somebody collapses.”

“That actually sounds awesome,” said Sharon in agreement. And once they had all run for about three hours without anyone collapsing, she took an extra-long shower, and did a video chat with her counselor as Wanda had suggested. To her surprise, the counselor actually did not seem all that concerned about the turn of events between her and Steve. It was probably a testament to the fact that the woman had probably also treated Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton that she wasn’t making a fuss out of this particular situation.

“I thought you would tell me to tell him that it’s in my mental and emotional best interest to never see or speak to him again,” Sharon was telling the counselor.

“No,” the counselor said, “I don’t think that would actually be very beneficial. In fact, I think it would probably be a detriment to both of you. In any other family, that might not be a bad idea, but you have been formed and shaped by extenuating circumstances that the average person would not have been. And your family has been involved in a situation that most families would never even have to think about, much less live through. We are indeed bound by the rules of society, and they shouldn’t be tossed out the window just because we feel like it. If you shared DNA with the man, I would have a much more difficult time condoning the relationship. But it sounds to me like, based on the conversation you had with him, that you took an important first step. Since he was unwilling to draw the line in the sand about how to define your relationship, you did it for him. You have decided for yourself not to think of him as your uncle anymore. And that’s actually a healthy move, because it removes the ambiguity that is causing you so much stress. It doesn’t mean you ever have to act on it, or even have to see him again. But for your own mental health, it gives you a framework in which to operate. He’s the father of your cousins, but emotionally and genetically he’s not your uncle, at least not anymore. You showed that you can put the brakes on when you absolutely should have. Sharon, this is progress.”

“Great,” Sharon grumbled. “Only I didn’t want to put brakes on.”

“And next time you may not,” said the counselor, “but in this particular situation, it was the responsible thing to do. You may know for yourself when he is to you, but I don’t think he does. And until he does, it needs to stay platonic. And without breaking client confidentiality, I can only say that I’ve talked to him several times before in the past, it might be worth him talking to me again.”

“If I see him again, if I find myself in another situation like that, I don’t know that I’ll be able to put the brakes on,” Sharon admitted.

“If you don’t,” the counselor said, “just be sure that you can deal with the aftermath. And it might not all be bad, but there’s a lot that could go wrong.”

They spoke for a few minutes more before Sharon ended the session and went to help Wanda in the kitchen making some Sokovian version of borscht coupled with some sort of herb-heavy chicken dish and potato pie. Only for Wanda would Sharon voluntarily consume beet soup, but her thoughts were so far away, she hardly tasted the meal anyway.

000

Ed pulled up into the driveway mentally exhausted from his day in court representing a client who was trying to get his finances in order after the Snap, and although he was not physically tired, he felt like he needed a good long period of mindless activity to settle down. Ever since finding out that he had a small fraction of this father’s super-soldier genetics in him, he had been somewhat relieved at understanding why he and his sister seemed to have more energy and youthful exuberance than their peers of the same age. Not that he was planning to run the hundred meter dash in the Olympics. But it did make him want to work out more. Which was why, when he got out of the car, and saw his father painting the side of the garage, Ed figured this would be a good time to go and help. After changing out of his suit, he went down to the driveway and grabbed a paint roller and begin working on the other side of the east wall, moving towards Steve.

“Thanks for the help, son,” Steve said.

“Don’t mention it,” said Ed, still not completely adjusted to his father’s voice and terms of endearment coming from such a younger looking version of himself. Both Steve and Ed looked roughly the same age, more like brothers than father and son. It was going to take some getting used to.

“After I’m done on the side, I’ll call it for a day, but I think I can get it done by tomorrow,” said Steve.

“Yeah, if you start at sun up,” said Ed “and you spent most of this week replacing the wooden railing on both front porches of the houses. Last week, you were talking about re-roofing the roof of the second house. Why all the home repair projects?”

“It needed to be done,” said Steve, “and in my previous condition, I really shouldn’t have been up on ladders. But now that I’ve got the strength and the energy, and probably won’t break a bone if I fall off the roof, why not get it done?”

“Are you sure you’re not just trying to distract yourself?” asked Ed

“Of course I’m trying to distract myself,” Steve grumbled. “I thought that was pretty obvious. I really need to look into enrolling in those classes I said I was going to take. I need something to distract my mind as well as my muscles. Honestly, it’s like being a teenager again. I’ve got all these surges of energy, want to eat everything in sight, and periodically feel the need to run down to mammoth or something.”

“Between you and Dan, we need to take out stock in Trader Joe’s,” Ed joked. And he looked at his father more seriously. “You heard from Sharon lately?”

Steve dropped the roller he was using straight onto the ground into a pile of leaves. Grumbling under his breath, he retrieved the roller and went to wash it off in the faucet. “No,” he said. “I think Lily talked to her yesterday, though.”  
“You should call her,” Ed said cautiously.

Steve gave his grown son a sideways look. “I text her every day,” he replied.

“It’s not the same,” said Ed, dunking his paint roller in the tray and layering a new layer of paint onto the section he had already worked.

“Have you talked to her?” asked Steve.

“I text her,” Ed quipped.

Steve gave his son what he hoped was a convincing glare. “You’re fishing for a conversation. Spit it out, what’s on your mind?”

“You’re like a whirlwind around here,” he told Steve. “Like if you stop moving something bad will happen. You’re like a one man construction crew, not that I mind, like you said it all needed to be done. But I’m still not used to you being so chipper and energetic. I’m afraid you’re going to hurt yourself or burn out or something. But you won’t slow down. I can’t help but think it’s because of Sharon.”

“What does Sharon have to do with me wanting to paint the garage?” Steve asked irritably.

“You miss her,” Ed said bluntly. “You keep moving so you don’t have to think about that fact.”

“You’re taking up psychology along with law now? Of course I miss her,” said Steve. “As I’d miss any of you. When you all lived away I missed you and the kids every day.”

“I’m sure you did, but Sharon is different.”

“Ever since she was 14, we’ve had an ongoing conspiracy to save the world. Yes, one gets used to having one’s partner in crime around after 18 years of that. It just takes time to adjust with her being in New York now,” said Steve. “But I have all of you around. I’m good.” 

“Sharon’s different,” Ed repeated.

“What are you trying to say?” Steve asked.

“This is what you’re doing instead of moping,” Ed said. “You should call her on the Holo. Get in your flying car Pepper gave you and go visit her.”

“She’s got work,” said Steve. “The Avengers could be called up any second, and when she’s not doing that, she’s got that new job with Maria Hill at Stark Inc. keeping her busy and rightfully so. And good for her. She doesn’t need her whacked out great-uncle showing up throwing her for a loop.”

“Why would you being there throw her for a loop?” Ed asked. “Are you avoiding each other?”

“Mind your business Ed,” Steve said trying not to growl.

“So you’re avoiding her,” said Ed. “And she’s avoiding you.”

“I’m trying to give her a little space, is all,” said Steve. “She’s been through a lot, most of it because of me. She’s probably glad not to have me in her face constantly, telling her she needs to do XYZ to stop an alien warlord from destroying half the life in the universe. After years of dealing with me, I imagine that running missions all over the world with the Avengers, putting a beat down on some human bad guys, is cathartic.”

“Maybe that’s what you need to be doing instead of repainting the house different shades of colors?” Ed smiled.

“I’m only repainting the garage, and they were out of the same blue when I went back to Home Depot,” Steve grumbled. “Unless you want me to paint the houses?”

“No, that’s OK,” Ed replied. “Listen, Danny is going to have to start looking at colleges this year. Didn’t you say you wanted to enroll in some courses? You’ve been looking at the University of New York. How about we all go up there one week? We can tour the campus, you can sign up for classes, and me and Danny can look around and get an idea if he might want to go there.”

Steve look thoughtful, dropping his defenses a little. “That’s not a bad idea. And you’re right, I was looking into signing up for some classes.”

“Think the Avengers would let us stay at the tower? It would definitely save costs on hotels.”

Steve looked at his son suspiciously. “They probably would.”

“Think Sharon would want to come with us?” asked Ed.

“She might,” said Steve, “though Sam has them training pretty hard. Last time I talk to him, we were going over specific training maneuvers for the current makeup of the Avengers team. Sharon needs to be able to work with everyone utilizing their specific talents and powers. I think this week they were drilling on having Wanda lift them all from a dead run, hover them several hundred yards away, and then drop to the ground in a run without breaking stride. Apparently that’s harder to do than you would think. Wanda hast to learn how to lift and angle running people at a specific way, and they have to learn to trust her not to drop them. Something Sharon is not good at apparently.”

“I’m surprised Wanda’s having any trouble with that,” said Ed, washing out his paint brush. “She’s been lifting things with her mind for years. Why are people suddenly a problem?”

“They’re not,” said Steve, “but with inanimate objects, she wasn’t particularly fussy about how or where they landed. Can’t do that with people. You have to care about how and where they land. Even if you set them down gently, at a certain speed and wrong angle, someone can twist an ankle pretty badly. And without Tony in the mix, there’s some talk about letting Pepper take his spot on the team. But her suit isn’t exactly like Tony’s, it’s more for defense. So any tactics that existed in the team utilizing Iron Man‘s weaponry, kind of has to be redone for Pepper’s rescue armor.”

“That’s pretty interesting,” said Ed, “and a bit more lengthy an answer than I expected. And I can’t help but feel it’s a nice attempt at deflection. Why don’t you want to talk about Sharon?”

Steve glared at him. “Because there’s not much to talk about that hasn’t already been said.”

“Dad, do you love her?” asked Ed.

“You guys have asked me this before,” said Steve. “And I’ll answer the same. Of course I love her, I love all of you. Why wouldn’t I love my family?”

“No,” said Ed quietly. “I mean, do you love her. Like you loved mom.”

Steve dropped everything he was holding and turned to face his son. This one wasn’t going to be an easy one to answer gently. “Your mother and Sharon are two different people. They have different outlooks on life, different likes and dislikes, came of age in different time periods, hell they were from different countries. There’s enough similarity between them to know they are related, but what you’re asking isn’t exactly logical. I don’t think it’s possible to love a second person the same way you loved the first. Not when they are two different people.”

Ed’s eyes narrowed. “You know damn well what I’m asking. You had a relationship before, you fathered her child. I know you’ve both hinted that that’s over, but I don’t think it is. Just level with me, are you in love with her?”

“She’s your cousin,” Steve said.

“That’s not what I asked,” said Ed wryly.

“She’s 100 years younger than I am,” said Steve.

“More than that, actually, and also not what I asked,” said Ed crossing his arms.

“You know, between you and Bucky, this line of questioning can get really irritating...”

“Dad....” Ed sighed.

“Yes!” said Steve, trying not to shout. “I love her. I’m in love with her. Is that what you want to hear?”

Steve turned his back, unable to face his son. He wasn’t sure what to expect, or what he could hope to expect. He knew he couldn’t hope for anything good. ‘Good’ being a scenario where Ed didn’t yell at him. Which was why he was completely astounded by Ed’s response.

“Well, thank you for not denying what is blatantly obvious to the rest of us,” he said.

Steve turned to stare at him. “What?”

“Come on Dad, did you think we don’t see? Even the older kids are catching on. Dan’s asked some questions and I need to know how to truthfully answer him. We can all see it.”

“Well, if you need to know how to start answering questions, you can start with telling anyone who is asking not to be mad at Sharon, because this is not her fault.”

“She doesn’t feel the same way?” asked Ed. “We all know that’s not true. And nobody’s mad at anybody.”

“That honestly surprises me,” said Steve. “I was pretty sure the revelation of that kind will be enough to tear this family apart, especially coming on top of the fact that I was the father of her baby. I know I wasn’t exactly the best father I could have been to you, and your mother was absent a lot. I know we drifted apart for a long time, and I have no idea how you or Lily would react to something like this. But I can’t tell you how happy I’ve been to have you and your sister and your families here, close by. I was hoping we could all reforge some bonds. I don’t want this tearing it all apart. And neither does Sharon.”

“Oh dad, we know you don’t purposely want any such thing,” said Ed. “But we’re also not blind.”

“I know that, but I was honestly hoping that with her up at the tower with the Avengers, and enough time to cool off, the situation would just go away and I wouldn’t have to address it at all. You can’t say that this is not an awkward conversation.”

“My over-100-years-old de-aged father and my 32-year-old cousin? No, it’s awkward as hell. If you guys were blood related, I really don’t think I could deal. But I also know you guys are operating outside of what is considered a normal life that most people live, and I can’t really get mad at you for being subject to situations that threw you together like this. I can tell you’ve both tried to do the socially acceptable thing and deny your feelings, but honestly, you’re both miserable, and no offense, but you’re making everyone else miserable with you. We hate to see you both so unhappy. If you guys don’t fix the situation, I’m afraid you’re both going to end up having dangerous depressive episodes like the one Sharon had.”

Steve felt his jaw drop open. “And ‘fixing it’ would entail what exactly? Actually having a relationship with her? One that undoubtedly would have a physical aspect to it? Are you actually encouraging that?”

“I’m encouraging whatever action needs to be taken so you’re not both miserable for the rest of your lives,” said Ed. “And if that’s what it means, then that’s what it means. No, I’m not OK with it, at least not now. I just don’t want anybody getting hurt. And here you are acting all surprised. What exactly were your plans if she had said yes on the porch last week?”

Steve froze.

He felt an icy chill go down her spine. And he crossed his arms. “How do you know about that? It was 1 o’clock in the morning, everyone was supposed to be asleep.”

Now Ed looked uncomfortable. He held his hands up. “I wasn’t spying, promise. I couldn’t sleep, so I went downstairs to look for my briefcase, there’s some files for a case I’m working on that I thought I could read in bed. These sorts of things usually put me to sleep. Then I heard a loud thump against the wall, coming from outside, so I went to see what it was. I thought a branch had hit the porch or something. And then I saw.... well, you know what I saw. And it was kind of hard to look away. It took me a full 10 seconds to register what I was seeing.”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and dropped his head. “I’m sorry, son, sorry that you had to see that. I wasn’t exactly in control of myself, not that that’s an excuse. Then you would have seen her push me away? She said no.”

“Yes, I did see her push you away. And she didn’t say no because she didn’t want to, she said no because of the situation. Those are two different things. Given a different situation, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t say no a second time.”

“You realize this has to be the weirdest conversation we’ve ever had?” said Steve.

“Oh definitely,” said Ed sardonically. “If the roles were reversed, I’d probably have my head under a pillow right now. I hope to God I never had this kind of conversation with my own son.”

“Yeah, I hope you don’t either,” said Steve. “What does Lily say about all this?”

“I haven’t said anything to anyone,” said Ed. “There’s no reason to at this point. But honestly, I think she’s pretty much on the same page I am. We’re not happy about the situation, but we’re really not happy about what happened to Sharon, and what could still happen to both of you. We are relieved that she seems to have recovered somewhat, and is with the Avengers. They’re taking good care of her and giving her the kind of outlet she needs. But you? This whole thing about de-aging yourself, and not having anywhere to put all your newfound energy, that’s a recipe for disaster. Plus you’re miserable here without her. And while you might be hoping this all goes away, I really don’t think it will. You guys have been involved for years at this point, in different ways. This whole thing with her is just the latest manifestation of that relationship. That doesn’t end overnight or even over a couple of years. Besides, ask yourself this, if she were to take up with another guy, maybe even get married and have that guy’s children, how would that make you feel?”

At Ed’s words, Steve had a sudden mental image of Sharon as he described, with someone else, married to someone else, and for the first time, truly and clearly, he felt what she would have felt watching him basically do the same all these years. The sudden pain in his chest was almost physical, searing, and he suddenly couldn’t breathe. Once again, he turned his back to his son, and try to regain his composure. The mental image was almost overwhelming, and the grief so real, it was almost as if it had actually happened. And Sharon had already been through this for him.

“Yeah,” said Ed knowingly, “that’s about what I thought. So what am I supposed to do? Encourage you to stay away from her? That’s not going to happen. Pretend you’re not in love with her? That’s gotten us all nowhere. I’m merely bowing to the inevitable here. But her with another guy probably would drive you nuts.”

“I’ve told her before,” said Steve not turning around, “I want what she wants, whatever will make her happy. If some other man would fulfill that, then I would accept it.”

“Accept maybe,” said Ed, “but definitely not be happy about.”

“No,” Steve admitted. “It would hurt like hell.”

“I’ll not bother pointing out the irony of that statement,” said Ed. “I don’t think it needs to be said.”

Steve turn back around. “You don’t need to imply that I’ve been a bastard to her, I know I have. She deserves better. Better than me. She deserves whatever man you’ve just described who would never hurt her, leave her, or put her through what I put her through. She deserves someone her own age who grew up in her own time, someone who can relate to her outside of stopping an alien warlord from destroying the universe.”

“Deserves? Of course that’s what she deserves,” said Ed. “But what she wants is you. Besides, you two have a lot in common outside of work. Those years the two of you were holed up in that safe house, don’t tell me the only thing you engaged in was work and sex.”

Steve wanted to get angry, but found himself laughing instead. “No, there was a lot to do. Amsterdam has a lot of really cool parks and museums. Movies, books to read, and that house was old, so there was a lot of home repair going on. We watched a lot of the same TV, talked about a lot of things ...”

“Well there you go,” said Ed.

“So let me get this straight, make sure I’m understanding you correctly,” said Steve. “You are not only OK with, but encouraging me to have a romantic relationship with your cousin?”

“You already have a romantic relationship with my cousin,” said Ed quietly. “And like I said, no I’m not exactly OK with it, it’s going to take some getting used to, and I don’t want to upset the kids or make things difficult. But I understand. And I think Lily does too. More to the point, we’re not going to disown either of you for what simply is. The only thing I ask is that I don’t actually have to see it, even though I know that thing on the porch was an accident. I really don’t need to catch the two of you making out on the swing.”

Now Steve laughed. “Fair enough. As long as I don’t catch you and Nancy doing the same. I really don’t need to see that myself.”

Ed laughed, and then the two men hugged.

“This is really messed up,” said Steve.

Ed stepped back and looked at his father sympathetically. “Yeah, it is what it is, but we are family. The world being what it is, we really need to lean on each other. It’s probably going to be rough for an entire generation. The kids are going to grow up in a world where a lot of stuff that was normal and not normal are now reversed. I’m not saying they should just accept something like you and Sharon, but I think each situation needs to be judged on its own.”

“On that subject,” said Steve, “what exactly do you want to tell the kids?”

“Dan has pretty much already figured it out,” said Ed, “so I don’t see the point in lying to him if he asks. But really, a lot will depend on what you and Sharon decide. If you decide to stay apart, then nothing really needs to be said. But if you decide to try for a relationship, will probably need to level with everybody. Age-appropriate, of course.”

Steve only nodded, picked up his paint roller, and went back to painting the garage. “Well, if nothing else, we get newly painted houses and a stack of firewood in the backyard out of it. Because there’s no way I’m ever going to be able to sit down and rest now.”

“Firewood?” asked Ed, frowning. “We didn’t have any wood in the backyard.”

“We do now,” said Steve. “I chopped down three trees this morning. The cold shower didn’t work.”

000

Sharon was a bundle of nervous energy, getting the rooms in the Tower ready, making sure the kitchen was stocked with groceries, and then, when that was not enough to distract her, heading down to the gym to punch on the punching bag until her knuckles bled. Steve, Ed, and Danny were coming up for the week, ostensibly to enroll Steve in some art classes and counseling classes for the University of New York, and for Ed and Danny to tour the campus. Normally this would not be that big of a deal, they had all stayed at the Tower as guests before, and Steve wanted to see how the training sessions were going for the newly reformed Avengers. They had been perfecting their technique of Wanda lifting them in the air from a sprint, and then setting down in a dead run without breaking stride. And Sam wanted to talk with Steve about new battle tactics that took advantage of the team’s new skill makeup minus Vision and Iron Man and Black Widow, and Sharon’s particular skills which were similar to Natasha’s but not exactly the same. No, none of that bothered her. What made her nervous was the conversation she had with Steve a few days ago, that had informed her that they wanted to come up, but had also detailed the conversation he had with Ed. And the second one he had with Lily the next day, bringing her up to speed on what he and Ed had talked about.

“We probably need to decide, finally, what we’re going to do about each other,” said Steve. “But, I can tell you, while Ed and Lily are not exactly just OK with the concept, they’re not mad about it. They pretty much have guessed already anyway.”

“Well, that’s going to make for a super awkward family dinner night in two weeks,” Sharon had grumbled. “Assuming anyone is going to want to see me.”

“Of course they want to see you,” said Steve. “We all do. That hasn’t changed, I made sure of that when I talked to Ed and Lily. But what they end up telling the rest of the family has to be based on what we decide. I don’t want an answer right now, I know we both need to think about it. If you want to put the brakes on whatever this is between us, then we need to decide on that. If you don’t, well then....”

“I know,” Sharon said in resignation. “I guess it’s been a long time coming. Like you, I was hoping it would just go away, but Ed is right, it’s not.”

“I wish this were easier,” said Steve. “I wish I knew a way to make it easier for you. I don’t much care about myself having sleepless nights, I just don’t want this to be any harder on you than it already has been. And I certainly don’t have the right to demand anything or even suggest anything to you. Seems like every time I do that, you get hurt in some way. You get to call the shots this time.”

“It hasn’t been all bad, Steve,” she said gently. “It’s not like I have nothing but horrible memories of you.”

Steve smiled softly. “Well that’s a relief. Maybe I’ve only halfway screwed up your life, not entirely.”

Sharon smiled back. “’Screwed up’ is in the eyes of the beholder. I wouldn’t call my life screwed up. Unusual, definitely, but dysfunctional? Even the counselor doesn’t think it’s exactly that.”

“Well,” said Steve, “that’s a relief. And I guess we can talk more about this when I get up there. That is, if it’s OK for us to come?”

“Of course it is,” said Sharon. “Just you guys, though? Anyone else coming?”

“No, they have work and school. Just us three. So we’ll see you when we get up there.”

They had ended the holographic call, and Sharon had gone back to her favorite spot on the 40th floor balcony, watching the sun come up over the city in the distance. She did love it here at the Tower, though sometime she missed the Carter estate. It was surrounded by trees, on a suburban street, and there was something calming about that setting. Here in the city, there was always rushing energy, it didn’t lend much to relaxation. She sort of understood why the Avengers would prefer to rebuild the upstate New York facility and move back there. But that was some time off in the future. In the meantime, watching the sun rise and set from the balcony gave her enough of a sense of peace to try and quiet the turmoil in her mind. She knew she would not be able to put off finalizing with Steve their relationship was for much longer. And now that that moment was approaching, she felt as if she was being pulled or pushed towards a precipice. Only what was on the other side of it?

000

She would have been there when Steve’s flying car pulled into the parking garage a few days later, but the Avengers had been called up on a mission that involved some intelligence from Wakanda concerning the smuggled alien technology moving through Ukraine. Sam had lead them into a mountain facility where they had encountered a Hydra offshoot cell, calling itself the Serpent now, with a cash of crates containing alien technology from the last Thanos battle. Unfortunately, all of the criminals had popped cyanide pills before they could be questioned, so it was up to Sharon to salvage what she could from the nearly destroyed hard drives to try and trace where the supply lines for this black market trade of alien technology was coming from and going to.

They were dirty, bruised, and battle weary when they returned to the tower, where Steve, Ed, and Danny were waiting for them.

“Good Lord!” said Steve, taking in the sight of the scraggly Avengers trudging down from the Quinjet. “What do the other guys look like?”

“Cold and stiff,” said Bucky, opting for a fist bump instead of a hug.

“Damn Hydra slugs,” said Sam, shaking everyone’s hand. “You think they’d have figured out by now that working for Hydra is hazardous to your health, but no.”

Wanda and Sharon came dragging in, looking especially weary, supporting each other. Both of them looked like they had been in an explosion, with soot in their hair, and a few impressive bruises blossoming at various parts of their arms.

“What the hell happened to you two?” asked Ed, his eyes going wide.

Wanda just groaned and closed her eyes, holding her head.

“Do you really want to know?” asked Sharon.

Ed thought for a minute, and then shook his head. “No.”

“I do!” piped up Dan.

Steve put his hand on his grandson’s shoulder. “Maybe later, kid. Looks like everybody needs a shower and rest. And I think Wanda needs some meds for whatever headache she’s got.”

“Shower and Excedrin sounds divine right about now,” the younger woman whimpered. “I may have overdone it trying to keep multiple rounds of gunfire from heading in our direction. And a building from collapsing on our heads.”

She excused herself and limped off down the hallway towards her room.

“Gun fire?” asked Dan, looking at Sharon with wide eyes.

“Yeah, honey,” she said ruffling his hair. “Hydra agents usually aren’t up for negotiation and talking nicely. While I’m glad you guys are here safely and all settled in, I hope you won’t mind if I disappear for a few hours. A long shower and collapse on my bed is about the only thing I want right now.”

“Yeah, of course, go on,” said Steve. “I’ll nudge the bots and get some dinner cooked up for everybody.”

“Dad, they’ve had a rough enough day, they don’t need food poisoning on top of it,” said Ed. “Me and Dan can handle that, you set the table.”

With several chuckles, the group broke off and everyone went to their designated tasks. A few hours later, everyone was wearily sitting around the table gulping down plates full of spaghetti, the little was said about the mission with the civilians present and the sensitive nature of it. Sharon managed to come to the table and talked to her relatives about their plans for touring university campuses while they were there, but Wanda had apparently fallen asleep on her bed and they opted not to wake her.

Steve talked with Sam and Bucky a bit about the strategy of the mission and how it had gone down, agreeing that, while he and Natasha had been able to bring Wanda up to speed in hand to hand combat and weaponry during their years training as Avengers and then on the run, the main problem was that Wanda didn’t think tactically, she still thought like a civilian, while conversely, Sharon was not used to thinking about tactics that involved Wanda’s powers or Bucky’s super soldier abilities as well. And if Shuri was able to resurrect Vision, that would add another dynamic to the team that would require training to operate fluidly. The conversation was enough to distract Steve from the nervousness he felt, knowing that another conversation was coming, one in which he and Sharon had to define for themselves what their futures were going to hold with regards to each other.

Later that evening, everyone mostly crashed in their rooms, with Sam watching TV in his room, Bruce going down to the lab to begin work on a scientific paper on gamma radiation that he was writing, Bucky and Steve sitting in the recreation room talking about the past when they were kids, Wanda still asleep, Sharon knitting in her room, Ed on the phone with his wife, and Danny using the Holo communicator to talk to Peter Parker, and make plans to hang out while he was there in New York.

Eventually, everyone settled into the rooms and went to sleep, which was what Steve tried to do, but with the serum activated, he only needed about three or four hours of sleep a night, and he had gotten several hours the night before, so there was a little else for him to do, but resigned himself to the fact that he was going to be wide awake for some time, and wandered out to the balcony that looked out over the city, the lights of the buildings sparkling like stars. He sat down in one of the new hammock chairs that Pepper had gotten for the balcony, something that was a cross between a lounge chair and a hammock with a frame. It was remarkably comfortable. He sighed and let himself observe the night sky, when the sound of the door opening startled him, and he was about to call out to see who was there. Then he saw Sharon walk out, not seeing him, and then walking over to the balcony to lean against it.

He was about to call out to her, trying to find a way to not startle her, but then decided to just observe her for a moment. Try as he might, he could not see any longer the kid he had once known growing up in the 1980s and 1990s. Obviously, she was still the same person, but it had been literally decades since that time. The main bulk of time that he had known her, she had been an adult, and during this time, she had not functioned as his niece. He resolved himself to accepting that that was not what she was to him. Instead, when he looked at her, he saw a grown woman, smart, powerful, beautiful, as determined and loyal as her aunt had been, with enough similarities to give him a sense of comfort and familiarity, but significant enough differences that he would never confuse the two women with each other. He had meant what he said to Ed, that he loved the two women differently, because they were different people, but, he realized, not one less strong than the other. The chapter of his life that had included Peggy, and the family with her, had mostly been throughout the 20th century and the life he had lived during this time. That time was over. Now, he was looking at yet another lifetime, many years forward in the 21st-century. Would it be with Sharon? Deciding not to let it go too long with her not knowing he was there, he gently cleared his throat. She still jumped about a mile high and swirled around.

He startled her bad enough that she was initially angry. “What are you doing there, lurking in the shadows?” she fumed.

“Lurking?” he said with amusement. “Who’s lurking? I was out here minding my own business enjoying these new chairs that Pepper got. Which, by the way, are amazingly comfortable for all that they look like torture racks. What are you doing out here at midnight? Couldn’t sleep?”

She relaxed and slumped. She shook her head. “Nope. I mean, I’m tired from the mission, and I’m usually pretty good at winding down, but I guess I’m just keyed up.”

“Because of me being here?” he asked, not sure he wanted the answer.

But she answered honestly, “Yep. No point in lying about it.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really am. I can stay somewhere else. I don’t mind, if it makes things easier for you.”

“No,” she said, “I don’t want you to go. I’m just afraid of what happens if you stay.”

He sat forward and locked us with her. “And what happens if I stay?”

“It becomes harder and harder to deny that I’m in love with you. That I always have been. Even though I shouldn’t be.” She looked away, out over the city.

“And I’m in love with you,” he said. “Even though I shouldn’t be. And I think, for the sake of our own sanities, we’re just going to have to find a way to make peace with that.”

“And how do we do that?” she asked. “Is this a conversation you want to have right now?”

“Only if you’re ready for it,” he said. “We’re going to have to work it out in some way sooner or later anyway. But I don’t think either one of us is very happy with the way things are right now. Pretending that we don’t have these feelings, trying to stay away from each other, and not doing a very good job trying to keep it from everyone around us.”

“Yeah, she said with a wry smile. “Wanda is already getting her daily steps in avoiding me down separate hallways some days. I do my best not to brood too much anywhere in her vicinity, but I don’t always succeed.”

“I guess she gets a double whammy with us both here,” he said.

Sharon only smiled and shrugged, but said nothing.

“Sharon,” he said, “what do you want? Whatever you want, that’s what I’ll do.”

“I want what I can’t have,” she said. “I want when I’m not supposed to have.”

“And why can’t you have it?” he asked.

“Because to everyone else, you’re my uncle, even if I don’t see you that way anymore,” she said.

“No I’m not,” he said simply. “Not anymore. And we both know I haven’t been for a long time. Is there really any point in repeating that any longer?”

She let out a breath, looked him in the eye, and said, “No. I guess not.”

They were both quiet for a moment, before he held out his arms.

“What?” she asked.

“Sit? Snuggle?” he asked.

The corners of her mouth cracked up, but then she turned serious again. “No sex,” she said.

He blinked, then blinked again, forcing his jaw to stay shut.

“I’m...not ready for that,” she stammered.

Steve forced himself not to smile, but instead schooled his features into what he hoped was an understanding look. “I, I don’t think I am either, honestly. No sex.”

She crossed her arms and looked at him. “You seemed pretty ready back on the porch.”

He nodded. “Oh don’t misunderstand, physically I’m more than ready. And I was then. But you’re right, emotionally, we sort of need to work things out first.”

“Assuming we ever do,” she corrected. “Just because I’m not saying no doesn’t mean I’m actually saying yes. We shouldn’t assume too much.”

“You’re right,” he agreed. “So, is snuggling off-limits then?”

She had to laugh, shook her head, and said, “I think snuggling is relatively safe. At least I hope it is.”

She carefully approached him and he scooted over in the hammock chair. Cautiously, she settled down next to him, and let him put his arm around her, leaning her head on his shoulder and settling into his warmth. For several moments, they stayed like that, not moving and not talking, just becoming accustomed to the nearness of the other. Both Sharon and Steve were initially tense, uncertain of the other, not wanting to offend, or move into the other’s space too soon. But eventually, they both relaxed, and Sharon melted against him, clearly worn out from her day. Although it was moving into autumn, it was not yet too cold on the balcony, though Steve suspected they would have to move inside if the wind picked up any. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her against his chest, dropping his nose into the top of her hair and inhaling her scent. Her arm wrapped around his chest, settling into him and sighing contently. He gently ran his fingers through her hair, his fingertips massaging her scalp, feeling the thick silkiness of her blonde hair between his fingers. Her own fingers gently traced across his chest, slowly stilling as she fell off into sleep. His own last conscious thought was of how right this felt, her soft warmth in his arms, her breath against his skin, and no one in the world to bother them or tell them they were wrong.


	14. Chapter 14

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well folks, this one was a marathon! Here it is, the final and last chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who took time to read this one, who offered constructive criticism, and kudos, and stayed with it through to the end. I appreciate everyone's comments, and I'm glad so many liked the story, despite its difficult subject matter. I have a few more stories in the works, so I hope everyone will keep coming back. Also, fair warning, there's adult/NTSW material in this chapter, so if you're underage, toddle on out of here or promise on a stack of Avengers comics that you're going to skip ahead. Thanks all!

Chapter 14

“Hey, uh, granddad?” came Danny’s uncertain voice through the foggy haze of sleep.

Steve’s mind had a hard time adjusting, trying to pull himself out of what had to have been the deepest sleep he had had in a long time. He was warm, and comfortable, although his butt was numb, because even though the hammock chair was not too bad for sleeping, it really wasn’t meant to be laid in for hours at a time. He could still feel Sharon’s comforting warm weight across his chest, her legs now entangled with his, and her breathing synchronized with his own. Her hair was sprawled out across his chest, and he suddenly became aware that there was some sort of knitted blanket tucked around the both of them, which, he recognized when he opened his eyes, as something Wanda had been working on the last time he had been up here. She must have finally awoken, hungry for dinner at some point in the night, gone into the kitchen to find some food and seen them out there asleep on the chair. He would have to thank her later. Then he became aware of Danny’s voice again, opened his eyes and saw his teenage grandson standing over him with a look of uncertainty on his face.

Oh, geez. There was not going to be any explaining away of this one.

He shook Sharon gently but firmly. “Sharon, wake up, it’s morning.”

She just growled. She had never been a morning person, not unless something was on fire or a mission was going down.

“What’s going on out here?” asked Ed, coming out onto the balcony. “Oh hell.”

His eyes fell on Steve and Sharon, and he tensed up, ready to steer Danny back inside, when they sat up, and were obviously still fully clothed. Steve wasn’t certain, but he thought he heard Ed huff a sigh of relief.

“What time is it?” Sharon groaned, rubbing her eyes awake and trying to set up.

“8:30,” Danny replied.

Suddenly Sharon was wide awake. “In the morning? Oh shit! I’m supposed to be at work! Hill is going to kill me.”

She tumbled out of the hammock chair, bouncing Steve a bit, and landing on her feet, standing up to rush inside.

“You have to be at work?” asked Ed. “Today? You went on a mission yesterday.”

Sharon yanked the door open to the inside, and gave her cousin a somewhat exasperated look. “You don’t know Maria Hill. Unless your leg was blown off during that mission, you report to work the next day. And even then, that would be negotiable.”

She dashed inside, leaving Steve to face his family as he stood up, noting some slight stiffness still remained in his joints, though nowhere near what it was when he had still been elderly. He made a show of gathering up Wanda’s blanket and folding it. Ed looked at him slightly uncertain.

“Everything OK?” he asked.

“No blood spilled,” said Steve in what he hoped was a joking tone.

“Breakfast inside, then,” said Ed. “We should get going soon. Registration starts at 9 AM, and there will be lines.”

“Right,” Steve said, coming awake. “Registration. Got it.”

Ed went inside, but Danny didn’t follow him. Instead he looked at Steve. “Granddad? You and Sharon?”

Steve closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m sorry, son. I didn’t mean for you to, well. It’s complicated.”

“Are you guys, like, you know?” Danny held up his hand and cross two fingers.

“Not quite,” said Steve. “But I’m not going to lie, we’re standing on the edge of it. I’m not really sure which way were going to fall.”

“I know her baby was yours,” said Danny simply. “I heard dad telling mom. I’m sorry.”

“It’s OK. I could repeat again that for me it was 80 years ago, though for her only a couple months. But it really doesn’t matter at this point,” Steve said. “I just don’t want you and the other kids to be upset over anything.”

Danny shrugged. “After the Snap, a lot of things change for a lot of people. People who thought their families were gone forever went on and make new ones. And now their old families are back and things are all messed up. Remember my friend Jacob? Well he’s five years older than me now, and now he has two dads. His dad and his brother were Snapped, his mom remarried, and then his dad and his brother came back. Now the two guys are kind of sharing his mom, like joint custody. She spends one week with one husband, and another week with another. My teacher was saying that a lot of new laws are being written to allow for that sort of thing. Kids who were adopted by families when their parents were Snapped now having to spend weekends with one family and weeks with another. It’s a mess. I guess my grandfather moving backwards through time to where he’s younger than my dad and now dating my cousin isn’t the weirdest thing all over here because of the Decimation.”

“Yeah, well, don’t get too used to it,” said Steve, steering his grandson inside. “None of this means you have permission to date Hannah you know.”

“Ew,” said Danny. “She’s like my sister. Sharon isn’t actually related to you. Besides, there’s a cute girl in my class. I just need to work up the nerve.”

“That’s a story I’d like to hear if you feel like telling later,” said Steve with a grin, giving his grandson a hug, which he was grateful the younger man returned.

Wanda was in the kitchen making up breakfast smoothies, and Steve thanked her for the blanket. As he expected, it had been her who had gotten up in the middle of the night for a snack and had seen them.

“You two looked cold,” was all she would say, then shooting him a knowing smile. She handed him a Mayday bar and an extra-large protein breakfast smoothie.

Just then, Sharon came running in, looking as put together as she possibly could in less than five minutes. Wanda handled her a large smoothie, and a large hazelnut coffee.

“Thanks,” Sharon said sounding frazzled. “I’m still not going to make it on time. At least I won’t have to stop for breakfast and coffee.”

Sam looked up from the table where he was scrolling through the news on his iPad. “I’d offer to fly you over there,” he said, “but I took a hit yesterday in the battle, and Peter Parker was supposed to come by later after school and fix it for me. It’s probably not too safe to operate at the moment.”

“May I offer a suggestion?” piped up F.R.I.D.A.Y. “Mrs. Stark has left one of her Rescue armors down in the lab. I’m sure it would fit Agent Carter just fine. The suit could fly her to the Stark Inc. offices a few blocks over. She would still be late, but if you go downstairs now, you could leave out of here in less than five minutes. By my estimation, you would only be seven minutes late clocking in for work.”

“I don’t know how to fly Pepper’s suit,” said Sharon.

“I will do that,” said F.R.I.D.A.Y. “That’s what I was designed to do.”

“Thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” said Sharon. “I’ll do that. And maybe call Pepper and ask for her permission first? Or send my apologies.”

Sharon waved at everyone and dashed out of the room. Steve and Ed and Danny took their smoothies to the balcony to watch as, a few minutes later, the purple streak of Pepper’s Iron suit blasted out of the 37th floor window, carrying Sharon 10 blocks over to where the Stark offices were.

“That is so awesome that she gets to ride in that,” said Danny with wide own eyes. “Wish I could take it for a spin.”

“Absolutely not,” said Ed, taking sips of his smoothie, and then alternating to his coffee. “Besides, we’ve got university campuses to visit. And your grandfather’s got a full day of standing in lines.”

“Don’t most universities do online registration?” asked Danny.

“They do,” said Ed, “but your grandfather is a... special situation. It needs to be done in person.”

They finished their drinks and headed out, anticipating a full day ahead, and Steve only hoped that he would be able to remain focused enough to do what he actually came here to do.

000

They came dragging back into the tower around 5 PM, foot sore, with aching legs, feeling quite accomplished. Steve was registered for his online classes, and an in-person art class that met for five hours on Saturdays. It was an unusual schedule, and it would mean having to fly up in the car either on Friday nights or Saturday mornings and staying through the weekend, but Steve felt himself actually anticipating that. It would mean seeing Sharon fairly regularly. Sharon received that information with raised eyebrows, and a slight smile, and reported that she had only gotten a dirty look from Hill at work that morning, and thanked F.R.I.D.A.Y. for the suggestion of the use of the Rescue suit.

Ed and Danny discussed the two campuses they had visited that day, and the others they wanted to visit the next day, and the day after that. They would conclude their visit on Wednesday, since that was all that Danny had permission to be away from school for, and then head home.

That night, Steve and Sharon went to their own rooms, but not before Steve gently asked if he could take her out to dinner the next night. They both understood that they were cautiously exploring a new dynamic between the two of them, one that had existed before, but differently. They were different people than the ones they had been before, and there had been an air of finality about their romantic relationship in the years prior, with Sharon knowing that it wouldn’t last from the beginning. They were going to have to move slowly and with purpose in order to put all of their pieces into place and form the overall picture of what they would be to each other in the future. So doing normal things, like dating, seemed like an appropriate next step. With some assistance from the counselor, they also came up with a list of things they liked to do together for just recreation. Steve actually found that some of the most contented times he spent with Sharon was just out on the balcony, him sketching the New York skyline, and her knitting. It made her joke that they were already like an old married couple. He just laughed. In the past, when he was younger and they were in a relationship, they had enjoyed working out together, so while he was at the tower, they took that up again.

Earlier on the morning of the day they were scheduled to go out to dinner that evening, Steve was gathered next to Sam and Bucky on the edge of a sparring mat, watching Sharon trade off in rounds between Maria Hill and Wanda. Hill would come in for two minutes, sparring with Sharon the way they had learned at S.H.I.E.L.D., then at Sam’s signal, break off and let Wanda come in. Although Wanda was telekinetic and telepathic, she was in agreement with the team leadership that knowing hand to hand combat and physical self-defense was definitely a skill worth knowing. When she had been held captive on the Raft, she had been fitted with a collar of some sort the dampened her telekinetic and telepathic abilities, demonstrating that technology did exist that could incapacitate her powers, causing her to rely on her physical ability. They hoped that day would never come, but everyone was determined that Wanda would be trained if she ever found herself unable to use her powers. Natasha had been training her for a few years at that point, so Wanda was no pushover opponent.

They went on for several minutes before Sam called for a break, and Maria and Wanda headed off to the locker room for a shower and to change out of their workout clothes. Sharon was catching her breath and chugging some water when her eyes caught Steve’s. A slow knowing smile spread across her face.

“Up for a round or two, old man?” she challenged.

“Shame on you, threatening to beat up the elderly,” he challenged back, though he was kicking off his shoes to join her on the mat.

“Hey dad, come look!” Danny yelled from the ropes where he and Peter were climbing. Ed had been walking on the treadmills, but stopped to follow his son over to the mat to watch Sharon and Steve square off.

“Oh God, just don’t kill each other,” Ed groaned.

“I wouldn’t worry too much,” said Bucky coming to stand next to him. “We have excellent medical facilities here.”

Sam stepped off as referee, reminding them to break when he said break. They dropped into a fighting stance, circled a bit and measured each other. Then Sharon, breaking her personal rule of never being the first one to attack unless you were sure of victory, launched herself at Steve and quickly caught him with a kick to the abdomen, which she pulled and he blocked, but still got his attention.

“Ah, so that’s how we’re going to play today, Carter?” he said, teasing.

She only gave him a predatory smile, and then it was on for real. Steve was definitely out of practice, his reflexes not as fast as they had once been, nor his strength. And he was going to need quite a bit of training to work out the rust in his joints and muscles, for even with the redone procedure, he still had some age on him. But he was able to hold his own. The rest of the Avengers had seen both Steve and Sharon spar before, both with each other and with various members of the team. But Ed and Danny had never before witnessed just how proficient both of their relatives were in the ring, and therefore on the battlefield. Both Ed and Dan slowly felt their jaws dropped to their chest as Sharon executed a beautiful aerial kick to Steve’s head that he ducked and missed and caught her as she came around, flipping her onto the mat, though she deftly rolled out of it and onto her feet.

“Jesus,” Ed whispered.

Bucky huffed a laugh. “He’s holding back. But I don’t think she is.”

Sure enough, Sharon came around with a left hook that wasn’t exactly pulled, and, despite moving out of the way as best he could, still rung Steve’s bell a little bit. He rubbed his jaw and looked at her. She was glaring at him. She didn’t apologize. Now he got it, her dander was up. And while she may have unleashed her pent up emotions and frustrations on a punching bag on occasion, she was now directing it at him. She was working out, in a controlled environment, any hurt he might have caused her that hadn’t been completely resolved. It was not controlling her exactly, she wasn’t out of control, but he got the distinct impression that he was about to feel a few bruises. And it was a long time coming. He nodded in understanding, and squared off with her again. For the next five minutes, she expertly and definitely avoided his strikes, and landed several of her own. He felt them, and though they might have dropped anyone else, they didn’t drop him. Some of them, he let her hit. And she knew he let her. This seemed to piss her off more, but occasionally she flashed him an understanding smile.

Then, he decided it was time to put an end to it, and went to grab her. She rolled out of the grapple easily; again, he was not as fast as he used to be. But knowing he had now added grappling to the fight, she went in for the takedown. She tried to catch him in a leg brace and arm bar, and this was not a move she would have tried with him years ago when he was younger, he was too fast, though she suspected she could get him now that he was slightly slower. She was wrong. He had been expecting it, twisted, and rebalanced himself. She couldn’t get the leverage she needed, and he flipped her over his leg onto her back on the mat.

But she had never been someone who went off her feet without making the person she was fighting pay for it. She locked her leg around him and whipped him off balance and he went down with her. They both hit the mat hard enough to knock some wind from their lungs. But Sharon recovered first. She rolled to her side and attempted to get her feet under her while also launching over him in attempt to pin him. He didn’t have leverage yet but he had recovered well enough to stop her attack. He snagged her midair and rolled her into a quick pin under him. Sharon twisted to avoid being pinned, but wasn’t completely successful. He had weight and leverage, and even though she managed to get a leg around his waist and pull herself off, he still managed to roll her under him, into a half-pin.

Sharon twisted and struggled to get out from under him, and the more she twisted, the more he was able to pull her into a position where she couldn’t move. Maria Hill would have her ass for falling for that one so quickly, though in her defense, she had been out of practice for some time herself, despite training with the Avengers for the last couple of weeks. Still, he had been out of the loop for literally years, and had managed to overcome her defenses a little too quickly for her comfort. Which pissed her off. She made one last attempt to heave him off, but he was just too strong. If he were a bad guy, she would be in trouble, though she suspected she would eventually be able to wiggle out of the pin, because at some point he was going to have to move. But then she froze.

She suddenly became aware of his body pressing hers into the mat, holding her still. Every inch of him was solid, and powerful. He may be older, but he could still overwhelm her. He was overheated from the exertion, sweating slightly, and breathing more rapidly than usual. On top of that, she could feel the beginnings of a bulge in his pants, pressing into her leg where he had her pinned. Almost instantly, her frustration, slight anger, and adrenaline from the sparring matches, swirled into a tornado inside her, and blossomed into full-fledged desire. Her core flooded and she felt a zing of electricity in her lower belly in response.

And from the look on his face, the way his pupils suddenly dilated, he was suddenly becoming aware of the same, that her lithe, strong, and now sweaty and panting form, was under him, where her wiggling and twisting was definitely not helping the matter. At first, Sharon was mildly irritated with herself. It just wasn’t like her to give in so quickly, every match she had ever fought, including some against Steve, had gone on until someone called break, or she literally could not continue. And now here she was, on the verge of surrendering to him, both of them having completely forgotten that they were surrounded by the entire Avengers team and two members of their family.

“Break!” Sam called. “Come on, Steve, let her up.”

Almost instantly, they both snapped back to reality, and Steve jumped off of her as if he had been burned. He grabbed her hand and hauled her to her feet as he went up himself. They stood there panting, looking at each other, and then forcing themselves to look away. Although Steve had only had her pinned for a couple of seconds, enough had happened in those couple of seconds to make the both of them aware of each other on a new level. And from the way Wanda’s face was turning red, they had not done too well at hiding it either. Sharon shot the other woman on apologetic look. Wanda just shrugged and smiled, then rolled her eyes and muttered something like ‘get a room’ and headed off.

“Not bad, old man,” said Bucky. “Maybe you should try fighting someone your own age?”

Steve laughed, grateful for the distraction. “Anytime you wanna go, buddy.”

With a grin, Bucky and Steve moved off to another mat to go through some practice drills, and Sharon, shooting another apologetic look at Ed and Dan who looked like they were both trying to stifle looks of surprise, shrugged her shoulders and followed Wanda.

000

That evening, for date night, Sharon told Steve about a hole in the wall restaurant not far away from the Tower that she had discovered while exploring the area one Monday. It was a restaurant, but it was done in the theme of a British pub. The flat screen TVs on the wall frequently had a satellite feed of a British sports channel showing soccer and cricket matches. On Tuesday nights, the management played runs of episodes of Doctor Who. There was a bar, of course, but in the restaurant part of the establishment, they served British fair such as shepherd’s pie, bangers and mash, steak and ale pie, fish and chips, and a tomato soup with large cheese bread that was apparently to die for.

“It’s not as good as Peggy’s,” Sharon told him as they walked down the street, “but it’ll do in a pinch.”

Steve laughed, noting that, in the past he might have been sad to hear a mention of his deceased wife, but that coming from Sharon, heading to a British restaurant, he actually felt it to be somewhat comforting, and felt a slight warm glow around his heart. Although they were a firmly established American family, Peggy’s presence had lent a certain British flair to the family as well. Almost everyone called the bathroom the “loo,” Sharon had been known to refer to sweaters as “jumpers,” and occasionally cookies were referred to as “biscuits.” They celebrated Thanksgiving with the turkey, but Christmas was usually celebrated with a goose and other British holiday dishes like Yorkshire pudding, Christmas pudding or mince pies. Almost everyone loved shepherd’s pie and bangers (sausages) and mash, and although Sharon did not consider herself much of a cook, she had paid attention the few times she had watched Peggy, even going so far as to try and re-create some of the recipes, in much the same way that Wanda was trying to re-create her own mother’s Sokovian recipes. Finding this place had been a godsend, especially since they delivered.

Sharon ordered shepherd’s pie, Steve ordered steak and ale pie, and when their orders came, they halved their dishes and scooped half onto the other’s plate. They also ordered loaded fries, which came with melted cheese, sour cream, bacon, and chives as an appetizer, which Steve ate most of.

“Well, your appetite is definitely back,” said Sharon with a raised eyebrow.

He smiled. “You should have seen me in World War II. They used to issue me small team field rations. No Mayday bars back then, although in hindsight that might have been a good option to have.”

“They issued you enough food to feed 3 to 4 men on active patrol?” she asked.

“That’s about the calorie intake I needed during those missions going after Hydra,” he said. “And it was World War II era MREs. So it wasn’t exactly gourmet. Had to eat it, though.”

“Yeah, but that meant that you had more cigarettes and condoms than the average soldier was getting,” she said with a smile.

“Which I wasn’t using, and promptly traded to Dugan and Dernier for their chocolate or pineapple pudding.”

Sharon snorted and went back to her food.

They talked about everything under the sun, easily moving from one topic to the next. They critically berated the bowler for Manchester on the cricket match on the TV, pretending to know about bowling technique, gleaned only from watching a few matches over the years with Peggy, whose brother, Sharon’s grandfather Michael, had once played cricket as a kid. They talked about Steve’s classes which would be starting in two weeks, and the schedule he would keep, coming up for his weekend class, and likely spending the week back at the apartment between the two houses with the family. No mention was made of him coming back to the Tower permanently, as Steve even went far enough to point out that he would be helping Lily and Nancy by dropping some of the kids off at scouting and soccer events and picking up from school until Danny got his license. He mentioned how it took the burden off of the parents to have an extra adult willing to play chauffeur, though in reality, they both knew that the families could manage without Steve. It was mostly an excuse, Sharon understood that he was trying not to push her or assume too much about the newly budding aspect of their relationship. But she couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of sadness. She found herself realizing that she did want him around the Tower more, but was afraid to admit it for what it would mean long term.

Her mind drifted back to the sparring match earlier that day. The feeling of his body against hers, his breathing matching hers. Then she flashed back to that night on the porch, how quickly she had gone from 0 to 60, wanting him almost immediately. She thought about two nights ago, how they had fallen asleep together on the balcony of the Tower. She found herself wanting these things again, craving them, though also feeling some irritation with herself, like she should be resisting this whole thing more strongly. Realistically, she understood it from a psychological level. One of the things that she had been missing most in her life was close friendships with other people who could understand certain aspects of her life, which she was now getting with the Avengers, specifically the ladies and their knitting circle. She had told Steve that she suspected that Maria Hill was not nearly into yarn working as everyone else, preferring instead to work with Morgan Stark on a crochet project together, but that she still joined in for the camaraderie. It was an emotional need that was being fulfilled for all of them, as all of them had lost quite a lot in the last year. What she also needed was the physical comfort as well. When she had lost the baby, what she had needed the most was for someone to hold her. Touch her. Love her. And she had wanted it most from the man who had fathered her baby. It was natural to feel drawn to him now. But should she trust what she was feeling?

They walked back to the Tower and she let him hold her hand. It was a comforting, warm presence against her own. It was almost whimsical, how both modern and old fashioned he could be. She was firmly rooted in the 21st century, but there was still something to be said for a man who wanted to hold your hand and open doors for you. Besides, the advantage to having known him all her life was the familiarity. Even the most vague references to past events one would make, the other would understand.

They came into the rec room and found Ed and Bucky on their phones, halfheartedly watching the highlights from a Yankees game.

“You’re both past curfew,” Ed joked, not looking up from where he was texting his wife.

Sharon lobbed a pillow in his direction, which he caught without looking up.

“We stayed a little later than we thought watching the end of the cricket match on TV at The Shakespeare,” Steve said, shrugging out of his jacket.

“Who won?” Ed asked, looking like he didn’t quite buy it.

“Not Manchester,” said Sharon, grabbing some chips from a nearby bowl. “Who won the baseball game?”

“Not the Yankees,” grumbled Bucky.

“Well we’re in, you guys don’t have to wait up anymore. Where’s Danny?” asked Steve.

“Spider kid staying over tonight. He and Danny are having a PubG marathon in Danny’s room. I told them they both still had to get up early tomorrow. Peter has school and we’re going home in the morning. Daniel doesn’t go back to school until the day after, but I want to get back tomorrow so he can do the rest of his homework.” Ed put his phone away and stood up and stretched. “See you guys in the morning.”

He turned and left the room. Bucky turned the TV off and also said goodnight. They watched him disappear down the hall, and then turned back to each other. Sharon felt a slight shiver but fought down a smile as she watched Steve fidget slightly. It was really kind of adorable that he could still even be so nervous. He had off and on dated her for two years when he was younger, been married for nearly sixty years, and had still known her from practically the moment she had been born and here he was acting like everything was all new to him. She supposed in a way it was all new.

“I uh.... walk you back to your room?” he offered.

“Sure,” she agreed. He followed her down the hall, doing his best not to stare at her backside. Yeah, his testosterone was definitely going again. He hadn’t realized the extreme difference it could make, having gotten used to the years as an elderly man when things had slowed down substantially.

As Sharon walked, she could feel her knees getting weak again. This was definitely new. He was achingly familiar to her, he had always been a presence in her life in some way. Why was she on the verge of melting in front of him now? She shook her head slightly to clear it.

“Everything ok?” he asked.

“Yeah, just fine,” she assured him as they came to a stop at her door. Stood there, glancing at each other, shifting, and then looking away.

“I’m, um, not entirely sure with the current proper protocol is here,” she admitted.

“Well,” he said, we have a few options. “One, I can hug you, say good night, and go to my room. Two, I could kiss you, say goodnight, then go to my room. Third and fourth options are the two previous ones, only I don’t go to my room, I sleep in yours or you sleep in mine. We could also...”

She kissed him.

She felt him make a surprised noise in the back of his throat, and then his arms were around her and he was kissing her back. Back on the porch, their first kiss in months for her and years for him had been urgent, demanding, almost frenzied. There was a certain amount of urgency to this one as well, though not quite the desperation. This one was a lot more gentle, with more emotion behind it, more like a person savoring a gourmet meal rather than a starving person being put in front of a buffet. She wrapped her arms around him, and she ran her hands around his back, feeling the changes in his body, and leaning into him, against him.

He groaned and deepened the kiss. She answered him with whimpering response, which sent electricity straight to his groin. The speed at which he hardened to attention rather impressed himself. She felt it, and although she didn’t know why, he felt her hesitate a bit, so he pulled away first.

“I should, um, let you go to sleep,” he managed to choke out.

“Yeah, you, you have to get an early start in the morning.”

But instead of letting her go, he went back to kissing her. She went back to responding.

She managed to whisper in between kisses, “I thought we were taking it slow?”

He pulled away and looked down into her eyes. Good God, she was beautiful. It seemed that she only got more beautiful every time he saw her. And it wasn’t just her face, it was also her strength. Everything about her. She had always fascinated him, even when she was at a point in her life when she was younger and he had not felt a romantic interest at the time. Her vibrant humor and exuberance, everything about her that he found fascinating as she grew up and became the woman in front of him, he was drawn to that energy. She brightened the room for him when she walked into it. Her nearness was like both a fire and a balm.

“Sharon,” he said seriously, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking down into her eyes. “This is all you. Anything that does or does not happen is completely your call. What you want happens, and nothing else.”

“What about what you want?” she asked

“I think it’s pretty obvious what I want,” he said looking down at the growing bulge in the front of his trousers.

“And that’s all you want?” she asked.

“No!” he said, doing his best to try and keep his voice down. “I want so much more than that. I want to sit on the couch with you and watch Forged in Fire and all those other mindless shows we used to watch. I want to sit on the porch with you while you knit and I paint or draw, and we talk about the family and the state of the world, and why the hell the neighbors across the street decided to paint half of their house pink and the other half green. I want to be waiting for you in the hanger when you and the others come back from a mission. I want to massage the tension out of your muscles as you recover from that mission. I want to try every hole-in-the-wall restaurant in New York that we can find, and drive down to Virginia on scouting about weekends to take the boys on their camp outs with their troops. I want to argue with you about the Patriots’ coaching strategy on family dinner and game nights, I want to laugh with you at standup comedy, and hold you when you cry. And right now, aside from the obvious, I want to hold you all night and feel you in my arms. Whether or not it involves clothes, it amounts to the same. I just want you.”

Sharon didn’t realize she was crying until Steve’s thumb brushed a tear off her cheek. She half laughed, half choke-sobbed, before replying “Until you said all that, I didn’t know that’s what I wanted too. But what I really want is to know that I’m truly the one you want all that from,  
That I’m not just a convenient replacement. Your second choice.”

Steve pulled her close and looked down into her eyes. “Peggy will always be a part of us, our history and the family. My decision to go back in time will always affects us. But you are not a replacement. You’re you. And at this stage of my life, I only want you. Just you.”

They kissed again, and Sharon was losing herself in it. She lost track of time, her surroundings, stopped being mindful of the fact that they were in a hallway where anyone could round a corner and see them. She managed to regain just bough composure to pull back slightly and whisper. 

“I want you to stay with me tonight. But...”

“No sex?” he finished with a knowing smile.

“I don’t…I’m not… it’s not that I don’t want to and I’m not trying to string you along. I’m just not sure yet...”

He hugged her to him. “Baby, you don’t have to explain. I get it. I’m not mad. I know you’re trying to avoid getting hurt. I don’t blame you. It doesn’t change anything on my end. Whatever you want.”

She relaxed against him, then reached behind her to open her door. She backed into it, pulling him along. He followed. She half expected him to want to talk more, or maybe push for something more physical, but instead, he just rubbed her back and moved towards the bed. She went into her bathroom to change into her sleep shorts and tank top while he stripped down to his boxers and undershirt. Neither said anything as they crawled into bed, taking their favorite sides as they had done back at the safe house when they had shared a bed that time ago. Almost as if nothing had changed between them since then, though neither had any illusions about the fact that quite a lot had changed. Sharon was nervous, slightly restless and it took her a while to settle down. But as they had on the balcony in the hammock chair, Steve wrapped his arms around her and tucked her up against him, drawing the covers around them both and letting her settle into his warmth. She sighed and snuggled against him, wrapping her arms around him. He rubbed her back until her even breathing told him she was asleep.

000

Four hours later, Steve had come to the conclusion that lying wide awake with a permanent erection that never completely went away, but simply faded and returned periodically, was to be his new lot in life anytime he found himself lying next to Sharon, but not making love to her, and it was probably no less than he deserved. She was fast asleep, but his newly ramped up body had other ideas. The first three days after the incident on the porch had been difficult, he had wanted her so badly he seemed to stay in a permanent state of arousal which would not do around the family. More than once he had been forced to take matters into his own hands just to get through the day. Sometimes more than once. Or twice. Or if he were being honest, more than that. And that was only after clear cutting the rest of the back lot by hand with a bush hook hadn’t settled him down.

Now here he was seriously considering sneaking off to her bathroom to do the same just to get some sleep. But she looked so peaceful, he hated to disturb her. Her head was on his shoulder, her eyes closed and her hair a fan around her head, her warm body pressed against his. Getting up would require disentangling himself from her which he really didn’t want to do, and besides he’d be leaving in just a few hours, he wanted to spend every minute as close to her as possible. He was just going to have to grit his teeth and control himself.

After doing some deep breathing exercises, he was finally able to get some of his predicament to subside enough to doze off some, though he never took his arms away from the young woman lying in them. He gently ran his fingers through her hair, sensing her almost purring contentedly while he massaged her scalp. He started to drift off, not completely asleep, but in the in-between state where one could swear he was awake but could look at his watch and find it three hours later.

For her part, Sharon wasn’t quite as deeply asleep as Steve thought. She drifted in and out, but found herself coming more awake as dawn approached. She felt him running his fingers through her hair which felt divine, then felt his fingers drift lower to rub her back, then brush along her front, drifting down gently to let his fingertips caress her belly just below her navel. She felt him shift slightly, fighting his arousal which occasionally brushed her leg. Every time it did, she felt her own growing arousal which was becoming more uncomfortable between her legs. Once again, she felt a brief flash of guilt at feeling such things for him, but it was becoming easier to ignore and squelch down.

She thought about his words out in the hallway, what he had told her about how he felt and what he wanted from her. It struck her suddenly that she had not really been very clear about her own feelings. If they were going to take the tentative steps into turning their relationship into a romantic one, she knew she was going to have to stop being afraid, even though she had every valid reason to be given their past. And that would mean finally trusting him with her heart, which actually scared her, considering how everything had gone before. She believed what he had said about loving her, wanting her, and even though she was afraid, it filled her with a warm feeling, as if she were light enough to float on air. If they really did love each other that way, they were going to have to take a chance on each other.

“Sharon?” he whispered, feeling her restless shifting. “You ok?”

She opened her eyes, discarding any attempt at pretending to sleep. She lifted her head and looked down into his face, her eyes locking with his. “I love you,” she whispered.

He smiled. Then his hand was behind her head and drawing her down for a kiss. She kissed him back, bringing her hand up to run her fingers through his hair and along his face. She rolled on top of him, stretching out her full length, and felt his fingers wander up her back under her shirt. He drew it up to gather just under her arms but gave him better access to her bare back. She made a sound that was both content and anticipatory. That sent him right back into a full state of arousal and he wasn’t quite able to stifle his sound of frustration and need. She broke away and locked her eyes with his. His breath caught in his throat. 

The fear in her eyes was gone and replaced by a look of determination. He gulped. He knew what she wanted. 

“Sharon....you said you didn’t want to, you only wanted....”

“I’ve had some time to think, and I’ve come to a conclusion. I’m done fighting. It’s too hard to keep up. I know I’m probably asking for a world of hurt at some point down the line, but I can’t keep pretending. If you want to back out you can. But let’s be honest, we can’t keep on like this. I don’t want another round of hurt, that’s what I’ve been avoiding. Not you specifically. I know I need to relearn how to trust you emotionally. It’ll be a process. A long one. Just try not to leave me behind again, ok? I’m not sure I could handle…it would be rough.”

Steve felt his heart surge and then burst with both joy and pain, and he rolled them both so she was under him. “Until the day you tell me to go, I’ll never leave you again. And I hope you won’t leave me. I love you.”

And that was all they needed to say. 

After a certain length of time, one would think they’d have hesitated more. But that was not the case. The process of removing clothes went considerably fast and when he rolled her back under him, Sharon noted how warm and solid his body was. When the serum was activated, it caused his metabolism to go into overdrive, the result being that his body temperature ran a few ticks above normal. He felt like a warm, solid blanket. He kissed her deeply, almost desperately and she returned as good as she got. Their hands wandered all over each other, relearning and taking in new information. Steve remembered how and where she was sensitive, how to angle, how much pressure to apply, but also learned where her roadmap had changed. In return, she was doing the same to him, learning what had changed about him and where to push and move. 

He fit himself to her and looked down into her eyes, seeking permission. She nodded and closed her eyes. He pushed. She sucked in her breath feeling him enter, and Steve fought for control. God it had been a very long time and she felt amazing. She was more than ready for him. He slid in easily and her warmth surrounded him. 

Sharon herself was lost in the sensation. Although her dry spell was, relatively speaking, shorter than his, it had still been long enough and before, she knew she didn’t have him fully. Now she did. She felt the oddest sensation fill her mind, something she couldn’t quite define. Then she realized what it was. It was relief. Physically, she was already on the verge of fireworks but emotionally she felt like she was flying high, like a huge weight had just been lifted off. Over the years there had been plenty of jokes about his anatomy and to what degree the serum enhanced everything, but truthfully he really wasn’t that much different from other men, if maybe prone to more stamina and an amazing recovery time. No, what mattered was that he fit HER. And right now, it was pretty damn amazing.

He began to move and sheer pleasure filled her mind. Lighting zings were spiking up her spine each time he moved. Again, she felt the slight guilty, feeling that she should not want this man this way, but with a mighty mental shove, she pushed those thoughts out of her mind, as well as refusing to allow herself to think about where and how he had picked up his obviously improved skills. When they had been together at the safe house, he had been fairly inexperienced, and while over time he had improved, and she never had any complaints, this time was much better than before. He was much more confident. It didn’t take long for her. In only about ten thrusts and she went hurling over the edge, breaking their kiss and not bothering to stifle her cries. The rooms were soundproof when necessary. 

Steve had been barely maintaining control but the sound of her yelps of joy in his ears and the sensation of her squeezing around him was too much. He dropped his face into her shoulder and gave up. She heard him groan and felt his spreading heat. She spiraled off into oblivion, feeling as if she were surrounded by light, weightless and, for the first time in a long time, truly happy. Hesitant and uncertain, but happy. She sensed him there with her and drew him to her. He felt ageless, with nothing to physically define him, he was simply him. She felt his love, felt him merge with her. It was pure bliss. 

000

Steve only became dimly aware of his body very slowly. Every inch of him felt heavy and boneless, drained but satiated. That had to have been, quite literally, one of the most intense experiences of his life. And considering the kind of life he had lead so far, that was saying something. Apparently it had also been something similar for Sharon, because he was quite sure that he had experienced some sort of altered state of mind, if briefly, and had definitely felt her there with him. Now, apparently he was coming back to in his own body, but when he tried to move his arms and legs, they were so heavy that for a few brief seconds he almost panicked, wondering if he had done something seriously wrong to himself. During the time he had lived as an elderly man, he had started to feel worried at every twinge or pain, or when something stopped working the way it was supposed to.

But as feeling started to come back to his arms and legs, and he was able to move, he realized that he was not injured, just seriously stunned. That was when he became aware that he was still lying on top of Sharon, and although he could feel her breathing, his full weight was on her, causing her breath to be somewhat shallow. He rolled them both to the side, realizing that they were still joined, and moved only enough to make them both more comfortable. He gazed at her face, her beautiful face, and felt nothing but awe. He brushed her hair back behind her ears, running his fingertips over the lines of her face, her nose, her cheekbones, and she slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi yourself,” he replied, giving her a gentle kiss on the lips, before pressing light kisses across her face and nose.

She gave a slight contented humming sound, before returning the kisses along his jaw, face, and then mouth. They were feathery kisses, not meant to arouse, but to comfort. He continued to rub her hairline, remembering how most of her life she had found that soothing. Her eyes slid closed again. He pressed her to him, feeling her skin against his. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this contented. He thought she was asleep, but then she whispered again.

“That was...amazing,” she sighed.

“Yes it was,” he agreed.

“Mind blowing,” she said.

“Earth shattering,” he snarked.

“I hope Wanda’s asleep,” she said, her eyes opening and drifting to the closed door.

Steve flinched. “Poor kid. If she avoids eye contact tomorrow, we’ll know. She’s usually discreet.”

“Apparently she was about Clint and Nat,” Sharon said. She started to tell him but he told her he already knew.

“Given our current situation,” he said, “I’m the last person to say anything about anyone else’s relationships. The time I come from, you didn’t wander outside your marriage vows. I never did. I don’t consider this, with us, anything of the sort. But Clint is married and even if Laura was ok with it, well...I guess I can just shut up now.””

“Laura was OK with Nat, not with Clint gallivanting off with just anyone,” Sharon said. “Anyone else but Nat and it would have been cheating. I don’t know that many people would agree, but it’s not about the sex, it’s about being unfaithful. Sex with someone other than your spouse behind their back is a breach of faith, of trust. That’s not what Clint and Nat were doing. I think in the coming years a lot of relationships are going to have to redefine what it means to be faithful. What with people finding themselves married to more than one person or having two separate families. We’re not so odd against that kind of backdrop.”

“We still have a lot to work through,” he said softly.

“We do,” she agreed. “We might never get to it all.”

“We might not,” he said. “There’s a lot.... I’m still stunned that you don’t hate me. Much less want to...” he trailed off.

She kissed him. Then she looked at him. “I don’t hate you. We were fighting a war. You were the commanding officer. There were battles. Some we didn’t escape unscathed. Should I hate you? I don’t think so. Be irritated with you? Angry? Hurt? Yeah probably. But it hasn’t been all bad. And everyone survived including the family. For the lives we saved, it can be argued that it was worth it. You don’t think so?”

Steve frowned. “Saving lives, definitely worth it. But at the expense of your sanity and happiness....”

“It’s done,” she corrected. “Only thing we can do is go forward. Try not to do it anymore. If you can manage not to cause me a major life disruption coupled with heartache for a few more years, that would be great. And I’ll try to do the same. And while we’re at it, we should probably try not to weird out the family any more than we have to.”

Steve laughed. “I think they might actually be getting used to the idea.”

Sharon only smiled.

Then he stiffened inside her and she pulled him on top of her. This time they both lasted a little longer, finally reaching mutual climaxes together after several minutes. After that round, he pulled out and curled his body around hers from behind, wrapping his arms around her and dozing once more.

000

Ed shoved mugs of coffee in front of his teenage son and Peter Parker, giving them both what he hoped was a stern look, though he was trying not to smile, because he was the dad figure. Apparently the two young men had been up until 3 AM playing video games and were now paying the price having to present themselves in the kitchen for 7:30am for breakfast.

“You don’t eat flies for breakfast?” Dan quipped to Peter.

“You’re funny, dude,” said Peter. “You’re Captain America’s grandson. You don’t eat apple pie and Coca-Cola for breakfast?”

“He would if his mother let him,” said Ed, looking at his watch. “Speaking of Captain America, I wonder where your grandfather is? He’s usually up with the chickens. We need to get going soon.”

Sam and Bucky came into the kitchen seeking coffee and breakfast. Sam told Peter that, as per his promise to Peter‘s aunt, he was personally going to fly Peter to school that morning and make sure he walked in the building.

“Not that we think you’re prone to skipping school,” said Sam, ruffling Peter’s hair, “but it is your senior year and that was one of the conditions of your aunt letting you stay over last night.”

“I don’t mind,” Peter grinned.

“I wish somebody would fly me to school that way,” said Dan.

“Your grandfather could probably bring you in that flying car of his,” said Ed. “Speaking of which, F.R.I.D.A.Y., where is my father? He’s running late this morning.”

There was a slight hesitation before the A.I. answered, “Captain Rogers is in Agent Carter’s room.”

The whole room went silent.

“Did he stop there to say goodbye to Sharon?” asked Ed, his voice sounded slightly hopeful.

“He has been there all night, Mr. Carter,” said F.R.I.D.A.Y.

Ed sighed, closed his eyes and shook his head.

“There’s always the possibility that they were just talking,” said Bruce, drinking a giant green smoothie directly from the blender pitcher.

“They weren’t talking all night, and they’re not talking now,” said Wanda coming into the kitchen and heading straight for the coffee pot. “I would probably be more irritated about the lack of sleep I got even two hallways over, were not for the fact that I’m highly impressed with both of their stamina, especially Sharon, since she isn’t enhanced and there wasn’t much downtime between...sessions.”

“Wow, go granddad,” said Dan.

“Jesus,” said Ed, who then glanced at his son. “You’re honestly OK with this?”

“My grandfather and my cousin?” Dan said shrugging. “With everything going on in the world, it’s not the weirdest thing with heard since we woke up. As long as we don’t end up on Maury…”

“It was a long time coming, Ed,” said Bucky gently.

“Yeah, I know,” said Ed, “and I sort of did encourage him to come up here. I just didn’t know it was gonna happen this fast.”

“I’m surprised it hasn’t happened before,” said Wanda. “They were both like overfilled water balloons about to explode. OK maybe that was a bad analogy. Let me drink some more coffee first, and I’ll be a better conversationalist.”

“Any idea how long they’re going to take?” asked Ed. “I really wanted to get on the road. Or the sky as the case may be. And I don’t know how to fly that car.”

“I’ll go break it up,” said Bucky, draining the last of his coffee and getting up from the table, looking like he was suppressing a smile. “I’m the one they’re less likely to shoot for interrupting. Or at the very least I can dodge..”

Steve and Sharon were into what had to be their fourth or fifth round in six hours. His recovery time really was amazing. Sharon was pretty sure she was going to feel it later, but was not really in the mood to turn him down at any point that he showed interest in continuing. Currently, they were in her bed, and she was straddling him. She braced her hands against his chest and steadied herself as he moved inside her, him gripping her hips to hold her in place. Her whimpers turned to a long groan as sensation overwhelmed her. She felt the warm pressure of his release as Steve followed right behind her. They were both all set to simply enjoy the afterglow, when the sound of a fist banging on the door jarred them out of their blissful state.

“Ok you two, break it up in there,” came Bucky’s amused voice. “You’re missing breakfast.”

“Barnes! Get lost!” Sharon yelled at the door.

“Not for nothing,” came Bucky’s voice through the door, “but the next person who is going to storm down here is Ed and he’s already grumpy. So is Wanda who was apparently up half the night. Get dressed and get your asses down to the kitchen ASAP. You’re welcome.”

“We’ll be out in fifteen minutes, Buck,” Steve called. “Give us time to shower.”

“If it’s going to be a joint shower, you’ll need longer than fifteen minutes for that, buddy,” Barnes laughed before walking off.

“I’m suddenly feeling stabby towards everyone,” Sharon grumbled, rolling off. 

Steve bit down a groan at the sudden loss of her warmth. She sat up, and he tried not to stare. She was gorgeous, and so much more, and it was going to take every ounce of willpower he had not only to refrain from pulling her back into his arms and back down on the bed, but letting her go shower, and shower alone. Because he knew that if he joined her, it might be all morning before they got out, at which point his son and grandson were going to be thoroughly irritated with them, if they weren’t already. Sharon herself was quite disappointed when he explained this, though she knew he was right. They allowed themselves one lingering kiss before breaking apart and Steve pulled on his clothes to sneak back to his room, hoping he would not run into anybody in the hallway. The shower he took was a cold one.

Sharon decided she would go with a nice hot shower, one of reasonable length, and as she stood under the spray allowing it to sleep in to her muscles, and chase the soreness from them, she also allowed herself to think clearly about where they were going to go from here. For obvious practical purposes, they were going to have to do the long-distance relationship thing for a while, and she was mildly nervous as to how that would turn out, seeing as how she wasn’t entirely certain an in-person relationship was going to work, let alone a remote one. They seemed to be in mutual agreement that there was love between them and as he had pointed out in the hallway the night before, there was a lot that they enjoyed doing with each other that didn’t just result in tumbling into bed. Not that that part had been bad at all. But there had to be a lot more to a long term relationship than just sex. And given their history, and generational differences, she had some nagging doubts that they might not be able to make it work.

She hesitated at first about getting dressed and going into the kitchen, facing everybody, but she steeled her resolve. She was a grown woman, she hadn’t broken any laws or done anything illegal. Those were her friends and family out there. If they didn’t understand, who would? No, she was not going to hide.

000

Steve managed to shower and throw on some decent clothes, pack up everything and be ready to go in 20 minutes instead of 15. Then he forced himself not to think about what a shower with Sharon would be like, nor focus on the fact that in only a few short minutes, he would be leaving her behind to return to the family home several states away. This was going to take some getting used to, being apart from her. He dropped his bag in the recreation room, and slowly made his way to the kitchen, expecting stares. He got a few, but not as many as he thought. There seemed to be some bustle around Sam hurrying Peter up to fly him to school, and Wanda wanting to bring a box full of knitted baby hats down to the nearest hospital. Apparently their knitting circle had been making handmade hats for premature infants and they had a supply in need of delivering.

Steve filled up a coffee mug, and grabbed a Mayday bar for breakfast. He turned to face the kitchen, and noticed that everyone was doing an admirable job of pretending they weren’t looking at him, sticking only to sideways glances. Bruce filled the silence by going on about the paper he was writing for an academic journal concerning gamma radiation and quantum particles. He made sure to mention, though, that he was leaving out any mention of the experiment involving Steve or their time travelling adventures. Just then Sharon came into the kitchen, looking incredibly put together. She didn’t pretend not to see the sideways looks, though.

“What?” she asked in a joking tone but somewhat defensively, “you all know what I look like.”

Everyone ducked their heads back down, but Steve noticed that most of them were suppressing smiles. Except for Bucky. He was openly smirking. Steve shot him a dirty look.

“OK, guys,” said Steve, “most of us are adults in this room or close to it, let’s keep it in perspective.”

“Nobody said anything,” said Bucky, still smirking.

“You’re thinking so loud, I’m surprised Wanda hasn’t doubled over,” said Steve.

“Oh no,” said Wanda, finally giving her own smile, “this is much more preferable than the way you two have been lately. I’ll take postcoital afterglow filling the floor over depressive, moody frustration.”

“Glad to see your English is improving if you know a word like ‘postcoital,’” Steve grumbled. Sharon caught Wanda’s eye, then laughed, she couldn’t help it.

Ed groaned, “Does anybody have any Advil or Excedrin?”

“Ed, don’t be dramatic,” said Sharon filling another mug of coffee.

“Well,” said her cousin standing up, “it definitely could be worse. I’m just not going to think about it. Like I’ve said before, I just want the two of you to be happy, or at least not depressed. Which is what I suspect is going to happen in the next couple of days when dad comes home with us and spends the next week brooding and chopping down the shrubbery. Speaking of which, we need to get going. Sharon, see you in two weeks for family dinner night?”

Sharon nodded, relieved. Then felt the thump in her chest as she realize the time had come for Steve to leave.

Everyone filed down to the parking garage to where Steve’s flying car was parked. Hugs were given all around, even though Ed and Danny were not exceptionally close to the Avengers. Bucky gave Steve a longer than normal hug, and then took his leave. Apparently he had a lunch date with Dr. Hollis he wanted to spend the next three hours getting ready for.

“You son of a gun!” said Steve, clapping his friend firmly on the shoulder but glaring into his eyes. “You give me all kinds of crap about my night, and here you are sneaking off to romance the doctor.”

“It’s just lunch, man,” said Bucky shifting a little uncomfortably but smiling.

Steve turn to Sharon. “Get details from him and text me.”

“Would you guys like to come to high school with me?” quipped Danny. “This is the kind of stuff me and my friends do.”

Sharon laughed and hugged her younger cousin who returned a hug. “Let me know when you guys are up for shooting badge requirements. I did promise to take your troop down to the gun range. I can come in for that.”

She gave Dan a fist bump, Ed a hug, and then Steve a long drawn out hug that she did not want to end. Steve wrapped her in his arms, pulling her close, suddenly overcome with understanding that he would have to let her go and not see her in person for a few more days, even a couple of weeks until his classes started. Now, with this new dimension to the relationship, it was going to be harder than ever to be apart from her. They hugged until Ed cleared his throat and Wanda gently pulled on Sharon‘s sleeve, asking if she wanted to come with her to the hospital to deliver the knitted hats. Still hugging Steve, Sharon nodded and reluctantly let go. She wanted to kiss him, but Ed had specifically said he had not wanted to see anything that involved, at least not yet, and she figured Danny probably didn’t want to either, despite his joking. So she gently pushed him away and watched him get in the driver’s side of the car. She stood watching until the car lifted into the air and disappeared under its cloaking device. Then, swallowing the lump in her throat, she followed Wanda to gather up the knitted hats.

Once in the air, Steve angled the car back towards Virginia, sending a text to Lily and Nancy, letting them know that they were on their way back. It was quiet in the car long enough for Ed to turn to Steve.

“Dad, are you OK?” he asked gently.

“Yeah,” said Steve. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” Then he turned on the satellite radio to drown out his own thoughts.

000

Making long-distance relationships work is never an easy thing, even when you’re not a superhero, a retired superhero, a spy who was not an employed spy, or an Avenger. In the weeks that followed, Steve and Sharon spent a significant amount of time talking to each other on the holographic interface, both of them talking with the counselor trying to even out the relationship into something stable, and working themselves into schedules where they could spend time together, and still pursue their individual occupations.

Sharon continued to maintain the bond with her family by coming to the once a month family dinner night at the main house, and occasionally taking her young cousins on scouting camp outs or working on merit badges, which Steve also contributed to, given his wide expanse of military knowledge that included first aid and target practice. And apparently how to start a fire in the rain when everybody had forgotten the waterproof matches and most of the tent poles.

On the weekends she visited her family, she blatantly stayed with Steve in the apartment over the garage, not bothering with the guestroom anymore, and over time, the Carter family gradually learned to accept their relationship, even to the point of not flinching the few times Steve forgot himself and showed affection with a hug or a kiss in front of everyone else. But as time went by, gradually Steve and Sharon‘s lives shifted more towards New York.

Steve started spending more and more time at the Tower as his art classes started up, along with his counseling classes, and by the turn of the next year, he was more or less living at the Tower again, seeing the family when he returned with Sharon for family weekend or activity weekend. He enjoyed all of his classes and excelled in them, double majoring in art and counseling, and volunteering at various Veterans Affairs clinics, beginning his art therapy programs, and even starting up a web video series about adjusting to life years after being removed from one time and waking up in another. He even became a regular commentator on various talk shows that were filmed in New York, appearing with other counselors and psychologists, giving advice about how to recover from the Snap and Decimation, and offering what he hoped was a positive outlook on society in the coming years. No mention was ever made in the media about his time travel, his life with Peggy, or that he had ever been gone from the 21st-century at all. It was something the Carter family kept to themselves. As far as the world was concerned, Peggy Carter had married some other man after Captain America disappeared into the ice, and her family was exceptionally close with him for obvious reasons, that her niece was dating him.

Given the state of the world, nobody even blinked at the knowledge that Captain America was dating the niece of the woman he had apparently dated in the 1940s during the war. In fact, most people thought it was fitting. Only a handful of people ever knew that he was ever her uncle in the first place. The explanation given for his accelerated aging process, that it had something to do with exposure to an alien force during the final battle with Thanos which affected the serum that had kept him young in the first place, was pretty easily accepted and only questioned by those who felt the need to play devil’s advocate online or on news channels for the sake of attention.

The only person who never really accepted their relationship was Sharon‘s mother, who was finally able to return to the United States only a few weeks after Sharon and Steve began the relationship. Because of her connection to the family, she was more or less told the whole story, including the loss of the baby, and remained fairly upset about it for some time after. It took several conversations with Ed and Lillian, who explained why they had themselves accepted the relationship, for the sake of Steve and Sharon‘s happiness and having witnessed Sharon‘s mental breakdown, which Sharon‘s mother had not witnessed, that finally caused Amanda Carter to, if not accept her daughter’s situation, then keep her comments to herself. Not that she was ever ugly towards them, though a little cool towards Steve perhaps, but once her citizenship and identity was re-established, Amanda Carter was once again back out working with various aid groups overseas, and so was not present often enough to cause any real ripples in the family dynamics. Sharon loved her mother, and knew her mother loved her, but any closeness between them had altered years ago, and they were simply not regular factors in each other’s lives anymore. Some families were like that sometimes, the ones you thought you should be close to, you were not, and the ones who you might never have thought to interact with, become your closest allies. Peggy had been more of a grandmother to Sharon than the occasional great aunt most people would normally see.

For her part, Sharon found herself fitting in more with the Avengers every day. She enjoyed working with Hill and circumventing industrial espionage against Stark Industries, which helped Pepper quite a lot, who was in the process of keeping Tony’s legacy in trust for Morgan. Morgan Stark showed every evidence of being the genius her grandfather and father were, was frequently found in Tony’s laboratory trying to put things together, and with Bruce and Peter to guide her, looked to be setting up as the next generation of genius engineer for the Avengers. If Sharon could do what she could to keep the miscreants off the Stark doorstep until then, she was glad to do it.

The missions with the Avengers continued, and although the Accords were no longer a dominant factor in their activities, it had taken a certain amount of smoothing over with Pepper and some of the Stark lawyers for the team to get authorization to go on some of the missions they did. Especially since half of them had never signed the original Accords. Sam stepped up admirably as the team’s leader, though he never quite adopted the Captain America role that Steve had left for him, preferring to remain as Falcon, but with the new red white and blue motif handed down from his previous commanding officer.

Sharon frequently found herself going on missions with Sam and Bucky, putting down certain fires that sprung up all over the world, including a brush up with Zemo who had escaped CIA custody, butting heads with the US Agent when the government decided that Sam was not a fitting replacement for a Captain America. Steve thought about intervening on that one, but opted to let Sam handle it himself. Steve was only a consultant, and that dynamic worked between the two of them.

It was never easy for Steve to sit back and let the team go off on their own without him, especially in the numerous occasions when Sharon was put in danger, especially one case having gone off radio for nearly 3 days behind enemy lines before the team was able to retrieve her. Steve had been nearly frantic with worry, but when he saw her come in to the tower, a little bumped up but no worse for wear, he felt his heart surge with love he had not felt for anyone in a very long time.

They talked about the future a lot, about the child they would never know, but possible future ones they might. There were occasional bumps in the road, for both of them were too strong-willed to be completely submissive or conciliatory to the other, especially in areas where they didn’t agree. Sometimes the discussions got heated enough for Wanda to poke her head in and suggest calmly that they take it to the ring and box it out or separate to different floors for a while. Which ironically almost always worked, and ended up with a fairly intense round of makeup sex afterwards. They were always going to be two people from different eras of history. Sometimes that caused problems that could not be easily overcome. But at the end of the day, they only found themselves more determined in the relationship, and more deeply in love.

One weekend that they were back visiting the family for the entire weekend, Steve sat on the front porch of the main house, sketching a sunset, while Sharon lounged on the swing, knitting a Christmas stocking, as she was making one for each member of the family. She was telling him about the enormous crafting superstore warehouse that she and Wanda and Pepper had stumbled on while shopping for Morgan not long ago.

“I’m telling you,” she was telling Steve, “one entire wall of this place, and I’m talking the length of a football field, it’s nothing but cans full of different colored pencils nailed to the wall. You start at one end of the rainbow, and end up at the other. You can pick individual pencils for a dollar each out of the bins, you could easily spend $500 in there just on pencils, and you wouldn’t even make it halfway down the wall.”

Steve’s eyes were wide with interest. “Clearly this is a place I absolutely have to see, and we should go there immediately upon our return to New York, after we check out that other British pub and see if their shepherd’s pie is anywhere close to Peggy’s.”

“Nobody shepherd’s pie is as good as Peggy’s,” said Sharon. “Although Lily pulled off a pretty good attempt not long ago. But back to the craft store. One wall is pencils, and the other wall is yarn. Yarn of every color, texture, thickness .....”

“When did you guys find this place?” asked Steve, shading in some dark purple on his drawing to simulate the twilight sky that was just starting to darken on the horizon.

“About four days ago,” said Sharon, finishing the last stitch of a candy cane striped Christmas stocking and holding it up for him to see.

He nodded and smiled, “I assume the reason you’re sitting with me here on the porch and not still in there was because somebody got hungry? Or somebody needed a shower?”

“I only spent four hours in there,” said Sharon. “And we left because we had to pick up Morgan from school. They want to put her in sixth grade, but Pepper said no. One of the things that was a major problem for Tony was being skipped up all these grades for academic reasons, but he was completely undeveloped socially. It didn’t make him a happy person. Morgan can get tutoring from Bruce or Peter for academics, but she needs friends.”

“I definitely agree with that,” said Steve, setting aside his drawling and rolling up his pencils. “Pepper is probably one of the wisest people I’ve ever met. It hurts to think she’s going to be spending the rest of her life without Tony. They still had so many years in front of them.”

“Like us,” said Sharon softly. “Good thing she has Happy for backup. They’ve been good friends forever now. By the way, Wanda is going to Wakanda next week. Shuri wants to talk to her. I think I’m going to go with her. It might be about Vision. In fact I’m sure it’s about Vision. I really hope it’s good news.”

“Me too,” said Steve, coming to sit by her on the swing, showing her his drawing.

She smiled. “This was done by someone with remarkably steady hands for someone who couldn’t possibly be younger than 130.”

He just laughed. She looked at the setting sun, as she had done many times from this porch during different stages of her life.

“It is a pretty sunset,” she said. “You captured it perfectly.”

He just smiled wistfully. “It is, but it’s not the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Sharon smiled. “Yeah, there’s a lot of contenders for that, Hannah, Lily, Peggy....”

“You,” he said putting his arms around her and kissing the top of her head. “And you.”

She smiled, kissed him softly, and snuggled into his shoulder. Their arms wrapped around each other, they watched the sun go down.

If I could turn back the clock  
I'd make sure the light defeated the dark  
I'd spend every hour, of every day  
Keeping you safe

And I'd climb every mountain  
And swim every ocean  
Just to be with you  
And fix what I've broken  
Oh, 'cause I need you to see  
That you are the reason

“The Reason”

\--Calum Scott & Leona Lewis

The End


End file.
